Mr. Punch's Life in London - LightNovelsOnl.com
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WHAT TO EXPECT AT AN HOTEL.--Inn-attention.
A QUESTION FOR LLOYD'S.--Are sub-editors underwriters?
INCIDENTS OF TAXATION.--Collectors and summonses.
WHAT A CITY COMPANY DOES.--It may not be generally known that the duty of the Spectacle-makers is to get up the Lord Mayor's Show. Gla.s.ses round, and then they proceed to business.
IMPOSSIBLE PHRASE.--The happy rich, the happy poor, both quite possible.
But, "the happy mean"--oh no--impossible.
SONG FOR THE TOWN-TIED SPORTSMAN.--"How happy could I be with _heather_!"
[Ill.u.s.tration: PROGRESS.--(_Overheard in Kensington._ Time, 9 A.M.).--_Fair Club Member_ (_lately married, to friend_). "Bye, bye!
Can't stop! Must rush off, or I shall be _scratched for the billiard handicap_!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: _Policeman_ (_to slightly sober individual, who is wobbling about in the road amongst the traffic_). "Come, old man, walk on the pavement."
_Slightly Sober Individual._ "_Pavement!_ Who do you take me for?
_Blondin?_"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: SKETCHED IN OXFORD STREET]
INSCRIPTION TO BE PLACED OVER THE STOCK EXCHANGE.--"_Bear_ and for-_bear_."
THE PRICE OF BREAD.--Twists have taken a turn; and cottages have come down in some places, owing to the falls of bricks, which continue to give way rapidly. A baker near one of the bridges has not had a roll over, which is to be accounted for by his having come down in regular steps to a level with the lower cla.s.s of consumers. Plaster of Paris is in some demand, and there have been some mysterious transactions in sawdust by the baker who liberally deals with the workhouse.
[Ill.u.s.tration: SYMPHONY IN BLACK. The va.s.sal who does soot and service.]
OFFICIAL ORDER.--All cabmen plying within hail are to be supplied with umbrellas by Government.
[Ill.u.s.tration: HE DIDN'T MEAN TO LOSE THAT
"Miffins, the book-keeper, tells me that you have lost the key of the safe, and he cannot get at the books."
"Yes, sir, one of them. You gave me two, you remember."
"Yes; I had duplicates made in case of accident. And the other?"
"Oh, sir, I took care of that. I was afraid I might lose one of them, you know."
"And is the other all right?"
"Yes, sir. I put it where there was no danger of it being lost. It is in the safe, sir!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: IN A NOVEMBER FOG
_Frenchman_ (_just arrived on his first visit to London_). "Ha, ha! my frien', now I understan' vot you mean ven you say ze sun nevaire set in your dominion, ma foi! _It does not rise!_"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: "NEVER TOO LATE TO MEND"
_Thirsty Soul_ (_after several gyrations round the letter-box_). "I sh'like t'know wha'-sh-'e good 'f gen'lem'n-sh turn'n tea-tot'ller 'f gov'm'nt (_hic_) goes-h an' cut-sh th' shpouts-h o' th' _b.u.mpsh_ off!"]
THE LONDONER'S DIARY
(_For August_)
_Monday._--Got up at nine o'clock. Lounged to the park. No one there.
Went to bed at twelve.
_Tuesday._--Got up at ten o'clock. Walked to the House of Commons.
Closed. Went to bed at eleven.
_Wednesday._--Got up at eleven o'clock. Looked in at Prince's. Deserted.
Went to bed at ten.
