What a Reckless Rogue Needs Part 30

"You know the rules as well as I do. Why are you being so difficult?"

"I need time to think," she said. I'm scared that you will never love me.

"Let us be officially engaged," he said. "That way we will have freedom, and we can talk about our expectations."

"Suppose we find we do not suit. I cannot break another engagement, Colin." Panic set in.

She might be engaged to him in a week. Why did that frighten her? He wasn't Brentmoor. Yes, he had a rakish reputation, but he had never lied to her or tried to manipulate her. They had already agreed to a trial engagement. The only reason they had waited was to learn more about each other so that they could see if they would suit. She ought to be rejoicing, knowing that the marriage would resolve all of her problems and his as well.

"I know you, Angeline. You are worried. Tell me what troubles you."

You don't love me. "It is nothing, really."

His eyes softened. "Are you feeling guilty about what we did?"

"No." I probably should, but I cannot when I love you.

"You will tell me one way or the other when you know if there are consequences," he said.

She knew he was only being practical, but she yearned for a declaration of love that would not be forthcoming.

"You should not worry. I will not abandon you," he said.

Of all the foolish things to say. "Hah! I might abandon you."

"Where are my smelling salts?" he said, his chest shaking with laughter.

"In all seriousness, we should not rush into an engagement just because we made love."

"Angeline, we already discussed the possibility of marriage. We agreed to spend time together to discover if we are compatible. We are."

"You mean in bed," she said.

He kissed her cheek. "You surpa.s.sed my greatest hopes."

"You think I'm wanton."

"No, I think we're both pa.s.sionate and compatible. Granted, we like to spar, but that is part of the pa.s.sion. You must admit we have worked well together at Sommerall."

"Searching through trunks and making notes of the work that is needed is not the same thing as a marriage," she said.

He folded his hands behind his head. "Isn't marriage made up of everyday things? Breakfast, lovemaking, dinner, lovemaking, tea, lovemaking."

"You are incorrigible."

He turned on his side and propped his head up. "No, I'm delighted-with you. I think we'll rub along, pardon the pun, very well."

He was still under the influence of pa.s.sion. "I think we need to continue our original plan to learn more about each other. We only have two and one-half weeks left."

He lifted her hand for a kiss. "Perhaps we can find a reason to return to Sommerall."

"I think we had better use caution. If we were caught, it could cause hard feelings," she said. "My father suffers enough guilt for what happened and so does my mother. You do not want to disappoint your father, either."

"Trust me. He is disappointed in me and has been for some time."

"I do not believe that he is disappointed in you. You find his ultimatums ridiculous. He can be difficult, but you manage to work around it."

"I tire of it." He rubbed his nose against hers. "But not of you."

He was flirtatious, but they needed to talk about the things that really mattered if they were to make the engagement official. "We are facing the possibility of bringing a child into the world. Yet, we need to discuss if we want a large family or not."

He shrugged. "I never thought much about it. I figure babies will come along when they will."

Yet, his mother had died in childbirth. Many women succ.u.mbed, particularly when there were multiple pregnancies. "It can be prevented?" she said.

"Tonight, I proved it can be a tricky business to prevent. I am sorry. Usually I...never mind."

"Finish what you meant to say."

"You are more delectable than...I expected."

That was not what he'd almost said. "You are speaking very carefully," she said. "To preserve my feminine sensibilities, perhaps?"

"Neither of us can change the past," he said. "You are a lady and my secret fiancee. I rather like the idea; it sounds mysterious. If all goes well, you will be my wife, provided we are both in accord now or when the house party ends. Now, wasn't that easy?"

"I know you've had mistresses."

"That is what bachelors do before they marry. This should be no surprise to you."

She summoned up the courage to ask what she really wanted to know. "Have you ever been in love?"

He remained silent for a long moment. "I thought so once."

"What happened?" she asked.

"Why do you want to know? It happened ten years ago."

"Then why do you hesitate to tell me?"

"Because it ended very badly. Leave it be."

"Did she break your heart?"

His eyes blazed. "I was mad for her, but her husband took exception to the affair de coeur."

Angeline inhaled sharply. "Who was she?"

He shook his head. "My father bought my way out of a duel. He has reasons for being disappointed in me."

"She was older, wasn't she?"

"I knew this would happen. I shouldn't have told you."

"You do realize how hypocritical you are," she said. "I told you every detail about Brentmoor. There were no other serious relations.h.i.+ps. I think the reason you do not tell me is because you do not trust me enough to confide in me."

"I did not want you to hear the sordid truth, and I don't want to remember it, either. I'm not proud of it, Angeline, but I was young and stupid."

"You loved her," she said.

He was silent for a long moment. "Her husband banished her to Scotland. I thought I would lose my mind."

She squeezed her eyes shut. He had loved her.

"Turn on your side," he said. "You must be tired." When she did, he curled up behind her and cupped her breast.

She'd insisted that he tell her. Now she knew. Another woman had once won his love. It shouldn't matter, but it hurt. All along, they had agreed to a marriage of convenience, but she'd hoped he would develop tender feelings for her. He liked her, but he didn't love her. She wondered if he ever would.

Something tickled her neck and something hard pressed against her back.

Colin pressed her shoulder to the mattress. "Good morning."

Memories of the night before flooded her brain. Her face heated as she realized she was naked. Her s.h.i.+ft was half dangling off the foot of the bed.

He nudged her thighs apart and suckled her b.r.e.a.s.t.s.

She inhaled.

He kissed her neck again.

She wanted to succ.u.mb to pleasure, but she was worried. What would happen when he tired of her? "I think we need to talk," she said.

He groaned and rolled onto his back. "Something is troubling you," he said.

"I'm a little concerned about what will happen."

"You worry too much."

"How can I not worry? You know my past. I've no idea what will transpire between us. Yes, I worry."

"It will do no good to worry about what might happen or what happened in the past," he said. "Think about the present."

How could she not think about the past? Brentmoor had betrayed her, and she'd had trouble trusting anyone afterward.

"I can see the worry on your face," he said. "Tell me what it is and I will do my best to rea.s.sure you."

"We will both make every effort to treat each other with kindness and respect."

He looked very serious. "I rather thought that was a given."

"Of course," she said, "but even the happiest of couples have disagreements."

He lifted his palms. "You are worrying about something that has not even occurred. Do you not see that antic.i.p.ating trouble at every turn will frustrate me and make you unhappy? Promise me that you will make every effort to curb this tendency. No good will come from it, Angeline."

She nodded and knew he was right, but she also knew it would not be easy to put her faith completely in him all at once.

"Allow yourself to be happy," he said. "You deserve it. We both do."

"The rain stopped," she said. "We had better dress."

He donned his drawers and walked to the window and pulled the drapes back. It was still dim out, but the sun would rise shortly.

She managed to pin her hair in a simple twist. "Colin, I need your a.s.sistance with the stays, please."

He captured her gaze and tossed the stays aside.

"What are you doing?"

"I can't get last night out of my head."

"You are wicked," she whispered. Evidently she was, too.

"You are as irresistible as sweet cream." He was breathing faster. "I want to taste you again."

Her b.r.e.a.s.t.s felt heavier, and she realized his words had made her slick between her thighs.

He took her hands and regarded her with concern. "Be honest. Are you...well this morning?"

Her heart melted. "I am well...and a little undone."

He took her in his arms. "Are you sorry about last night?"

"No, quite the opposite." She was happy and carefree for the moment. There hadn't been many carefree moments for her in the last year.

"I'm glad," he said.

She wanted to confess what was in her heart, but then he would feel an obligation to her, and she wished for him to want her for his wife. She could not bear it if he felt forced. Yet, she knew if she discovered she was with child, they would have no choice.

Angeline realized she was borrowing trouble again. She gazed into his eyes and told him as much of the truth as she dared. "About last night," she said. "I failed to tell you something."

His expression grew wary.

"I failed to tell you that it was wonderful, and I feel a little bemused this morning."

His smile was as dazzling as the sun spearing through the crack in the drapes. He caught her hands and pulled her up to his chest. When he gave her a lush kiss, she found herself tingling all over. His hands slid down to her bottom. He lifted her up to her toes and pressed her against him. "Do you know what you do to me?"

His breath was as labored as hers. "I suspect the same thing you do to me."

"This may be our last chance for some time. Will you let me make love to you once more?"