The School for Scandal Part 19

SIR PETER. True--but your Brother has no sentiment[--]you never hear him talk so.--

SURFACE. Well there certainly is no knowing what men are capable of-- no--there is no knowing--yet I can't but think Lady Teazle herself has too much Principle----

SIR PETER. Aye but what's Principle against the Flattery of a handsome--lively young Fellow--

SURFACE. That's very true--

SIR PETER. And then you know the difference of our ages makes it very improbable that she should have any great affection for me--and if she were to be frail and I were to make it Public--why the Town would only laugh at the foolish old Batchelor, who had married a girl----

SURFACE. That's true--to be sure People would laugh.

SIR PETER. Laugh--aye and make Ballads--and Paragraphs and the Devil knows what of me--

SURFACE. No--you must never make it public--

SIR PETER. But then again that the Nephew of my old Friend, Sir Oliver[,] should be the Person to attempt such an injury-- hurts me more nearly--

SURFACE. Undoubtedly--when Ingrat.i.tude barbs the Dart of Injury-- the wound has double danger in it--

SIR PETER. Aye--I that was in a manner left his Guardian-- in his House he had been so often entertain'd--who never in my Life denied him my advice--

SURFACE. O 'tis not to be credited--There may be a man capable of such Baseness, to be sure--but for my Part till you can give me positive Proofs you must excuse me withholding my Belief. However, if this should be proved on him He is no longer a brother of mine I disclaim kindred with him--for the man who can break thro' the Laws of Hospitality--and attempt the wife of his Friend deserves to be branded as the Pest of Society.

SIR PETER. What a difference there is between you--what n.o.ble sentiments!--

SURFACE. But I cannot suspect Lady Teazle's honor.

SIR PETER. I'm sure I wish to think well of her--and to remove all ground of Quarrel between us--She has lately reproach'd me more than once with having made no settlement on her--and, in our last Quarrel, she almost hinted that she should not break her Heart if I was dead.--now as we seem to differ in our Ideas of Expense I have resolved she shall be her own Mistress in that Respect for the future--and if I were to die--she shall find that I have not been inattentive to her Interests while living--Here my Friend are the Draughts of two Deeds which I wish to have your opinion on-- by one she will enjoy eight hundred a year independent while I live-- and by the other the bulk of my Fortune after my Death.

SURFACE. This conduct Sir Peter is indeed truly Generous! I wish it may not corrupt my pupil.--[Aside.]

SIR PETER. Yes I am determined she shall have no cause to complain-- tho' I would not have her acquainted with the latter instance of my affection yet awhile.

SURFACE. Nor I--if I could help it.

SIR PETER. And now my dear Friend if you please we will talk over the situation of your Hopes with Maria.

SURFACE. No--no--Sir Peter--another Time if you Please--[softly].

SIR PETER. I am sensibly chagrined at the little Progress you seem to make in her affection.

SURFACE. I beg you will not mention it--What are my Disappointments when your Happiness is in Debate [softly]. 'Sdeath I shall be ruined every way.

SIR PETER. And tho' you are so averse to my acquainting Lady Teazle with YOUR pa.s.sion, I am sure she's not your Enemy in the Affair.

SURFACE. Pray Sir Peter, now oblige me.--I am really too much affected by the subject we have been speaking of to bestow a thought on my own concerns--The Man who is entrusted with his Friend's Distresses can never----

Enter SERVANT

Well, Sir?

SERVANT. Your Brother Sir, is--speaking to a Gentleman in the Street, and says He knows you're within.

SURFACE. 'Sdeath, Blockhead--I'm NOT within--I'm out for the Day.

SIR PETER. Stay--hold--a thought has struck me--you shall be at home.

SURFACE. Well--well--let him up.-- [Exit SERVANT.]

He'll interrupt Sir Peter, however. [Aside.]

SIR PETER. Now, my good Friend--oblige me I Intreat you--before Charles comes--let me conceal myself somewhere--Then do you tax him on the Point we have been talking on--and his answers may satisfy me at once.--

SURFACE. O Fie--Sir Peter--would you have ME join in so mean a Trick? to trepan my Brother too?

SIR PETER. Nay you tell me you are SURE He is innocent--if so you do him the greatest service in giving him an opportunity to clear himself--and--you will set my Heart at rest--come you shall not refuse me--here behind this Screen will be--hey! what the Devil--there seems to be one listener here already--I'll swear I saw a Petticoat.--

SURFACE. Ha! ha! ha! Well this is ridiculous enough--I'll tell you, Sir Peter--tho' I hold a man of Intrigue to be a most despicable Character--yet you know it doesn't follow that a man is to be an absolute Joseph either--hark'ee--'tis a little French Milliner-- a silly Rogue that plagues me--and having some character, on your coming she ran behind the Screen.--

SIR PETER. Ah a Rogue--but 'egad she has overheard all I have been saying of my Wife.

SURFACE. O 'twill never go any farther, you may depend on't.

SIR PETER. No!--then efaith let her hear it out.--Here's a Closet will do as well.--

SURFACE. Well, go in there.--

SIR PETER. Sly rogue--sly Rogue.--

SURFACE. Gad's my Life what an Escape--! and a curious situation I'm in!--to part man and wife in this manner.--

LADY TEAZLE. [peeps out.] Couldn't I steal off--

SURFACE. Keep close, my Angel!

SIR PETER. [Peeping out.] Joseph--tax him home.

SURFACE. Back--my dear Friend

LADY TEAZLE. [Peeping out.] Couldn't you lock Sir Peter in?--

SURFACE. Be still--my Life!

SIR PETER. [Peeping.] You're sure the little Milliner won't blab?

SURFACE. In! in! my good Sir Peter--'Fore Gad, I wish I had a key to the Door.

Enter CHARLES

CHARLES. Hollo! Brother--what has been the matter? your Fellow wouldn't let me up at first--What[?] have you had a Jew or a wench with you.--