Prefaces to Terence's Comedies and Plautus's Comedies (1694) Part 3

_Art._ ----The same, Sir. Him with the golden Armour, whose whole Army you blew away with a single Puff, like Leaves before the Wind, and Feathers in a Storm.

_Pyr._ By _Hercules_, 'twas nothing.

_Art._ No, faith, Sir, nothing at all to what I can relate,---- [_Aside_] but the Devil a bit of Truth's in't. If any Man can shew me a greater Lyer, or a more bragging c.o.xcomb than this Blunderbuss, he shall take me, make me his Slave, and starve me with Whey and b.u.t.ter-milk-- Well, Sir?

_Pyr._ Where are you?

_Art._ Here, Sir:---- Wonderful! how you broke the great _Indian_ Elephants Arm with your single Fist?

_Pyr._ What Arm?

_Art._ I wou'd ha' said Thigh.

_Pyr._ Pshaw, I did that with ease.

_Art._ By _Jove_, Sir, had you us'd your full Strength, you'd ha' flead, gutted, and bon'd the huge Beast at once.

_Pyr._ I wou'd not ha' ye relate all my Acts at this time.

_Art._ Really, Sir, 'tis impossible to innumerate all your n.o.ble Acts that I have been Spectator of.---- [_Aside._] 'Tis this Belly of mine creates me all this Plagues. My Ears must bear this Burden, for fear my Teeth shou'd want Work; and to every Lye he tells, I must swear to.

_Pyr._ What was I going to say?------

_Art._ O, Sir, I know your meaning.---- 'Twas a n.o.ble Exploit; I remember't very well.

_Pyr._ What was't?

_Art._ Whatever you perform'd, was so.

_Pyr._ Ha' ye a Table-Book here?

_Art._ D'ye want one, Sir?---- Here's a Pencil too.

_Pyr._ Thou'st ingeniously accommodated thy Sentiments to mine.

_Art._ O, 'tis my Duty to adapt my Manners to your Nod, and always keep 'em within the compa.s.s of your Commands.

_Pyr._ Well, how many can you remember?

_Art._ I remember a hundred and fifty _Cilicians_, a hundred _Sycolatronideans_, thirty _Sardeans_, and threescore _Macedonians_, you slew in one day.

_Pyr._ And how many are there in all?

_Art._ Seven thousand.

_Pyr._ That's right. You're an excellent Arithmetician.

_Art._ I have 'em _in capite_, tho' not in black and white.

_Pyr._ Truly, a prodigious Memory!

_Art._ That's owing to your Table.

_Pyr._ As long as you proclaim my Honour, you shall never want eating: my Table shall be always free to receive ye.

_Art._ Then in _Cappadocia_, Sir, where you wou'd ha' certainly cut off five hundred Men, had not your Sword been a little blunt; and those but the Relicts of the Infantry you had just defeated,---- [_Aside_] if there were any such in being.---- But why shou'd I mention these things, when the whole World knows how much the mighty _Pyrgopolinices_ excels the rest of Mortals in Valour, Beauty, and Renown'd Exploits. All the Ladies in Town are ready to run mad for ye; troth, and all the reason i'the World for't, since you've so charming a Countenance. As yesterday, some of 'em catch'd me by the Cloak, and----

_Pyr._ Prithee, what did they say o' me? [_Smiling._

_Art._ They fell to questioning: _Prithee_, says one, _is n't this the stout +Achillis?+ His Brother indeed_, quoth I. _Let me dye_, says another, _if he be n't a wonderful handsome Man, how n.o.bly he looks, and how gracefully he wears his Hair! What a prodigious Happiness 'tis to be his Bed-fellow!_

_Pyr._ Said she so, i' faith? [_Laughing._

_Art._ And more than that, begg'd of me, for G.o.d's sake, to get ye to pa.s.s that way, that they might see how triumphantly you march'd along.

_Pyr._ This same extraordinary Beauty brings a Man to extraordinary Inconveniencies.

_Art._ Well, strangely importunate they were, they nothing but begg'd, pray'd, and conjur'd me to bless 'em with a sight of ye; nay, they sent for me so often, that I was sometimes forc'd to neglect your Business.

_Pyr._ I think 'tis high time to be marching to the Piazza, and pay off the Soldiers I listed yesterday; for the King was very earnest with me to do him the favour of raising him some new Levies. This day have I appointed to pay him a Visit.

_Art._ Let's be marching then.

_Pyr._ Guards, follow your Leader.

_Exeunt omnes._

I need not make many Reflections upon this Scene; but for the clearer perceiving of it, let us bring it to the Touch-stone of Nature, that is, compare it with Terence, and shew how modestly he has manag'd the same +Subject+ and +Characters+, to wit, his +Thraso+ and +Gnatho+, in the beginning of the third Act of his +Eunuch+.

_+Thraso+ and +Gnatho+._

_Thra._ Was the Lady so extremely thankful?

_Gna._ O, vastly, Sir.

_Thra._ And wonderfully pleas'd, say ye?

_Gna._ Really, Sir, not so much for the present as the honorable Person who bestow'd it; and for that, Sir, she triumphs above measure.

_Thra._ Truly, 'tis my peculiar Fortune, to have every thing I do most gratefully receiv'd.

_Gna._ Faith, Sir, I've observ'd as much.

_Thra._ Why the King of _Persia_, whenever I did him a Kindness, was extremely sensible of it: He was n't so to others.

_Gna._ A smart Tongue so well hung as yours, Sir, can obtain that Glory with Ease which cost others so much Toil and Labour.