Paul and His Dog Volume Ii Part 51

"Pardieu! here's a gentleman whom you will be glad to meet; he will talk German with you. Monsieur Courty, you speak German readily, do you not?"

"Ja! ja!" replied the young salesman, "as readily as French."

"Very good; pray talk a little with the Baron von Schtapelmerg; he will be overjoyed to have an opportunity to converse in his native tongue."

Far from being overjoyed at the prospect of speaking German, Croque made a wry face, twisted his moustache and tried to go away; but Monsieur Courty was already by his side and was addressing him in German.

"_Gut! gut! tarteiff!_ certainly I agree with you," muttered the pretended baron, shaking his head.

The young man stared at him in amazement and repeated his remark.

Croque, seeing that he had made an inconsequent reply, exclaimed:

"What devilish jargon is this you're talking? I don't understand a word of it!"

"Why, it's the purest German, monsieur--the most ordinary words."

"I beg pardon! I'm from Bavaria and I only speak Bavarian."

"I have stayed a long while in Bavaria, monsieur, and the people there speak exactly as I just spoke to you."

"Then, monsieur, the language must have changed since I have been in France."

"This fellow is no more a Bavarian than you are," said Monsieur Courty to Freluchon; "and, more than that, he doesn't know a single word of German."

"I suspected as much! that's why I asked you to speak to him in that language."

At that moment the company began to laugh and applaud, because a young man from among the guests had taken charge of the marionettes. The idea was heartily welcomed; everyone was anxious to pa.s.s judgment on the talent of the gentlemen present, and each one in turn was requested to manipulate Guignol's characters.

When Freluchon's turn came, he pa.s.sed under the canvas, and began by exhibiting Polichinelle.

POLICHINELLE.--Sapristi! I am the happiest of men; I have made my fortune! I have inherited wealth! I have my pile! When I hadn't a sou, I was as stupid as a goose, and no one looked at me. I could not make a conquest! No one would give me credit! I had holes in my breeches, the girls all thought me hideous, and my doctor always said to me: "You're not sick; go to the devil!"

To-day, what a difference! I am witty; I can't open my mouth without being applauded; people often laugh at my jokes even before I've made them. All the women ogle me; they think me as handsome as Apollo; if I tear a hole in my breeches, all the girls offer to patch it, and my doctor pays me two or three visits a day, a.s.suring me every time that there's something wrong with my insides.

But that is not all! I am married! I have married a magnificent woman, and all my friends are overjoyed, because they already knew my wife intimately, the result being that they're perfectly at home in our house; it's filled with them all the time. To be sure, there are some of them who look like pickpockets, knaves, swindlers, skinflints. But if one never entertained any but honest folk, one would see so little company!----

But here is monsieur le commissaire, I think; what has he come here for?

THE MAGISTRATE.--Have I the honor of speaking to Monsieur Polichinelle?

POLICHINELLE.--No, monsieur le commissaire, my name is no longer Polichinelle; that name was good enough when I had no money, when I was a poor pedestrian, a n.o.body, in fact. But now that I have a carriage, I call myself Monsieur de la Carrossiere. That's a name worthy to ride in a fine turn-out.

THE MAGISTRATE.--I beg pardon, Monsieur Polichinelle----

POLICHINELLE.--De la Carrossiere, I told you.

THE MAGISTRATE.--You can't change your name as you do your trousers.

First of all, you must have the right to.

POLICHINELLE--_aside_.--Where in the devil do they raise magistrates of this sort! Ah! I know; I must grease his paw.--_Aloud._--Monsieur le commissaire, if I should offer you this gold five-franc piece to call me De la Carrossiere----

THE MAGISTRATE.--What's this! You try to corrupt an officer of the law!

You are a rascal! a scoundrel! an impertinent fellow!

POLICHINELLE.--I won't do it again, monsieur le commissaire.

THE MAGISTRATE.--Your wife and a ci and a ca!

POLICHINELLE.--A _scie_[D]; that may be, monsieur le commissaire; but as to a ca--I don't believe a word of it.

[D] Slang for _wife_; p.r.o.nounced like _ci_.

THE MAGISTRATE.--I have come to warn you concerning her disorderly life.

POLICHINELLE.--You needn't have put yourself out for that, monsieur le commissaire.

THE MAGISTRATE.--Every night she comes home with two lovers.

POLICHINELLE.--Impossible, monsieur le commissaire! I always wait for her in the concierge's lodge; she comes home alone.

THE MAGISTRATE.--She conceals her lovers under her hoop-skirt, monsieur.

POLICHINELLE.--Oh! mon Dieu! what do you tell me, monsieur le commissaire! and she talks of wearing a steel skirt now in addition!

Does the woman propose to smuggle a whole regiment into my house?

Thelenie, not finding the scene to her taste, rose hurriedly, saying:

"It seems to me, mesdames, that we have had enough of the marionettes; there are other amus.e.m.e.nts awaiting us in the garden, and it will not be long before dinner."

Everybody followed the hostess with alacrity. The Theatre de Guignol was deserted, and Monsieur Courty said to Freluchon when he put his head out over the canvas:

"There's no one here, my dear fellow; you have emptied the house--_fait four_."

"On the contrary, I have fired my shot--_fait feu_."

The wooden horses, the Egyptian bird, the swings, the little Russian mountains and other diversions engaged the attention of the company until dinner was announced.

The table was laid in an enormous tent which had been pitched for that purpose in the garden, and which was large enough to contain all the guests.

Croque had sedulously avoided Freluchon since the latter had introduced him to the man who spoke German. But when they repaired to the table, the little man succeeded in obtaining a seat next the _soi-disant_ baron. The latter made a slight grimace when he saw who his neighbor was; but Freluchon at once said to him:

"I fixed it so as to sit by you at table; that was rather agreeable on my part, eh, baron?"

"It was exceedingly amiable of you!"