Skinner's Dress Suit Part 4

"A dollar would cover that."

"How _many_ collars?" he almost shouted.

"One."

Another pause; then, "I've got to have studs?"

Honey nodded.

Another pause. "And, holy smoke, cuff-b.u.t.tons? Say, where do we get off?"

"They 're not expensive, Dearie."

"But have you any idea how much?" he insisted.

"Four dollars ought to cover that."

"By gos.h.!.+ Well, I guess that's all," he said quietly. Just then he glanced down at his shoes. "It is n't necessary to have patent leathers, too?" he appealed.

"It's customary, Dearie, but not absolutely necessary."

"People don't see your feet in a reception like that," he urged.

Honey smiled. "They might without difficulty, Dearie, if you chanced to walk across the floor in some vacant s.p.a.ce. Remember, you're not in the subway where everybody stands on them and hides them."

"Don't be funny," said Skinner. "Mine are only in proportion. How much? That's the question, while we're at it--how much?"

"You know the price of men's shoes better than I do, Dearie."

"I saw some patent leathers on Cortlandt Street at three dollars and a half."

"Those were n't patent leathers--only pasteboard. They'd fall to pieces if the night happened to be moist. And you'd reach the party barefooted. Think of it, Dearie, going in with a dress suit on and bare feet!"

Her giggle irritated Skinner.

"It may be very funny to you but--how much? That's the question!"

"Not more than six dollars for the best."

"I see," said Skinner, making an effort to be calm. "Silk hosiery?"

"A dollar will cover socks and garters both."

"Garters?" Skinner snapped. "Garters are a luxury. Besides, I never had any success with garters. Safety pins for mine."

"My Dearie a safety-pin man--in a dress suit--not much!"

"Thank goodness, I don't have to have a high hat!"

"If there's anything that's really funny," Honey observed, "it's the combination of a fine dress suit and a cheap hat. Six dollars will cover that."

"That's a darned sight more than the hat'll cover if I don't stop spending money! But why a hat, anyway?" he continued; "you don't wear it in the house. That's the only time your dress suit shows. When you're out of doors you wear it under an overcoat." He paused abruptly. "An overcoat! Great Scott! Have I got to have a new overcoat?"

"You seem to _think_ you have, and, honestly, I agree with you. It would never do, Dearie, to be fine at both ends and shabby in the middle."

Skinner grunted. "An overcoat will cost forty dollars! Do you hear?--forty dollars!"

"I did n't say anything about an overcoat, Dearie. It's your own suggestion."

"You did n't say anything about it--oh, no--you only said enough to cinch my suggestion! Forty dollars," he repeated, "and a hat--six dollars more! Well, by thunder, I 'll _get_ a hat! Gee whiz! What have you let me in for, anyway?"

"_I_ let you in for, Dearie?" Honey's baby-blue eyes stared at him.

"You let _yourself_ in for it when you got your raise."

Skinner said nothing for a moment, then burst out, "Say, I have n't got to get new underclothing, have I? Now, don't you even admit that I have! Don't you dare admit it! People can't see my underclothes unless I take my coat off and turn up my s.h.i.+rt-sleeves or roll up my trousers as if I were going in wading."

"Of course, you have n't got to get new underclothes, Dearie. But there's a psychology to it. If you don't _feel_ well dressed, you won't _look_ well dressed. You don't want to be a fraud, with a beautiful dress suit and cheap underneath--and my old Dearie's no fraud."

Skinner pa.s.sed quickly over the remark. "How much?"

"You can get the best for four dollars a garment."

"Gos.h.!.+"

For a moment Skinner pondered; then abruptly, "Say I 'll be hanged if I don't buy new underclothes. For the first time in my life, I 'll be well dressed all through--hide, hoofs, and horns!--socks, drawers, unders.h.i.+rt, shoes, trousers, waistcoat, coat, hat, overcoat! Is there anything else?" he shouted.

"Let me think."

"Yes, think hard!" Skinner retorted. "Don't leave a stone unturned to make me the one, great, perfect tailor's model!"

"There are gloves and a monocle chain. You can get them both for three dollars," Honey added sweetly, affecting not to notice Skinner's reproachful irony.

"A monocle chain?" Skinner shouted. "What's that? Something to lead me by? Am I going to be a monkey?"

"Don't be silly, Dearie!"

Skinner laughed with deep disgust. "Why be a 'piker,' Skinner? You got your raise, did n't you? d.a.m.n you, you got your raise! Why be a 'piker'?"

"Piker?" Honey exclaimed. "It'll be a regular debauch in clothes!"

"Debauch!" Skinner cried. "It'll be a riot!"

Honey clapped her hands delightedly.

"Is that all? Are you through with me? Are you finished with me absolutely?"

Honey nodded.