Mr. Punch's Life in London - LightNovelsOnl.com
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"Then produce the two-and-sixpence."
"I would, my dear fellow, if in the wide world I could raise it!"
And then the ancient comrades shook hands once again, and parted in sorrow, but not in anger. They felt that after all they were only in the fas.h.i.+on.
[Ill.u.s.tration: A NEGLECTED INDUSTRY
"'Ow are yer gettin' on, Bill?"
"Ain't gettin' on at all. I'm beginnin' to think as the publick doesn't know what they wants!"]
TOO COMMON A THING.--A member of a limited liability company in a bad way, said he should turn itinerant preacher. He was asked why? He said he had had a call.
[Ill.u.s.tration: _Country Cousin._ "Do you stop at the Cecil?"
_'Bus Driver._ "_Do_ I stop at the Cecil!--_on twenty-eight bob a week_!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: FRIGHTFUL LEVITY.--_Bus-Driver._ "Hullo, gov'nour; got any room?" _Policeman, Driving Van_ (_with great want of self-respect_).
"Just room for one; saved a place a purpose for you, sir." _Bus-Driver._ "What's yer fare?" _Policeman._ "Bread and water; same as you had afore!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: A MISUNDERSTANDING.--_Old Gent._ (_evidently from the s.h.i.+res_). "Hi! hoy! stop!" _Conductor._ "'Old 'ard Bill!" (_To Old Gent._) "Where are yer for, sir?" _Old Gent._ (_panting in pursuit_).
"Here!--let's have a--box o' them--_safety matches_!"
[_Objurgations!_
ON THE SPECULATIVE BUILDER
He's the readiest customer living, While you're lending, or spending or giving; But when you'd make profit, or get back your own, He's the awkwardest customer ever you've known.
FAVOURITE SONG ON THE STOCK EXCHANGE.--"_Oh! what a difference in the morning!_"
THE REAL "BITTER" CRY OF LONDON.--The demand for Ba.s.s and Allsopp.
CABBY calls the new auto-cars his motormentors.
[Ill.u.s.tration: THOROUGH!--_Hairdresser_ (_to perspiring Customer during the late hot weather_). "'Hair cut, sir?"
_Stout Party_ (_falling into the chair, exhausted_). "Ye----"
_Hairdresser._ "Much off, sir?"
_Stout Party._ "(_Phew!_) Cut it to the bone!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: DIVERTING THE TRAFFIC!]
THE THING TO THROW LIGHT ON SPIRITUALISTIC SeANCES.--A spirit-lamp.
THE RULING Pa.s.sION.--A great financial reformer is so devoted to figures that when he has nothing else to do he casts up his eyes.
BUBBLE CONCERNS.--Aerated water companies.
NEW LONDON STREET DIRECTORY
_Adam Street._--Antediluvian anecdotes and traditions still linger here.
_Air Street._--Doctors send their patients to this locality for change.
_Aldermanbury._--Visited by numbers of bereaved relatives.
_Amwell Street._--Always healthy.
_Barking Alley._--To be avoided in the dog days.
_Boy Court._--Not far from Child's Place.
_Camomile Street._--See Wormwood Street.
_Coldbath Square._--Very bracing.
