Nature and Human Nature Part 20

Here the little woman made her appearance again, with the hat in her hand, and said imploringly:

"Tom, doee put your hat on, that's a good soul. He don't take no care of himself, Sir," she said, addressing herself to me. "He has seen a deal of service in his day, and has three bullets in him now, and he is as careless of hisself as if he didn't mind whether I was left alone in the oulin' wilderness or not. Oh, Sir, if you heard the wild beastesis here at night, it's dreadful. It's worse than the wolves in the Pyreen, in Spain. And then, Sir, all I can do, I can't get him to wear is at, when he knows in is eart he had a stroke of the sun near Badajoz, which knocked him off his orse, and see how it cut his face.

He was so andsome before, Sir."

"Betty," said the sergeant, "the doctor is calling you. Do go into the ouse, and don't bother the gentleman. Oh, Sir," said he, "I have had to tell a cap of lies about that are scar on my face, and that's ard, Sir, for a man who has a medal with five clasps; ain't it?"

Here the doctor came to tell me breakfast was ready.

"I was admiring, Doctor," said I, "this simple contrivance of yours for raising water from the well. It is very ingenious."

"Very," he said, "but I a.s.sure you it is no invention of mine. I have no turn that way. It is very common in the country."

I must describe this extraordinary looking affair, for though not unusual in America, I have never seen it in England, although the happy thought doubtless owes its origin to the inventive genius of its farmers.

The well had a curb, as it is called, a square wooden box open at the top, to prevent accident to the person drawing the water. A few paces from this was an upright post about twelve feet high, having a crotch at the top. A long beam lies across this, one end of which rests on the ground at a distance from the post, and the other projects into the air with its point over the well. This beam is secured in the middle of the crotch of the upright post by an iron bolt, on which it moves, as on an axle. To the aerial end is attached a few links of a chain, that hold a long pole to which the bucket is fastened, and hangs over the well. The beam and its pendent apparatus resembles a fis.h.i.+ng-rod and its line protruding over a stream. When a person wishes to draw water, he takes hold of the pole, and as he pulls it down, the bucket descends into the well, and the heavy end of the beam rises into the air, and when the pail is filled the weight of the b.u.t.t end of the beam in its descent raises the bucket.

"Now," said I, "Doctor, just observe how beautiful this thing is in operation. A woman (for they draw more nor half the water used in this country) has to put out all her strength, dragging down the pole, with her hands over her head (an att.i.tude and exercise greatly recommended by doctors to women), in order to get the bucket down into the well.

If she is in too big a hurry, the lever brings it up with a jerk that upsets it, and wets her all over, which is very refres.h.i.+ng in hot weather, and if a child or a dog happens to be under the heavy end of the beam, it smashes it to death, which after all ain't no great matter, for there are plenty left to them who have too many and don't care for 'em. And then if it ain't well looked after and the post gets rotten at the bottom, on a stormy day it's apt to fall and smash the roof of the house in, which is rather lucky, for most likely it wanted s.h.i.+ngling, and it is time it was done. Well, when the bucket swings about in the wind, if a gall misses catching it, it is apt to hit her in the mouth, which is a great matter, if she has the tooth-ache, for it will extract corn-crackers a plaguey sight quicker than a dentist could to save his soul."

"Well," said he, "I never thought of that before. I have no turn for these things, I'll have it removed, it is a most dangerous thing, and I wouldn't have an accident happen to the sergeant and dear old Betty for the world."

"G.o.d bless your Honour for that," said Jackson.

"But, Doctor," said I, "joking apart, they are very picturesque, ain't they, how well they look in a sketch, eh! nice feature in the foreground."

"Oh," said he, patting me on the back, "there you have me again, Slick. Oh, indeed they are, I can't part with my old well-pole, oh, no, not for the world: Jackson, have an eye to it, see that it is all safe and strong and that no accident happens, but I don't think we need take it away. Come, Slick, come to breakfast."

Thinks I to myself, as I proceeded to the hall, "there are two cla.s.ses only in this world. Those who have genius, and those who have common sense. They are like tailors, one can cut a coat and do nothin' else, for he is an artist. The other can put the parts together, for he is a workman only. Now the doctor is a man of talent and learning, an uncommon man, but he don't know common things at all. He can cut out a garment, but he can't st.i.tch a b.u.t.ton-hole."

CHAPTER IX.

THE PLURAL OF MOOSE.

The room in which we breakfasted was about eighteen feet square, having a large old-fas.h.i.+oned fire-place opposite to the front door, which opened directly on the lawn. The walls were fancifully ornamented with moose and deer horns, fowling-pieces, fis.h.i.+ng-rods, landing nets and baskets, bows and arrows of every description, and Indian relics, such as stone hatchets, bowls, rude mortars, images, war clubs, wampum, and implements not unlike broad swords made of black birch, the edges of which were inlaid with the teeth of animals, or the sh.e.l.ls of fish, ground sharp. Besides these, were skulls of great size and in good preservation, stone pipes, pouches, and so on; also some enormous teeth and bones of an antediluvian animal, found in the Bras Dor lake in Cape Breton. It was, take it altogether, the most complete collection of relics of this interesting race, the Micmacs, and of natur's products to be found in this province. Some of the larger moose horns are ingeniously managed, so as to form supports for polished slabs of hardwood for tables. The doctor informed me that this department of his museum was under the sole direction of the sergeant, who called it his armoury, and to whose experience in the arrangement of arms he was indebted for the good effect they produced.

The only objection he said he had to it was, that cla.s.sification had been sacrificed to appearance, and things were very much intermixed; but his collection was too small to make this a matter of any importance.

Jackson, as soon as the doctor was similarly engaged in showing them to the captain and the Miss McDonalds, for whom they seemed to have a peculiar interest, mounted guard over me.

"You see, Sir," said he, "the moose horns are the only thing of any size here, and that's because the moose is half English, you know.

Everything is small in this country, and degenerates, Sir. The fox ain't near as big as an English one. Lord, Sir, the ounds would run down one o' these fellows in ten minutes. They haven't got no strength. The rabbit too is a mere nothink; he is more of a cat, and looks like one too, when he is hanged in a snare. It's so cold, nothin' comes to a right size here. The trees is mere shrubbery compared to our hoaxes. The pine is tall, but then it has no sap. It's all tar and turpentine, and that keeps the frost out of its heart. The fish that live under the ice in the winter are all iley, in a general way, like the whales, porpoises, dog-fish, and cod. The liver of the cod is all ile, and women take to drinkin' it now in cold weather to keep their blood warm. Depend upon it, Sir, in two or three generations they will s.h.i.+ne in the sun like n.i.g.g.e.rs. Porter would be better for 'em to drink than ile, and far more pleasanter too, Sir, wouldn't it? It would fill 'em out. Saving your presence, Sir, you never see a girl here with--"

"Hus.h.!.+ the ladies will hear you," I said.

"I ax your Honour's pardon; perhaps I am making too bold, but it's nateral for a man that has seed so much of the world as I have to talk a bit, especially as my tongue is absent on furlough more nor half the year, and then the old 'ooman's goes on duty, and never fear, Sir, her'n don't sleep at its post. She has seen too much sarvice for that.

It don't indeed. It hails every one that pa.s.ses the sentry-box, and makes 'em advance and give the countersign. A man that has seed so much, Sir, in course has a good deal to talk about. Now, Sir, I don't want to undervaly the orns at no rate, but Lord bless you, Sir, I have seen the orns of a wild sheep, when I was in the Medeteranion, so large, I could hardly lift them with one hand. They say young foxes sleep in them sometimes. Oh, Sir, if they would only get a few of them sheep, and let them loose here, there would be some fun in unting of them. They are covered over with air in summer, and they are so wild you can't take them no other way than by shooting of them. Then, Sir, there is the orns of--"

"But how is the moose half English?" sais I.

"Why, Sir, I heard our colour-sergeant M'Clure say so when we was in Halifax. He was a great reader and a great arguer, Sir, as most Scotchmen are. I used to say to him, 'M'Clure, it's a wonder you can fight as well as you do, for in England fellows who dispute all the time commonly take it all out in words.'

"One day, Sir, a man pa.s.sed the north barrack gate, tumping (as he said, which means in English, Sir, hauling) an immense bull moose on a sled, though why he didn't say so, I don't know, unless he wanted to show he knew what M'Clure calls the botanical word for it. It was the largest hanimal I ever saw here."

"Says Mac to him, 'What do you call that creature?'

"'Moose,' said he.

"'Do you pretend to tell me,' said Mac, 'that that henormous hanimal, with orns like a deer, is a moose?'

"'I don't pretend at all,' said he; 'I think I hought to know one when I see it, for I have killed the matter of a undred of them in my day.'

"'It's a daumed lee,' said the sergeant. 'It's no such thing; I wouldn't believe it if you was to swear to it.'

"'Tell you what,' said the man, 'don't go for to tell me that again, or I'll lay you as flat as he is in no time,' and he cracked his whip and moved on.

"'What's the use,' said I, 'M'Clure, to call that man a liar? How do you know whether it is a moose or not, and he is more like to get its name right than you, who never saw one afore.'

"'Moose,' said he, 'do you take me for a fool? do you suppose he is a goin' to cram me with such stuff as that? The idea of his pretending to tell me that a creature six feet high with great spreading antlers like a deer is a moose, when in fact they are no bigger than a c.o.c.k-roach, and can run into holes the size of a sixpence! Look at me--do you see anything very green about me?'

"'Why, Mac,' sais I, 'as sure as the world you mean a mouse.'

"'Well, I said a moose,' he replied.

"'Yes, I know you said a moose, but that's not the way to p.r.o.nounce a mouse. It may be Scotch, but it ain't English. Do you go into that hardware shop, and ask for a moose-trap, and see how the boys will wink to each other, and laugh at you.'

"'A man,' sais he, drawing himself up, 'who has learned humanity at Glaskee, don't require to be taught how to p.r.o.nounce moose.'

"'As for your humanity,' said I, 'I never see much of that. If you ever had that weakness, you got bravely over it, and the gla.s.s key must have been broke years agone in Spain.'

"'You are getting impertinent,' said he, and he walked off and left me.

"It's very strange, your Honour, but I never saw an Irishman or Scotchman yet that hadn't the vanity to think he spoke English better than we do."

"But the Yankees?" said I.

"Well, Sir, they are foreigners, you know, and only speak broken English; but they mix up a deal of words of their own with it, and then wonder you don't understand them. They keep their mouths so busy chawing, they have to talk through their noses.

"A few days after that, Sir, we walked down to the marketplace, and there was another of these hanimals for sale. But perhaps I am making too bold, Sir?"

"No, no, not at all; go on. I like to hear you."

"'Well,' said M'Clure to the countryman, 'What do you call that?'

"'A moose,' said he.

"Well, I gives him a nudge of my helbow, to remind him not to tell him it was a 'daumed lee,' as he did the other man.