Mr. Punch's Life in London - LightNovelsOnl.com
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[Ill.u.s.tration: _Indignant Cabby._ "Shockin' bad 'orse, 'ave I? And wot's this hextra tuppence for?--to buy a new 'un with, eh?"]
QUIDDITIES.--_For the Old Ladies._ A tea-party without scandal is like a knife without a handle.
Words without deeds are like the husks without the seeds.
Features without grace are like a clock without a face.
A land without the laws is like a cat without her claws.
Life without cheer is like a cellar without beer.
A master without a cane is like a rider without the rein.
Marriage without means is like a horse without his beans.
A man without a wife is like a fork without a knife.
A quarrel without fighting is like thunder without lightning.
MOTTO FOR A SELF-MADE AND SUCCESSFUL MONEY-LENDER.--"A loan I did it!"
IMPROPER EXPRESSION.--Let it never be said, that when a man jumps for joy, "his delight knows no _bounds_."
THE opposite to a tea-fight--A coffee-mill.
[Ill.u.s.tration: THE TIP-CAT SEASON HAS NOW COMMENCED
_Street Urchin._ "Now then, old 'un----Fore!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: _Crossing-Sweeper_ (_to Brown, whose greatest pride is his new brougham, diminutive driver, &c._). "'Igh! Stop! You've lost somethin'--the coachman!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: _Irate Bus Driver._ "You wouldn't do that for me, would yer?"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: AT THE STORES. BUY--OUR TAPESTRY ARTIST]
CATTLE-SHOW WEEK
(_By Dumb-Crambo, Junior_)
[Ill.u.s.tration: Scotch polled]
[Ill.u.s.tration: Best wether]
[Ill.u.s.tration: Cla.s.s for roots]
[Ill.u.s.tration: Steers]
[Ill.u.s.tration: Best b.u.t.ter]
[Ill.u.s.tration: Cross bred]
THE LINEN TRADE.--There have been a few transactions in rags at threepence a pound, and an extensive bone-grubber caused considerable excitement by bringing a quant.i.ty of waste-paper into the market which turned the scale in his own favour.
MOTTO FOR A MOURNING WAREHOUSE.--Die and let live.
OUT OF PLACE.--A vegetarian at the Cattle Show.
A FINANCIAL AUTHORITY BADLY WANTED.--The man who can say "bogus" to the investing goose.
THE VEGETABLE MARKET.--Asparagus is looking up, and radishes are taking a downward direction. Peas were almost nothing at the opening; and new potatoes were buoyant in the basket, but turned out rather heavy at the settling. A rush of bulls through the market had a dreadful effect upon apple-stalls and other minor securities; but all the established houses stood their ground, though the run occasioned a panic among some of the proprietors.
[Ill.u.s.tration: THE QUARTERLY ACCOUNTS.--_Clerk._ "Sorry to say, sir, there's a saddle we can't account for. Can't find out who it was sent to."
_Employer._ "Charge it on all the bills."]
