Jonathan and His Continent Part 14

There exist many other clubs of this kind, where the hospitality consists of getting amus.e.m.e.nt at the guests' expense. The idea is droll and naive. The Gridiron Club at Was.h.i.+ngton was founded on the same lines as the Clover Club in Philadelphia. During the evening on which I was present at the monthly dinner of the Gridiron, a member of the Chinese Emba.s.sy replied in Chinese to the toast that was proposed in his honour.

I replied in French. It was a satisfaction to read in the Was.h.i.+ngton papers, next morning, that the Chinese and French speeches had been greatly appreciated by the club members.

Really? _Allons donc!_

Such fun as goes on at these "Gridiron" Clubs may savour a trifle of horseplay to the stranger; but though I do not know the origin of these tourneys, I imagine they arose from a genuine American enjoyment of quick repartee. At these meetings, eloquence prepared beforehand would be of little use: the essential equipment for the guest is a ready wit and a bold tongue.

CHAPTER XVIII.

_Western and Eastern Wit.--Two Anecdotes in the way of Ill.u.s.tration._

I think the two following anecdotes ill.u.s.trate well the preposterousness of Western wit and the delicacy of the Eastern article.

To some Americans, who may read me, these two stories may be "chestnuts." To such I apologise.

A drunkard's relatives thought to frighten him into better ways. During a fit of intoxication he was laid in a coffin, and a friend remained near at hand, waiting until the drunken stupor should pa.s.s off.

By-and-bye, the occupant of the coffin awakes, sits up, and, rubbing his eyes,

"Where am I?" he inquires.

"You are dead," replies his friend, in a sepulchral kind of voice.

"Dear me! How long have I been dead?"

"Three days."

"And are you dead too?"

"Yes."

"And how long have you been dead?"

"Three weeks."

"Dear me! ... then you have been dead longer than I have ... tell me where I can get a drink."

Now a Bostonian anecdote.

Philadelphia, whether justly or not, has the reputation of being very dead-and-alive, and many are the jokes on its dullness. This is one, which ill.u.s.trates well the keenness and delicacy of Eastern wit.

A Bostonian was doing the honours of his native city to a friend from Philadelphia. Having shown him all the points of interest in the place, he asked if he did not think Boston a fine city.

"Yes, it is very nice," said the Pennsylvania man; "but I don't think it is so well _laid out_ as Philadelphia."

"No," rejoined the Bostonian, "but it will be, when it is as dead as Philadelphia."

CHAPTER XIX.

_Journalism.--Prodigious Enterprises.--Startling Headlines.--"Jerked to Jesus."--"Mrs. Carter finds Fault with her Husband's Kisses."--Jacob's Ladder.--Sensational News.--How a Journalist became known.--Gossip.--The Murderer and the Reporters.--Detective Journalists.--"The Devil Dodged."--Ten Minutes' Stoppage in Purgatory.--French, English, and American Journalists.--A Visit to the Great Newspaper Offices.--Sunday Papers.--Country Papers.--Wonderful Eye-ticklers.--Polemics.--"Pulitzer and Dana."--Comic and Society Papers.--The "Detroit Free Press" and the "Omaha World."--American Reviews._

By his discovery of America, Christopher Columbus has furnished the Old World with an inexhaustible source of amusing novelties. You pa.s.s from the curious to the marvellous, from the marvellous to the incredible, from the incredible to the impossible realised.

But it is to American journalism that the palm must be awarded.

I shall speak later on of the Sunday papers--those phenomenal productions that fairly take your breath away.

Take the daily papers: eight, ten, sometimes twelve pages, each consisting of eight or nine columns of fine print, the whole for a penny or threehalf-pence. So much for the quant.i.ty.

The first thing that attracts your attention is the t.i.tles of the articles. The smallest bit of news cannot escape your notice, thanks to these wonderful head-lines. It requires a special genius for the work, to be able to hit upon such eye-ticklers.

Here are a few that I noted down in New York, Chicago, and other large towns:--

The death of Mrs. Garfield, mother of the late President, was announced with the heading:

_Death of Grandma Garfield._

The marriage of M. Maurice Bernhardt:

_Sarah's boy leads his bride to the altar._

The execution of a criminal was announced by a Chicago paper under the heading:

_Jerked to Jesus._

The reports of two divorce cases at Chicago were ent.i.tled respectively:

_Tired of William._

_Mrs. Carter finds fault with her husband's kissing._

An article on Prince Bismarck was headed in large letters: BISMARCK WITHDRAWS. Just underneath, in very small print, was: _His resignation as Chancellor of the German Empire_.

The marriage of young Earl Cairns, who had been betrothed several times, was announced to the American ladies thus:

_Garmoyle caught at last._

Mr. Arthur Balfour, having refused to reply to some attacks of the Irish Nationalists, a prominent New York paper thus announced the fact;