Poetical Ingenuities and Eccentricities Part 8

But the skipper, who thought it was time to this terrible fight dare finem, With a scalping knife jumps on the neck of the snake secat et dextra crinem, And, hurling the scalp in the air, half mad with delight to possess it, Shouts, 'Darn it--I've fixed up his flint, for in ventos vita recessit!'"

--_Punch._

ST. GEORGE ET HIS DRAGON.

"Haec fabulam's one of those stories, Which the Italians say, 'ought to be true,'

Sed which modern wiseacres have scattered Among les Illusions Perdus!

St. George eques errans erat Qui vibrat a seven-foot sword, Und er wurde eher be all up a tree, Than be caught a-breaking his word.

a.s.suetus au matin to ride out Pour chercher quelquechose for to lick, Cap a pie en harness--and to see him Whack a rusticus pauvre was chic.

Perequitat thousands of peasants, Et mantled in armour complete-- Caedat the whole huddle confestim Et could make them ausgespielt.

Si ce n'est que, sans doute, they were willing, To get up and solemnly swear That the very last Fraulein he'd seen was La plus belle dans tout la terre.

Ein Morgen he saw a le trottoir Puella formosissima tres Implicans amplexus Draconae, So she couldn't get out of his way.

The dragon--donc voila le tableau!

Had eyes sanguine suffectis Alae comme les lutins in 'Paradise Lost,'

Et was, on the whole, insuavis.

For Beaute miserable was there ever Eques who would not do and die?

St. George his hastam projecit Right into the dragon--his eye!

Il coupe sa tete mit sein Schwert gut-- Ses ailes, il coupe mit sein couteau Il coupe sa queu mit his hache des arms, Et la demoiselle let go.

In genua proc.u.mbit the ladye, Et dixit, 'You've saved my life-- Pour toute ma vie I'm your'n,' said she, 'I'm your regular little wife.'

'M'ami,' says he, 'I does these jobs In joc.u.m--get up from your knees, Would you offer outright to requite a knight?

Mon garcon, _he_ takes the fees!'"

--_J. A. M._

THE POLKA.

"Qui nunc dancere vult modo, Wants to dance in the fas.h.i.+on, oh!

Discere debit ought to know, Kickere floor c.u.m heel and toe.

One, two, three Come hop with me-- Whirligig, twirligig, rapidee.

Polkam, jungere, Virgo vis?

Will you join in the polka, miss?

Liberius, most willingly, Sic agemus, then let us try.

Nunc vide, Skip with me.

Whirlabout, roundabout, celere.

Tum laeva cito tum dextra, First to the left, then t'other way; Aspice retro in vultu, You look at her, she looks at you.

Das palmam, Change hands, ma'am, Celere, run away, just in sham."

--_Gilbert Abbot A'Becket._

CLUBBIS NOSTER.

"Sunt quidam jolly dogs, Sat.u.r.day qui nocte frequentant, Antiqui Stephanon, qui stat prope moenia Drury, Where they called for saccos c.u.m prog distendere bellies, Indulgere jocis, nec non Baccho atque tobacco; In mundo tales non fellows ante fuere Magnanionam heroum celebrabe carmine laudeo, Posthae ill.u.s.tres ut vivant omne per aevum, Altior en Stephano locus est, snug, cosy recessus, Hic quarters fixere suos, conclave tenet hic, Hic dapibus c.u.mulata, hic mahogany mensa, Pasc.u.n.tur varies, roast beef c.u.m pudding of Yorks.h.i.+re, Interdum, sometimes epulis quis nomen agrestes Boiled leg of mutton and tr.i.m.m.i.n.gs imposuere Hic double X haurit, Barclay and Perkins ille.

Sic erimus drunki, Deel care! aras dat mendicinum Nec desuit mixtis que sese polibus implent.

Quus 'offnoff' omnes consuesc.u.n.t dicere waiters.

Postquam, exempta fames grubbo mappaque remota.

Pro cyathio clarmet, qui goes sermone vocantur.

Vulgari, of whiskey, rum, gin and brandy, sed ut sunt; Coelicolumqui punch ('erroribus absque') liquore Gaudent; et panci vino quod proebet Opporto, Quod certi black-strap dic.u.n.t nicknomine Graii, Haustibus his pipe, communis et adjiciuntur, s.h.a.g, Reditus, Cubae, Silvae, Cheroots et Havanae, 'Festina viri,' bawls one, 'nunc ludito verbis,'

Alter 'Foemineum s.e.xum' propinquat et 'Hurrah!'

Respondet pot house concessu plausibus omni.

Nunc similes, veteri versantur winky lepores Omnibus exiguus nec. Jingoteste tumultus, Exoritur quoniam summa, nituntur opum vi Rivales [Greek: halloi] top sawyers' [Greek: hemmenai hallon], Est genus injenui luss quod nomine Burking.

Notem est, vel Burko, qui claudere cuncta solebat Ora olim, eloquio, pugili vel forsitan isto Deaf un, vel Burko pueros qui Burxit ad illud, Plausibus aut fictis joculatorem excipiendo, Aut bothering aliquid referentem, constat amic.u.m.

Hoc parvo excut.i.tur multus conamine risus.

Nomina magnorum referebam nunc pauca viorum, Marcus et Henricus Punchi duo lumina magna (Whacks his Aristoteleam, Sophoclem, Brown wollopeth ille) In clubb.u.m adveniunt, Juvenalis et advenit acer Qui veluti Paddywhack for love conlundit amicos; Ingentesque animos non parvo in corpore versans Tullius; et Matutini qui Sidus Heraldi est Georgius; Albertus Magnus; vesterque poeta.

Praesidet his Nestor qui tempore vixit in annae, Credetur et vidisse Jophet, non youngster at ullos.

In chaff, audaci certamine, vinceret illum, Ille jocus mollit dictis, et pectora mulcet, Ni faciat tumblers, et goes, et pocula pewter, Quippe Aliorum alii jactarent forsan in aures."

--_Punch._

LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD.

"You ask me to tell you the story Of the terrible atra wood, Of the Lupi diri, [Greek: mikro pai, Kai] parvula Red Riding Hood.

Patruus trux, he gave her A deux larrons pravi; Et dear little robins came and Cut up c.u.m the folii.

And then he scandit Beanstalk, And giant caedit tall Et virgo grandis marri-ed Et Rem is prodegit all!

For, semble, une felis was left him-- (Seulement, calamitas!) Il emit chat zwei ocreae Et was Marquis de Carrabas!

[Greek: Kai een] de lady et Ursus (You've heard this much, at least), Et foemina on l'appele Beaute, And the Beast they called A Beast!

Obdormivit, et amitt.i.t Ses moutons and couldn't find 'em, So she never did nothing whatever at all, Et voila! c.u.m caudis behind 'em!

Comme des toutes les demoiselles charmantes Illae the only la.s.s Who could yank her foot nitide Dans le pantoufle de gla.s.s!

Et straw she nevit in auribus, Et finally--child did win De expiscere Arcanum name Nami erat Rumplestiltzskin!

[Greek: Trike oikade mikro pai]: Ciel! c'est time you should!

Ad lectum to dream of the story Of little Red Riding Hood!"

--_J. A. M._

"ICH BIN DEIN."

"In tempus old a hero lived, Qui loved puellas deux; He ne pouvait pas quite to say Which one amabat mieux.

Dit-il lui-meme, un beau matin, 'Non possum both avoir, Sed si address Amanda Ann, Then Kate and I have war.

'Amanda habet argent coin, Sed Kate has aureas curls: Et both sunt very [Greek: agatha], Et quite formosa girls.

Enfin, the youthful anthropos, [Greek: Philoun] the duo maids, Resolved proponere ad Kate Devant cet evening's shades.

Procedens then to Kate's domo, Il trouve Amanda there; [Greek: Kai] quite forgot his good resolves, Both sunt so goodly fair.