My Soul to Keep Part 15

Another blaze of pain. The woman's fingers are smearing something sticky on his back, across the open wounds. Dawit grits his teeth so hard together he is certain they will dislodge from the pressure. He longs to strike out at this woman, the one who is bringing him renewed pain, but he knows she must be a friend.

"Shhhhh. That's right. Just hush. Don't know what p'ssessed you to run like that, straight from the block. You ain't even seen the farm, don't know nothin' *bout Ole Master. There's lots worse than him, when you get sold this far south. You could be in the rice swamp, you ain't careful. Mason Farm ain't so bad."

"He crazy, like I say," the man says. "You all right here, Clara? I'ma go eat *fore it's all gone."

"Bring him some corn pone back?" the woman calls after him, her own voice sounding far away, like an angel's.

The man laughs. "He ain't gon' be eatin' for a long while. Shoot, Ole Master might've done outsmarted hisself this time. He finally git some luck at the poker table, and what he do with it? He buy this crazy n.i.g.g.e.r. Ole Missus say he set down some fifteen hunnert for this one, and then whips him so bad he might not last the night. She fit to be tied. Would serve Ole Master right, too."

"Hush, Ben. He can hear you."

"He ain't hearin' a thing I got to say, or no one else," the man says. "Not for a long while."

Suddenly, Dawit hears nothing. He is in Lalibela, sitting at the ashen bare feet of Khaldun, who smiles warmly and touches the top of his head. Then Khaldun is gone, and Dawit is scaling the slopes of the great Kilimanjaro mountain with Mahmoud-exhausted, laughing, goading each other to be the first to the top. No, it's Ife; he and Mahmoud are guests of a chieftain, delighting him with the stringed instruments they have made. To win his favor and access to his lovely daughters, they join his people in fighting off the neighboring rivals who have raided the village in hopes of capturing them to sell to white traders as slaves.

Slaves.

Mahmoud, Dawit says, I'm very curious about America. Let's go there.

America? Nonsense, Mahmoud retorts. They are barbarians. They slaughter natives and Africans there for sport. Believe what I say, Mahmoud warns with a finger close to Dawit's nose, America will be worse than death for you, Dawit.

Dawit tours Philadelphia first, where his love for music leads him to a hall to hear a Negro orchestra as fine as any in Europe. The founder, a free man named Frank Johnson, offers to grant him an audition. What a discovery Mahmoud has missed!

But Dawit is not ready to settle. He has a keen curiosity to see how Africans live in the South. Dawit has never visited a slave plantation, to see what became of the children of Africans he has seen sold, traded, and kidnapped over so many years. In Europe, he read claims that the North American slaves are pampered and content. Can that possibly be so?

And so he goes. At the dock on the river in Missouri, the steamboat Carlton bl.u.s.ters toward Dawit. A white man on the ramp blocks Dawit's path."Hold up there, n.i.g.g.e.r. You can't purchase a ticket for pa.s.sage on this boat."

"I have money," Dawit says, displaying the coins in his palm.

"We don't have room for no free n.i.g.g.e.rs," the mate says, and Dawit watches the powerful boat thrust a lather in the water as it inches away from him. Dawit is amazed. He has been refused seating in train cars and theaters, and glared at by whites offended by his fine dress in the marketplace, but his money has always served him in some capacity until now. He has tried to adopt the manner of other North American blacks, addressing whites with what sounds to him like a comically condescending deference. But he had forgotten himself with the steamboat mate, failing to call him "Sir"-a mere s.h.i.+p's mate!-and gazing at him straight in the eye as he tried to board. Servility does not suit him, Dawit decides.

Perhaps he has seen enough.

Then ... what?

That is the last he knows. Much of the rest is gone.

Dawit awakens stripped of his fine clothes and his papers, s.h.i.+rtless, and wearing soiled breeches. The back of his head is throbbing. Has he been robbed? Abducted? He is locked in a dark room, pinched from hunger, as though he has not eaten in days. There are chains at his feet, binding him to dozens of other brown- skinned men and women of all ages in a cargo hold with him. He feels the motion of a steamboat.

Everyone is waiting, stone silent. Their fright is palpable. "Where are we?" he asks them.

This Louisiana.We goin' to auction.

Dawit opens his eyes, confused by the distinction between memory and the present. He is at the threshold of both. He is alone, s.h.i.+vering beneath a coa.r.s.e blanket on a dirt floor. There is no motion, so he is no longer on the water. Brilliant daylight streams through the cracks in the wooden walls. He is in a corner. There are barrels all around him, and yokes and bits and other farming supplies: hoes, shovels, plows. The smell of manure is strong in the air. Where is he now?

Lowell Mason. The name comes to his mind, but Dawit has no memories attached to it. He reflects, straining his dulled mind. Soon, he can visualize a white-haired man with a moustache who raises his cane into the air, bobbing it, a face in a crowd.

Fifteen hundred. Sold.

Then, Dawit remembers. He remembers shackles bound so tightly that his ankles are rubbed raw. He remembers a b.u.mpy ride in back of a horse-pulled wagon. He remembers running as soon as his ankles are free, as soon as his feet touch the ground. The impulse to run is all his bewildered mind knows.

Then, his wrists are bound, suspending him from iron hooks on the side of a long wooden building. He dangles, his toes barely reaching the dusty earth. The sun beats against his back. A younger, bigger man with pale skin is calling him names. He has rarely heard this odd English word: n.i.g.g.e.r. He hears a whip snap behind him, and then he feels it bite sharply into his back, tearing away his flesh.

Dawit cries out, sitting up straight, full of rage.

He is no longer bound to the hooks. He is beneath a blanket in this crowded farm storeroom, tortured by memories only. He is breathing hard, his body gleaming with perspiration. Instinctively, he swings his arm around to touch himself between his shoulder blades.

The skin itches, but the b.l.o.o.d.y gaps are gone. His skin is smooth and familiar.

He is tired, so tired.

Dawit hears a creak as an unseen door opens, and the room is flooded with sunlight. He crouches in the corner, hiding behind a barrel, to see who comes. He is determined to kill the intruder. No one will whip him again, not ever.

A silver-haired dark woman appears in front of him. She is old, with teeth missing and skin wrinkled like a raisin. She wears a dress with frilled sleeves that looks as though it might have been very pretty once, but it is so grimy with dirt that it is a mockery of what it was. She offers him a tin cup, standing at a distance. Dawit realizes she is afraid of him.

"You must have an awful thirst by now. You didn't want it last night," she says, barely keeping her voice steady.

Dawit studies her and decides to trust her. He remembers, in a remote way, that this woman has been kind to him. He nods at her and takes the cup, hurriedly slurping the tepid water.

"Couldn't steal you no food, so you gon' have to wait *til evening," the woman says. "I'm Ole Master's cookwoman. There's meat tonight."

Dawit does not speak. He has so many questions for her, but he cannot bear to hear her answers. And she must have as many questions for him, he realizes. Dawit scratches his itching shoulder blade, and he sees the woman's eyes following his motions. He drops his hand away from his healed back.

"Look here," the woman says, speaking softly, her eyes probing into his, "I'ma keep you out of sight long as I can. Ole Master know you got to mend, so he prolly won't call after you for some days. I'll tell him you getting better, by and by. And I'ma find you a s.h.i.+rt to cover your back with. But you gots to keep covered. Else, everyone can see."

She reaches toward him to take the cup back, and Dawit sees the violent trembling of her fingers. He must kill her, he thinks. He has no choice. She knows he has healed. But he does not move. He wants to hear what she has come to say.

"My name Clara," the woman says. "I'm too old for fieldwork and ain't no mo' babies to tend after, so I'se the nurse for coloreds in these parts. Ole Master known me since he was a boy. We was raised up together on this farm."

Dawit gives the cup back to her, wiping droplets of water from his lips. Clara goes on. "I saw yo' back from last night, and then from today, when I brought the blanket. I saw how all the blood is gone, *cept from on the wall."

At this, she swallows hard, and she is so nervous that Dawit expects her to spring backward at any moment. She holds the tin cup in one hand, but extends her other palm for inspection. "Week ago, I drew blood on this hand cutting some cane Ole Master say I could have. Cut was awful deep, hurt me bad. Balm didn't help much, so I beared my pain. Can't do much else. Last night, I still had a red cut sore as could be, swelled up. Big one. You can see the mark for yo'self."

Dawit leans slightly closer, and he can make out a closed, dark scar on her palm. It is small, the length and width of a blade of gra.s.s. The scar looks old, and he sees no swelling.

Clara is breathing faster as she goes on. "This mornin' I wake up 'fore sunrise and first thing comes to my mind is, *Clara, something different today.' And it's my hand. I look at my hand and see the cut all mended, not nearly sore as it was, and I thought it was a miracle from G.o.d. Then I came in to see if you made it through the night, to put some balm on your back. But when I come in, all your marks is gone. Like you ain't never been whipped a day in yo' life.

"Then I look on the wall and I see your blood, and it's still red, ain't dried up like blood do. I touch it, and it feel warm to me. I knew it, then. It's in your blood. That's how your back mend itself. My hand touched your blood last night, so my hand mended and my pain is less. Maybe you a devil. Maybe you got some voodoo. Don't know which. You got healing in your blood."

Dawit's thoughts are overwhelmed by the quick a.n.a.lysis of this old slave woman. Her claim intrigues him: Can it be that the Living Blood has healing properties outside his body? The Life gift is only attainable through Khaldun's ritual-the blood-giving at the moment of death-but this old woman's tale seems to be proof that the blood can function at some small level even without a ritual. Naturally, Khaldun has forbidden experiments to understand the blood's effect on mortals.

By accident, it seems, this woman has discovered in one night what Khaldun himself has not learned in hundreds of years. The thought makes Dawit's heart's pace quicken. He wonders if he should share with Khaldun what he has learned.

Then, Dawit is overcome by grief. He cannot share anything with Khaldun, he realizes. Khaldun is many miles from here, and Dawit is a prisoner on a slave plantation in America. And this old woman, for what she has learned in innocence, must die.

Clara's eyes widen, as though she can hear his thoughts. She holds up one bent, wizened finger. "I ain't gon' say nothin' *bout you, voodoo man. Ole Master would have you sold for sho'. I know why you'se come. You'se come *cause I prayed for it."

With that, tears br.i.m.m.i.n.g in her eyes, she tells Dawit that her young great-grandson lives on a plantation two miles from Mason Farm. At night, she travels there to try to tend to him because his foot was crushed beneath a wagon wheel and nearly severed. The wound is not healing, she says. His foot is turning black, and he has a terrible fever. He no longer recognizes anyone. She is afraid he will die soon, and a boy of only ten.

"I got this cup here, voodoo man, and I got a razor hid in my skirt. You can bleed yo'self into this. Not much. Just a bit. I'ma go tonight and take him the blood to see if it won't help. And then you and me ain't got nothin' mo' to say *bout it. You unnerstand me, voodoo man?"

A razor in her skirt. Dawit realizes how easy it would be to overtake this old woman, steal her razor, and empty the blood from her own bold throat. Imagine such a request! She must be mad.

But Dawit doesn't move. This woman has cared for him and shown him kindness. She does not know all the truth about him, so it is not a direct betrayal of the Covenant to help her. It is risky, yes, and perhaps foolish. But, he thinks, why not? Why should he withhold a few harmless drops of blood?

"If you ever tell anyone what you have seen," Dawit says, his voice rough, "I will kill you, old woman."

He sees Clara's face draining, her features falling limp, as she stares at him. She has taken his words as a refusal. He senses that she is a woman whose life has ill afforded her the luxury of tears, but tears run across her face nonetheless.

Dawit lifts his palm to her. "Give me the cup," he says.

Dawit's first meeting with Ole Master comes nearly a week after his whipping, when the door to the storeroom opens and the man Dawit saw at the auction strides in. It is a Sunday, so the man is dressed in a black suit. Clara has said they were raised together, but despite the droopiness beneath his eyes, he looks decades younger than Clara. He drops a small burlap sack at Dawit's feet. Dawit glares at him.

"These are your clothes and a pair of shoes for the year," Lowell Mason says, not looking at Dawit's face, ignoring the insolence in his eyes. He speaks with yet another accent-drawling and difficult-unfamiliar to Dawit's ears. "There's no need to run from here. You ask either of my n.i.g.g.e.rs-Ben or Clara-and they'll tell you that."

Dawit doesn't answer. His mind is reeling with curses, but he holds his tongue. The man glances at Dawit's eyes, then quickly away, and Dawit believes he is ashamed.

"I heard what you said, that story *bout being a freeman and being sold down the river, and I can't say if that's true or not. You talk real proper, not like any slave I ever heard. All I know is you were at the auction, and I bought you because me and my son can't get on here alone. Mayhap you can read and write, and I can't unlearn you that. But if I hear of you trying to teach it here, or anywhere else nearby, you'll be back on the wall. And if my son can't break you, I know someone who can. I hope it won't come to that."

How tempting it is, Dawit thinks, to wrap his fingers around this man's throat and silence him forever. But what then? He does not know his surroundings well enough to make himself a fugitive murderer. Foolishness has brought him too much danger already.

"What you said you call yourself?" Ole Master asks him.

"Dawit," he answers.

Ole Master shakes his head. "Name on your papers is Seth, so that's what you'll answer to. Your life before, whatever it was, that's all over now. Sunday is rest day. Tomorrow, you work. I've hired you out to Turner's farm, and he'll expect two hundred pounds a day in your sack. And pick it clean, no bolls. Picking started in August, so you've lost me a fortune in just one week."

Lowell Mason, Dawit soon realizes, is not a rich man. Gambling losses have taken their toll, he learns from the one who calls himself n.i.g.g.e.r Ben. The farm was once grand, but it now provides only the barest sustenance; the majority of its horse stalls and six slave quarters are now empty. He has the old man and woman, Clara and n.i.g.g.e.r Ben, but that is all. Both are too old to do much work, so Dawit alone must make farm repairs and tend the three mares. Dawit works from dawn until long after daylight, with twenty minutes to eat at midday and Clara's cornmeal waiting for him at night. Dawit always wears his towcloth s.h.i.+rt to cover his back, no matter how hot the sun in the endless cotton fields.

He is never whipped again, aside from a halfhearted lash from Ole Master's son, Gil, when he was drunk with power and whiskey. Dawit caught the rough cowhide, coiled it around his bare hand, and yanked hard until the whip was taut, silently daring Gil to strike again. Gil looked startled. "Let loose of that, n.i.g.g.e.r," he said, and when Dawit threw it aside, Gil only leaned over to pick it up and walked away. He never raised it to Dawit again, even as a threat. Dawit has never encountered such weak-willed cowards!

Soon, Clara dies in her sleep. Dawit regrets that a woman of her years lived her life in bondage, but he is glad his secret has died with her. The blood healed her hand, but it did not give her the Life gift. So Dawit realizes that her great-grandson, Franklin, who survived his foot injury with the Living Blood she brought him but walks with a limp like n.i.g.g.e.r Ben, must still be a mortal too.

Exploring when he can, Dawit quickly learns the local geography, the outlying woods and bayous, and he knows he can write himself a pa.s.s that might let him travel to the North at any time. But he has taken an interest in Franklin and some of the Turner slaves. On Sundays, their free day, he has begun to teach a group of them to read and write by drawing letters of the alphabet in the dirt. Later, someone steals a Bible to read from. The group has grown steadily, and word of Dawit's gift of knowledge pa.s.ses quickly among them. They are as eager to learn as Dawit was when he first met Khaldun, and that desire touches him. That is why he has decided, at least for a while, to remain here.

One day, the news comes that Ole Master's brother in Virginia has died and left him a new slave. It is a woman, Dawit hears. In the afternoon, Ole Master brings out his carriage for n.i.g.g.e.r Ben to drive him into town. He whistles for Dawit to come to him. Dawit, exhausted from labor and the sun, stands before him.

"Seth," Ole Master says, "the woman I'm bringing is yours. She'll sleep beneath your blanket. If I had a way of thinking like my neighbors, I would take her for my own bed. Or leave her to Gil. But I'm a pious man, and I don't allow that here. So I leave your work to you. This is your mate." And he smiles in a way that makes them conspirators, as though the woman is a gift.

Watching the carriage raise dust as it ambles along the path toward town, Dawit is so enraged that he is shaking. a.s.signing him a wife! Expecting him to lie down with her, to breed with her as though they are no more than livestock! I must leave this place, Dawit says to himself-the thought that plagues his mind so many times a day. The Searchers may come soon, and he does not wish to be seen this way. Property of such a low creature as this, a hypocrite who believes himself a saint!

After nightfall, as Dawit eats ashcake and bacon on the stool in his one-room log quarters, the door flies open. Ole Master stands there, still grinning, with a dark woman taller than he at his side. Her hair is in tight braids wound across her scalp, her cheekbones jut sharply, and she wears a plain, coa.r.s.e dress with frayed black shoes. The woman is glaring at him, her arms wrapped around herself. Her face has no fear, only indignation.

"Seth," Ole Master says, nudging the woman inside his bare, tiny room, "This here is Adele. I want her belly big by winter."

Then Ole Master is gone, and they are alone in darkness. Dawit can no longer even see the statuesque woman left for him, except the memory of her face. Despite her status, she is bitterly proud; her face is so hard, the beauty beneath is nearly masked. Nearly, but not quite. She is clearly Yoruba, a marvel!

Suddenly, Dawit is afraid of himself. He is afraid to be locked in darkness with this woman, this Adele, expected to behave as a beast. He has not held a woman in a long time.

She seems to hear his mind. "If you take me, n.i.g.g.e.r, it's only gon' be with a fight," her raspy voice comes from before him. "I ain't having no more babies. I've had three sold from under me. You hear? No more."

Dawit contemplates her words in silence. He finishes his food and slaps his palms together to rid them of crumbs. "Adele is a lovely name," he says at last. "Fitting for a lovely woman."

"I've whupped bigger menfolk than you, n.i.g.g.e.rs and buckras too. Don't try that pretty talk on me."

Dawit sighs. "Adele," he says, "are you a human being or a beast? Answer me that."

"What you sayin'?"

"I said, are you a human being or a beast?"

She exhales, self-righteous and slightly bewildered. "A human being. You?"

"A human being," he says. He finds his blanket on the floor and tosses it toward her, then slides away to sit against the wall. "Go to sleep, Adele. Lovely Adele. With me, sleep is safe."

At first, there is no movement. Then he hears the sc.r.a.ping of her feet on the floor, feels the air from the blanket as she allows it to float down, and hears her dress crinkle as she curls on top of it, fully clothed. Still, he listens. A few moments later, he hears her breathing slow as she begins to sleep.

Dawit's heart pounds. For long minutes, he sits in the dark wondering what shameful acts he is capable of committing against this mortal woman. Then he, too, closes his eyes and wills sleep to come.

23.

Jessica wasn't sure how long David had been behind her, his skin pressed to her b.u.t.tocks, plying himself between her thighs to gently rub his hardened flesh against her. He glided and retreated until her body's moisture cleaved to him and cleared his path, and then he was inside of her, rocking from behind as if in a sleep-trance. She moaned softly, barely awake herself as his solid warmth crept through her and filled her up.

Through the window, light was glowing faintly as the curtains trembled in a sudden breeze. Dawn was Jessica's favorite time to make love. Every time she awakened to David's morning touch, or made him stir from hers, it was startling, unfamiliar. A secret seduction.

She felt David's hands wander across her stomach beneath her T-s.h.i.+rt, then he found her nipples and plied them until they stood, sending starts of pleasure to her loins. His fingers followed a path across her body's nerves until they rested against her c.l.i.toris, tickling it lightly, just enough to make her squirm and gasp. David's touch was always just right, just so. She writhed, pressing herself against him so he could push himself farther inside her. She wanted to feel him b.u.mp against her full bladder, as far as her flesh would allow.

Even after nearly eight years of marriage, David's sensuality was so strong that her heart still raced, and her body still jumped beneath David's fingers. He never seemed to make love the same way twice, always reinventing himself. Sometimes, under the heat of his weight, she felt herself transcending beyond o.r.g.a.s.m to another place entirely. Before Kira was born, Jessica could scream without control; the more noise she made, the more inspired David's efforts. Now, since Kira's bedroom was directly beside theirs, the strain to be silent sometimes broke her concentration just when her pleasure was sweetest.

This time, once again, Jessica had to grit her teeth as her body below her waist melted away. She quivered inside, bucking against him.

"Yes ..." David whispered, enjoying her gratification.

Behind her, she felt David's abdomen spasm and knew he was coming too. He breathed hard against her ear, biting her earlobe gently, and his hot breath made her s.h.i.+ver to her curled toes.

"Je t'aime beaucoup ..."he whispered.

There was just something about French, Jessica thought. "d.a.m.n ... I love you too."

Her face and flesh felt fevered. She turned to face him, entwining herself around him, pulling his head against her breastbone to cradle it. She held him with fascination, thinking of how vulnerable he'd been as a child, the orphan. Now, all he had was her.