Bab Ballads and Savoy Songs Part 1

Bab Ballads and Savoy Songs.

by W. S. Gilbert.

THE YARN OF THE "NANCY BELL."

'Twas on the sh.o.r.es that round our coast From Deal to Ramsgate span, That I found alone, on a piece of stone, An elderly naval man.

His hair was weedy, his beard was long, And weedy and long was he, And I heard this wight on the sh.o.r.e recite, In a singular minor key:

"Oh, I am a cook and a captain bold, And the mate of the _Nancy_ brig, And a bo'sun tight, and a mids.h.i.+pmite, And the crew of the captain's gig."

And he shook his fists and he tore his hair.

Till I really felt afraid; For I couldn't help thinking the man had been drinking, And so I simply said:

"Oh, elderly man it's little I know Of the duties of men of the sea, And I'll eat my hand if I understand How you can possibly be

"At once a cook, and a captain bold, And the mate of the _Nancy_ brig, And a bo'sun tight and a mids.h.i.+pmite, And the crew of the captain's gig."

Then he gave a hitch to his trousers, which Is a trick all seamen larn, And having got rid of a thumping quid, He spun this painful yarn:

"'Twas in the good s.h.i.+p _Nancy Bell_ That we sailed to the Indian sea, And there on a reef we come to grief, Which has often occurred to me.

"And pretty nigh all o' the crew was drowned (There was seventy-seven o' soul), And only ten of the _Nancy's_ men Said 'Here!' to the muster roll.

"There was me and the cook and the captain bold, And the mate of the _Nancy_ brig, And the bo'sun tight and a mids.h.i.+pmite, And the crew of the captain's gig.

"For a month we'd neither wittles nor drink, Till a-hungry we did feel, So, we drawed a lot, and, accordin' shot The captain for our meal.

"The next lot fell to the _Nancy's_ mate, And a delicate dish he made; Then our appet.i.te with the mids.h.i.+pmite We seven survivors stayed.

"And then we murdered the bo'sun tight, And he much resembled pig; Then we wittled free, did the cook and me, On the crew of the captain's gig.

"Then only the cook and me was left, And the delicate question, 'Which Of us two goes to the kettle?' arose, And we argued it out as sich.

"For I loved that cook as a brother, I did, And the cook he wors.h.i.+pped me; But we'd both be blowed if we'd either be stowed In the other chap's hold, you see.

"'I'll be eat if you dines off me,' says Tom, 'Yes, that,' says I, 'you'll be,'-- 'I'm boiled if I die, my friend,' quoth I, And 'Exactly so,' quoth he.

"Says he, 'Dear James, to murder me Were a foolish thing to do, For don't you see that you can't cook _me_, While I can--and will--cook _you_!'

"So, he boils the water, and takes the salt And the pepper in portions true (Which he never forgot), and some chopped shalot, And some sage and parsley too.

"'Come here,' says he, with a proper pride, Which his smiling features tell, ''T will soothing be if I let you see, How extremely nice you'll smell,'

"And he stirred it round and round and round, And he sniffed the foaming froth; When I ups with his heels, and smothers his squeals In the sc.u.m of the boiling broth.

"And I eat that cook in a week or less, And--as I eating be The last of his chops, why I almost drops, For a wessel in sight I see.

"And I never larf, and I never smile, And I never lark nor play, But I sit and croak, and a single joke I have--which is to say:

"Oh, I am a cook and a captain bold, And the mate of the _Nancy_ brig, And a bo'sun tight, and a mids.h.i.+pmite, And the crew of the captain's gig!"

CAPTAIN REECE.

Of all the s.h.i.+ps upon the blue, No s.h.i.+p contained a better crew Than that of worthy Captain Reece.

Commanding of _The Mantelpiece_.

He was adored by all his men, For worthy Captain Reece, R.N., Did all that lay within him to Promote the comfort of his crew.

If ever they were dull or sad, Their captain danced to them like mad, Or told, to make the time pa.s.s by, Droll legends of his infancy.

A feather bed had every man, Warm slippers and hot-water can, Brown windsor from the captain's store, A valet, too, to every four.

Did they with thirst in summer burn?

Lo, seltzogenes at every turn.

And on all very sultry days Cream ices handed round on trays.

Then currant wine and ginger pops Stood handily on all the "tops:"

And, also, with amus.e.m.e.nt rife, A "Zoetrope, or Wheel of Life."

New volumes came across the sea From Mister Mudie's libraree; _The Times_ and _Sat.u.r.day Review_ Beguiled the leisure of the crew.

Kind-hearted Captain Reece, R.N., Was quite devoted to his men; In point of fact, good Captain Reece Beatified _The Mantelpiece_.

One summer eve, at half-past ten, He said (addressing all his men): "Come, tell me, please, what I can do To please and gratify my crew.

"By any reasonable plan I'll make you happy if I can; My own convenience count as _nil_; It is my duty, and I will."

Then up and answered William Lee, (The kindly captain's c.o.xswain he, A nervous, shy, low-spoken man) He cleared his throat and thus began:

"You have a daughter, Captain Reece, Ten female cousins and a niece, A ma, if what I'm told is true, Six sisters, and an aunt or two.

"Now, somehow, sir, it seems to me, More friendly-like we all should be.

If you united of 'em to Unmarried members of the crew.

"If you'd ameliorate our life, Let each select from them a wife; And as for nervous me, old pal, Give me your own enchanting gal!"

Good Captain Reece, that worthy man, Debated on his c.o.xswain's plan: "I quite agree," he said. "O Bill; It is my duty, and I will.

"My daughter, that enchanting gurl, has just been promised to an earl, And all my other familee To peers of various degree.