I Just Want You to Know Part 4

In addition our kids had a rare opportunity to be a part of something that provided financial benefits, enjoyable life experiences, and family memories. We were amazed at how well it all worked!

6.

A MIRACLE A DAY.

Our family experienced firsthand G.o.d's provision for us more times than we can count-groceries came exactly when we needed them, we had a "shoe angel" who got us through numerous seasons by providing eight pairs of shoes, we received clothing and even Christmas presents from viewers of our show. Everything was always taken care of.

During our first Christmas on Andrew Avenue, we were getting by but didn't have enough to do anything extra. JoAnn from Georgia sent boxes and boxes of Christmas gifts that she had hand-wrapped for our kids. All I had to do was take them out of the boxes and put them under the tree. JoAnn has sent our kids something each Christmas since-and has since moved on to also helping a quintuplet family. She has never forgotten us and has brought us so much joy as well as relieved so much guilt.

After seeing our first one-hour special, Connie from Ohio emailed me and said she wanted to send our kids each a pair of shoes! She has no idea how much this helped and what her thoughtfulness meant to me. She was our shoe angel. Each season she would email me to find out the kids' shoe sizes. She would then ask me to pick out shoes from online or would copy and paste a few options on email and ask me to pick them. And then she would send us shoes. She even started a shoe club at her church, where a group of women would have coffee and then go pick out shoes for the Gosselin kids. They truly enjoyed shopping for them and my kids were elated to open the packages and see what shoe surprise awaited them.

Lying in front of the freshly decorated Christmas tree.

On the way home from church one Sunday, we had planned to stop by a woman's house. She had seen our hour special on the Discovery Health Channel, contacted me, and asked to meet us; she also said she had a box of things for our family. I checked with Jon and he agreed we should do this. On our way, every single kid fell asleep.

"Kate, are you sure we need to stop by? It's actually peaceful in here for once," Jon said.

"I know, but we told her we would."

"Is it worth going out of our way?"

"It doesn't matter. We need to go since we said we would," I answered.

We pulled up to the house and knocked on the door.

Opening a gift from a fan!

"Thanks so much for stopping by!" the woman said. Her name was Denise, and she was cheery and kind. She and her husband were our age and had two little girls. "I have a few things for you." She pulled out a box of household supplies and then handed us an envelope.

Mady, Hannah, and Cara with packages.

As I looked in, I started to tear up. The envelope was full of gift cards-Target, Walmart, among others-as well as a check. I couldn't believe it. "Thank you so much!" I said to Denise. "You are our miracle today."

Truly at that time, it took a miracle a day.

One Sunday night in September 2007, we were eating dinner when Mady bit down on a crouton and said, "Mommy, my tooth hurts so bad!"

I looked in her mouth and was horrified. One of her teeth was black and rotting. I started tearing when I realized how serious this was. It must have hurt her so badly, and I didn't know how I didn't see this sooner.

Since it was Sunday evening, I couldn't do much at that point, except give her a hefty dose of Motrin and put her to bed. I arranged for a babysitter to come the next day and tried to set up a dentist appointment. Jon's new job meant we had new insurance, plus we had moved away, so we couldn't go to our old dentist. I had a recommendation for a new dentist from our pediatrician, but we hadn't seen her yet. So I left a voicemail, letting her know the situation.

The next morning the dentist's office called back and we set up an appointment for one o'clock that afternoon. Mady would have to miss school, but that was our only option. As we drove to the appointment, I had a bad feeling about it. I hated making Mady the guinea pig to meet the new dentist in this emergency situation. Mady didn't seem to mind too much. She was just chatting away. At one point, she looked out the window and saw a daycare group pus.h.i.+ng a six-seater stroller. "Look, Mommy! They have s.e.xtuplets too. Anyway, um..." and she continued chatting.

The dentist seemed competent enough and told us Mady had a huge cavity with an infection, but then she tried to pull Mady's tooth without Novocain. Mady was up and sitting on the chair and practically hanging from the ceiling in pain! I wouldn't have reacted any better in her situation. Drilling without pain medication? It's heart-wrenching to watch your child go through something like that.

At that point, the dentist said we needed to find a pedontist, that she couldn't help us. I grabbed Mady and raced out of there.

On the way home, through her tears, Mady asked, "Mommy, why was that lady was so mean? Dr. Kristin would never do that to me." I knew what I had to do! I knew I had to do whatever I could to get her back to our old dentist.

When I got home, I called Dr. Kristin and waited to hear back from her office. I kept playing the situation over and over in my mind: Why did I 1 let that happen to Mady? Both Jon and I apologized to her and she just brushed it off like it was nothing. I am continually amazed by the resilience of children.

The next morning the phone rang early. Dr. Kristin's office had an opening at three that afternoon. I called Jon to make sure he could take her, and then rescheduled an eye appointment we had. This was an emergency!

Mady did really well at the dentist; she said it only hurt "like two half times and one whole time." We had no idea what that meant, but she was content and no longer in pain.

Mady at a rare trip to Dutch Wonderland.

Jon was now stuck with the fun job of wrestling with costs and insurance. He managed to pull the dentist aside, and she kindly agreed to work things out with our new insurance. I was so relieved, I started crying when Jon told me. All of our kids' dental issues would be taken care of, and we've gone to Dr. Kristin ever since. Another miracle from the Lord.

I always considered it my job to save money whenever possible, and I constantly used coupons and looked for sales. One way for me to save money was to buy in bulk or stock up during sales. That worked out well, except we were often faced with s.p.a.ce issues. We knew an extra freezer would help so much. My surgery was what finally convinced us. I was cooking two weeks ahead in preparation for my temporary incapacitation, and I needed a place to store the food I had prepared. It was a big decision to spend $650 on an upright freezer, but the need had become urgent. We found a great sale for $550. When we came home with the freezer, my brother found a $50 coupon, so we went back and had the receipt adjusted. This thrilled me!

Another big expense for us to consider was rear air-conditioning for the Big Blue Bus. The van had front air, but because these vehicles were primarily used commercially, they weren't equipped with rear air. For us, this meant the kids in the back would roast if we traveled in hot weather. We bought battery operated clip-on fans, which did pull some of the cool air back, but it wasn't enough. For a while we attended the early service at church so we'd be home by noon or 12:30, before the heat really hit; but planning trips around the weather just wasn't practical in every situation. We knew we had to make this investment.

The solution came when we opted to drive instead of fly to Florida for our show-related trip that summer. Even though it took us nineteen hours to drive, it worked out to everyone's advantage since production picked up the cost of air-conditioning instead of ten plane tickets, and we had the lasting benefit of having rear air-conditioning in our van. This was yet another example of how the show provided for our needs that we wouldn't have been able to cover otherwise. All these perks helped us to survive.

Hannah, Alexis, and Collin as we loaded up the Big Blue Bus.

I still see the show as a blessing that provided for many of our needs. Plus, because of the show, we pursued opportunities that we otherwise wouldn't have considered. It was important to me for our kids to be able to experience these trips because I did not have similar opportunities as a kid.

Even with the show, we couldn't have managed alone. We needed help from others. When help came, I needed to learn to accept it, which was another hard lesson for me to learn. I like to be independent.

As we settled into our neighborhood in Elizabethtown, our community reached out to us. One neighbor loved to bake and used to make us delicious cookies every other week or so-a huge neatly arranged bag of them. I so appreciated having fresh baked cookies in our house. Other people in the community used to make us dinner every so often. We didn't even know them, but their care and concern was so helpful and important to us. Someone making us dinner meant that my whole naptime was free to do laundry and catch up on other things.

While our schedule got crazier with the show, our financial pressures eased up because of increasing fringe benefits. Thankfully companies unsolicited started sending us sample product, and our kids were all too happy to open the surprise of the day. We absolutely loved it, as it helped subsidize our living costs. Then companies noticed we ate organically and sent us organic juice boxes and snacks, which was a complete luxury we certainly appreciated.

We could hardly believe how much was sent to us, as fans too would send us new and secondhand clothing and toys-stuff that we very much needed. So many of these generous people didn't want anything in return-they just wanted to help us through a difficult time where we were still living paycheck to paycheck.

I once again find myself in an uncertain financial situation now that I feel the burden of providing for eight kids and carry the weight of such a large responsibility on my shoulders.

Looking back over that time in my life when I was dependent on others to provide for our basic needs gives me the confidence to believe that no matter what, we will be taken care of. There's a verse in the Bible that talks about how G.o.d cares for even sparrows, and he takes care of us that much more. He has never let us down. I can give my worries over to G.o.d as he has shown himself faithful to us time and again.

My family weathered the season when our financial situation was a struggle, and we made it through. Our needs were always met. I know we'll get through the storm again because something, somehow will work out. It always does. Today, the mortgage is paid, food is on our table, the kids are in a school they love. I've learned to work as hard as I can while being grateful for the provisions and blessings of today, and I chose not worry about the particulars tomorrow will bring.

Letter to Hannah Dear Hannah, Oh sweet, sweet girl, I absolutely enjoy being your mommy! I remember the moment your name came to me. I was on the sofa in the family room of our Dauphin Avenue house, the first place you called home. I was resting and thinking of names-the two things that occupied almost every moment of my time while you were in my belly.

There was a girl in our church named Hannah. She was around my age and very sweet. I found myself thinking about her-and then her name-and I realized I loved the name Hannah...with an h on the end, of course! So when Daddy came home from work that day, I asked him what he thought about the name on my mind, and he emphatically agreed. So Hannah (or Baby B until birth) you were! Later, in keeping with Alexis's middle name, you became Hannah Joy. You have been a complete joy to raise, so your name fits you nicely.

You were born on a Monday, May 10, 2004, the day after Mother's Day. By the Friday after you were born, during one of my frequent visits to the neonatal nursery, your nurse, Sandi, asked if I would like to hold you. This was extremely exciting to me because I had not yet been able to hold any of you. So, Hannah, the nurse wrapped you in what seemed like nine million blankets and put a teeny pink hat on your doll-sized head and placed all two pounds eleven ounces of you in my anxiously outstretched arms.

I was completely unable to control the stream of tears that rolled down my cheeks as I cradled you closely for the first time since you left your spot right below my heart. I kissed you repeatedly, but your forehead was so small that each kiss nearly covered your entire face. You didn't seem to mind as you slept peacefully in your Eskimo wrap.

Every miniature part of you was exactly perfect. I almost couldn't resist the urge I felt at that moment to get up and run straight home with you in my arms-except I knew that you needed to grow and gain strength before that was possible, so you needed to stay in your protective "bubble," your incubator.

I have enjoyed watching you grow, Hannah. Almost immediately you showed maturity beyond your years. You were barely walking when you a.s.signed yourself the task, each morning as I dressed all of you, of collecting all six pairs of pajamas and depositing them in the hamper that loomed much higher than your head. Once, when you were two and a half, you cheerily announced that you would "go downstairs and watch the kids." I laughed and thanked you as I reminded you "the kids" were the same age as you.

You have always taken pride in your independence and your ability to help me. You have always seemed to know when I have been especially tired, and it is then that you offer extra help. I don't think you know how much I have appreciated that.

Early on, you developed a love of horses, and around the same time you took pride in your long hair-your own mane! This prompted my nickname for you, "Long Hair Lilly." Sometimes you still request that I say good night to Long Hair Lilly, not Hannah! Other names you have taken on, that you have come to know and love, are "Hanni" and "m.u.f.fy." I have enjoyed seeing your gorgeous smile when I refer to you this way! It's our little thing-no one else is allowed to call you those names! So beautiful you are!

As an infant, you looked like a doll baby that I had purchased at the store. Really, you did! All of your little infant rolls were in just the right spots. You had perfectly round rosy cheeks, deep earnest brown eyes, and just the right amount of dark brown hair. As you have grown, you have taken on an exotic appearance. When you smile, the world lights up with you. Once when we visited Hawaii (remember all the fun?), a friend remarked that if we "left Hannah in Hawaii, she'd blend right in." You were too precious to leave behind, of course, so naturally we brought our little Miss Hawaii home with us.

I have enjoyed watching you grow. Even at five years old, I see who you are. You are a unique, bright, and honest little girl who is caring and loving. You are helpful and independent. You have a strong inner strength and much ability to succeed.

Over the last few years our family has changed, and this has caused pain and doubt in you. It has shaken you as it has shaken each of us. This is all expected and normal as we learn to create a new family unit and navigate these differences. I want you to know that although our family life has changed, my love for you will never ever change. I am still the "same mommy," as I frequently remind you and your brothers and sisters, and I always will be. Our structure may appear and feel different, but my goals as your mommy have not changed in any way.

I want to help you, Hannah. And I want you to learn early on a lesson that I did not learn early enough: Accept help where you need it. Make yourself humble and realize that support and care from friends and family-and sometimes people you have never met-will help you survive and succeed. Sometimes the best support comes when we least expect it from someone who we would least suspect to give it. These are angels that G.o.d sends our way to light our paths.

In return, always be vigilant, watching for others that need your help. Reach out to them, even when it's inconvenient to you, and offer your a.s.sistance. Everyone benefits from offers of help. Sometimes your help may mean the difference between existing and really living. If everyone remembered these lessons (that took me a long time to learn!), our world would be full of love and life!

I dream for you a life filled with love, a satisfying career, and family. My hope is that you learn to love G.o.d and rely on him for your needs. People will always fail you, but G.o.d never will. I a.s.sure you of this. I'll always be here for you, Hannah. I am honored to call myself your mom.

Wherever life takes you, I'll go with you helping you however I possibly can. As long as I have breath, I'll love you, support you, instruct you, and guide you every step of the way.

Love forever and always, no matter what, Mommy

7.

TOWER OF BABEL.

In our house when everyone started talking, it was like the Tower of Babel-a noisy Tower of Babel. Everyone was trying to be heard, but when I couldn't understand eight out of ten words, everyone became frustrated. As twins, Mady and Cara have always been glued together and communicated with each other very well. When the little kids started talking, they tried to communicate with me, but not really between themselves, aside from Hannah and Leah.

Hannah and Leah were the first talkers and they translated as well as spoke for the group.

"Hannah, what does he want?"

"Mommy, he wants milk on his cereal."

Mady and Cara also translated for the little kids. Cara's translation was accurate; Mady's translation was what she wanted them to say. And she made it sound so good!

Collin spoke a lot, but I didn't know what language he spoke. It was always sing-songy with a lot of "mommy's" sprinkled in. Collin had a lot to say, even if I didn't understand it.

Alexis also spoke a lot, but she frequently butchered words, so we couldn't understand most of what she said. She took longer to walk or crawl when she was a baby, so she shrieked when the others came up and took her toys. For Alexis, shrieking was a tried-and-true method that she frequently fell back on. She tried so hard to be understood, but she would quickly become frustrated and then say, "Never mind." Even now she butchers words sometimes. She'll say, "What did we have for lunch, Mom? That word I can't say."

"Quesadillas."

"Oh, yeah!"

Aaden didn't talk much and Joel didn't talk at all. Hannah talked so much for Joel, in fact, that our pediatrician told me to ask her to stop.

I remember one of the first conversations I had with Hannah. One day, she came into the kitchen while I was making dinner and said, "Me boo boo," while pointing to her back.

"Where's your boo boo, Hannah?"

"On my back."

"Were you jumping?"

"Yes. Jup. Mommy, I need cake." Now she was pointing to the freezer.

It took me a minute, but I finally figured out she needed the boo boo cold pack shaped like Strawberry Shortcake.

Then when she put it on her arm (close enough to her back), she said, "Mommy, I loo pity."

"You sure do look pretty," I replied as I started to heat up broccoli in the microwave.

"Mommy, my nose!"

"Your nose?" I figured she had another boo boo.

"In my nose, Mommy."

"What's in your nose, Hanni?"

"Broccies."

She smelled the broccoli!

I loved their way of communicating at this age. So simple and fun, and they were all so proud of themselves when I understood them.

Another time, when I was finis.h.i.+ng dressing Joel and Aaden one morning, Hannah came up the stairs saying, "I need to talk to Mommy. I need to talk to Mommy." When she finally reached me in the nursery, she said, "Mommy, my jew cup [juice cup], I can't like it."

She came all the way upstairs to tell me she didn't like her juice, in her best British accent-"can't like it." Leah did like the juice, which she referred to as her "blue baby" [blueberry] juice.

Leah used to say to Jon that she likes the "hair by his mouth, hair by his nose, and hair by his ears." He loved that she said this about his beard!

This was also the time when they started telling on each other. At first, I tried to pay attention to all of it, but after so many months (now years!), I started making them deal with it themselves. Now, if someone starts a sentence with his or her brother or sister's name and unless there is bodily injury involved, I hold up my hand: "I don't want to hear it. Go work it out." Tattling is exhausting!

I use their language as a way to set rules and boundaries by doing fill in the blanks. The little kids love giving the right answers. Here are some of them: "I'm going away because I have to go to work, but I always come..."

"Back!"

"I only go away because I..."

"Have to!"