Perfect Behavior Part 15

She (he) replies: "How perfectly ghastly."

This leads to a discussion of: Home Life of Oysters.

Helpful Facts:

1. The average life of an oyster is 38 days, 11 hours.

2. Polygamy is practised among certain cla.s.ses of oysters.

3. The first oyster was eaten by Ossip Gatch, a Pole (d. 1783).

III. Fish.

You say to the partner at your right: "Do you enjoy fish?"

She (he) replies: "I simply adore fish."

This leads to a discussion of: Fish--Then, and Now.

Helpful Facts:

1. Fish make notoriously bad pets, whereas seals can be taught to do many novel tricks.

2. Gloucester (Ma.s.s.) smells badly in summer.

3. Gloucester (Ma.s.s.) smells badly in winter.

IV. Meat. You say to the partner at your right: "Have you ever been through the Stock-Yards?"

She (he) replies: "No." ("Yes.")

This leads to a discussion of: "The Meat Industry in America."

Helpful Facts:

1. Every time a street car goes over the Brooklyn Bridge, a steer is killed in Chicago--and oftener.

2. Raw beefsteak in quant.i.ties is harmful to children under two years of age.

3. A man died recently in Topeka, Kansas, weighing 312 pounds.

4. Many prominent people live on the North Side of Chicago.

V. Salad.

You say to the partner at your right: "What is your favorite salad?"

She (he) replies: "I don't know, what's yours?"

This leads to a discussion of: Favorite Things.

Helpful Facts:

1. Richard Barthelmess is married.

2. B. V. D. stands for "Best Value Delivered."

3. Amy Lowell is fond of cigars.

VI. Dessert.

You say to the partner at your right: "I love ice cream."

She (he) replies: "So do I."

This leads to a discussion of: Love.

Helpful Facts:

1. New York is the hardest state in which to get a divorce in America.

2. Dr. Sigmund Freud is now living in Vienna, Austria.

3. D. H. Lawrence has a black beard.

b.a.l.l.s AND DANCES

In order to succeed in the modern ballroom, and especially in the ballrooms of our exclusive country clubs, a young gentleman or lady of fas.h.i.+on must today be possessed of the following two requisites: i.

A "Line." 2. A closed car. The latter of these "sine qua nons" is now owned as a matter of course by most families and is no longer regarded as a mark of distinction. The former requisite, however, is not so common, but it is nevertheless true that any young person with ambition and a good memory can eventually acquire a quite effective "Line." It is a great aid in this direction if one happens to have spent a year or more at one of our leading eastern universities or "finis.h.i.+ng schools."

These vary, of course, in degree of excellence, but it does not pay to be dogmatic on this subject, and to those who would insist that the Princeton "Line" is more effective than the Harvard ditto, or that the Westover "Line" flows more smoothly than that of Farmington or Spence, one can only say "De gustibus non disputandum est." "Lines" vary also in accordance with the different types of girls who happen to be using them, and (to misquote a rather vulgar proverb) "What is one girl's food may be another girl's poison." Thus it happens that the "Line" which is most universally and interminably employed by the "beautiful" type of girl (consisting, in its entirety, of the three words "How perfectly priceless") would never in the world do for the young miss whose chief a.s.set is a kind heart or a love for really good books.

{ill.u.s.tration caption = The above diagram (one of man), filling the instructive and refined pages of PERFECT BEHAVIOR, will serve as a model to any debutante or dancing man who seriously sets out to achieve social eminence. It is only fair to warn aspirants that rigid adherence to the formula is essential and that any slight slackening of the pace is likely to prove fatal. On the other hand, we confidently guarantee complete success to those who, in reverence and faith, keep the final goal always in sight. His (or hers) be it to keep the sacred flame burning and to pa.s.s the torch along from father to son, from mother to daughter till the end of time, or so long as they do not make any mesalliances, which is just as important in America, whatever may be said to the contrary, as among our "English cousins."}

MIXED DANCING

Another quality which is often helpful on the dance floor, especially to girls, is the ability to dance. This seems to have become largely a trick of keeping abreast of the latest "mode" and while, personally, I greatly regret the pa.s.sing of the stately lancers and other dignified "round dances," yet, if "mixed dancing" has come to stay, it is the duty of every young person to learn to dance as well as possible in the generally accepted manner, even though this often involves some compromising of one's amour propre.

But in addition to all these necessary qualifications the really great person--the true super man or woman of the ballroom--must be possessed of that certain divine something, that je ne sais quoi ability to rise superior to all occasions, to overcome the most difficult situations, which has distinguished the great men and women of all ages. Joan of Arc had it, George Was.h.i.+ngton had it, Napoleon had it--and I venture to say that any of these three, had they lived today, Would have been a social success. But perhaps this fact can best be ill.u.s.trated by taking a typical instance in the ballroom in which "When duty whispered low 'Thou must,' the youth replied 'I can.'"

HINTS FOR STAGS