Nature and Human Nature Part 29

"'Masters, I preaches under protest, against owners and s.h.i.+p for bandonment; but if I must put to sea, and dis n.i.g.g.ar don't know how to steer by lunar compa.s.s, here goes.' Sais I, 'My dear bredren,' and dey all called out:

"'You farnal n.i.g.g.ar you! do you call us bredren, when you is as black as de debbil's hind leg?'

"'I beg your most ma.s.siful pardon,' sais I, 'but as you is ablutionists, and when you preach, calls us regraded n.i.g.g.ars your coloured bredren, I tought I might venture to foller in de same suit, if I had a card ob same colour.'

"'Well done, Uncle Tom,' sais they. 'Well done, Zip c.o.o.n,' and dey made me swallow anoder gla.s.s ob naked truth. Dis here child has a trong head, Ma.s.sa, dat are a fac. He stand so much sun, he ain't easy combustioned in his entails.

"'Go on,' sais they.

"Well, my bredren," sais I, "I will dilate to you the valy of a n.i.g.g.ar, as put in one scale and white man in de oder. Now, bredren, you know a sparrer can't fall to de ground no how he can fix it, but de Lord knows it--in course ob argument you do. Well, you knows twelve sparrers sell in de market for one penny. In course ob respondence you do. How much more den does de Lord care for a n.i.g.g.ar like me, who is worth six hundred dollars and fifty cents, at de least? So, gentlemen, I is done, and now please, my bredren, I will pa.s.s round de hat wid your recurrence.'

"Well, dey was pretty high, and dey behaved like gentlemen, I must submit dat; dey gub me four dollars, dey did--dey is great friends to n.i.g.g.ar, and great manc.i.p.ationists, all ob dem; and I would hab got two dollars more, I do raily conclude, if I hadn't a called 'em my bredren. Dat was a slip ob de lockjaw."

"I must inquire into this," said Cutler, "it's the most indecent thing I ever beard of. It is downright profanity; it is shocking."

"Very," said I, "but the sermon warn't a bad one; I never heerd a n.i.g.g.ar reason before; I knew they could talk, and so can Lord Tandemberry; but as for reasoning, I never heerd either one or the other attempt it before. There is an approach to logic in that."

"There is a very good hit at the hypocrisy of abolitionists in it,"

said the doctor; "that appeal about my bredren is capital, and the pa.s.sing round of the hat is quite evangelical."

"Oigh," said Peter, "she have crossed the great sea and the great prairies, and she haven't heerd many sarmons, for Sunday don't come but once a month there, but dat is the pest she ever heerd, it is so short."

"Slick," said Cutler, "I am astonished at you. Give way there, my men; ease the bow oar."

"Exactly," sais I, "Cutler--give way there, my man; ease the bow oar--that's my maxim too--how the devil can you learn if you don't hear?" sais I.

"How can you learn good," said he, "if you listen to evil?"

"Let's split the difference," said I, laughing, "as I say in swapping; let's split the difference. If you don't study mankind how can you know the world at all? But if you want to preach--"

"Come, behave yourself," said he, laughing; "lower down the man ropes there."

"To help up the women," said I.

"Slick," said he, "it's no use talking; you are incorrigible."

The breakfast was like other breakfasts of the same kind; and, as the wind was fair, we could not venture to offer any amus.e.m.e.nts to our guests. So in due time we parted, the doctor alone, of the whole party, remaining on board. Cutler made the first move by ascending the companion-ladder, and I shook hands with Peter as a hint for him to follow. Jessie, her sister, Ovey, and I, remained a few minutes longer in the cabin. The former was much agitated.

"Good bye," said she, "Mr Slick! Next to him," pointing to the Bachelor Beaver, "you have been the kindest and best friend I ever had. You have made me feel what it is to be happy;" and woman-like, to prove her happiness, burst out a crying, and threw her arms round my neck and kissed me. "Oh! Mr Slick! do we part for ever?"

"For ever!" sais I, trying to cheer her up; "for ever is a most thundering long word. No, not for ever, nor for long either. I expect you and the doctor will come and visit us to Slickville this fall;"

and I laid an emphasis on that word "us," because it referred to what I had told her of Sophy.

"Oh!" said she, "how kind that is!"

"Well," sais I, "now I will do a kinder thing. Jane and I will go on deck, and leave you and the doctor to bid each other good-bye." As I reached the door, I turned and said: "Jessie, teach him Gaelic the way Flora taught me--do bhileau boidheach (with your pretty lips)."

As the boat drew alongside, Peter bid me again a most affectionate, if not a most complimentary farewell.

"She has never seen many Yankees herself," said Peter, "but prayin'

Joe, the horse-stealer--tarn him--and a few New England pedlars, who asked three hundred per shent for their coots, but Mr Slick is a shentleman, every inch of him, and the pest of them she ever saw, and she will pe glad to see her again whenever she comes this way."

When they were all seated in the boat, Peter played a doleful ditty, which I have no doubt expressed the grief of his heart. But I am sorry to say it was not much appreciated on board of the "Black Hawk." By the time they reached the sh.o.r.e, the anchor was up, the sails trimmed, and we were fairly out of s.h.i.+p Harbour.

CHAPTER XIII.

A FOGGY NIGHT.

The wind, what there was of it, was off sh.o.r.e; it was a light north-wester, but after we made an offing of about ten miles, it failed us, being evidently nothing but a land breeze, and we were soon becalmed. After tossing about for an hour or two, a light cat's-paw gave notice that a fresh one was springing up, but it was from the east, and directly ahead.

"We shall make poor work of this," said the pilot, "and I am afraid it will bring up a fog with it, which is a dangerous thing on this coast, I would advise therefore returning to s.h.i.+p Harbour," but the captain said, "Business must be attended to, and as there was nothing more of the kind to be done there, we must only have patience and beat up for Port Lis...o...b.. which is a great resort for fishermen." I proposed we should take the wind as we found it, and run for Chesencook, a French settlement, a short distance to the westward of us, and effect our object there, which I thought very probable, as no American vessels put in there if they can avoid it. This proposition met the approval of all parties, so we put the "Black Hawk" before the wind, and by sunset were safely and securely anch.o.r.ed. The sails were scarcely furled before the fog set in, or rather rose up, for it seemed not so much to come from the sea as to ascend from it, as steam rises from heated water.

It seemed the work of magic, its appearance was so sudden. A moment before there was a glorious sunset, now we had impenetrable darkness.

We were enveloped as it were in a cloud, the more dense perhaps because its progress was arrested by the spruce hills, back of the village, and it had receded upon itself. The little French settlement (for the inhabitants were all descended from the ancient Acadians) was no longer discernible, and heavy drops of water fell from the rigging on the deck. The men put on their "sow-wester" hats and yellow oiled cotton jackets. Their hair looked grey, as if there had been sleet falling. There was a great change in the temperature--the weather appeared to have suddenly retrograded to April, not that it was so cold, but that it was raw and uncomfortable. We shut the companion-door to keep it from descending there, and paced the deck and discoursed upon this disagreeable vapour bath, its cause, its effects on the const.i.tution, and so on.

"It does not penetrate far into the country," said the doctor, "and is by no means unhealthy--as it is of a different character altogether from the land fog. As an ill.u.s.tration however of its density, and of the short distance it rises from the water, I will tell you a circ.u.mstance to which I was an eyewitness. I was on the citadel hill at Halifax once, and saw the points of the masts of a mail-steamer above the fog, as she was proceeding up the harbour, and I waited there to ascertain if she could possibly escape George's Island, which lay directly in her track, but which it was manifest her pilot could not discern from the deck. In a few moments she was stationary. All this I could plainly perceive, although the hull of the vessel was invisible. Some idea may be formed of the obscurity occasioned by the fog, from the absurd stories that were waggishly put abroad at the time of the accident. It was gravely a.s.serted that the first notice the sentinel had of her approach, was a poke in the side from her jibboom, which knocked him over into the moat and broke two of his ribs, and it was also maintained with equal truth that when she came to the wharf it was found she had brought away a small bra.s.s gun on her bowsprit, into which she had thrust it like the long trunk of an elephant."

"Well," sais I, "let Halifax alone for hoaxes. There are some droll coves in that place, that's a fact. Many a laugh have I had there, I tell you. But, Doctor," sais I, "just listen to the noises on sh.o.r.e here at Chesencook. It's a curious thing to hear the shout of the anxious mother to her vagrant boy to return, before night makes it too dark to find his way home, ain't it? and to listen to the noisy gambols of invisible children, the man in the cloud bawling to his ox, as if the fog had affected their hearing instead of their sight, the sharp ring of the axe at the wood pile, and the barking of the dogs as they defy or salute each other. One I fancy is a grumbling bark, as much as to say, 'No sleep for us, old boy, to-night, some of these coasters will be making love to our sheep as they did last week, if we don't keep a bright look out. If you hear a fellow speak English, pitch right into the heretic, and bite like a snapping turtle. I always do so in the dark, for they can't swear to you when they don't see you. If they don't give me my soup soon (how like a French dog that, ain't it?) I'll have a cod-fish for my supper to-night, off of old Jodry's flakes at the other end of the harbour, for our masters bark so loud they never bite, so let them accuse little Paul Longille of theft.' I wonder if dogs do talk, Doctor?" said I.

"There is no doubt of it," he replied. "I believe both animals and birds have some means of communicating to each other all that is necessary for them--I don't go further."

"Well, that's reasonable," sais I; "I go that figure, too, but not a cent higher. Now there is a n.i.g.g.e.r," sais I; and I would have given him a wink if I could, and made a jupe of my head towards Cutler, to show him I was a goin' to get the captain's dander up for fun; but what's the use of a wink in a fog? In the first place, it ain't easy to make one; your lids are so everlastin' heavy; and who the plague can see you if you do? and if he did notice it, he would only think you were tryin' to protect your peepers, that's all. Well, a wink is no better nor a nod to a blind horse; so I gave him a nudge instead.

"Now, there is the n.i.g.g.e.r, Doctor," sais I, "do you think he has a soul?1 It's a question I always wanted to ask Brother Eldad, for I never see him a dissectin' of a darky. If I had, I should have known; for nature has a place for everything, and everything in it's place."

1 This very singular and inconsequential rhodomontade of Mr Slick is one of those startling pieces of levity that a stranger often hears from a person of his cla.s.s in his travels on this side of the water.

The odd mixture of strong religious feeling and repulsive looseness of conversation on serious subjects, which may here and there be found in his Diary, naturally results from a free a.s.sociation with persons of all or no creeds. It is the most objectionable trait in his character--to reject it altogether would be to vary the portrait he has given us of himself--to admit it, lowers the estimate we might otherwise be disposed to form of him; but, as he has often observed, what is the use of a sketch if it be not faithful?

"Mr Slick," said Cutler.--he never called me Mr before, and it showed he was mad.--"do you doubt it?"

"No," sais I, "I don't; my only doubt is whether they have three?"

"What in the world do you mean?" said he.

"Well," sais I, "two souls we know they have--their great fat splaw feet show that, and as hard as jacka.s.ses' they are too; out the third is my difficulty; if they have a spiritual soul, where is it? We ain't jest satisfied about its locality in ourselves. Is it in the heart, or the brain, or where does it hang out? We know geese have souls, and we know where to find them."

"Oh, oh!" said Cutler.

"Cut off the legs and wings and breast of the goose," sais I, "and split him down lengthways, and right agin the back-bone is small cells, and there is the goose's soul, it's black meat, pretty much n.i.g.g.e.r colour. Oh, it's grand! It's the most delicate part of the bird. It's what I always ask for myself, when folks say, 'Mr Slick, what part shall I help you to--a slice of the breast, a wing, a side-bone, or the deacon's nose, or what?' Everybody laughs at that last word, especially if there is a deacon at table, for it sounds unctious, as he calls it, and he can excuse a joke on it. So he laughs himself, in token of approbation of the tid-bits being reserved for him. 'Give me the soul,' sais I; and this I will say, a most delicious thing it is, too. Now, don't groan, Cutler--keep that for the tooth-ache, or a campmeetin'; it's a waste of breath; for as we don't exactly know where our own souls reside, what harm is there to pursue such an interesting investigation as to our black brethren. My private opinion is, if a n.i.g.g.e.r has one, it is located in his heel."

"Oh, Mr Slick!" said he, "oh!" and he held up both hands.

"Well," sais I, "Cutler, just listen to reason now, just hear me; you have been all round the world, but never in it; now, I have been a great deal in it, but don't care for goin' round it. It don't pay. Did you ever see a n.i.g.g.e.r who had the gout? for they feed on the best, and drink of the best, when they are household servants down south, and often have the gout. If you have, did you ever hear one say, 'Get off my toes?' No, never, nor any other created critter. They always say, 'Get off my heel.' They are all like Lucy Long, 'when her foot was in the market-house, her heel was in Main-street.' It is the pride and boast of a darky. His head is as thick as a ram's, but his heel is very sensitive. Now, does the soul reside there? Did you ever study a dead n.i.g.g.e.r's heel, as we do a horse's frog. All the feeling of a horse is there. Wound that, and he never recovers; he is foundered--his heart is broke. Now, if a n.i.g.g.e.r has a soul, and it ain't in his gizzard, and can't in natur be in his skull, why, it stands to reason it must be in his heel."