The Law and Lawyers of Pickwick Part 2

"He has kissed one of 'em!" exclaimed the delighted little man.

A second roar.

"He has kissed another," gasped the excited manager.

A third roar.

"He's kissing 'em all!" screamed the enthusiastic little gentleman.

And hailed by the deafening shouts of the mult.i.tude the procession moved on.

Ladies and gentlemen, according to our modern ideas this account does not do much to raise Mr. Perker in our estimation; but the best testimonial to his memory is to be found in Mr. Pickwick's observation when, being at last free from all his legal difficulties, he proposed to settle up with his lawyer.

"Well, now," said Mr. Pickwick, "let me have a settlement with you."

"Of the same kind as the last?" inquired Perker, with another laugh, for Mr. Pickwick had just been dismissing Messrs. Dodson and Fogg with some strong language indeed.

"Not exactly," said Mr. Pickwick, drawing out his pocket-book, and shaking the little man heartily by the hand; "I only mean a pecuniary settlement. You have done me many acts of kindness that I can never repay, and have no wish to repay, for I prefer continuing the obligation."

With this preface the two friends dived into some very complicated accounts and vouchers, which, having been duly displayed and gone through by Perker, were at once discharged by Mr. Pickwick with many professions of esteem and friends.h.i.+p.

Never was bill of costs so pleasantly discharged, though I know many lawyers who have won the friends.h.i.+p and esteem of their clients.

The next type is that of Messrs. Dodson and Fogg, of Freeman's Court, Cornhill. The character of the genial partner is best described by one of his clerks in a conversation overheard by Mr. Pickwick and Sam Weller while waiting for an interview with this celebrated firm.

"There was such a game with Fogg here this morning," said the man in the brown coat, "while Jack was upstairs sorting the papers, and you two were gone to the stamp-office. Fogg was down here opening the letters when that chap as we issued the writ against at Camberwell, you know, came in--what's his name again?"

"Ramsey," said the clerk who had spoken to Mr. Pickwick.

"Ah, Ramsey--a precious seedy-looking customer. 'Well, sir,' says old Fogg, looking at him very fierce--you know his way--'well, sir, have you come to settle?' 'Yes, I have, sir,' said Ramsey, putting his hand in his pocket and bringing out the money; 'the debt's two pound ten, and the costs three pound five, and here it is, sir,' and he sighed like bricks as he lugged out the money, done up in a bit of blotting-paper. Old Fogg looked first at the money, and then at him, and then he coughed in his rum way, so that I knew something was coming. 'You don't know there's a declaration filed, which increases the costs materially, I suppose?' said Fogg. 'You don't say that, sir,' said Ramsey, starting back; 'the time was only out last night, sir.' 'I do say it, though,' said Fogg; 'my clerk's just gone to file it. Hasn't Mr. Jackson gone to file that declaration in Bullman and Ramsey, Mr. Wicks?' Of course I said yes, and then Fogg coughed again, and looked at Ramsey. 'My G.o.d!' said Ramsey; 'and here have I nearly driven myself mad, sc.r.a.ping this money together, and all to no purpose.' 'None at all,' said Fogg, coolly; 'so you had better go back and sc.r.a.pe some more together, and bring it here in time.' 'I can't get it, by G.o.d!' said Ramsey, striking the desk with his fist.

'Don't bully me, sir,' said Fogg, getting into a pa.s.sion on purpose.

'I am not bullying you, sir,' said Ramsey. 'You are,' said Fogg; 'get out, sir; get out of this office, sir, and come back, sir, when you know how to behave yourself.' Well, Ramsey tried to speak, but Fogg wouldn't let him, so he put the money in his pocket and sneaked out.

The door was scarcely shut when old Fogg turned round to me, with a sweet smile on his face, and drew the declaration out of his coat pocket. 'Here, Wicks,' said Fogg, 'take a cab and go down to the Temple as quick as you can and file that. The costs are quite safe, for he's a steady man with a large family, at a salary of five-and- twenty s.h.i.+llings a week; and if he gives us a warrant of attorney, as he must in the end, I know his employers will see it paid, so we may as well get all we can out of him, Mr. Wicks; it's a Christian act to do it, Mr. Wicks, for with his large family and small income he'll be all the better for a good lesson against getting into debt--won't he, Mr. Wicks, won't he?' and he smiled so good-naturedly as he went away that it was delightful to see him. 'He is a capital man of business,'

said Wicks, in a tone of the deepest admiration; 'capital, isn't he?'"

Mr. Fogg, we are told, was an elderly, pimply-faced, vegetable diet sort of man, in a black coat, and dark-mixtured trousers; and Mr. Dodson was a plump, portly, stern-looking man, with a loud voice. And it was from these worthies that Mr. Pickwick had received a letter dated the 28th of August, 1827.

FREEMAN'S COURT, CORNHILL.

_Bardell against Pickwick_.

SIR,--Having been instructed by Mrs. Martha Bardell to commence an action against you for a breach of promise of marriage, for which the plaintiff lays her damages at fifteen hundred pounds, we beg to inform you that a writ has been issued against you in this suit in the Court of Common Pleas, and request to know, by return of post, the name of your attorney in London, who will accept service thereof.

We are, Sir, Your obedient servants, DODSON AND FOGG.

MR. SAMUEL PICKWICK.

I am bound to say that Mr. Pickwick did not conduct himself with his usual dignity on the occasion of his interview on the subject of this letter. The two sharp pract.i.tioners had certainly commenced an action against him on grounds which, though definite, were wholly inadequate.

But in this alone there was nothing to justify the very violent language of Mr. Pickwick.

"Very well, gentlemen, very well," said Mr. Pickwick, rising in person and wrath at the same time; "you shall hear from my solicitor, gentlemen."

"We shall be very happy to do so," said Fogg, rubbing his hands.

"Very," said Dodson, opening the door.

"And before I go, gentlemen," said the excited Mr. Pickwick, turning round on the landing, "permit me to say, that of all the disgraceful and rascally proceedings--"

"Stay, sir, stay," interposed Dodson, with great politeness. "Mr.

Jackson! Mr. Wicks!"

"Sir," said the two clerks, appearing at the bottom of the stairs.

"I merely want you to hear what this gentleman says," replied Dodson.

"Pray go on, sir--disgraceful and rascally proceedings, I think you said?"

"I did," said Mr. Pickwick, thoroughly roused. "I said, sir, that of all the disgraceful and rascally proceedings that ever were attempted this is the most so. I repeat it, sir."

"You hear that, Mr. Wicks?" said Dodson.

"You won't forget these expressions, Mr. Jackson?" said Fogg.

"Perhaps you would like to call us swindlers, sir," said Dodson. "Pray do, sir, if you feel disposed; now pray do, sir."

"I do," said Mr. Pickwick. "You _are_ swindlers."

"Very good," said Dodson. "You can hear down there, I hope, Mr.

Wicks?"

"Oh, yes, sir," said Wicks.

"You had better come up a step or two higher if you can't," added Mr.

Fogg. "Go on, sir; do go on. You had better call us thieves, sir; or perhaps you would like to a.s.sault one of us. Pray do it, sir, if you would; we will not make the slightest resistance. Pray do it, sir."

As Fogg put himself very temptingly within the reach of Mr. Pickwick's clenched fist there is little doubt that gentleman would have complied with his earnest entreaty but for the interposition of Sam, who, hearing the dispute, emerged from the office, mounted the stairs, and seized his master by the arm.

"You just come avay," said Mr. Weller. "Battledore and shuttlec.o.c.k's a wery good game, when you ain't the shuttlec.o.c.k and two lawyers the battledores, in which case it gets too excitin' to be pleasant. Come avay, sir. If you want to ease your mind by blowing up somebody come out into the court and blow up me; but it's rayther too expensive work to be carried on here."

With that good advice Mr. Weller took Mr. Pickwick away from the lawyers'

office. But before we say anything about the trial itself let me introduce to you another solicitor not so well known as either Perker or Dodson and Fogg, but to my mind the most interesting as he certainly is the most humorous.

Mr. Pell had the honour of being the legal adviser of Mr. Weller, Senior.

The latter gentleman always stoutly maintained that if Mr. Pickwick had had the services of Mr. Pell, and had established an _alibi_, the great case of Bardell against Pickwick would have been decided otherwise. Mr.

Pell practised in the Insolvency Court. He "was a fat, flabby, pale man, in a surtout which looked green one moment, and brown the next, with a velvet collar of the same chameleon tints. His forehead was narrow, his face wide, his head large, and his nose all on one side, as if Nature, indignant with the propensities she observed in him at his birth, had given it an angry tweak which it had never recovered. Being short-necked and asthmatic, however, he respired princ.i.p.ally through this feature; so, perhaps, what it wanted in ornament, it made up in usefulness."

Mr. Pell had successfully piloted Mr. Weller through the Insolvency Court, and his services were sought to carry out the process by which Sam Weller became a voluntary prisoner in the Fleet at the suit of his obdurate parent.

"The late Lord Chancellor, gentlemen, was very fond of me," said Mr.

Pell.

"And wery creditable in him, too," interposed Mr. Weller.