Hetty Gray Part 20

"I will try and do it, Miss Davis. But may I write a letter in my own way?"

"Certainly, my dear. I am glad to find you so willing to acknowledge yourself in fault."

Left alone to perform her task Hetty opened her desk and sat biting her pen. At last she wrote:

"Dear Phyllis,--I am very sorry I said so rudely that you did not tell the truth. But oh, why did you not tell it, and then there need not have been any trouble?

"HETTY."

Hetty brought this note herself into the school-room, and in presence of Miss Davis handed it to Phyllis.

"Do you call that an apology?" said Phyllis, handing the note to Miss Davis.

"I don't think you have made things any better, Hetty," said Miss Davis.

"I said what I could, Miss Davis. Phyllis ought to apologize to me now."

Phyllis gave her a look of cold surprise, and took up a book.

"Pray, Miss Davis, do not mind," said she over the edges of her book. "I expect nothing but insolence from Hetty Gray. Mother little knew what she was providing for us when she brought her here."

Hetty turned wildly to the governess. "Miss Davis," she cried, "can I not go away somewhere, away from here? Is there not some place in the world where they would give a girl like me work to do? How can I go on living here, to be treated as Phyllis treats me?"

Miss Davis took her by the hand and led her out of the room and upstairs to her own chamber. Having closed the door she sat down and talked to her.

"Hetty," she said, "when you give way to your pride in pa.s.sions like this you forget things. You asked me just now, is there any place where people would give work to a girl like you to do? I don't think there is--no place such as you could go to."

"I would go anywhere," moaned Hetty.

"Anywhere is nowhere," said Miss Davis. "Just look round you and see all that is given to you in this house. There is your comfortable bed to sleep in, you have your meals when you are hungry, you have good clothing, you have a warm fireside to sit at, you have the protection of an honourable home. Yet you would fling away all these advantages because of a few wounds to your pride. Phyllis is trying, I admit--I have to suffer from her at times myself--but you and I must bear with something for the sake of what we receive."

Hetty raised her eyes and looked at Miss Davis's worn face and the line of pain that had come out sharply across her brow, and forgot herself for the moment, thinking of the governess's patient life.

"But, Miss Davis, _you_ need not suffer from Phyllis; you are not like me. Any people would be glad to get you, who are so clever and so good.

You could complain of her to her mother, and if she did not get better you could go away."

"Should I be any more safe from annoyance in another family? Hetty, my dear, there are always thorns in the path of those who are poor and dependent on others, and our wisest course is to make the best of things. I might say to you, _you_ have no one to think of but yourself.

For me, I have a mother to support, and I have to think of my dear young brother, who is not too wise for his own interests, and whose prospects are at the mercy of a rather capricious old uncle."

"Oh that I had a mother and a brother to work for!" cried Hetty pa.s.sionately.

"Perhaps that would teach you wisdom, my dear. However, profit by my experience and be cheered up. Take no notice if Phyllis is unkind. It is better to be here, even with her unkindness, than straying about the world alone, meeting with such misfortunes as you never dreamed of."

After Miss Davis had left her, Hetty sat a long time pondering over that lady's words. It seemed to her that the governess, good and patient as she was, had no motive for her conduct high enough to carry her through the trials of her life. It was certainly an excellent thing to be prudent for the sake of her mother and brother; to bear with present evils for fear of worse evils that might come. But yet--but yet, was there not a higher motive than all this for learning to be meek and humble of heart? Looking into her own proud and stubborn nature, the little girl a.s.sured herself that Miss Davis's motives would never be in themselves enough for her, Hetty--never sufficiently strong to crush the rebellion of self in her stormy young soul. Instinctively her thoughts flew to Mrs. Kane, and seizing her hat and cloak she flew out of the house, and away down the road to the labourer's cottage.

Fortunately it was a good hour for her visit. John had gone out after his dinner. The cottage kitchen was tidied up, the fire s.h.i.+ning, the two old straw arm-chairs drawn up by the hearth. Mrs. Kane was just s.c.r.e.w.i.n.g up her eyes, trying to thread a needle, when Hetty dashed in and flung her arms around her neck.

"Oh, Mrs. Kane, the pride has got so bad again; and I have been quarrelling with Phyllis and wanting to run away."

"Run away!" said Mrs. Kane; "oh, no, dearie, never run away from your post."

"What is my post?" said Hetty weeping; "I have no post. I am only a charity girl and in everybody's way. Phyllis hints it to me in every way she can, even when she does not say it outright. Oh, how can I have patience to grow up? Why does it take so long to get old?"

Mrs. Kane sighed. "It doesn't take long to grow old, dear, once you are fairly in the tracks of the years. But it does take a while to grow up.

And you must have patience, Hetty. There's nothing else for it but the patience and meekness of G.o.d."

Hetty drew a long breath. All that was spiritual within her hung now on Mrs. Kane's words. The patience of G.o.d was such a different thing from the prudence of this world. That was the difference between Miss Davis and Mrs. Kane.

"There was something beautiful you said one day," said Hetty in a whisper; "say it again. It was, 'Learn of me--'"

"Learn of me; for I am meek and lowly of heart," said Mrs. Kane. "That is the word you want, my darling, and it was said for such as you."

Hetty's tears fell fast, but they were no longer angry tears. She was crying now with longing to be good.

"There was something else," she said presently, when she could find her voice; "something that was spoken for me too."

"Blessed are the poor in spirit; for theirs is the kingdom of heaven,"

said Mrs. Kane, stroking her head. And then Hetty cried more wildly, thinking with remorse of her own pride.

"If He is for you, my dear, you needn't care who is against you,"

continued Mrs. Kane; "take that into your heart and keep it there."

After that they had a long talk about all Hetty's difficulties, and when at last the little girl left the cottage, it was with a lighter step than had brought her there. When she walked into the school-room just in time for tea the signs of woe were gone from her countenance, and she looked even brighter than usual. Without giving herself time to think, or to observe the looks of those in the room, she went straight up to Phyllis and said cheerfully:

"Phyllis, I am sorry I gave you offence. I hope you will forget it and be friends with me"; and then she took her seat at the table as if nothing had happened.

Miss Davis, who had been rather dreading her appearance, fearing a renewal of the quarrel, looked up at her and actually coloured all over her faded face with pleasure and surprise. Hetty had really taken her lessons to heart, and was going to be a wise and prudent girl after all.

She little thought that a far higher spirit actuated the girl than had at all entered into her teachings.

Phyllis glanced round with a triumphant air as if saying, "Now I am indeed proved in the right. She herself has acknowledged it!" and then she said gently:

"I accept your apology, Hetty, and I will not say anything of the matter to my mother."

"Is not Phyllis good," whispered Nell afterwards, "not to tell mamma?

Because you know, you were very naughty to her, Hetty, and she is papa's daughter and the eldest."

Nell's friendly speeches were sometimes hard to bear, as well as Phyllis's unfriendly ones. Hetty would have been glad if the whole affair could have been laid before Mrs. Enderby, and saw no reason to congratulate herself on Phyllis's silence to her mother as to the quarrel and its cause. But the others judged differently. Miss Davis was pleased that by her own tact she had been able to arrange matters without calling in the aid of Mrs. Enderby, who, she was aware, liked a governess to have judgment and decision sufficient to keep the mistress of the house out of school-room squabbles. Nell was delighted that there was to be no more "fuss." Phyllis above all was pleased, for now she felt no more necessity for questioning her own motives and conduct, no more danger of being told by her mother that Hetty had in the beginning been in the right, while she, by opposing her, had brought on the wrong which had followed.

Falling back upon her own doctrine, that she must be right because her judgment told her so, Phyllis was coldly amiable to Hetty for the rest of the evening; while Hetty, having made her act of humility, rather suffered from a reaction of feeling, and had to struggle hard to keep the moral vantage-ground she had gained.

CHAPTER XVI.

A TRIAL OF PATIENCE.