Angela's Ashes: A Memoir Part 2

28.When he sings he marches around the table, Mam cries and the twins howl with her. She says, Go out, Frankie, go out, Malachy.You shouldnat see your father like this. Stay in the playground.

We donat mind going to the playground.We can play with the leaves piling up on the ground and we can push each other on the swings but then winter comes to Cla.s.son Avenue and the swings are frozen and wonat even move. Minnie MacAdorey says, G.o.d help these poor wee boys. They donat have a glove between them. That makes me laugh because I know Malachy and I have four hands between us and one glove would be silly.Malachy doesnat know what Iam laughing at: He wonat know anything till heas four going on five.

Minnie brings us in and gives us tea and porridge with jam in it.

Mr. MacAdorey sits in an armchair with their new baby, Maisie. He holds her bottle and sings, Clap hands, clap hands, Till Daddy comes home, With buns in his pocket For Maisie alone.

Clap hands, clap hands, Till Daddy comes home, For Daddy has money And Mammy has none.

Malachy tries to sing that song but I tell him stop, itas Maisieas song.

He starts to cry and Minnie says,There, there.You can sing the song.

Thatas a song for all the children. Mr. MacAdorey smiles at Malachy and I wonder what kind of world is it where anyone can sing anyone elseas song.

Minnie says, Donat frown, Frankie. It makes your face dark and G.o.d knows itas dark enough. Some day youall have a little sister and you can sing that song to her. Och, aye.Youall have a little sister, surely.

Minnie is right and Mam gets her wish.Thereas a new baby soon, a little girl, and they call her Margaret.We all love Margaret. She has black curly hair and blue eyes like Mam and she waves her little hands and chirps like any little bird in the trees along Cla.s.son Avenue. Minnie says there was a holiday in heaven the day this child was made. Mrs.

29.Leibowitz says the world never saw such eyes, such a smile, such happiness.

She makes me dance, says Mrs. Leibowitz.

When Dad comes home from looking for a job he holds Margaret and sings to her: In a shady nook one moonlit night A leprechaun I spied.

With scarlet cap and coat of green A cruiskeen by his side.

aTwas tick tock tick his hammer went Upon a tiny shoe.

Oh, I laugh to think he was caught at last, But the fairy was laughing, too.

He walks around the kitchen with her and talks to her.He tells her how lovely she is with her curly black hair and the blue eyes of her mother.He tells her heall take her to Ireland and theyall walk the Glens of Antrim and swim in Lough Neagh. Heall get a job soon, so he will, and sheall have dresses of silk and shoes with silver buckles.

The more Dad sings to Margaret the less she cries and as the days pa.s.s she even begins to laugh. Mam says, Look at him trying to dance with that child in his arms, him with his two left feet. She laughs and we all laugh.

The twins cried when they were small and Dad and Mam would say Whisht and Hush and feed them and theyad go back to sleep. But when Margaret cries thereas a high lonely feeling in the air and Dad is out of bed in a second, holding her to him, doing a slow dance around the table, singing to her, making sounds like a mother.When he pa.s.ses the window where the streetlight s.h.i.+nes in you can see tears on his cheeks and thatas strange because he never cries for anyone unless he has the drink taken and he sings the Kevin Barry song and the Roddy McCorley song. Now he cries over Margaret and he has no smell of drink on him.

Mam tells Minnie MacAdorey, Heas in heaven over that child. He hasnat touched a drop since she was born. I shouldave had a little girl a long time ago.

Och, theyare lovely, arenat they? says Minnie. The little boys are grand, too, but you need a little girl for yourself.

30.My mother laughs, For myself? Lord above, if I didnat nurse her I wouldnat be able to get near her the way he wants to be holding her day and night.

Minnie says itas lovely, all the same, to see a man so charmed with his little girl for isnat everyone charmed with her?

Everyone.

The twins are able to stand and walk and they have accidents all the time.Their bottoms are sore because theyare always wet and s.h.i.+tty.They put dirty things in their mouths, bits of paper, feathers, shoelaces, and they get sick.Mam says weare all driving her crazy. She dresses the twins, puts them in the pram, and Malachy and I take them to the playground.

The cold weather is gone and the trees have green leaves up and down Cla.s.son Avenue.

We race the pram around the playground and the twins laugh and make goo-goo sounds till they get hungry and start to cry. There are two bottles in the pram filled with water and sugar and that keeps them quiet for awhile till theyare hungry again and they cry so hard I donat know what to do because theyare so small and I wish I could give them all kinds of food so that theyad laugh and make the baby sounds.They love the mushy food Mam makes in a pot, bread mashed up in milk and water and sugar. Mam calls it bread and goody.

If I take the twins home now Mam will yell at me for giving her no rest or for waking Margaret.We are to stay in the playground till she sticks her head out the window and calls for us. I make funny faces for the twins to stop their crying. I put a piece of paper on my head and let it fall and they laugh and laugh. I push the pram over to Malachy playing on the swings with Freddie Leibowitz. Malachy is trying to tell Freddie all about the way Setanta became Cuchulain. I tell him stop telling that story, itas my story. He wonat stop. I push him and he cries, Waah,waah, Iall tell Mam. Freddie pushes me and everything turns dark in my head and I run at him with fists and knees and feet till he yells, Hey, stop, stop, and I wonat because I canat, I donat know how, and if I stop Malachy will go on taking my story from me. Freddie pushes me away and runs off, yelling, Frankie tried to kill me. Frankie tried to kill me. I donat know what to do because I never tried to kill anyone before and now Malachy, on the swing, cries, Donat kill me, Frankie, and he 31.looks so helpless I put my arms around him and help him off the swing.

He hugs me. I wonat tell your story anymore. I wonat tell Freddie about Coo, Coo. I want to laugh but I canat because the twins are crying in the pram and itas dark in the playground and whatas the use of trying to make funny faces and letting things fall off your head when they canat see you in the dark?

The Italian grocery shop is across the street and I see bananas, apples, oranges. I know the twins can eat bananas. Malachy loves bananas and I like them myself. But you need money, Italians are not known for giving away bananas especially to the McCourts who owe them money already for groceries.

My mother tells me all the time,Never, never leave that playground except to come home. But what am I to do with the twins bawling with the hunger in the pram? I tell Malachy Iall be back in a minute. I make sure no one is looking, grab a bunch of bananas outside the Italian grocery shop and run down Myrtle Avenue, away from the playground, around the block and back to the other end where thereas a hole in the fence.We push the pram to a dark corner and peel the bananas for the twins.There are five bananas in the bunch and we feast on them in the dark corner. The twins s...o...b..r and chew and spread banana over their faces, their hair, their clothes. I realize then that questions will be asked.Mam will want to know why the twins are smothered in bananas, where did you get them? I canat tell her about the Italian shop on the corner. I will have to say, A man.

Thatas what Iall say.A man.

Then the strange thing happens. Thereas a man at the gate of the playground. Heas calling me. Oh, G.o.d, itas the Italian. Hey, sonny, come aere.Hey, talkina to ya. Come aere.

I go to him.

You the kid wid the little bruddas, right? Twins?

Yes, sir.

Heah. Gotta bag oa fruit. I dona give it to you I trow id out. Right?

So, heah, take the bag.Ya got apples, oranges, bananas.Ya like bananas, right? I think ya like bananas, eh? Ha, ha. I know ya like the bananas.

Heah, take the bag.Ya gotta nice mother there.Ya father? Well, ya know, heas got the problem, the Irish thing. Give them twins a banana. Shud aem up. I hear aem all the way cross the street.

Thank you, sir.

32.Jeez. Polite kid, eh? Where ja loin dat?

My father told me to say thanks, sir.

Your father? Oh,well.

Dad sits at the table reading the paper. He says that President Roosevelt is a good man and everyone in America will soon have a job. Mam is on the other side of the table feeding Margaret with a bottle. She has the hard look that frightens me.

Where did you get that fruit?

The man.

What man?

The Italian man gave it to me.

Did you steal that fruit?

Malachy says,The man.The man gave Frankie the bag.

And what did you do to Freddie Leibowitz? His mother was here.

Lovely woman. I donat know what wead do without her and Minnie MacAdorey.And you had to attack poor Freddie.

Malachy jumps up and down. He dinat. He dinat. Dinat try to kill Freddie.Dinat try to kill me.

Dad says,Whisht, Malachy, whisht. Come over here. And he takes Malachy on his lap.

My mother says,Go down the hall and tell Freddie youare sorry.

But Dad says, Do you want to tell Freddie youare sorry?

I donat.

My parents look at one another. Dad says, Freddie is a good boy.He was only pus.h.i.+ng your little brother on the swing. Isnat that right?

He was trying to steal my Cuchulain story.

Och, now. Freddie doesnat care about the Cuchulain story. He has his own story. Hundreds of stories. Heas Jewish.

Whatas Jewish?

Dad laughs. Jewish is, Jewish is people with their own stories.They donat need Cuchulain.They have Moses.They have Samson.

Whatas Samson?

If you go down and talk to Freddie Iall tell you about Samson later.

You can tell Freddie youare sorry and youall never do it again and you can even ask him about Samson.Anything you like as long as you talk to Freddie.Will you?

33.The baby gives a little cry in my motheras arms and Dad jumps up, dropping Malachy to the floor. Is she all right? My mother says, Of course sheas all right. Sheas feeding. G.o.d above, youare a bundle of nerves.

Theyare talking about Margaret now and Iam forgotten. I donat care. Iam going down the hall to ask Freddie about Samson, to see if Samson is as good as Cuchulain, to see if Freddie has his own story or if he still wants to steal Cuchulain. Malachy wants to go with me now that my father is standing and doesnat have a lap anymore.

Mrs. Leibowitz says, Oh, Frankie, Frankie, come in, come in. And little Malachy. And tell me, Frankie, what did you do to Freddie? Tried to kill him? Freddie is a good boy,Frankie.Reads his book.Listens to radio with his papa. He swinks you brother on swink.And you try to kill him.

Oh, Frankie, Frankie.And you poor mother and her sick baby.

Sheas not sick,Mrs. Leibowitz.

Sick she is. Zat is one sick baby. I know from sick babies. I work in hoztipal. Donat tell me, Frankie. Come in, come in. Freddie, Freddie, Frankie is here. Come out. Frankie wonat kill you no more.You and little Malachy. Nice Chewish name, have piece cake, eh? Why they give you a Chewish name, eh? So, gla.s.s milk, piece cake.You boys so thin, Irish donat eat.

We sit at the table with Freddie, eating cake, drinking milk.Mr.Leibowitz sits in an armchair reading the paper, listening to the radio.

Sometimes he speaks to Mrs. Leibowitz and I donat understand because strange sounds come from his mouth. Freddie understands.When Mr.

Leibowitz makes the strange sounds Freddie gets up and takes him a piece of cake. Mr. Leibowitz smiles at Freddie and pats his head and Freddie smiles back and makes the strange sounds.

Mrs. Leibowitz shakes her head at Malachy and me.Oy, so thin. She says Oy so much Malachy laughs and says Oy and the Leibowitzes laugh and Mr. Leibowitz says words we can understand,When Irish oyes are smiling. Mrs. Leibowitz laughs so hard her body shakes and she holds her stomach and Malachy says Oy again because he knows that makes everyone laugh. I say Oy but no one laughs and I know Oy belongs to Malachy the way Cuchulain belongs to me and Malachy can have his Oy.

Mrs. Leibowitz,my father said Freddie has a favorite story.

34.Malachy says, Sam, Sam, Oy. Everyone laughs again but I donat because I canat remember what comes after Sam. Freddie mumbles through his cake, Samson, and Mrs. Leibowitz tells him, Donat talk wiz you mouse full, and I laugh because sheas grown-up and she says mouse instead of mouth. Malachy laughs because I laugh and the Leibowitzes look at each other and smile. Freddie says, Not Samson. My favorite story is David and the giant, Goliath. David killed him dead with a slingshot, a stone in his head. His brains was on the ground.

Were on the ground, says Mr. Leibowitz.

Yes, Papa.

Papa.Thatas what Freddie calls his father and Dad is what I call my father.

My motheras whisper wakes me.Whatas up with the child? Itas still early and there isnat much morning in the room but you can see Dad over by the window with Margaret in his arms. Heas rocking her and sighing, Och.

Mam says, Is she, is she sick?

Och, sheas very quiet and sheas a wee bit cold.

My mother is out of the bed, taking the child. Go for the doctor.

Go for G.o.das sake, and my father is pulling on his trousers over his s.h.i.+rt, no jacket, shoes, no socks on this bitter day.

We wait in the room, the twins asleep at the bottom of the bed, Malachy stirring beside me. Frankie, I want a drink of water.Mam rocks in her bed with the baby in her arms. Oh, Margaret, Margaret,my own little love. Open your lovely blue eyes,my little leanv.

I fill a cup of water for Malachy and me and my mother wails,Water for you and your brother. Oh, indeed,Water, is it? And nothing for your sister.Your poor little sister.Did you ask if she had a mouth in her head?

Did you ask if shead like a drop of water? Oh, no.Go on and drink your water, you and your brother, as if nothing happened. A regular day for the two of you, isnat it? And the twins sleeping away as if they didnat have a care and their poor little sister sick here in my arms. Sick in my arms. Oh, sweet Jesus in heaven.

Why is she talking like this? Sheas not talking like my mother today.

I want my father.Where is my father?

I get back into bed and start to cry.Malachy says,Why you cry? Why you cry? till Mam is at me again.Your sister is sick in my arms and youare 35.there whining and whinging. If I go over to that bed Iall give you something to whinge about.

Dad is back with the doctor. Dad has the whiskey smell.The doctor examines the baby, prods her, raises her eyelids, feels her neck, arms, legs. He straightens up and shakes his head. Sheas gone.Mam reaches for the baby, hugs her, turns to the wall. The doctor wants to know,Was there any kind of accident? Did anyone drop the baby? Did the boys play too hard with her? Anything?

My father shakes his head. Doctor says heall have to take her to examine her and Dad signs a paper. My mother begs for another few minutes with her baby but the doctor says he doesnat have all day.

When Dad reaches for Margaret my mother pulls away against the wall. She has the wild look, her black curly hair is damp on her forehead and there is sweat all over her face, her eyes are wide open and her face is s.h.i.+ny with tears, she keeps shaking her head and moaning, Ah, no, ah, no, till Dad eases the baby from her arms.The doctor wraps Margaret completely in a blanket and my mother cries, Oh, Jesus, youall smother her. Jesus, Mary and Joseph, help me.

The doctor leaves. My mother turns to the wall and doesnat make a move or sound. The twins are awake, crying with the hunger, but Dad stands in the middle of the room, staring at the ceiling. His face is white and he beats on his thighs with his fists. He comes to the bed, puts his hand on my head. His hand is shaking. Francis, Iam going out for cigarettes.

Mam stays in the bed all day, hardly moving. Malachy and I fill the twinsa bottles with water and sugar. In the kitchen we find a half loaf of stale bread and two cold sausages.We canat have tea because the milk is sour in the icebox where the ice is melted again and everyone knows you canat drink tea without milk unless your father gives it to you out of his mug while heas telling you about Cuchulain.

The twins are hungry again but I know I canat give them water and sugar all day and night. I boil sour milk in a pot, mash in some of the stale bread, and try to feed them from a cup, bread and goody.They make faces and run to Mamas bed, crying. She keeps her face to the wall and they run back to me, still crying. They wonat eat the bread and goody till I kill the taste of the sour milk with sugar.Now they eat and smile and rub the goody over their faces. Malachy wants some and if he can eat it, so can I.We all sit on the floor eating the goody and chew- 36.ing on the cold sausage and drinking water my mother keeps in a milk bottle in the icebox.

After we eat and drink we have to go to the lavatory down the hall but we canat get in because Mrs. Leibowitz is inside, humming and singing. She says,Wait, chiltren, wait, darlinks.Wonat be two seconds.

Malachy claps his hands and dances around, singing,Wait, chiltren,wait, darlinks. Mrs. Leibowitz opens the lavatory door. Look at him. Little actor awready. So, chiltren, howas you mother?

Sheas in bed, Mrs. Leibowitz. The doctor took Margaret and my father went for cigarettes.