Count Bunker Part 4

Throwing the Baron a shrewd glance to calm his somewhat alarming exhilaration, their host turned with a graver air to his other guest.

"Tulliwuddle," said he, "I should like to help you."

"I wish to the deuce you could!"

Essington bent over the table confidentially.

"I have an idea."

CHAPTER IV

The three heads bent forward towards a common centre--the Baron agog with suppressed excitement, Tulliwuddle revived with curiosity and a gleam of hope, Essington impressive and cool.

"I take it," he began, "that if Mr. Darius P. Maddison and his coveted daughter could see a little of Lord Tulliwuddle--meet him at lunch, talk to him afterwards, for instance--and carry away a favorable impression of the n.o.bleman, there would not be much difficulty in subsequently arranging a marriage?"

"Oh, none," said Tulliwuddle. "They'd be only too keen, IF they approved of me; but that's the rub, you know."

"So far so good. Now it appears to me that our modest friend here somewhat underrates his own powers of fascination."

"Ach, Tollyvoddle, you do indeed," interjected the Baron.

"But since this idea is so firmly established in his mind that it may actually prevent him from displaying himself to the greatest advantage, and since he has been good enough to declare that he would regard with complete confidence my own chances of success were I in his place, I would propose--with all becoming diffidence--that _I_ should interview the lady and her parent instead of him."

"A vary vise idea, Bonker," observed the Baron.

"What!" said Tulliwuddle. "Do you mean that you would go and crack me up, and that sort of thing?"

"No; I mean that I should enjoy a temporary loan of your name and of your residence, and a.s.sure them by a personal inspection that I have a sufficient a.s.sortment of virtues for their requirements."

"Splendid!" shouted the Baron. "Tollyvoddle, accept zis generous offer before it is too late!"

"But," gasped the diffident n.o.bleman, "they would find out the next time they saw me."

"If the business is properly arranged, that would only be when you came out of church with her. Look here--what fault have you to find with this scheme? I produce the desired impression, and either propose at once and am accepted----"

"H'm," muttered Tulliwuddle doubtfully.

"Or I leave things in such good train that you can propose and get accepted afterwards by letter."

"That's better," said Tulliwuddle.

"Then, by a little exercise of our wits, you find an excuse for hurrying on the marriage--have it a private affair for family reasons, and so on. You will be prevented by one excuse or another from meeting the lady till the wedding-day. We shall choose a darkish church, you will have a plaster on your face--and the deed is done!"

"Not a fault can I find," commented the Baron sagely. "Essington, I congratulate you."

Between his complete confidence in Essington and the Baron's unqualified commendation, Lord Tulliwuddle was carried away by the project.

"I say, Essington, what a good fellow you are!" he cried. "You really think it will work?"

"What do you say, Baron?"

"It cannot fail, I do solemnly a.s.sure you. Be thankful you have soch a friend, Tollyvoddle!"

"You don't think anybody will suspect that you aren't really me?"

"Does any one up at Hechnahoul know you?"

"No."

"And no one there knows me. They will never suspect for an instant."

His lords.h.i.+p a.s.sumed a look that would have been serious, almost impressive, had he first removed his eye-gla.s.s. Evidently some weighty consideration had occurred to him.

"You are an awfully clever chap, Essington," he said, "and deuced superior to most fellows, and--er--all that kind of thing.

But--well--you don't mind my saying it?"

"My morals? My appearance? Say anything you like, my dear fellow."

"It's only this, that n.o.blesse oblige, and that kind of thing, you know."

"I am afraid I don't quite follow."

"Well, I mean that you aren't a n.o.bleman, and do you think you could carry things off like a--ah--like a Tulliwuddle?"

Essington remained entirely serious.

"I shall have at my elbow an adviser whose knowledge of the highest society in Europe is, without exaggeration, unequalled. Your perfectly natural doubts will be laid at rest when I tell you that I hope to be accompanied by the Baron Rudolph von Blitzenberg."

The Baron could no longer contain himself.

"Himmel! Hurray! My dear friend, I vill go mit you to h.e.l.l!"

"That's very good of you," said Essington, "but you mistake my present destination. I merely wish your company as far as the Castle of Hechnahoul."

"I gom mit so moch pleasure zat I cannot eggspress! Tollyvoddle, be no longer afraid. I have helped to write a book on ze n.o.ble families of Germany--zat is to say, I have contributed my portrait and some anecdote. Our dear friend shall make no mistakes!"

By this guarantee Lord Tulliwuddle's last doubts were completely set at rest. His spirits rose as he perceived how happily this easy avenue would lead him out of all his troubles. He insisted on calling for wine and pledging success to the adventure with the most resolute and confident air, and nothing but a few details remained now to be settled.

These were chiefly with regard to the precise limits up to which the duplicate Lord Tulliwuddle might advance his conquering arms.

"You won't formally propose, will you?" said the first edition of that peer.

"Certainly not, if you prefer to negotiate the surrender yourself," the later impression a.s.sured him.

"And you mustn't--well--er----"

"I shall touch nothing."