English as She is Wrote Part 6

Mark my melodious midnight moans; Much may my melting music mean, My modulated monotones.

"My mandolin's mild minstrelsy, My mental music magazine, My mouth, my mind, my memory, Must mingling murmur, 'Madeline.'

"Muster 'mid midnight masquerades, Mark Moorish maidens', matrons' mien, 'Mongst Murcia's most majestic maids, Match me my matchless Madeline.

"Mankind's malevolence may make Much melancholy music mine; Many my motives may mistake, My modest merits much malign.

"My Madeline's most mirthful mood Much mollifies my mind's machine; My mournfulness' magnitude Melts--makes me merry, Madeline!

"Match-making mas may machinate, Manoeuvring misses me misween; Mere money may make many mate, My magic motto's--'Madeline!'

"Melt, most mellifluous melody, 'Midst Murcia's misty mounts marine, Meet me by moonlight--marry me, Madonna mia!--Madeline."

It is well known that the letter _e_ is used more than any other letter in the English alphabet. Each of the following verses contains every letter of the alphabet except the letter _e_:

"A jovial swain should not complain Of any buxom fair Who mocks his pain and thinks it gain To quiz his awkward air.

"Quixotic boys who look for joys, Quixotic hazards run; A la.s.s annoys with trivial toys, Opposing man for fun.

"A jovial swain may rack his brain, And tax his fancy's might; To quiz is vain, for 'tis most plain That what I say is right"

_Northampton_ (_England_) _Courier._

Here is the result of a rhyming punster's efforts:

"A pretty deer is dear to me, A hare with downy hair, A hart I love with all my heart, But barely bear a bear.

"'Tis plain that no one takes a plane To pare a pair of pears, Although a rake may take a rake To tear away the tares.

"Sol's rays raise thyme, time raises all, And through the whole holes wears.

A scribe in writing right may write To write and still be wrong; For write and rite are neither right, And don't to right belong.

"Robertson is not Robert's son, Nor did he rob Burt's son, Yet Robert's sun is Robin's sun, And everybody's sun.

"Beer often brings a bier to man, Coughing a coffin brings, And too much ale will make us ail, As well as other things.

"The person lies who says he lies When he is not reclining; And when consumptive folks decline, They all decline declining.

"Quails do not quail before a storm.

A bow will bow before it; We cannot rein the rain at all, No earthly power reigns o'er it.

"The dyer dyes awhile, then dies-- To dye he's always trying; Until upon his dying bed He thinks no more of dyeing.

"A son of Mars mars many a son, All Deys must have their days; And every knight should pray each night To him who weighs his ways.

"'Tis meet that man should mete out meat To feed one's fortune's sun; The fair should fare on love alone, Else one cannot be won.

"Alas, a la.s.s is sometimes false; Of faults a maid is made; Her waist is but a barren waste-- Though stayed she is not staid.

"The springs shoot forth each spring and shoots Shoot forward one and all; Though summer kills the flowers, it leaves The leaves to fall in fall.

"I would a story here commence, But you might think it stale; So we'll suppose that we have reached The tail end of our tale."

And here is a zoological romance, by C. F. Adams, inspired by an unusual flow of animal spirits:

No sweeter girl ewe ever gnu Than Betty Martin's daughter Sue.

With sable hare, small tapir waist, And lips you'd gopher miles to taste;

Bright, lambent eyes, like the gazelle, Sheep pertly brought to bear so well;

Ape pretty la.s.s it was avowed, Of whom her marmot to be proud.

Deer girl! I loved her as my life, And vowed to heifer for my wife.

Alas! A sailor on the sly, Had cast on her his wether eye.

He said my love for her was bosh, And my affection I musquash.

He'd dog her footsteps everywhere, Anteater in the easy-chair;

He'd setter round, this sailor chap, And pointer out upon the map

Where once a pirate cruiser boar Him captive to a foreign sh.o.r.e.

The cruel captain far outdid The yaks and crimes of Robert Kid.

He oft would whale Jack with the cat, And say, "My buck, doe you like that?

"What makes you stag around so, say?

The catamounts to something, hey?"

Then he would seal it with an oath, And say: "You are a lazy sloth!

"I'll starve you down, my sailor fine, Until for beef and porcupine!"

And, fairly horse with fiendish laughter, Would say, "Henceforth, mind what giraffe ter!"

In short, the many risks he ran Might well a llama braver man;

Then he was wrecked and castor sh.o.r.e While feebly clinging to anoa;

Hyena cleft among the rocks He crept, _sans_ shoes and minus ox.

And when he fain would go to bed, He had to lion leaves instead.

Then Sue would say, with troubled face, "How koodoo live in such a place?"

And straightway into tears would melt, And say, "How badger must have felt!"