Dress na Boku ga Yangotonaki Katagata no Katei Kyoushi-sama na Kudan Volume 1 Chapter 3

What "Welcome party for the long-absent Queen"!

I was thoroughly confused by the group of maids who smilingly surrounded me with piles of combs, perfume, ribbons and powder in their hands.

"Lord Father has decided to introduce Glinda as the new Queen to everyone!"

"Congratulations, Glinda!"

Princess Sarasa and Orie crept out from nowhere and softly whispered.

"How could that be! I would be in troubled! Be-because I… That's right! I-I already have someone I like!"

"Wow! So romantic! But you would soon forget the other man after you married with Lord Father. Right, Orie?"

"That's right, Sarasa! That's because there's no one else in the world as strong, wise and handsome, and as powerful and wealthy as our Lord Father."

The princesses said with angelic innocence.

"Uuuuaaaa! This is preposterous! I must protest to the government of Winstoria Empire! I will write to the Emperor himself!"

"It is alright. It takes a week to deliver the mail, and by that time you would have fallen for Lord Father."

"What type of wedding gown would you like, Glinda? You must love those with long veils and puffy gown, right?

I didn't like this sort of stuff!

So would I be going on honeymoon trip with that pretty-boy King? Splas.h.i.+ng sea-water on the beaches of some southern tropical island with just the two of us? Then be bridal-carried by him? Ahhhhhhh! Measles were beginning to break out! I-i-itch! That's disgusting! I refuse to play hide and seek on the beach with another man!

What's more, even before that could happen, my ident.i.ty would be totally exposed on the wedding night, and I would have been sent for execution already!

That idiot Helmut! How could he have returned all by himself? Had he planned to escape? That must have been so! I wouldn't put it past him to do something so cold-blooded!

Glinda too! If you were really a genius, come save your little brother from this predicament now!

"Come, Lady Glinda, let's put on the gown."

"Whoa! Don't unb.u.t.ton! Don't loosen the ribbon! Ahhhh! If you pull that string, the skirt would drop!  Uuaaaah! Nooo! Ahhh!"

Hands came from all directions to pull off my clothes, loosen my hair, spray cosmetics and powder foundation on my face, and I tried to s.h.i.+eld myself from them with all my strength.

Ohhh! Why had I not run away sooner?"

Now was no time to be falling in love! How could I have imagined I could just stay and become a NEET in Eren, or even fantasized about lying atop the laps of that maid while she gently cleaned the insides of my ears? I was such a fool!

While I continued to blame myself, the preparations were speedily completed, with flowers decorating my bound hair, jewelled accessories around my neck and wrists, even shoes so luxurious that my toes were about to numb.

"Glinda looks so lovely!"

"Lord Father would fall in love with you all over again!"

The twin angels were ecstatic.

 I absolutely refused to have any man fall in love with me all over again! I am a man myself! Even if your King father was both rich and beautiful, I could still hardly accept it as a matter of principle! There's just no way I could become your motheeerrrr… !!!

"I can't take it! I have to go to the loo!"

Unabashed, I shouted and, lifting my skirts' folds, fled out of the room in large strides.

 Run! Run! Run!

I must flee directly to the harbour from the palace! Or, failing to do so, lock myself into a toilet and excuse myself with having diarrhoea!

But, along the corridor…

"Hey, Ms Glinda!"

I was immediately hollered at by the pot-bellied uncle.

That was the guy who had been staring at me the day before in the welcome ceremony.

"You don't look too well, is it due to the fact that you are not accustomed to our food? Heard that you had been stuck in bed all day too. With such frail const.i.tution, are you really fit to be a tutor for our royal family?"

He asked in a derisive manner.

"I have an urgent business! Please excuse me!"

"What! How dare you just ignore me!"

I could hear his angry complaints from behind as I fled from his side.

Ha, would this corridor just go on forever?!?

Finally reaching a corner at the end and rounding it…

"Whoa!"

"Ah!"

I accidentally knocked into Prince Ryuuju and squashed him against the floor full bodily.

Prince Ryuuju stared at me red-faced with his mouth gasping open and close, and then screamed like the day before.

"I-i-impudent fellow!"

"Sorry! Sorry!"

I got up immediately and took to my legs, my skirt nearly flying upwards.

Uuaah! Not only had I peeked upon the Prince's bath, I even pushed him over. My rating must have been rock-bottom in Prince Ryuuju's opinion.

But, since I could not possibly become his Mother, or his teacher, there should not be much to regret over.

Looked like it might be better to find other means of escape, find a toilet, take off this body of heavy clothes and accessories, and remove this unG.o.dly tight corset…

At this instance, someone barred my path…

Holding a thick old tome in her chest stood the divine-looking Princess with mysterious silver hair and amethyst eyes. She emitted an aura of immense presence like the fabled fairy here to announce my doom.

I halted immediately.

W-what's going on? I could not move!

The purple crystal eyes stared at me unmoved.

Uuuww… what was I doing… there's nothing to be scared about 9 year old girls…

"…Teacher."

The lovely girl spoke.

As I became breathless with nervousness…

"Lady Glinda, we are here as your guard."

A group of soldiers appeared from nowhere.

"His Majesty awaits. Come this way please. Your Highness too, please return to the section for ladies."

"Uh, a moment please! Your humble servant… I mean, servant-girl would like to go relieve herself!"

"We would await your highness, so please do so quickly."

"Are you going to stand guard outside of the toilet?!?"

"That's right. This is because Lady Glinda is an important guest of His Majesty."

The soldiers replied seriously.

"With someone standing just on the other side, how would I possibly be able to relief myself?"

"If something were to happen to Lady Glinda, we would have no way of answering His Majesty."

"Uuwww… Nevermind…"

Sigh, so much for running away.

At this stage, I could only squarely walk towards the banquet hall.

My fate was like a candle in the wind.

Would it be better to declare to the entire world that I am a man before I became the Queen? Or should I wait until the night of the wedding with only two people on the betrothal bed?

No matter which path I could choose, it would turn into a foreign relations crisis, with the alliance between Winstoria and Eren at stake.

If a war were to start due to this, I would certainly be known to history as the "transvest.i.te who deceived the king", what a lovely t.i.tle.

Me. No. Want!

The great hall was filled with a train of Eren's top bra.s.s like yesterday, and that fat uncle was also standing among them gnas.h.i.+ng his teeth at me.

King Cecello sat smilingly on his throne on the platform.

Beauty that disregarded the fact that he already had 5 children, his aquamarine eyes shone with charming light like precious stones. He looked satisfied when he saw me putting on his gift of luxurious dress.

Oooooohhh! He couldn't possibly be thinking of how I would be taking it off, could he?  This perverted King!

The throne besides his was empty, most definitely as it was for the Queen - that was, myself.

Besides the two thrones, stood the King's children.

Prince Ryuuju was red-faced and frowning, his fists squeezed tightly at me. Princess Seira hugged that huge tome, staring at me with an undecipherable expression. Prince s.h.i.+n looked like he was asleep. Princesses Sarasa and Orie winked and signalled at me in secret, both looking as cute as angels in high spirit.

I nearly fainted from the tightness the corset was gripping my chest.

King Cecello happily announced.

"Then, let me introduce my wife."

Oh no!

Really wished I could see that adorable and kind maid one last time.

King Cecello's eyes clouded over like a l.u.s.tful senior teasing a new female employee, smiling as he stood.

My mind was filled with white bridal veils, Southern tropical island honeymoon, and princess-carry by the sea-side, and my skin nearly broke out into chicken-pox.

Uwwwwaaaaaahhhh!!! I DON'T WANT TO PUT ON A GOWN AND GET MARRIED TO ANOTHER MAN!!!

In my panic, I uttered.

"I-I have athlete's foot!"

Good, I would fight!

"My feet are full of blisters and sores! And they stink!"

People and the room seemed to be spinning in my confusion, and I kept shouting even in the midst of the light-headedness caused by the tight corset.

"The shoes - once they are off - would stink to the skies! Even the c.o.c.kroaches would run! Everyone calls me a bio-weapon!"

At that instance, the great hall became as silent as a cemetery at night.

The King was frozen where he stood, and so were his children, the princes and princesses.

Slowly, whispers swept across all who were present like a wave on the sea.

"Ms Glinda… has athlete's foot?"

"The unmatched genius has athlete's foot?"

"And they stink?"

The opinion of Glinda obviously fell.

This might enrage Glinda, but my concern at the moment was only to protect my own chast.i.ty.

King Cecello recovered quickly, and said with a smile.

"Then, tonight I would ask someone to send some foot medication over."

Oooooooooohhhhh! It didn't work!

As expected of the Heroic King who disregarded all opinions and did away with the policy of isolation for Eren! Even athlete's foot was unable to drive him away! No, maybe that was even his preference! That's right! He really looked like he had a thing for ladies with athlete's foot!

As I sunk deeper into despair, King Cecello lifted his hand.

Huh? Strange? But I was standing over here, so why was he pointed at the other side?

As I felt suspicions, I suddenly saw a lady coming out while carefully cradling a little baby clad in soft baby clothes.

This girl had raven-coloured hair neatly tied, clad in pure and elegant evening dress, slim frame, and gentle demeanour…

Huh? Why…

Why was the maid that I encountered cradling a baby and wearing a lavish gown?

And, why was she exchanging such heatedly warm gazes with King Cecello?

King Cecello took hold of the baby in her arms, and lovingly planted a kiss on the child's forehead.

"Ms Glinda."

"Y-Yes!"

Being suddenly called, my body froze, but King Cecello shone the happiest, gentlest smile I had ever seen as he said.

"This is Queen Yuki, and… everyone, this is Eren Kingdom's 4th Princess, Suzuna Phyllis!"

I stood stunned and lost at sea in the midst of the hall of loud applauses and cheering.

Queen? Wife of the King?

Queen? So that was the wife of the King?

That's to say, the Queen was the wife of the King, the maid was the Queen, and that was the pretty-boy King's wife, so the one who had been wearing an ap.r.o.n…

The maid… No, Queen shone me a glowing smile.

"Greetings once again, Teacher Glinda, please show us your guidance. If there is any issue, please look for me. I really wish to become friends with Teacher Glinda."

Why was the Queen disguised as a maid?

The Queen herself prepared cuc.u.mber sandwiches and strawberry tarts for me? And even served them to me?

Or hadn't the Queen pa.s.sed away?

And Princesses Sarasa and Orie said that Glinda had been invited to Eren in order to become the King's new Queen!

I turned my head towards the twin Princesses, just to see their twitching lips, lightly fidgeting bodies and eyes filled with mirth.

Soon after, they could no longer hold it in, and went "Piff!" bent over in laughter.

"Pfff! Hehehehe! T-take a look at her expression!"

"So adorable! And funny! Hahahaha!"

"Sarasa, no, I can't take it any more! My tummy's aching from the laughter, aching!"

"Hahahaha! Me too, Orie! I can't take it any more!"

The two of them bowed forward and backward, laughing until tears came out of their eyes.

It was then that I realised.

I had been tricked by the twins!

Saying that the Queen was no longer in this world since 5 years ago, that there was special meaning to men holding the hands of women in Eren, and also that I had been chosen as the Queen candidate… Lies, all of them!

I guessed my face must have been fuming.

 The two angels… no, little devils heard their father asking "What was so funny", and chose to pretend that nothing was amiss.

"Sorry, Lord Father, I am just so happy to have someone like Glinda as our Teacher."

"Yes, I am just laughing because I am too happy, too glad. Sarasa likes Glinda a lot, Lord Father."

"Orie too."

Both girls had on their faces expressions as pure as angels. Even though they were just eight years old, their skills in trickery and acting were top-notch and could probably deceive any man.

Something snapped in my head.

I might had been a housekeeping NEET and failed college-exam student, Glinda's useless little brother and a cross-dressing pathetic fool twice-dumped.

 Ooohh! Right! In the eyes of royalty and the n.o.bles, I was as good as the lowest flea of society! Like a broken toy easily cast aside! Like a leaf of parsley for garnis.h.i.+ng! Like an apple pie with no apple fillings! Like a shoe with a holed sole! Or an old uncle's nostril hairs! Sand covered by cat's urine!

Even so, I was still qualified to teach precocious children what was right and wrong! Trying to make fun of an adult? You were 10 years too young!

I could no longer conceal my wrath.

Blood rushed towards my head, my ears fumed.

I walked towards the two little devils in angel disguises that were still-trembling in laughter.

Then, I grabbed one of them by the waist, lifted her up, and "smack" spanked her bottom.

"Ah! What are you doing!"

"Sarasa!"

I did not stop, but continued to spank twice, thrice.

"Why I am doing this, both of you know well enough! Be it village children or princesses, naughty kids must be spanked!"

Pop! Smack! Spanking sounds and cries of the Princess echoed through the great hall.

"Ahhh! Hurt! Pain! Help me! Lord Father! Queen Mother!"

The top officials all around had their jaws dropping to the ground, Prince Ryuuju fearfully stepped back, even Princess Seira widened her eyes. Prince s.h.i.+n fearfully ran to the back of his Mother and tucked at her skirt.

The Queen was dumb-founded, and beside her, King Cecello smiled, saying.

"Oh? Looks like Ms Glinda is a strict teacher."

I put Princess Sarasa, who was weeping from the pain and shame, onto the ground, and turned towards Princess Orie who had fallen in fear trembling.

"Alright! It's your turn!"

"Sssssorrry!!!"

Princess Orie had a face of terror, rearing on the floor.

"P-please, forgive me… Forgive me… Teacher… Ahhhh!"

"There are many things in this world that can't be resolved just with an apology, your Highness!"

Smack!

A loud sound resonated from below my palm.

"Uuuu!"

"Remember this with your body, the consequences of playing tricks on people!"

"Uuuuuuu!  Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!"

Smack! Smack! Smack!

Loud sounds.

The cries of little girls.

Dumb-founded top officials and n.o.bles.

It was some time later that I heard that horns had really sprouted from my head, and a pair of fiery-red bat-like wings from my back, fire blazed from my eyes, and I had looked so fierce that an army of ten-thousand men would have fled at the sight of me.

"Genius Lady Glinda spanked the Princesses of Eren!"

This became the headlines of the newspapers all over the world a few days later.

The me of then could not have known about it but in the hall filled with fear and violence, only the little baby Princess Suzuna Phyllis could sleep soundly in peace.

"Look at you now! Apologising in tears, huh! How unlike a Princess! Adults are no targets for your pranks!"

"Uwaaaaah! I won't do it ever again!"

What should I do, I actually did it.

An hour later, I was still clad in the luxurious evening gown, seated cross-legged on the bed and wrapped in a blanket, pale in fear.

When I realised I had been tricked by the twin Princesses, I lost my head and acted without considering the consequences.

To actually spank their bottoms in front of the King, the Queen and all the other officials, not even stopping when they pleaded crying, and telling them not to "take adults for fools!", uuwaaaah!

It was only after returning to the silence of my room that I began to feel fear for what I had just done.

In the past there had been cases where punishments were dealt out for merely stepping onto the shadows of royalty, or beating royalty to eating a madeleine.

My thoughtless actions might cause fractures in the relations.h.i.+p of Winstoria and Eren, and I would thus be hung for treason.

Sigh, what a short life.

I had thought that since I was different from Glinda, I might as well just become an ordinary college student, get a job as a civil servant, and marry like a commoner, and then, around 75 years old, surrounded by children and grandchildren, kiss goodbye to my ordinary life.

At least let me live till I could grow a beard, please.

While I was sunk in this tragic mood, sounds of knocking came from the door.

I jumped in fright.

Here they came! The executioner was here!

"Teacher Glinda, may I enter?"

I was lifting my skirt trying to hide in the closet when I heard this gentle voice.

It's the maid… no, the Queen.

"Sh-shure!"

I had wanted to say "sure", but the tightness in my throat distorted it.

The door opened, and the Queen entered while cradling Princess Suzuna.

When she beheld both my feet inside of the closet, her large eyes widened slightly.

"Is Teacher cleaning the room?"

"N-no, it's just a rare b.u.t.terfly that has flown into the room, and I wanted to capture it… Haha, looks like it has fled."

I stammered out an explanation, and then, turning towards the Queen, bowed my head in submission.

"That, j-j-just now, I plead forgiveness for my impudence before so many high-ranking lords and n.o.bles!"

"Ara, please don't say that, Teacher."

The Queen became somewhat frantic.

As I peeked up trembling, I saw the Queen looking at me with a look of discomfort.

"The one who ought to apologise is I. Hadn't Sarasa and Orie played a prank on Teacher? Otherwise Teacher would not be so angry."

"Ehh, That is… that…"

How would I possibly dare say that I had thought the Queen dead, and that I had been called over to be the Queen Candidate, or even thought of His Majesty as a perverted senior?

The Queen gave me a deep bow.

"Really sorry. Teacher Glinda is our honoured guest after all."

I was stunned speechless.

"N-no such thing! Please don't be like this! I-I can't accept this! It is my immaturity, going too far like this."

"No, everyone in the palace has been bothered by Sarasa and Orie's mischief, but since they are princesses, no one has dared to discipline them strictly. This time is a good warning for them, and even His Majesty said so. He said that it has been the right thing to appoint Ms Glinda as our children's tutor, since you have taught our children so much in just a day."

"This is what His Majesty said?"

While it was strange for a father to feel glad watching his daughters being spanked, I breathed a sigh of relief as I thought I would definitely be executed.

"So please don't say that you want to leave Eren. A teacher like Glinda who wouldn't show partiality to royalty is the one we need as the tutor to our children."

The Queen looked me in the eye seriously and said honestly.

"I would also work hard to take good care of Teacher."

"R-right, why does Your Majesty disguise as a maid?"

The Queen displayed a gentle look when she heard this.

"Because it is too difficult to bake and do housework when putting on a formal evening gown and it is easier to work when dressed like that."

"But, the Queen of a Kingdom doesn't usually have to do housework…"

When I remembered her rolling off the roof from sunning the blankets, and even getting lost while trying to clean the windows, confusion fell upon me.

Besides, was she really old enough to be the Mother of all those Princes and Princesses? She looked as if she was just sixteen or so. Prince Ryuuju was eleven this year… When did she first give birth? Was she really the Queen of this kingdom?

"That… I have heard that the Queen of Eren was praised as a G.o.ddess… Truly did not expect that to be Your Majesty..."

The Queen blushed red in an instant.

"Ara, that is just some random talk by everyone, I am certainly n.o.body remarkable. I get lost all the time, break the bowls, confuse flour with cement powder… it really isn't so. Uuoo, uooo… Sorry to disappoint Teacher."

Seeing her apologising with clouded eyes, I replied befuddled.

"No, I am not disappointed. In fact, I like Her Majesty who dresses as a maid, as it feels more approachable."

My face turned red as I said this.

Her Majesty rubbed tears off the corners of her eyes and smiled happily.

"Thank you, Teacher Glinda."

It was a smile that skewered though my heart.

I truly liked the You who was a maid.

But these words could no longer be uttered.

At this, Princess Suzuna who was being cradled in Her Majesty's chest smiled adorably.

Slowly, like the fragrance dispersed by flowers, a bright smile bloomed…

A tiny hand reached towards me.

"Hoho, She must be trying to greet Teacher."

I cautiously reached out a finger too to touch her smooth white skin.

Nervously holding the tiny fingers, I muttered while mesmerized.

"… How soft."

A pair of red tea-like coloured amber round eyes gawked at me.

The Queen said while smiling.

"That's because she has nothing. Her body and soul is as soft as pure white dough."

She said in an elegant and touching voice.

"Small babies are lovable existences. When showered with love by everyone around them, pure hearts also fill up gradually, slowly growing… until they become existences that can offer love to others."

I gently shook Princess Suzuna's white hand and she laughed happily. Her Majesty beheld all this as a warm smile floated onto her lips.

"I wish that even as this child grows into adulthood, her spirit would be strong enough to not just only accept love, but to retain her innocence from birth. That's why she is named Suzuna ("seven bells"). This is the name that Teacher Glinda inspired me to name her."

"Eh?"

I was stunned by the Queen's soft words and dropped eyes.

"Hasn't Teacher said that she likes the tambourine?"

"That's because I am so dumb that I can only shake the tambourine."

Her Majesty shook her head at my blus.h.i.+ng face and said.

"Does Teacher know what the meaning behind each of the seven bells on the tambourine?"

"Errr… The first is love, the second is courage, the third is dream… The fourth is… eh…"

"The fourth is hope, the fifth is promise, the sixth is peace, and the last one, is truth."

The Queen finished as if singing a song.

Then she continued in a firm but gentle voice.

"Every one of these precepts is very important, but through the process of growing up, it becomes difficult to remain in love and to have dreams. It is easy to just say "love" honestly while young, but as you grow older, it becomes more difficult, right? So it is not that the tambourine is so trivial that only children can play. Rather, it is only the children that can bring out the lovely music from tambourines."

Princess Suzuna continued to laugh in the Queen's chest in a voice both innocent and heart-warming like the clear sounds of bells.

"Suzuna means "Seven bells" in my home-town. I hope that she could safeguard the meaning of the seven bells in her heart and continue to produce lovely songs forever. This is the first blessing that His Majesty and I bestow upon this child."

Hoho, this was a really good name.

I thought so too.

Laughter that sounded like bells was so befitting of this little Princess.

Just then, Princess Suzuna appeared somewhat uncomfortable.

"Ara? What is it? I have already changed her diapers and fed her too."

The Queen gently cradled the baby Princess.

"Why not sing her a song?"

I said carelessly.

"Yes, when I knocked my head against the bathtub earlier, Your Majesty sang for me too, so please let me hear it again."

I so wanted to listen to the song again now.

The Queen became as embarra.s.sed as a young girl.

"That is a lullaby of Eren."

"Isn't it just the right thing for this moment then?"

"There's a point there…"

Then, while she gently cradled Princess Suzuna, she started to sing.

"The Dragon watcheth over Seven doors;

Door of Water from which birth springeth,

Door of Light bearing G.o.d's name,

Door of Earth which all-encompa.s.seth,

Door of Fire that burneth away the soul,

Door of Flowers which confesseth love,

Door of the Night which summoneth beginning and the end.

Every Door is guardeth by the Dragon.

So sleep well, my lovely child"

What a chaste, soothing sound.

When I first listened to this song, why had I not noticed that she was the Queen?

Everyone knew that the Queen of Eren was a famed singer known as the G.o.ddess of Prayer.

Until a mere ten years ago, this kingdom was still until a state of isolation, and no black-hailed people lived here.

The one who opened the kingdom up to the outside world was the previous king's younger brother of a different mother - that was King Cecello of now. And for Him who became known as the Sky Drake, a black-haired foreign lady stood at his side.

This raven-haired young girl appeared all of a sudden one day from a faraway country, and she was an extremely good singer, who touched the mult.i.tudes into opening the gardens of their hearts with her prayer-like gentle songs.

Like this, the 'Isolated Kingdom' Eren opened her doors, and the Wise King Cecello was born.

 After that, the young girl became the King's wife, and Mother of his children, and even today was companion of the Sky Drake, living happy lives together.

It was a story as beautiful as the fables of old.

But, listening to this wondrously beautiful melody, any fable could become believable.

All unrest, anger and anxiety melted into the warm notes and disappeared.

"The Dragon watcheth over Seven doors;

May the Blue Sky s.h.i.+neth bright,

May the Deep Sea sleepth at peace,

May the Earth be covered in flowers,

May the Hearts of Children be filled with hope eternal,

So sleep well, my lovely child"

Princess Suzuna closed her eyes and let out steady breathes.

The weeping faces of Princesses Sarasa and Orie peeked from behind the door. The two little fox cubs which had pranked on me earlier now listened attentively to the lovely song.

Prince Ryuuju, Princess Seira, and even the young Prince s.h.i.+n were there as well.

The pouting heir-to-the-throne, cold-eyed eldest princess, the second prince who could only be said to be quiet or dull, every one of these children had innocent expressions, drowned in the spellbinding song and aura.

Each child listened as if hypnotised with a face of joy.

Them aside, I who was granted this opportunity to listen to the songs of a legendary singer at such close distance could only feel peace and delight.

Tomorrow might be another day of hards.h.i.+p; mayhap I would make another mistake and wish to hide into the closet again.

But it might not be so bad to stay for a while longer.

Right, it probably would not be too before Helmut brought Glinda back.

In this lovely evening after the earlier turbulence, I laid myself down to rest on the soft bed, my ears still hearing the songs of the G.o.ddess of Prayers.

"Uww! What a bright morning!"

The next day, I stuffed myself into the corset, dressed up and tidied my bed-hair.

Today was the first day of cla.s.s.

Despite the discomfort in my heart, I must do what I could.

Just as I walked optimistically along the corridor…

"… Teacher."

A monotonous voice halted me from around the corner.

Holding the thick old tome closely to her chest, Princess Seira looked at me with her cold amethyst eyes.

"G-good morning, what is it?"

I was bad at dealing with this child.

The lovely 9 year old Princess asked me who was trying to lift both corners of my lips.

 "Why is Teacher cross-dressing?"