Japhet in Search of a Father Part 12

"Ladies and gentlemen," said Melchior to the audience, who were on the broad grin, "I see your souths are all open, and are waiting for the pills; but a lot too impatient--I cannot part with my medicine unless you have diseases which require their aid; and I should, indeed, be a sorry doctor, if I prescribed without knowing your complaints. _Est neutrale genus signans rem non animatam_, says Herodotus, which in English means, what is one man's meat is another man's poison; and further, he adds, _Ut jecur, ut onus, put ut occiput_, which is as much as to say, that what agrees with one temperament, will be injurious to another. Caution, therefore, becomes very necessary in the use of medicine; and my reputation depends upon my not permitting anyone to take what is not good for him. And now, my very dear friends, I will first beg you to observe the peculiar qualities of the contents of this little phial. You observe, that there is not more than sixty drops in it, yet will these sixty drops add ten years to a man's life--for it will cure him of almost as many diseases. In the first place, are any of you troubled with the _ascites_, or dropsy, which, as the celebrated Galen hath declared, may be divided into three parts, the _ascites_, the _anasarca_, and the _tympanites_. The diagnostics of this disease are, swelling of the abdomen or stomach, difficulty of breathing, want of appet.i.te, and a teazing cough. I say, have any of you this disease?

None. Then I thank Heaven that you are not so afflicted.

"The next disease it is good for, is the _peripneumonia_, or inflammation on the lungs--the diagnostics or symptoms of which are, a small pulse, swelling of the eyes, and redness of the face. Say, have any of you these symptoms--if so, you have the disease. No one. I thank Heaven that you are none of you so afflicted.

"It is also a sovereign remedy for the _diarrhoea_, the diagnostics of which are, faintness, frequent gripings, rumbling in the bowels, cold sweats, and spasm."

Here one man came forward and complained of frequent gripings--another of rumbling in the bowels, and two or three more of cold sweats.

"It is well. O I thank Heaven that I am here to administer to you myself! for what says Hippocrates? _Relativum c.u.m antecedente concordat_, which means, that remedies quickly applied, kill the disease in its birth. Here, my friends, take it--take it--pay me only one s.h.i.+lling, and be thankful. When you go to rest, fail not to offer up your prayers. It is also a sovereign remedy for the dreadful _chiragra_ or gout. I cured the whole corporation of city aldermen last week, by their taking three bottles each, and they presented me with the freedom of the city of London, in a gold box, which I am sorry that I have forgotten to bring with me. Now the _chiragra_ may be divided into several varieties. _Gonagra_, when it attacks the knees--_chiragra_, if in the hands--_onagra_, if in the elbow--_omagra_, if in the shoulder, and _lumbago_, if in the back. All these are varieties of gout, and for all these the contents of this little bottle is a sovereign remedy; and, observe, it will keep for ever. Twenty years hence, when afflicted in your old age--and the time will come, my good people--you may take down this little phial from the shelf, and bless the hour in which you spent your s.h.i.+lling; for, as Eusebius declares, '_Verb.u.m personate concordat c.u.m nominativo_,' which is as much as to say, the active will grow old, and suffer from pains in their limbs. Who, then, has pains in his limbs, or lumbago? Who, indeed, can say that he will not have them?"

After this appeal, the number of those who had pains in their limbs, or who wished to provide against such a disease, proved so great, that all our phials were disposed of, and the doctor was obliged to promise that in a few days he would have some more of this invaluable medicine ready.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I shall now offer to your notice a valuable plaster, the effects of which are miraculous. Dionysius, come hither, you have felt the benefit of this plaster; tell your case to those who are present, and mind you tell the truth."

Hereupon Timothy stepped forward. "Ladies and gentlemen, _upon my honour_, about three weeks back I fell off the scaffold, broke my back bone into three pieces, and was carried off to a surgeon, who looked at me, and told the people to take measure for my coffin. The great doctor was not there at the time, having been sent for to consult with the king's physicians upon the queen's case, of _Cophagus_, or intermitting mortification of the great toe; but fortunately, just as they were putting me into a sh.e.l.l, my master came back, and immediately applying his sovereign plaster to my back, in five days I was able to sit up, and in ten days I returned to my duty."

"Are you quite well now, Dionysius?"

"Quite well, sir, and my back is like whalebone."

"Try it."

Hereupon Dionysius threw two somersets forward, two backward, walked across the stage on his hands, and tumbled in every direction.

"You see, gentlemen, I'm quite well now, and what I have said, I a.s.sure you, _on my honour_, to be a fact."

"I hope you'll allow that to be a very pretty cure," said the doctor, appealing to the audience; "and I hardly need say, that for sprains, bruises, contusions, wrenches, and dislocations, this plaster is infallible; and I will surprise you more by telling you, that I can sell it for eight-pence a sheet."

The plaster went off rapidly, and was soon expended. The doctor went on describing his other valuable articles, and when he came to his cosmetics, etcetera, for women, we could not hand them out fast enough.

"And now," said the doctor. "I must bid you farewell for this evening."

"I'm glad of that," said Timothy, "for now I mean to sell my own medicine."

"Your medicine, Mr Dionysius! what do you mean by that?"

"Mean, sir; I mean to say that I've got a powder of my own contriving, which is a sovereign remedy."

"Remedy, sir, for what?"

"Why, it's a powder to kill fleas, and what's more, it's just as infallible as your own."

"Have you, indeed; and pray, sir, how did you hit upon the invention?"

"Sir, I discovered it in my sleep by accident; but I have proved it, and I will say, if properly administered, it is quite as infallible as any of yours. Ladies and gentlemen, I pledge you my honour that it will have the effect desired, and all I ask is sixpence a powder."

"But how is it to be used, sir?"

"Used--why, like all other powders; but I won't give the directions till I have sold some; promising, however, if my method does not succeed, to return the money."

"Well, that is fair, Mr Dionysius; and I will take care that you keep your bargain. Will anybody purchase the fool's powder for killing fleas."

"Yes, I will," replied a man on the broad grin, "here's sixpence. Now, then, fool, how am I to use it?"

"Use it," said Timothy, putting the sixpence in his pocket; "I'll explain to you. You must first catch the flea, hold him so tight between the forefinger and thumb as to force him to open his mouth; when his mouth is open you must put a very little of this powder into it, and it will kill him directly."

"Why, when I have the flea as tight as you state, I may as well kill him myself."

"Very true, so you may, if you prefer it; but if you do not, you may use this powder, which upon my honour is infallible."

This occasioned a great deal of mirth among the bystanders. Timothy kept his sixpence, and our exhibition for this day ended, very much to the satisfaction of Melchior, who declared he had taken more than ever he had done before in a whole week. Indeed, the whole sum amounted to 17 pounds, 10 s.h.i.+llings, all taken in s.h.i.+llings and sixpences, for articles hardly worth the odd s.h.i.+llings in the account; so we sat down to supper with antic.i.p.ations of a good harvest, and so it proved. We stayed four days at this town, and then proceeded onwards, when the like success attended us, Timothy and I being obliged to sit up nearly the whole night to label and roll up pills, and mix medicines, which we did in a very scientific manner. Nor was it always that Melchior presided; he would very often tell his audience that business required his attendance elsewhere, to visit the sick, and that he left the explanation of his medicines and their properties to his pupil, who was far advanced in knowledge. With my prepossessing appearance, I made a great effect, more especially among the ladies, and Timothy exerted himself so much when with me, that we never failed to bring home to Melchior a great addition to his earnings--so much so, that at last he only showed himself, pretended that he was so importuned to visit sick persons, that he could stay no longer, and then leave us after the first half hour, to carry on the business for him. After six weeks of uninterrupted success, we returned to the camp which, as usual, was not very very far off.

PART ONE, CHAPTER SIXTEEN.

IMPORTANT NEWS, BUT NOT COMMUNICATED--A DISSOLUTION OR PARTNERs.h.i.+P TAKES PLACE.

Melchior's profits had been much more than he antic.i.p.ated, and he was very liberal to Timothy and myself; indeed, he looked upon me as his right hand, and became more intimate and attached every day. We were, of course, delighted to return to the camp, after our excursion. There was so much continued bustle and excitement in our peculiar profession, that a little quiet was delightful; and I never felt more happy than when Fleta threw herself into my arms, and Nattee came forward with her usual dignity and grace, but with more than usual condescendence and kindness, bidding me welcome home. Home--alas! it was never meant for my home, or poor Fleta's--and that I felt. It was our sojourn for a time, and no more.

We had been more than a year exercising our talents in this lucrative manner, when one day, as I was sitting at the entrance to the tent, with a book in my hand, out of which Fleta was reading to me, a gipsy not belonging to our gang made his appearance. He was covered with dust, and the dew drops, hanging on his dark forehead, proved that he had travelled fast. He addressed Nattee, who was standing by, in their own language, which I did not understand; but I perceived that he asked for Melchior. After an exchange of a few sentences, Nattee expressed astonishment and alarm, put her hands over her face, and removed them as quickly, as if derogatory in her to show emotion, and then remained in deep thought. Perceiving Melchior approaching, the gipsy hastened to him, and they were soon in animated conversation. In ten minutes it was over: the gipsy went to the running brook, washed his face, took a large draught of water, and then hastened away and was soon out of sight.

Melchior, who had watched the departure of the gipsy slowly approached us. I observed him and Nattee as they met as I was certain that something important had taken place. Melchior fixed his eyes upon Nattee--she looked at him mournfully--folded her arms, and made a slight bow as if in submission, and in a low voice quoted from the Scriptures, "Whither thou goest, I will go--thy people shall be my people, and thy G.o.d my G.o.d." He then walked away with her: they sat down apart, and were in earnest conversation for more than an hour.

"j.a.phet," said Melchior to me, after he had quitted his wife, "what I am about to tell you will surprise you. I have trusted you with all I dare trust anyone, but there are some secrets in every man's life which had better be reserved for himself and her who is bound to him by solemn ties. We must now part. In a few days this camp will be broken up, and these people will join some other division of the tribe. For me, you will see me no more. Ask me not to explain, for I cannot."

"And Nattee," said I.

"Will follow my fortunes, whatever they may be--you will see her no more."

"For myself I care not, Melchior; the world is before me, and remain with the gipsies without you I will not: but answer me one question-- what is to become of little Fleta? Is she to remain with the tribe, to which she does not belong, or does she go with you?"

Melchior hesitated. "I hardly can answer; but what consequence can the welfare of a soldier's brat be to you?"

"Allowing her to be what you a.s.sert, Melchior, I am devotedly attached to that child, and could not bear that she should remain here. I am sure that you deceived me in what you stated; for the child remembers, and has told me, anecdotes of her infancy, which proves that she is of no mean family, and that she has been stolen from her friends."

"Indeed, is her memory so good?" replied Melchior, firmly closing his teeth. "To Nattee or to me she has never hinted so much."

"That is very probable; but a stolen child she is, Melchior, and she must not remain here."

"Must not!"

"Yes; must not, Melchior: when you quit the tribe, you will no longer have any power, nor can you have any interest about her. She shall then choose--if she will come with me, I will take her, and nothing shall prevent me; and in so doing I do you no injustice, nor do I swerve in my fidelity."

"How do you know that? I may have my secret reasons against it."

"Surely you can have no interest in a soldier's brat, Melchior?"

Melchior appeared confused and annoyed. "She is no soldier's brat: I acknowledge, j.a.phet, that the child was stolen; but you must not, therefore, imply that the child was stolen by me or by my wife."