Searchlights on Health: Light on Dark Corners Part 21

[Ill.u.s.tration: Disadvantages of Celibacy.

Keeping Bachelor's Hall.

The Old Bachelor Sewing on His b.u.t.tons.]

1. To live the life of a bachelor has many advantages and many disadvantages. The man who commits neither fornication, adultery nor secret vice, and is pure in mind, surely has all the moral virtues that make a good man and a good citizen, whether married or unmarried.

2. If a good pure-minded man does not marry, he will suffer no serious loss of vital power; there will be no tendency to spermatorrhoea or congestion, nor will he be afflicted with any one of those ills which certain vicious writers and quacks would lead many people to believe. Celibacy is perfectly consistent with mental vigor and physical strength. Regularity in the habits of life will always have its good effects on the human body.

3. The average life of a married man is much longer than that of a bachelor. There is quite an alarming odds in the United States in favor of a man with a family. It is claimed that the married man lives on an average from five to twenty years longer than a bachelor. The married man lives a more regular life. He has his meals more regularly and is better nursed in sickness, and in every way a happier and more contented man. The happiness of wife and children will always add comfort and length of days to the man who is happily married.

4. It is a fact well answered by statistics that there is more crime committed, more vices practiced, and more immorality among single men than among married men. Let the young man be pure in heart like Bunyan's Pilgrim, and he can pa.s.s the deadly dens, the roaring lions, and overcome the ravenous fires of pa.s.sion, unscathed. The vices of single men support the most flagrant of evils of modern society, hence let every young man beware and keep his body clean and pure. His future happiness largely depends upon his chast.i.ty while a single man.

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Old Maids.

[Ill.u.s.tration: "WE SHALL NEVER MARRY."]

1. MODERN ORIGIN.--The prejudice which certainly still exists in the average mind against unmarried women must be of comparatively modern origin. From the earliest ages, in ancient Greece, and Rome particularly, the highest {141} honors were paid them. They were the ministers of the old religions, and regarded with superst.i.tious awe.

2. MATRIMONY.--Since the reformation, especially during the last century, and in our own land, matrimony has been so much esteemed, notably by women, that it has come to be regarded as in some sort discreditable for them to remain single. Old maids are mentioned on every hand with mingled pity and disdain, arising no doubt from the belief, conscious or unconscious, that they would not be what they are if they could help it. Few persons have a good word for them as a cla.s.s. We are constantly hearing of lovely maidens, charming wives, buxom widows, but almost never of attractive old maids.

3. DISCARDING PREJUDICE.--The real old maid is like any other woman. She has faults necessarily, though not those commonly conceived of. She is often plump, pretty, amiable, interesting, intellectual, cultured, warm-hearted, benevolent, and has ardent friends of both s.e.xes. These constantly wonder why she has not married, for they feel that she must have had many opportunities. Some of them may know why; she may have made them her confidantes. She usually has a sentimental, romantic, frequently a sad and pathetic past, of which she does not speak unless in the sacredness of intimacy.

4. NOT QUARRELSOME.--She is not dissatisfied, querulous nor envious. On the contrary, she is, for the most part, singularly content, patient and serene,--more so than many wives who have household duties and domestic cares to tire and trouble them.

5. REMAIN SINGLE FROM NECESSITY.--It is a stupid, as well as a heinous mistake, that women who remain single do so from necessity. Almost any woman can get a husband if she is so minded, as daily observation attests.

When we see the mult.i.tudes of wives who have no visible signs of matrimonial recommendation, why should we think that old maids have been totally neglected? We may meet those who do not look inviting. But we meet any number of wives who are even less inviting.

[Ill.u.s.tration: "WE HAVE CHANGED OUR MINDS."]

6. FIRST OFFER.--The appearance and outgiving of many wives denote that they have accepted the first offer; the appearance and outgiving of many old maids that they have declined repeated offers. It is undeniable, that wives, in the ma.s.s, have no more charm than old maids have, in the ma.s.s.

But, as the majority of women are married, they are no more criticised nor commented on, in the bulk, than the whole s.e.x are. They are spoken of individually as pretty or {143} plain, bright or dull, pleasant or unpleasant; while old maids are judged as a species, and almost always unfavorable.

7. BECOMES A WIFE.--Many an old maid, so-called, unexpectedly to her a.s.sociates becomes a wife, some man of taste, discernment and sympathy having induced her to change her state. Probably no other man of his kind has proposed before, which accounts for her singleness. After her marriage hundreds of persons who had sneered at her condition find her charming, thus showing the extent of their prejudice against feminine celibacy. Old maids in general, it is fair to presume, do not wait for opportunities, but for proposers of an acceptable sort. They may have, indeed they are likely to have, those, but not to meet these.

8. NO LONGER MARRY FOR SUPPORT.--The time has changed and women have changed with it. They have grown more sensible, more independent in disposition as well as circ.u.mstances. They no longer marry for support; they have proved their capacity to support themselves, and self-support has developed them in every way. a.s.sured that they can get on comfortably and contentedly alone they are better adapted by the a.s.surance for consorts.h.i.+p.

They have rapidly increased from this and cognate causes, and have so improved in person, mind and character that an old maid of to-day is wholly different from an old maid of forty years ago.

[Ill.u.s.tration: CONVINCING HIS WIFE.]

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When and Whom to Marry.

1. EARLY MARRIAGES.--Women too early married always remain small in stature, weak, pale, emaciated, and more or less miserable. We have no natural nor moral right to perpetuate unhealthy const.i.tutions, therefore women should not marry too young and take upon themselves the responsibility, by producing a weak and feeble generation of children. It is better not to consummate a marriage until a full development of body and mind has taken place. A young woman of twenty-one to twenty-five, and a young man of twenty-three to twenty-eight, are considered the right age in order to produce an intelligent and healthy offspring. "First make the tree good, then shall the fruit be good also."

2. If marriage is delayed too long in either s.e.x, say from thirty to forty-five, the offspring will often be puny and more liable to insanity, idiocy, and other maladies.

3. p.u.b.eRTY.--This is the period when childhood pa.s.ses from immaturity of the s.e.xual functions to maturity. Woman attains this state a year or two sooner than man. In the hotter climates the period of p.u.b.erty is from twelve to fifteen years of age, while in cold climates, such as Russia, the United States, and Canada, p.u.b.erty is frequently delayed until the seventeenth year.

4. DISEASED PARENTS.--We do the race a serious wrong in multiplying the number of hereditary invalids. Whole families of children have fallen heir to lives of misery and suffering by the indiscretion and poor judgment of parents. No young man in the vigor of health should think for a moment of marrying a girl who has the impress of consumption or other disease already stamped upon her feeble const.i.tution. It only multiplies his own suffering, and brings no material happiness to his invalid wife. On the other hand, no healthy, vigorous young woman ought to unite her destiny with a man, no matter how much she adored him, who is not healthy and able to brave the hards.h.i.+ps of life. If a young man or young woman with feeble body cannot find permanent relief either by medicine or change of climate, no thoughts of marriage should be entertained. Courting a patient may be pleasant, but a hard thing in married life to enjoy. The young lady who supposes that any young man wishes to marry her for the sake of nursing her through life makes a very grave mistake.

[Ill.u.s.tration: THE BASHFUL YOUNG COUPLE.

"A faint heart never won a fair lady."]

5. WHOM TO CHOOSE FOR A HUSBAND.--The choice of a husband requires the coolest judgment and the most {146} vigilant sagacity. A true union based on organic law is happiness, but let all remember that oil and water will not mix; the lion will not lie down with the lamb, nor can ill-a.s.sorted marriages be productive of aught but discord.

"Let the woman take An elder than herself, so wears she to him-- So sways she, rules in her husband's heart."

Look carefully at the disposition.--See that your intended spouse is kind-hearted, generous, and willing to respect the opinions of others, though not in sympathy with them. Don't marry a selfish tyrant who thinks only of himself.

6. BE CAREFUL.--Don't marry an intemperate man with a view of reforming him. Thousands have tried it and failed. Misery, sorrow and a very h.e.l.l on earth have been the consequences of too many such generous undertakings.

7. THE TRUE AND ONLY TEST which any man should look for in woman is modesty in demeanor before marriage, absence both of a.s.sumed ignorance and disagreeable familiarity, and a pure and religious frame of mind. Where these are present, he need not doubt that he has a faithful and a chaste wife.

8. MARRYING FIRST COUSINS is dangerous to offspring. The observation is universal, the children of married first cousins are too often idiots, insane, clump-footed, crippled, blind, or variously diseased. First cousins are always sure to impart all the hereditary disease in both families to their children. If both are healthy there is less danger.

9. DO NOT CHOOSE ONE TOO GOOD, or too far above you, lest the inferior dissatisfying the superior, breed those discords which are worse than the trials of a single life. Don't be too particular; for you might go farther and fare worse. As far as you yourself are faulty, you should put up with faults. Don't cheat a consort by getting one much better than you can give.

We are not in heaven yet, and must put up with their imperfections, and instead of grumbling at them, be glad they are no worse; remembering that a faulty one is a great deal better than none, if he loves you.

10. MARRYING FOR MONEY.--Those who seek only the society of those who can boast of wealth will nine times out of ten suffer disappointment. Wealth cannot manufacture true love nor money buy domestic happiness. Marry because you love each other, and G.o.d will bless your home. A cottage with a loving wife is worth more than a royal palace with a discontented and unloving queen. {147}

11. DIFFERENCE IN AGE.--It is generally admitted that the husband should be a few years older than the wife. The question seems to be how much difference. Up to twenty-two those who propose marriage should be about the same age; however, other things being equal, a difference of fifteen years after the younger is twenty-five, need not prevent a marriage. A man of forty-five may marry a woman of twenty-five much more safely than one of thirty a girl below nineteen, because her mental s.e.xuality is not as mature as his, and again her natural coyness requires more delicate and affectionate treatment than he is likely to bestow. A girl of twenty or under should seldom if ever marry a man of thirty or over, because the love of an elderly man for a girl is more parental than conjugal; while hers for him is like that of a daughter to a father. He may pet, flatter and indulge her as he would a grown-up daughter, yet all this is not genuine masculine and feminine love, nor can she exert over him the influence every man requires from his wife.

12. THE BEST TIME.--All things considered, we advise the male reader to keep his desires in check till he is at least twenty-five, and the female not to enter the pale of wedlock until she has attained the age of twenty.

After those periods, marriage is the proper sphere of action, and one in which nearly every individual is called by nature to play his proper part.

13. SELECT CAREFULLY.--While character, health, accomplishments and social position should be considered, yet one must not overlook mental construction and physical conformation. The rule always to be followed in choosing a life partner is _ident.i.ty of taste and diversity of temperament_. Another essential is that they be physically adapted to each other. For example: The pelvis--that part of the anatomy containing all the internal organs of gestation--is not only essential to beauty and symmetry, but is a matter of vital importance to her who contemplates matrimony, and its usual consequences. Therefore, the woman with a very narrow and contracted pelvis should never choose a man of giant physical development lest they cannot duly realize the most important of the enjoyments of the marriage state, while the birth of large infants will impose upon her intense labor pains, or even cost her her life. {148}

CHOOSE INTELLECTUALLY--LOVE AFTERWARD.

[Ill.u.s.tration: Explaining the Necessity for a New Bonnet.]

1. LOVE.--Let it ever be remembered that love is one of the most sacred elements of our nature, and the most dangerous with which to tamper. It is a very beautiful and delicately contrived faculty, producing the most delightful results, but easily thrown out of repair--like a tender plant, the delicate fibers of which incline gradually to entwine themselves around its beloved one, uniting two willing hearts by a thousand endearing ties, and making of "twain one flesh"; but they are easily torn asunder, and then adieu to the joys of connubial bliss! {149}

2. COURTING BY THE QUARTER.--This courting by the quarter, "here a little and there a little," is one of the greatest evils of the day. This getting a little in love with Julia, and then a little with Eliza, and a little more with Mary,--this fas.h.i.+onable flirtation and coquetry of both s.e.xes--is ruinous to the domestic affections; besides, effectually preventing the formation of true connubial love. I consider this dissipation of the affections one of the greatest sins against Heaven, ourselves, and the one trifled with, that can be committed.

3. FRITTERING AWAY AFFECTIONS.--Young men commence courting long before they think of marrying, and where they entertain no thoughts of marriage.

They fritter away their own affections, and pride themselves on their conquests over the female heart; triumphing in having so nicely fooled them. They pursue this sinful course so far as to drive their pitiable victims, one after another, from respectable society, who, becoming disgraced, retaliate by heaping upon them all the indignities and impositions which the fertile imagination of woman can invent or execute.

4. COURTING WITHOUT INTENDING TO MARRY.--Nearly all this wide-spread crime and suffering connected with public and private licentiousness and prost.i.tution, has its origin in these unmeaning courts.h.i.+ps--this premature love--this blighting of the affections, and every young man who courts without intending to marry, is throwing himself or his sweetheart into _this h.e.l.l upon earth_. And most of the blame rests on young men, because they take the liberty of paying their addresses to the ladies and discontinuing them, at pleasure, and thereby mainly cause this vice.

5. SETTING THEIR CAPS.--True, young ladies sometimes "set their caps,"