The Tithe-Proctor Part 7

The pedlar only shook his head, looked upwards, and raising his two hands so as to express amazement, exclaimed--"Well, well, what is the world goin' to! troth, I'll not ate half my breakwist in regard of it!"

So saying he slung his huge pack upon his shoulder as if it had been a mere bag of feathers, and took his way round to the kitchen as he had been desired.

The _Connie Soogah_, for so the people universally termed him, was in person and figure a fine burly specimen of manhood. His hair was black, as were a pair of large whiskers, that covered the greater portion of his face, and nearly met at his chin. His arms and limbs were powerfully made, and what is not always the case in muscular men, they betokened great activity as well as unusual strength. n.o.body, for instance, would look without astonishment at the ease with which he swung a pack, that was weighty enough to load an a.s.s, over his shoulder, or the lightness and agility with which he trotted on under it from morning till night, and this during the very severest heat of summer.

M'Carthy, on reaching O'Driscol's the night before, had come to the conclusion of not making any allusion whatsoever to the incident which had just occurred to him. O'Driscol, who was only a newly-fledged magistrate, would, he knew, have made it the ground-work of a fresh communication to government, or to his friend the Castle, as he called it, especially as he had many other circ.u.mstances of less importance since his elevation to the magistracy. One indeed would imagine that the peace and welfare of that portion of the country had been altogether left to his sole and individual management, and that nothing at all of any consequence could get on properly in it without his co-operation or interference in some way. For this reason, as well as for others, M'Carthy prudently hesitated either to arouse his loyalty or disturb the tranquility of his family, and after joining him in a tumbler of punch, or what O'Driscol termed his nightcap, he retired to bed, where, however, he could not for a considerable time prevent himself from ruminating, with a good deal of seriousness, upon the extraordinary interview he had had with the friendly stranger.

After breakfast the next morning he resolved, however, to communicate to his friends, the Purcels, who were at all events no alarmists, and would not be apt to make him, whether he would or not, the instrument of a selfish communication with the government, a kind of honor for which the quiet and una.s.suming student had no relish whatsoever. He sauntered towards the proctor's, at whose house he arrived a few minutes before the return from the kitchen of our friend the Connie Soogah, who had been treated there with an excellent and abundant breakfast, to which, in spite of the murder of Murray, he did ample justice.

"Now, Mr. Purcel," he exclaimed, tossing down his pack as if it had been a schoolboy's satchel, "by the lomenty-tarry you have made a new man of me! Whoo!" he proceeded, cutting a caper more than a yard high, "show me the man now, that would dar to say bow to your--beg pardon, ladies, I must be jinteel for your sakes--that would dar, I say, to look crucked at you or one a' your family, and maybe the Cannie Soogah wouldn't rise the lap of his liver. Come, young ladies, shall I make my display? I know you'll buy lot o' things and plenty besides; I can praise my goods, thank G.o.d, for you see, Miss Mary, when the world comes to an end it'll be found that the man who couldn't say three words for himself, and one for his friend, must be sent down stairs to keep the fire in. Miss Julia, I have a shawl here that 'ud make you look worse than you do."

"Worse, Cannie!" replied Julia, "do you call that a recommendation?"

"Certainly, Miss Julia, you look so well that nothing on airth could make you look batther, and by way of variety, I've gone to the Well o' the world's end to get something to make you look worse. G.o.d knows whether I've succeeded or not, but at all events, we'll thry."

So saying, he produced a very handsome shawl, together with a rather large a.s.sortment of jewelry and other matters connected with the female toilet, of considerable taste and expense.

"Here," he added, "are some cotton and silk stockins'--but upon my profits, it's not to every foot an' leg I'd produce them. I'm a great coortier, ladies, you must know, and am in love wid every purty girl I meet--but sure that's only natural; however, as I was sayin', it's not to a clype or a pair of smooth-in' irons I'll produce such stockins' as these! No, no, but a purty foot an' leg is always sure to get the worth o' their money from the Cannie Soogah!"

"Well done, Cannie!" said the proctor, "dix me, but you're a pleasant fellow--come girls, you must buy something--handsel him. You got no handsel to-day, Cannie?" he added, winking at the pedlar to say no.

"Barrin' the first foundation in the kitchen within," he replied; "for you must know that's what I call my breakfast, handsel of any kind didn't cross my palm this day."

"In that case, the girls must certainly buy something," added Purcel.

"But we've no money, papa."

"But," replied the pedlar, "you have what's betther--good credit with the Cannie Soogah--och, upon my profits I'd rather have one sweet coaxin' smile from that purty little mouth of yours, Miss Julia, than money in hand any day! Ah! Misther Purcel, darlin', isn't it a poor thing not to have an estate of ten thousand a year?" and here he looked wistfully at the smiling Julia, and shrugged his shoulders like a man who knew he was never likely to gain his wishes.

"I would buy something," said Mary, "but, like Julia, I am penniless."

"Never say so, Miss Mary, to me; only name what you'd like--lave the price to my honesty, and the payment to my patience, and upon my profits you won't complain, I'll go bail."

"Yes," observed Julia, "or what if papa would treat us to something?

Come, papa, for the sake of old times; let us see whether you have forgotten any of your former, craft."

"Good, Judy! ha! ha! ha!--well done! but Cannie, have you nothing for the gentlemen?"

Now, we must pause for a little to state, that the moment M'Carthy, who was now present, heard the jolly pedlar's voice, he started, and felt considerably surprise. The tones of it were neither familiar to him nor yet were they strange. That he had heard them somewhere, and on some occasion, he could almost have sworn. Occasionally a turn of the man's voice would strike him as not being new to him, but again, for the next minute or two, it was such as he could not remember to have ever heard.

This we say by way of parenthesis.

"For the gentlemen! Lord help you, Mr. Purcel, I never think of them when the ladies is before me--who would! However, I'm well prepared even for them. Here is a case o' razors that 'ud cut half an inch before the edge; now, if you find me another pair that'll do the seem--hem!

the same--I'll buy the Bank of Ireland and give it to you for a new-year's-gift."

"Don't you know this gentleman?" asked the proctor, pointing to M'Carthy.

"Let me see," said he--"we'll now--eh, no--I think not, he is neither so well made, nor by any manes so well lookin' as the other;" and the pedlar, as he spoke, fixed his eyes, but without seeming to gaze, upon Julia, who, on hearing a comparison evidently so disadvantageous to M'Carthy, blushed deeply, and pa.s.sed to another part of the room, in order to conceal what she felt must have been visible, and might have excited observation.

"No," proceeded the pedlar; "I thought at first he was one of the left-legge'd M'Squiggins's, as they call them, from Fumblestown--but he is not, I know, for the raisons I said. They're a very good plain family, the M'Squiggins's, only that n.o.body's likely to fall in love wid them--upon my profits, I'm half inclined to think he's one of them still--eh, let me see again--would you turn round a little, if you plaise, sir, till I thry if the cast's in your eye. Upon my faith, there it is sure enough! How are you, Misther M'Squiggins? I'm happy to see you well, sir. How is your sisther, Miss Pugshey, an' all the family, sir?--all well, I hope, sir?"

"All well," replied M'Carthy, laughing as loud as any of the rest, every one of whom actually in convulsions--for they knew, with the exception of Julia, who was deceived at first by the pedlar's apparent gravity, that he was only bantering her lover.

The proctor, who, although a man that loved money as his G.o.d--with his whole heart, soul, and strength--was yet exceedingly anxious to stand well with the world, and on this account never suffered a mere trifle to stand between him and the means of acquiring a good name, and having himself been considered a man of even of a benevolent spirit.

He consequently made some purchase from the pedlar, with whom he held a very amusing and comic discussion, as touching the prices of many articles in that worthy's; pack. Nay, he went so far as to give them a good-humored exhibition of the secrets and peculiarities known only to the initiated, and bought some small matters in the slang terms with which none but the trade are acquainted.

"Come, boys," said he, "I have set you a good example; won't you buy something from the jolly pedlar?"

John and Alick bought some trifling things, and M'Carthy purchased a pair of bracelets for the girls, which closed the sales for that morning.

"Well, now," said the pedlar, whilst folding up again the goods which he had displayed for sale, "upon my profits, Misther Purcel, it's a perfect delight to me to call here, an' that whether I dale or not--although I'm sure to do so always when I come. Well, you have all dealt wid me now for payment, and here goes to give you something for nothing--an, in truth, it's a commodity that, although always chape, is seldom taken.

'Tis called good advice. The ladies--G.o.d bless them, don't stand in need of it, for sure the darlins' never did anything from Eve downwards, that 'ud require it. Here it is then, Misther Purcel, let you and your sons do what the ould song says--'be good boys and _take care of yourselves.

Thighin thu?_ (*Do you understand.) An' this gintleman, if I knew his name, maybe I'd say something to him too."

"This is Mr. M'Carthy, Cannie."

"Ay, M'Carthy--troth 'tis a good ould name. Well, Mr. M'Carthy, all I have to say to you! is, that _if you happen to meet a man that gives you good advice, TAKE IT_. An' now G.o.d be Wid you all, an' spare you to one another!"

So saying, he slung his huge pack over his shoulders almost without an effort, and commencing a merry old Irish song he proceeded lightly and cheerfully on his journey.

"Well, boys," said the proctor, "now that we've had a good hearty laugh with the _Cannie Soogah_, let us proceed to business. I see by your red coats and top-boots, that you're for the hounds to-day, but as I'm in a hurry, I wish before you go, that you'd see those sneaking devils that are hanging about the place. Hourigan is there again with fresh falsehoods--don't be misled by him--the ill-looking scoundrel is right well able to pay--and dix me if I'll spare him. Tell him he needn't expect any further forbearance--a rascal that's putting money in the saving's bank to be pleadin' poverty! It's too bad. But the truth is, boys, there's no one behind in their t.i.thes now ent.i.tled to forbearance, and for the same reason they must pay or take the consequences; we'll see whether they or the law will prove the strongest, and that very soon. Good-bye, boys; good-bye, M'Carthy--and I say, Jack and Alick, be on your sharps and don't let them lads do you--d'ye mind now?--keen's the word."

He then got on his comfortable jaunting-car, and drove off to wait, according to appointment, upon the Rev. Jeremiah Turbot, D.D.

"Mogue Moylan," said John, "will you go out and tell them fellows that I and Alick will be in the office presently--and do you hear? tell them to look like men, and not so much like murderers that came to take our lives. Say we'll be in the office presently, and that we hope it's not excuses they're fetching us."

"I will, Misther John; but, troth, it's the worst word in their cheek they'd give me, if I deliver the last part of your message. 'Tis my head in my fist I'd get, maybe; however, Misther John, between you an' me, they're an ill-looking set, one an' all o' them, an' could pay their tides, every tail o' them, if they wished."

"I know that very well," replied the young fellow, "but my father's not the man to be trifled with. We'll soon see whether they or the law's the strongest; that's all."

Moylan went over to where the defaulters were standing, and putting up his hand, he stroked down his cheek with great gravity. "Are yez in a hurry, good people?" said he.

"Some of us is," replied a voice.

"Ay, all of us," replied others; "and we're here now for an hour and a half, and no sign of seein' us."

"Yez are in a hurry, then?"

"To be sure we are."

"Well, to them that's in a hurry I've a word to say."

"What is it, Mogue?"

"Why, it is this, take your time--ever an' always, when you happen to be in a hurry--take your time."

"Maybe, Mogue," they replied, "if you were widout your breakfast, as we are, you wouldn't say so."

"Why, did'nt yez get your breakfasts yet?"