Love Late Vol 1 Chapter 2

Chapter two
 

I had slept like the dead.  It seemed like once I closed my eyes and opened them, it was already daylight. 

 

I hadn’t had such a good night’s sleep for so long.  It was much better than the result of taking prescribed medicine from a dietician.   I turned over slightly and saw the boy beside me, sleeping deeply.  Half exposed from the covers was his face with jellylike lips faintly pouting, long eyelashes, and an elegant nose that felt cold.  His arms were still placed on my waist, a very clingy sleeping habit.   For fear of waking him up, I twisted my position sideways, unable to take my eyes off his face.

 

When I first saw him, I didn’t realize how rare such a beautiful boy was, but the more I looked at him, the more captivated I was.  It’s a one in a million rarity that there would be such a face as this that would make people unconsciously entranced.

 

The pants lying on the floor suddenly rang out with a guu guu sound, vibrating non-stop.  I immediately woke up from the daydream and scrambled over in a fl.u.s.ter.  I fished out the cell phone, and then set it on mute.  “h.e.l.lo?”

 

“Lee, where are you?  We’re all waiting for you!”

 

After hastily looking at my watch, I realized I had made an appointment with someone to discuss some matters.  That evening, I had played too hard and actually slept until now.

 

“Sorry, give me twenty minutes.  I’ll be there immediately.”

 

I turned to look at Ke Luo.  He still hadn’t woken up.

 

I couldn’t bear to leave such a sleeping beauty, but there would be disastrous damage if I don’t leave now.  I had to endure the splitting ache from my lower body.  Grimacing, I rushed to get dressed.

 

Before I left, I still couldn’t help but gaze upon him some more.  I reached out and touched his resting pink cheeks.

 

The young man’s skin with that smooth feeling, continued to linger on my fingers.  For the entire rest of the day, I was restless, only thinking about that sleeping face of his.

 

It had been a long time since I’ve had these kinds of fanciful thoughts wave after wave.  It was just a pity that this time, my body suffered a serious damage.  For several days, I sat unsteadily with my bottom aching.  My waist was sore and my back was in pain to the point that I needed to apply herbal plaster. 

 

Even at work, it was extremely strenuous, let alone going out and chasing men.   At night, sitting with a blanket over and a ma.s.sager around the waist, I sighed helplessly.  The more I thought of it, the more I regretted it.  If I had known earlier at that time, I should have mercilessly shaken him awake and asked for his phone number as well. 

 

I didn’t expect to have any real progress.  But if we can meet occasionally to have dinner, listening to his voice wouldn’t be too bad, and maybe the pain in my waist will fade away a bit faster.

 

At long last, I broke free from the dreadful state of restlessly sitting, as if on pins and needles, to look for food.  I immediately felt my way familiarly back to that bar.

 

Meeting my old friends again, it was inevitable that I’d be inquired about that night’s “good fortune.” Paul laughed with drool running down, “How was it?  Seeing you rest for such a long time, that night must’ve been pretty good?”

 

Straightaway, my bottom dully ached again.  I could only force a calm nod.

 

“How many times did you do it altogether?"

 

Not able to put it off, I vaguely held up my fingers. 

 

Sure enough, a number of people were greatly taken aback.  They looked me up and down in disbelief, “Wow…”

 

“Are you talking about the number of times or the number of rounds?”

 

“It doesn’t show…”

 

“ Old but still vigorous …”

 

“Where’d you buy the drug?"

 

“You must’ve had fun…”

 

I had an unspeakable bitter suffering and could only display an inscrutable face.

 

Everyone, one by one, started to seek out something to pa.s.s the night.  Even though I had come for Ke Luo, I also knew that I wouldn’t be so lucky.  As I sat for a while, I gradually began to feel hopeless and afterwards, I looked around, ready to prey.

 

“Lee, what do you say about that one?" 

 

I looked out, following the direction of his eyes, “Paul, I’ll give you a word of advice: you should be a little realistic.”

 

“How would you know if you’ve never tried?  Maybe he likes my type.”

 

“…I told you to be more realistic.”

 

“Don’t underestimate me.  I’ve recently been working out.”  Paul energetically lifted his s.h.i.+rt for us to see his stomach.  “It’s smaller, right?”

 

“…Paul, it’s better to face reality…”

 

He was still talking to himself, “Over time, I’ll be able to work out s.e.xy abs.  Until then…heh, heh…”

 

Upon seeing him display the so-called “seducing pose,” our faces all darkened.

 

“Forget about it.”

 

Paul “seduced” for a long time, and there was still no market.  On the contrary, a red-haired man frequently looked at me, full of interest.  I finished one drink and, intentionally or not, adjusted my stance, fully demonstrating my own a.s.set: tall stature.

 

Under the exchanging of our eyes, the man then came over smiling.  He said a “hi” and closed in beside me: “You alone?”

 

That living and kicking Paul beside me, although crowing his complaints, still took the hint and walked away.

 

The man who arrived didn’t look that bad: a nose ring, an a.s.sortment of lip rings, a large tattoo spread over his bare arms; such man should be tolerant in pain.

 

“Just call me Adam.”

 

The man’s height was half a head shorter than mine - medium build, and bulging arm muscles; quite st.u.r.dy.

 

For me, who has a preference for beautiful boys, the upper body was too well-built, far too robust, but…oh, well, it can still be considered over the choice of loneliness.

 

Exchanging a few words and drinking two gla.s.ses, you came to me with your little tricks, and the meaning between us became very clear.

 

“Your muscles are pretty.”

 

“Your a.s.s is too." 

 

“ …”

 

The conversation bounded for a straightforward, efficient course.  I was caught off guard when I heard from the back, a voice that had just gotten over the period of vocal change. “Mo Yan, you’re here today.”

 

I spitted out my mouthful of wine, spraying on Adam’s face.  I scrambled to clean up the scene.  When I turned my head, I saw Ke Luo.

 

He was wearing a sport jacket today, delicate and beautiful, a thin layer of sweat on his forehead.  As if he had just come down from a sport field, he even had a book bag strapped over one shoulder.

 

“Long time no see.   When did you arrive?”  Forcing a calm demeanor, I had quickly wiped under my mouth and changed to Chinese.

 

“I just finished my lab papers and on the way, came to take a look.”

 

“Oh…”

 

He was still out of breath.  He stood beside me, ordered one bottle of water, and raised his head to drink, appearing to be very thirsty.  After drinking, he carefully held the empty water bottle in his hand and rubbed it back and forth, making a crinkling sound.

 

“...”

 

“…”

 

“How come you didn’t leave a word and left that day?”

 

“Ah, I had an urgent business…”

 

“You could have woken me up.”

 

“My apologies…”

 

He bit down on his thin lips, “Um…”

 

Not understanding our gabbling, Adam interrupted with an impatient tone: “What are you guys talking about?”

 

Ke Luo tilted his head, “Is he your date?”

 

“No, we just met.”

 

“Then are you leaving with him tonight?”

 

“…uh-huh.”  Although I love your type more, you came late.

 

Ke Luo revealed a look of despair, “How could you do this?  I was obviously the first to know you this time…can’t it be me?”

 

I was speechless; shocked simply for this pure heart of his that’s on the verge of extinction in this world.

 

I was not entirely over from being emotionally touched when that red-haired, exact bed partner of mine stepped forward and pulled him away, “You brat, what the heck are you doing?”

 

“This man is mine.”  Ke Luo’s finger was directed at me, like nailing an iron plate on a landmark.

 

Being popular should be a good thing, but having him say it like that made my old face flush all of a sudden.  I hated that I couldn’t dig a hole and hide my face in it.

 

The red-haired young man waved his arm as he scoffed, “Say it again after you’ve beaten me.”

 

n.o.body would fight in this bar.  Everyone was very aware that it was a common approach to compete with an arm wrestle.  It was simply swift and clean.

 

Having excitement worth seeing, the surrounding idlers held their drinks and gathered around.  They buzzed as they watched from the sidelines.

 

It’s not as if this kind of thing hadn’t happened before.  When I was younger, I’d also been so popular, but Ke Luo made me feel a bit flattered.

 

In the past, those kids were infatuated with my bed techniques and masculinity.  That was easy to understand.  But I don’t think me performing like a screaming pig that night was anything good for him to be hung up on.

 

I tried to make myself enjoy this kind of honorary feeling of being fought over, but I dreaded a little in seeing Ke Luo’s delicately pretty face having a defeated expression.

 

That arm Adam had placed on the table, who knew how much strength his muscles had in comparison.  He’d apparently often battled out with victories.  Ke Luo, just don’t lose too unsightly.

 

Yet, the two men were actually at a deadlock for a while.  It was really unexpected that Ke Luo wasn’t a quick kill.  All in all, he was young.

 

The atmosphere had somewhat heated up, but not even a minute pa.s.sed and the crossed arms eventually leaned toward Ke Luo’s side.  Although slow, the movement stayed on track.

 

Ke Luo suddenly clenched his teeth, and the arms, which were already slanted sixty degrees, slowly retreated back to being upright once again.  Amidst the screaming crowds, he quickly and firmly slammed down his opponent onto the tabletop.

 

There was no time for people to digest this kind of miraculous counter-move.  They could only stare, gaping and exclaiming “wow, wow” non-stop.  Who knew where this sudden strange power of his came from?

 

Ke Luo stood up while Adam was still stupefied, rubbing his arms as if half dreaming.

 

“Come on.”

 

I was still stunned, blindly letting out a “Wow.”  Ke Luo already had his arms around my shoulders. He was very happy with a child-like joy from winning.

 

It was the first time I was exchanging hugs from this kind of character.  For a moment, I was at a loss as to what to do.  Although I had a foreboding feeling about his strength, my face still heated and my heart fluttered.

 

Ke Luo’s body was good enough.  It wasn’t the “井” character muscle type from training in a gym, but he obviously had the physique of a fresh young man with a pa.s.sion for sports.

 

So upon entering the room, as we began to kiss, even when I had resorted to using everything I had, I still couldn’t gain the upper hand.  Gasping for breath as I rolled onto the bed, it was still me on the bottom and Ke Luo on top.

 

“Hold, hold on…”  Are you kidding me?  This time it should be my turn to be the main attacker, right?

 

“I’ve really missed you.”

 

The unexpected line of confession instantly made one’s entire body weak.  It was practically a starry-eyed infatuated feel of all my strength being drawn out.

 

Between the sheets, it was again the sappy speech that I’d long heard in the coc.o.o.n of my ears.  In any case, no matter how nice it was, it was only for play; not to be taken for value at all.  But I didn’t know why I just lacked the immunity when it came to this young child.

 

“I want to see you every day.”  His expression was so well-behaved and serious that it seemed as if he was saying the truth.

 

“…”

 

“When dreaming, I always dream of you.”

 

“…”

 

“If only I could see you each day.”

 

“…”

 

Under his devoted gaze, I was practically almost out of focus.   Oh, please, don’t overdo it.  Granted I knew these mushy words were only to spice things up.  If we continued on like this, I’d have an out-of-body experience.

 

My bones were soaked by the sweet speech and honeyed words to their weakened state.  Under the fervent kissing and caressing, clothes not completely shed off, I was already stirring with excitement between my legs as I entered the state of preparing for war.

 

Indeed it had been several days since I’d enjoyed myself there.  At any rate, today I should let it be satisfied once more.

 

Merely envisioning the scene of pressing Ke Luo beneath my body and delving deeper with my caresses, my entire body became feverish.  And my hands from his bare firm waist trailed down, kneading. “Oh!”

 

Before I could finish breathing in with satisfaction, my own lower body was suddenly lifted by a hold on my hips and my legs were greatly separated.  My scalp tingled at once, “hey!”

 

He used those eyes, as if captivated, to gaze at me.  And then, expressing sincerity, he came over and licked.

 

“…”  Oh, my G.o.d, I’m gonna die, I’m gonna die…

 

While my soul flew beyond the sky, he, with that fluid movement, kissed all the way down.  During the time I was a little fl.u.s.tered by the teasing, his lips had already s.h.i.+fted to between my legs.

 

Having him strongly suck my inner thighs and carefully nibbling, I could only continue breathing deeply with my legs almost cramping.

 

“Wait, wait a minute…”

 

Ke Luo’s nose adorably gave out a low hum.  He opened my legs more and attentively licked the roots.  He caressed back and forth with his tongue, and then, with one mouthful, swallowed my front end, which overflowed with desire.

 

Oh, gosh, my, my blood pressure…

 

Apart from the panting, I couldn’t do anything.  All that remained of my senses were in my fondled c.o.c.k.  Besides his warm mouth and quick-witted tongue, I couldn’t feel anything else.

 

Ultimately, shuddering in his mouth, it poured out.  Until he removed his lips, I was still immersed in that kind of intense post-release lazy pleasure.  My legs trembled non-stop and my back remained numb.

 

While I was grateful of his swallowing action, I was, out of the blue, held and flipped over.

 

Shocked, there was a sudden chill between my thighs.  I felt the intrusion of a foreign body.  I didn’t have time to react when I was ruthlessly entered, swelling with pain.

 

“…”

 

Ah!  f.u.c.k, I’m topped again!

 

Persisting with a powerful rhythm, the bed creaked and grated, for who knew how long, before I was able to rest.

 

My back almost broken, heaving as I lay on my stomach; my hip region, scorching hot, greatly covered in wet stickiness that made one’s scalp tingle.   Ke Luo was still lying on my back with his arms tightly latched around my waist.  He finally moved. The sensation of that kind of c.o.c.k pulling out from the inside made me feel like crying without tears left to shed.

 

This time, he hadn’t even given me a chance to discuss it.

 

According to him, it’s so easy to settle out an old uncle like me.  He only needed to lick and I’d forget myself completely, foolishly blanking out and letting him gain control.

 

It’s been going downhill since I gave in the last time.  I really couldn’t have imagined that I, myself, would be like today, a loser.

 

Don’t tell me that it’s a must once you get old?

 

“Mo Yan.”

 

“Call me Lee.”

 

I hated being called so.  I always thought it sounded weak whenever I heard it.  I despised it the most when people think I’m weak.

 

“…are you unhappy?”

 

I didn’t like the feeling of being dominated, not to mention by a kid like this, who was so much younger than me.

 

“Mo Yan, Mo Yan…”

 

Ahhh, still calling me that!  Does he want to die?

 

“Don’t take a shower.  Let’s just sleep like this.”

 

He held me tightly, refusing to let go.  We had wrestled for a while, and then he flipped me over.  Face to face, he embraced me.  b.u.t.tering me up, he kissed my eyelid as if he really liked me.

 

“Don’t go, all right?”

 

Being lovingly pestered like this, I was at a standstill for a while.  My back was also in tremendous pain.  I should soften down.

 

Seeing him nuzzle as he nestled against my chest, like a spoiled child, preparing to sleep, the pieces of my self-esteem were recovered for the most part at last.

 

He was a child after all…and anyway, I was the man.  I couldn’t bicker with him.

 

With my entire body in pain, and feeling unbearably tired, I was drifting into sleep until I was tugged at.  I forced my eyes open, “What?”

 

His beautiful eyebrows creased together like he was distressed about a bad memory.  “Don’t run off while I’m asleep.  Don’t leave me alone without a word.”

 

The spoken words made my heart jump.  I thought it was impossible…but could this brat really have fallen for me?

 

“Mo Yan…”

 

“What do you want?” 

 

His lips drew near.  Not having enough time to open my mouth and curse, I was firmly kissed, my legs separated, and the fiery object pressed against my rear again.

 

f.u.c.k, I’d already let him top me for hours.  What more does he want?! 

 

This time I really couldn’t get back.  I’d never in my lifetime had such a loss. 

 

Pressed on the bed and tossed about in every possible way, I couldn’t struggle out of it.  I was completely helpless while I groaned and cursed.  I resolved that the next time I see this brat, I must go around him.  No matter how beautiful a boy he is after my own heart, it wasn’t as important as my old life.

 

I finally slept enough and woke up with my head swelling a bit.  I absent-mindedly reached out my hand to grab the watch on the bedside for the time, but grabbed at empty s.p.a.ce.  I then recalled that I wasn’t sleeping at home.

 

This was a place Ke Luo rented.  Last night, being too impatient, we kissed with no time to talk as we were going upstairs.  I couldn’t even care about being seen by someone, so when would I have the time to see what this house looked like?

 

Now I looked around.  This s.p.a.cious apartment was tidied, clean and comfortable.  The colors of the wallpapers and curtains were very refres.h.i.+ng.  There weren’t very many things.  What caught my eyes was the variety of sport b.a.l.l.s that were neatly in a row.  There were also ice skates, helmet and protection gears, a hockey stick; he even had boxing gloves.  I almost thought I was lying in a sport goods store.

 

Fortunately, next to the laptop on the desk across from me, was a simple but elegant vase.  Two roses were inserted in.  The mug next to it had a Winnie the Pooh on it.

 

Turned out he was still…a small child.

 

“Are you awake?”  The bedroom door opened and a head poked out with hair still wet.

 

“Oh.”  With my body uncomfortable, I was going to get up, but my posture wasn’t correct and I twisted it a bit.  My face immediately distorted in pain.

 

For, for Christ’s sake, my waist…

 

“You can’t get up?”   d.a.m.n it…

 

Ke Luo ran over barefooted.  With his hands going under my arms, he embraced me.  “Did you sprain your waist?”   I clearly hadn’t gotten old to that point yet!

 

“I’ve gotten medication to help rub on you.”

 

The scent of medicated ointment gradually spread throughout the house.  I’d always hated this kind of smell, but with the safflower oil, along with the feeling of my waist being ma.s.saged, it was indeed very affectionate.

 

Lying on my stomach, I let him rub my waist.

 

I seemed to smell a hint of dry straws burning in an earth stove in the countryside, with the pitter patter of rainwater falling down from the eaves, and the clay floor wet and dirty; back burning hot, fiery pain.

 

“Mo Yan.”   “Hm?”  I woke up with a start.  Those were just illusions.  The pain in my waist was already a bit lighter.

 

“I made congee for breakfast.  Try some.  I brought it for you.”

 

On the tray was a Chinese style breakfast that I had not eaten for a long time: white congee, cut duck eggs, dried fish, and two half-long fried dough sticks.

 

I suddenly felt a bit light-headed.  This type of breakfast, which I don’t usually have, is not hard to have at a Chinese restaurant; but for decades, I would never touch them.  I wouldn’t even look at it.  That kind of stuff made my teeth ache.

 

Not able to hold the chopsticks, I coughed and placed my hand on my forehead.

 

“Mo Yan, you’re not eating?”   My temples ached dully even more.  I really didn’t want to hear someone calling me like that.

 

“Go away.”   “You’re not feeling well?”

 

“Go away.”  My bad mood gathered up.  The room was filled with the smell of medicated ointment, and I loathed this kind of feeling.

 

“What’s wrong?”  Ke Luo approached me.  He cupped my face and rubbed the corners of my eyes. “Does it hurt?”   Mo Yan, does it hurt?  You’ll get a lot better applying this medication…  Mo Yan, there’s congee today.  Would you like some?  Share some with your little brother, okay…

 

For decades, no one had called me by that name.  To be reminded over and over again, it would basically drive me crazy.

 

Heavily gasping for air, my lips were suddenly blocked by something warm and soft. 

 

After going through the wet and slippery kiss, I heard him say:  “Poor thing…”

 

How am I poor?

 

Being held tightly and, like being consoled, my eyelids were kissed repeatedly.  I was enraged.  I wanted to lash out at him to teach him a lesson.  He didn’t even know who the elder was.

 

“Mo Yan, let me take care of you.”

 

I almost fainted.  This was really the biggest insult of my life.  I nearly felt like throwing a punch and beating up the brat.

 

But when I heard those words through my ears, my heart suddenly pounded uncontrollably.

 

Indeed there are people who have been looking forward to these words.  It’s a small, thin, dark child with the head not yet reaching to that of a woman’s waist, using the back of clenched fists to wipe off tears, though not a single sound was made.  

 

A woman cried, saying, “Mo Yan, I can’t take care of you anymore.”

 

He just firmly swallowed his breath and ran after the car; with one leg swollen from a beating, he couldn’t run fast.

 

At that time, in his dreams, he would always want to hear someone saying something like that.  But it never came.

 

I gasped heavily and then coughed twice.  I felt as though my body was weakening.

 

“Do you have a fever?”

 

I was a little uneasy as I saw him trying to take my temperature.  My body was kept very well-maintained.  I tried my best not to get sick, avoiding any slight illness.

 

What I fear was that feeling of weakness.

 

“You’re very hot.  You probably caught a cold last night.”

 

…it’s because I was jabbed by you until I broke down!

 

After taking the medicine Ke Luo found for me, I went back to sleep.  The uncomfortable feeling was becoming more and more intense.  My nose hadn’t stopped running.  I could only shrink into the covers; my head s.h.i.+vering with dizziness.  Ke Luo seemed to like seeing me weak like this as he lay down beside me, holding me.  I immediately woke up and firmly pushed against him, “Go away.  Go to the living room.”

 

The one topping ending up being topped was already unlucky enough.  I didn’t want to be done like this and that again while sick.

 

With Ke Luo driven out, I can be at ease and carry on falling deeply into unconsciousness.  I persistently believed that if you suffer through and “sweat out sickness,” you’ll get better.  I was completely curled up under the covers, tightly wrapped.

 

Again, my ears were filled with the sound of rain, but not a woman’s cries.  Feet splashed with mud, bare feet frozen with raw pain.  My shoes were on my little brother’s feet, suspected to be too big.  He stood unsteadily with his finger in his mouth and black eyes looking at me.

 

“Over five years old and it’ll be difficult to sell.  They can still remember things.  No one wants to raise them.”

 

“So that small one…hehe.”  The man laughed along.

 

“Too frail.  Not much pounds on him.  I’m just afraid that he won’t be able to survive.”

 

“What about the older one…”

 

“No way.  He looks to be six, seven years old.”

 

“I only have two sons.  If you don’t choose one, I can’t even get the money to repay you...”

 

“No money and you still bet?  Don’t have me tell you that it’s still not enough even if you sell them both, then how much more can your wife sell for?”  Not quite understanding, I struggled to hold my little brother.  He was still sucking his finger.  His small, pale, thin face lacked brightness.  I found a small rock for him to play with.  He looked at it for a while, and then put it into his mouth.

 

“Spit, spit it out fast…”

 

I hastily reached into his mouth and dug for it.  When I finally dug it out, he cried.  Because he had no strength, his voice wasn’t loud.

 

“Big brother, big brother…”

 

“Good boy, good boy…”  I took him in my arms and awkwardly bounced and rocked him.  In my pocket there was still the bird egg that was taken from a bird’s nest last time.  It was half the size of my thumb.  I couldn’t bear to eat it.

 

My little brother cried so miserably that even venting was a struggle.  I thought about it and thought again.  I still coldheartedly took it out and gave it to him.

 

My little brother put it in his mouth and eagerly sucked it.  But it clearly didn’t have any taste.  He spitted out in disappointment, and again cried, “Big brother, big brother.”

 

“Be good.  You can eat this…”

 

As I was going to carefully peel off the sh.e.l.ls of that tiny egg, I was taken by surprised when a pair of hands reached over and took him away from my arms.

 

“Mo Yan, you stay there.”

 

Frightened, my little brother cried, “Big brother, big brother,” as he was carried out the door.  It was then that I slowly came to a realization and knew to chase after him.  I ran out barefooted and grabbed my little brother’s dangling foot, but I was smacked into staggering.

 

I cried while I crammed the half peeled egg into his tiny palm:  “You take this.  You can eat this, Mo…”

 

Mo what?  What was his name?

 

As if stepping on air, I drew out my feet.  Covered in cold sweat, I opened my eyes, gasping for breath. My heart was still pounding hard.  It was quiet all around.  It was still daylight.  No rain.  No one crying. Nothing at all.

 

The towel on the pillow was somewhat cold.  It should be sweat.  So I had really sweated.

 

I swallowed hard and rolled over.  Panting, I closed my eyes again.

 

It would be fine once my temperature lowered, and then I wouldn’t have any more nightmares.

 

“How pitiful.  Offended someone and then was hacked on the street by the debt collector.”

 

“This is retribution.”

 

“The dead body was torn apart piece by piece.  Oh, my…”

 

I worked hard weaving the rope in my hands.  Not quite understanding, I listened.   “Mo Yan, have you heard?  You’re father has struck lucky.  He doesn’t need to return any more debt owed to Crippled Nine.”

 

“Hush, don’t say anymore.  His family just took the small three year old son to repay a debt…”

 

“So to speak, Crippled Nine took the small child away…”

 

“What about the small child then?”

 

“Probably dead.”

 

“Mo Yan, Mo Yan!”

 

I struggled amongst a violent shaking and couldn’t gasp for breath.  My heart pounded as if it was going to explode.   “What’s wrong?”  That voice sounded like it was from the dream as well.  I just grabbed my head in confusion and desperately tore at my hair.   “Mo Yan, you’re having a nightmare.  Come on, wake up.”

 

Hoa.r.s.ely whimpering, I blindly thrashed around, grabbing and scratching.  It’s a dream.  It’s only a dream…I was nearly going crazy.

 

“Don’t be like this.  I’m here.  Don’t be afraid.  Wake up.”

 

In confusion, I grabbed a hand, like that time I grabbed my little brother’s palm.  It was obviously that tiny and soft, a palm that just a few fingers could grab onto.  Yet now, it seemed like it had grown bigger, wide and strong.

 

He had probably grown up.  Turned out he was living a nice life in a good home.

 

I gradually quieted down.  Clutching that hand as I breathed through clenched teeth, I slowly sank into the darkness yet again.