Valentine M'Clutchy, The Irish Agent Part 2

"Your share, no: I told you before, it must not be yours. I wouldn't have it said, that bit or sup, paid for by your ill-gotten wealth, should ever cross my lips--no, no."

The waiter, or rather waitress, a red-haired, barefooted wench, now came up.

"Here," said M'Loughlin, "take the refreshments we've had last out of that, and keep the change to yourself. I have settled what we've had before, as well as this."

"And why not allow me to settle for this?" asked M'Clutchy.

"Because," replied this honest and respectable man, "I could not swallow a thimbleful of anything paid for by your money; what is it? If I did I would dream for weeks of all that you have done, or if I didn't dream, the sorrows and the wrongs of my near relative, Widow O'Hagan and her family, would prevent me from sleeping; the Kellys that you've driven to beggary--The Gormleys that you got put out--good G.o.d! and who now holds their places? Your own cousin. It's useless, however, to mention all you've done. You, Val the Vulture, as the people call you, are one of those scourges that rise and flourish upon the distresses of the poor, and the injustice that you yourself bring upon them by your falsehood and calumny; and all because the property they live on is neglected by those who have a right to look after it. Ay, there is another of your white and cowardly laughs. Well, you know that there is not a neglected estate in the country but can produce another vulture like yourself, playing the same heartless pranks upon the poor people--tying, misrepresenting, swaggering over and robbing them, and that, too, in the open face of day, merely because you think there is no one to bring you to an account.

"Now go home," he added, "and when next you want to get a wife for your spanking son, that's likely to become a squireen upon our hands, don't come to Brian M'Loughlin, who knows you from the paring of the nails to the core of the heart."

M'Glutchy looked at him and laughed again; "before you go, at all events," he replied, "I hope you remember the observation I made when I introduced the discourse."

"I can't say I do," said M'Loughlin, "but I suppose you will let us hear it."

"I will," replied Val, and his brow darkened as before. "It was this--your farm and mine lie very snugly together--observe, I said, '_that's what I begin with_'--didn't I say that?"

"You did, and now what else do you say?"

"The very same thing--that _your farm, and mine lie snugly together_--and mark me, Mr. M'Loughlin--"

"I do--oh, upon my credit I do--ha, ha, ha!"

"Than _that's what I end with_."

"Ah," replied M'Loughlin indignantly, "you think you have the ball at your own foot, now that old Topertoe is gone, and his son has made you his under agent. A nice job indeed it was, that transformed old drunken Tom Topertoe into Lord c.u.mber, and made his son, the present Lord, too proud to live on his own estate. However, I'd be glad to see the honest man that ever envied the same old Tom his t.i.tle, when we all know that he got it for selling his country. As for you, Vulture, I defy and despise you; when my rent's due, thank G.o.d I am able to pay it, so you may do your worst. While Mr. Hickman's over you, the tenants have some protection, in spite of your villainy, you unprincipled scoundrel."

"Our farms lie snugly together, Mr: M'Loughlin, and _that's what I end with_."

It was from the town of Castle c.u.mber, which we have described at the opening of our narrative, that old Tom Topertoe, a squire of the true Irish kidney, took his t.i.tle. Topertoe, or Lord Castle c.u.mber, as we must now call him, like many others, had the high honor of being a Union Lord--that, is to say his attachment to his principles was so steady, that he did not hesitate to sell his country for a t.i.tle, and we may add, something besides. It is not our intention, at this distance of time, to discuss the merits of either the union or its repeal; but in justice to truth and honor, or, perhaps, we should rather say, fraud and profligacy, we are constrained to admit, that there is not to be found in the annals of all history, any political negotiation based upon such rank and festering corruption, as was the legislative union. Had the motives which actuated the English government towards this country been pure, and influenced by principles of equality and common justice, they would never have had recourse to such unparalleled profligacy. This is self-evident, for those who seek an honorable end will scorn to obtain it by foul and dishonorable means. The conduct of England, therefore, in this base and shameless traffic, is certainly a _prima face_ evidence of her ultimate policy--a policy blacker in the very simplicity of its iniquity than its worst enemies can paint it, and so obvious in its character, that we question whether a man could be found, of ordinary information, belonging to any party, capable at this moment of deliberately and conscientiously defending it, so far as pertains to this transaction. But enough of this.

Before the union, old Topertoe was master of three votes--that is, he sat himself for the county, and returned members for two boroughs. He was known by the sobriquet of Pater Noster Tom--not from any disposition to devotion; but because, whether in parliament, on the hustings, or, indeed, anywhere else, he never made a speech longer than the Lord's Prayer. And yet, short as it was, it generally puzzled the shrewdest and most sagacious of his audience to understand it. Still, though not without his faults, he was by no means a bad landlord, as landlords went. 'Tis true he was fond of his wine and of his wench--as a proof of which, it was well known that he seldom or ever went to,bed with less than four or five bottles under his belt; and as touching the latter, that he had two agents in pay to cater for his pa.s.sions. In both these propensities he was certainly countenanced by the usages and moral habits of the times; and the truth is, he grew rather popular than otherwise, precisely on account of them. He was bluff, boisterous, and not ill-natured--one of that bygone cla.s.s who would horsewhip a tenant to-day and fight a duel for him to-morrow. Above all things, he resided on his estate, knew all his tenantry by name and person, and contracted, by degrees, a kind of anomalous attachment for them, merely because they were his property, and voted and fought for him at elections, and often fought with him touching their relative positions of landlord and tenant. Indeed, we question whether he would not enter into a quarrel as readily for a tenant as he would for a favorite dog or horse; and we are inclined to think, that to do him justice, he laid nearly as much value on the one as on the other--a circ.u.mstance which we dare say several of our modern landlords, both resident and absentee, will consider as, on our part, a good-humored stretch of fiction.

His speech at elections absolutely became a proverb in the country; and, indeed, when we remember the good-natured license of the times, as many still may, together with the singular blending of generosity and violence, horsewhipping and protection, mirth and mischief which characterized the bearing of such men as Topertoe, we are fain to think, to vary the proverb a little, that he might have spoken more and fared worse.

"Here I am again, ye blaggards; your own ould Topertoe, that never had a day's illness, but the gout, bad luck to it. d.a.m.n your bloods, ye affectionate rascals, sure you love me, and I love you, and 't isn't Gully Preston (his opponent) that can cut our loves in two. No, boys, he's not the blade to do that, at any rate! Hurra then, ye vagabones; ould Tom Topertoe for ever! He loves his bottle and his wench, and will make any rascal quiver on a daisy that would dare to say bow to your blankets. Now, Gully Preston, make a speech--if you can! Hurra for Tom Topertoe, that never had a day's illness, but the gout, bad luck to it!

and don't listen to Gully Preston, boys! Hurra!"

This speech, from which he never varied, was waited for at elections with a vehemence of mirth and a force of popularity which no eloquence brought against him could withstand. Indeed, it was perfectly well known that it alone returned him, for when upon an occasion of considerable doubt and difficulty, the two parties of the county having been considered as equally balanced, he was advised by some foolish friend, or enemy in disguise, to address them in a serious speech, the consequences were near proving disastrous to his interests. When he commenced--"Gentlemen--upon an occasion of such important difficulty"--there was for about a quarter of a minute a dead silence--that of astonishment--Topertoe, however, who had stuck fast, was obliged to commence again---"Gentlemen--upon an occasion, of such--" but it would not do, the groaning, shouting, hooting, and yelling, were deafening for some minutes, much to the gratification of his opponent. At length there was something like a pause, and several voices shouted out--"what the divil do you mane, Tom?" "He's showin'

the garran bane at last," shouted another--"desartin' his colors!"--"oh!

we're gintlemen now it seems, an' not his own blaggards, as we used to be--Tiper-to'e's vagabones that stood by him--oh no! Tom, to h.e.l.l wid you and your gintlemen--three cheers for Gully Preston!"

Tom saw it was nearly over with him, and Preston's hopes ran high.

"Aisy, boys," said the other, resuming his old, and, indeed, his natural manner--"Aisy, ye vagabones--Topertoe's ould speech for ever! Here I am again, ye blaggards, that never had a day's illness but the gout, bad luck to it!" &c, &c. This was enough, the old feeling of fun and attachment kindled up--the mult.i.tude joined him in his speech, precisely as a popular singer is joined by the G.o.ds of the upper gallery in some favorite air, and no sooner was it concluded, than the cheering, throwing up of hats, and huzzaing, gave ample proof that he had completely recovered his lost ground, and set himself right with the people.

Such is a brief of old Topertoe, the first Lord of Castle c.u.mber, who, by the way, did not wear his honors long, the gout, to which he was a martyr, having taken him from under his coronet before he had it a year on his brow. He was one of the men peculiar to his times, or rather who aided in shaping them; easy, full of strong but gross impulses, quick and outrageous in resentment, but possessed of broad uncouth humor, and a sudden oblivion of his pa.s.sion. Without reading or education--he was coa.r.s.e, sensual, careless, and extravagant, having no stronger or purer principle to regulate him than that which originated in his pa.s.sions or his necessities. Of shame or moral sanction he knew nothing, and consequently held himself amenable to the world on two points only--the laws of duelling and those of gaming. He would take an insult from no man, and always paid his gambling debts with honor; but beyond that, he neither feared nor cared for anything in this world--and being a member of the h.e.l.lfire Club, he did not believe in the other. In fact he was the very man on whose peculiar temperament and character a corrupt and wily politician might expect to impress his own principles with success.

Topertoe was consequently not only the very man to sell his country, but to sell, it at the highest price, and be afterwards the first to laugh, as he did, at his own corruption.

Of his eldest son, who of course succeeded to his rank and property, there is not so much to be said at present, because he will appear, to some extent, as an actor in our drama. It is enough then to say here that he inherited his father's vices, purged of their vulgarity and grossness, without a single particle of his uncertain and capricious good nature. In his manners he appeared more of the gentleman; was lively, shallow, and versatile; but having been educated at an English school and an English college, he felt, or affected to feel, all the fas.h.i.+onable prejudices of the day and of his cla.s.s against his native country. He was an absentee from both pride and inclination, and it is not surprising then that he knew but little of Ireland, and that little was strongly to its disadvantage.

Another brother there was, whose unpretending character requires little else than merely that he should be named. The honorable Alexander Topertoe, who was also educated in England, from the moment his father stained what he conceived to be the honor of their family by receiving a t.i.tle and twenty thousand pounds, as a bribe for his three votes against a native parliament--hung his head in mortification and shame, and having experienced at all times little else than neglect from his father and brother, he hurried soon afterwards to the continent with a heavy heart and a light purse, where for the present we must leave him.

CHAPTER II.--Birth and Origin of Mr. M'Clutchy

Christian Forgiveness--Mr. Hickman, the Head Agent--Darby O'Drive, the Bailiff--And an Instructive Dialogue.

Time, which pa.s.ses with a slow but certain pace, had already crept twice around his yearly circle since the fair already described in the town of Castle c.u.mber. The lapse of three years, however, had made no change whatsoever in the heart or principles of Mr. Valentine M'Clutchy, although he had on his external manner and bearing. He now a.s.sumed more of the gentleman, and endeavored to impress himself upon those who came in contact with him, as a person of great authority and importance.

One morning after the period just mentioned had! elapsed, he and his graceful son, "Mister Phil," were sitting in the parlor of Const.i.tution Cottage, for so they were pleased to designate a house which had no pretension whatever to that unpretending appellation.

"So father," said Phil, "you don't forget that such was the treatment M'Loughlin gave you!"

"Why, I remember it, Phil; but you know, Phil, I'm a patient and a forgiving man notwithstanding; you know that Phil;--ha, ha, ha!"

"That was certainly the worst case came across us yet," replied the son, "none of the rest ventured to go so far, even when you had less power than you have now."

"I didn't tell you all, Phil," continued the father, following up the same train of thought.

"And why not," said Phil, "why should you conceal anything from me?"

"Because," replied the other, "I think you have heard enough for the present."

The fact was, that M'Clutchy's consciousness of the truth contained in M'Loughlin's indignant reproaches, was such as prevented him from repeating them, even to his son, knowing right well that had he done so they could not exactly have looked each other in the face without sensations regarding their own conduct, which neither of them wished to avow. There is a hypocrisy in villainy sometimes so deep that it cannot bear to repeat its own iniquity, even in the presence of those who are aware of it, and in this predicament stood Valentine M'Clutchy.

"Maybe he has relented," said Phil, "or that he will give me his pretty daughter yet--and you know they have the cash. The linen manufactory of M'Loughlin and Harman is flouris.h.i.+ng."

"No, no, Phil," replied the father, "you must give her up--that's past--but no matter, I'll forgive him."

Phil looked at him and smiled. "Come, come, father," said he, "be original--that last is a touch of M'Slime--of honest Solomon. Keep back the forgiveness yet awhile, may be they may come round--begad, and upon my honor and reputation, I shouldn't wish to lose the girl--no, father, don't forgive them yet awhile."

"Phil, we'll do better for you, boy--don't be a fool, I say, but have sense--I tell you what, Phil," continued his father, and his face a.s.sumed a ghastly, deadly look, at once dark and pallid, "listen to me;--I'll forgive him, Phil, until the nettle, the chick-weed, the burdock, the fulsome pres.h.a.gh, the black fungus, the slimiest weed that grows--aye, till the green mould of ruin itself, grows upon the spot that is now his hearth--till the winter rain beats into, and the whiter wind howls over it."

"No marriage, then," said Phil. "No marriage; but what keeps Darby O'Drive? the rascal should have been here before--oh no," said he, looking at his watch, "he has better than half an hour yet."

"What steps do you intend to take, father?"

"Phil, when I'm prepared, you shall know them. In the meantime leave me--I must write to M'Slime, or send to him. M'Slime's useful at a hint or suggestion, but, with all his wiliness and hypocrisy, not capable of carrying a difficult matter successfully out; he overdoes everything by too much caution, and consequently gets himself into ridiculous sc.r.a.pes, besides I cannot and will not place full confidence in him. He is too oily, and cants too much, to be trusted; I think, still, we may use him and overreach him into the bargain. Are you going into Castle c.u.mber?"

"I am."

"Well, drop these couple of letters in the post office, and tell Rankin he must have the Garts finished by Monday next, at the farthest, or it will be worse for him. By the way, I have that fellow in my eye too--he had the a.s.surance to tell me the other day, that he could not possibly undertake the carts until he had M'Loughlin's job at the manufactory finished. Off with you now, I see O'Drive and Hanlon coming up."

Graceful Phil in a few minutes was mounted in his usual lofty state on "Handsome Harry," and dashed off to Castle c.u.mber.

It may not be improper here, before we proceed farther, to give the reader some additional knowledge of the parentage and personal history of Mr. Valentine M'Clutchy, as well as a brief statement concerning the Castle c.u.mber property, and the gentleman who acted in the capacity of head agent.