Punch 1893.07.29 Part 5

EXAMINATION PAPER FOR LADIES.

(_To be set to Debutantes who have completed their first Season._)

1. What do you think of London in comparison with the country?

2. Write a short Essay upon your initial ball, giving your impressions of (1) your partners, (2) your dances, and (3) the supper.

3. Given three dances a night six evenings a week, what will be the cost of bouquets a quarter?

4. Show how three dresses, with a clever ladiesmaid, and a deposit account at the Army and Navy Stores, can be made to do duty as a couple of dozen entirely different gowns.

5. Give a short history of the Opera Season, pointing out any special features of importance, and estimating the receipts of the Command Night.

6. Give a short biography of any two of the following Society lions: Signor MASCAGNI, Lord ROBERTS, Mr. OSCAR WILDE, Captain BOYTON, and the Siamese Amba.s.sador.

7. Supply the true stories a.s.sociated with "the lost opera-gla.s.s at Ascot," "the sun-shade at the garden party," "the ride to the horse-chestnuts," and "the interrupted honeymoon."

8. Show in a rough sketch the latest mode of shaking hands.

9. Give a brief account of any two of the following Society functions: (1) The Royal Wedding, (2) the Eton and Harrow match, (3) Sandown, (4) a first night at the Lyceum, (5) a wedding at St. Peter's, Eaton Square, and (6) Henley.

10. Correct the mistakes (if any) in the following pa.s.sage:--"Mr.

ALEXANDER, the Lessee of Drury Lane, appeared at the Haymarket as _Becket_, in Mr. PINERO'S sparkling comedy of that name. He was supported by Miss ELLEN TERRY as the _Second Mrs. Tanqueray_, and Lady MONCKTON as _Portia_--the woman of no importance. After a successful career of five hundred nights, Becket was transferred to Chicago, with the cast strengthened by Mrs. BERNARD-BEERE, who consented to accept, as a mark of respect to the management, the comparatively insignificant part of _Charley's Aunt_."

11. Give a list of the eligible _partis_ of the season, with their rent-rolls, distinguis.h.i.+ng idiots from sensible men.

12. In conclusion, after four months' hard work at Society functions, trace the benefit you have derived from your novel surroundings.

THE PROPRIETORS' VADE MEc.u.m.

(_A Supplement for the Newspaper Press._)

_Question._ What is the duty of a Newspaper Proprietor?

_Answer._ To use his periodical for the benefit of the public by obtaining and affording information.

_Q._ Is he expected to expose abuses?

_A._ Certainly, or he would be thought to be degrading the n.o.ble profession to which he has the honour to belong.

_Q._ What is the customary result of an _expose_?

_A._ An action for libel.

_Q._ By whom is it frequently brought?

_A._ By a man of straw.

_Q._ And what is the alleged libel?

_A._ That the plaintiff was described as being manufactured of no more substantial material.

_Q._ If a man is made of straw, how can he obtain a.s.sistance from a solicitor?

_A._ By approaching a member of the junior branch of the legal profession who possesses no rooted objection to speculation.

_Q._ What is a speculative action?

_A._ It is an action brought to give a solicitor a chance of getting costs.

_Q._ Is the length of trial a matter of importance to the plaintiff?

_A._ Certainly not, because he stands to win one way and not to lose on the other.

_Q._ What does a long trial mean to the defendant?

_A._ Solicitor's fees by the score and "refreshers" by the dozen.

_Q._ What is the outcome of the proceedings?

_A._ After many days, a verdict.

_Q._ In whose favour?

_A._ The defendant's.

_Q._ Does the defendant benefit in consequence?

_A._ Not at all--the reverse. For after the finding of the jury, he is at liberty to pay his own costs.

_Q._ Why does he pay his own costs?

_A._ Because his statement that the plaintiff is and was a man of straw is practically corroborated.

_Q._ But does not the _expose_ prove that he has done an action well-deserving of his country?

_A._ Certainly; but this consideration does not give him unmixed satisfaction.

_Q._ Why does it not give him unmixed satisfaction?

_A._ Because, although losing a huge sum of money may be patriotic and large-minded, it is scarcely business-like.

_Q._ Are not newspapers intended to benefit the public?

_A._ Unquestionably, but in that public the individuality of the proprietor should not be entirely overlooked.

_Q._ Then what would you recommend?