The Siren's Song Part 23

Anger broiled deep within him. What the h.e.l.l did she expect of him? He proved time and again he was a worthless cad. He never claimed to be anything else. Wasn't his wh.o.r.e-mongering behavior enough? All told, she was responsible for his ribald actions.

Quietly, she sniffled and sought refuge by the window. Creamy lavender tickled his nose in her wake. Sunlight softened her sedate reflection as she looked to the street below. Beads of her blue gown glittered and her hair glowed with the halo of light streaming through the pane. The gla.s.s reflection captured a tear rolling down her cheek. Even in sadness, Gilly's beauty shattered him. Not just the beauty mirrored in the pane, but the pure heart she struggled to hide from him.

Her shoulders straightened and she wheeled around. "Thank you for coming to my rescue again, Captain Drake. I am terribly sorry for the troubles I have caused you and your crew. Please accept my humblest apologies and grat.i.tude, as that is all I can offer. I will forever be indebted to you." She made a go for the door. "I really must find an apothecary, now."

"You've no money and you don't need that poison."

"And you are hardly one to give advice."

"Perhaps."

"I need to get more laudanum. I don't expect you to understand."

"But I do," he said. "I understand all too well how obsession can ravage the mind. I understand there is no satiety, that you must continually feed the monster within you, so that it doesn't peel away your sanity layer by layer. You see, I understand most perfectly."

He swept a strand of hair from her quivering lip. "Enlightened me, if you will. How were you introduced to opium? 'Twas this Hyde fellow, wasn't it?"

"If you must know, yes. He bought me the laudanum."

Her chin jutted outward and her exhausted, smoky eyes challenged him to speak ill of her dead lover.

"I was with child," she continued. "Bouts of severe nausea kept me from the stage. I'd become tired, weak. Hyde couldn't stand to see me suffer. He insisted I drink as much as I could so that I might feel better. He knew how much I loved to sing. Allowing me to continue to sing would ensure that we had plenty of money. Money to lavish the babe with fine clothing and trinkets envious of the king's own children. We'd be a happy family. He'd see to it. He was thoughtful that way." Gilly focused on her toes again. "But I lost our child. I had let him down."

She let Hyde down? It pained Drake to hear such nonsense. This fellow manipulated her blind faith in him. Had she not known what the opiate would do to her, to her unborn child? Gilly's tragedy tore at his heart like a hook through open flesh. "Losing your child was not your fault. It was the laudanum Hyde provided you."

Slowly, she nodded. "I know." She rubbed her hand up her arm, warding off an invisible chill. And yet she kept her eyes down, away from his. "Hyde confessed he didn't know our child would be harmed. He only wanted to stop my misery."

Bah! Could Gilly not see the truth? Hyde used her love to his advantage. No doubt a child would have interfered in the money she provided him. Drake was beginning to wish Hyde was still alive. He'd like to give the worthless sack of entrails a lesson in pirate torture for what he put Gilly through.

"You've no need to carry on with this guilt. Or the laudanum."

"Well, we all have our weaknesses, don't we?" Shame clouded her satirical smile. "Now, if you please, I bid you good day."

"You're not leaving." His words came out much harsher than he intended.

She peered down to his grasp around her arm. He hadn't realized he'd grabbed her. "'Tis for the best," she said.

"For whom?"

He matched her quizzical look, not entirely sure why he proposed the question. Seeking to deflect any answer she might give, he changed course. "Tell me about the purse." Yes, that was a good question. He wanted answers, wanted to force her to explain the mimicry of her life.

"I didn't know about the diamonds. Won't you believe me?"

"I asked about the bag, not the gems."

She cast a glance to where he still held her. Quickly, he let go. The poor la.s.s had been jostled enough without him adding to her bruises.

"'Twas a gift from Hyde. He had never given me a gift I could keep. Dresses, shoes, jewelry, it was all on loan, at a price, of course. I never understood with all the money we made why these things were loans. But I never questioned him. He knew what was best for us."

"Forgive me for saying as much, but it strikes me as if he did what was best for him, not for you both."

"Oh no, that's not true. It was Hyde who whisked me away from the bottom of society's heels. The ladies looked down their noses at me as if I were rubbish. The men, hardly noticing their wives chattering over my songs, regarded me no different than an overdressed slave. I was for their entertainment and they offered me no respect. It was difficult at times. Hyde showed me I could make money where people enjoyed listening to me sing. It made me happy to look out into a smiling, attentive audience. He collected the money and I lived in a nice room."

"Alone?"

"Well, yes. It wouldn't be proper otherwise."

Drake snorted at that. "Performing in taverns isn't exactly proper, or safe."

"Hyde protected me."

Drake grew weary of hearing about this muckrake. "Sounds to me like he used you and fed you poison to keep you dependent." He raised his hand before she began a protest on the man's character. "The bag, please."

"Yes, well, I had never seen such a beautiful bag. Coming from him, it meant so very much. I thought perhaps he'd finally..."

She looked away then, and thorns of jealousy sprouted within him.

"He'd given it to me not long before he told me we were leaving St. Augustine, heading for Atlanta, just hours before he died."

"And he didn't tell you he hid diamonds inside."

"No."

"Why do you think that is? Didn't he trust you, Gilly? Didn't he consider the danger he placed on you? Perhaps he never meant for you to find out. I get the impression he was quite selfish." Drake was the one being selfish, spouting hurtful accusations against this man Gilly obviously adored. A ghost provoked his begrudging tongue.

"Is it not enough that I anger and disappoint you? Must you continue to a.s.sail me for my foolhardiness in believing in someone?"

"My apologies, Gilly. But a man's heart is not pure. If he loved you half as much as you loved him, he would not have been irresponsible with you."

"Irresponsible? What do you call the way you have treated me? Scrupulous?"

He deserved her venom and had no right pa.s.sing judgment on Hyde. "I claim to be nothing more than what I am. There is no worth in tampering with a man whose blackened heart died years ago. Wretched, I am. Never forget that."

"Scandalous, a little wicked even, but not wretched. Wretched, ruthless men do not have the respect and friends.h.i.+p of other men. Valeryn, Henri, Sam, Willie, I've seen how they look to you."

He chuckled. "Naivete blinds you, love. 'Tis the way of the Rissa boys, is all."

"No, they admire you."

"Not if they knew the truth about me. Do you think they'd admire me knowing it is the lantern hanging from my window in my cabin that lures s.h.i.+ps to the reefs at night?" He waited for that bit of information to sink into her pretty little head. "That's right, Gilly. I may have very well been responsible for the Rowena's unfortunate end."

There it was, the shocked, angry, confused emotions playing across her ethereal face. "I...I could have died that night."

Yes. Let her see him for the monster he had become. Aye, he was selfish. He needed to admit to her his heinous ways. In some strange way, he felt better for it.

Gilly put her fingers to her mouth, addled and, no doubt, deciding what she should do. Drake expected her next move and beat her to the door.

"I'm a b.a.s.t.a.r.d, but I'm not letting you leave now."

"What makes you so cruel that you would condemn the innocent?"

"They're not innocent. No one is. Not even you. And I don't condemn anyone who is not deserving. Crews and pa.s.sengers are saved from wrecks first and foremost."

"I could have died."

"From diving into the raging sea after a purse. Nearly took me to a watery grave with you." He smiled, but Gilly turned away.

"Why do you do it?" She walked back to the window. "Why do you steal their cargoes?"

Her tone was born of curiosity, not denunciation. She was trying to figure him out and he felt compelled to explain further.

"Wrecking is a prosperous venture. The reefs and shoals are hard to navigate even for skilled pilots, and the sands s.h.i.+ft often. s.h.i.+ps run aground regularly. Conches are at the ready to work wrecks. They're like d.a.m.ned c.o.c.kroaches. I can't waste time drifting along coastlines waiting for a s.h.i.+p to get into trouble. I'm not eager to split profits with overzealous salvagers, either. There is much labor that goes into salvaging."

She faced him pointedly. "But you are the cause."

"Not directly. I don't drive the captains to run aground. They know the dangers of the Straits. But when they do wreck, I offer help. For a price, of course."

"It's wrong. You play with people's livelihoods."

"Your Hyde cheated at cards. Emptied out many savings, I'm sure. Do you mean to tell me he didn't have a hand in destroying a few lives himself? You're a bit of a hypocrite."

Anger spouted from her lips. "You're wrong about him."

His own anger rushed forth. "You really don't see it, do you?"

"See what?"

"When did Hyde give you the bag?"

"I really don't see how that-"

Like a stormy surge of seawater breaching a s.h.i.+p's hull, he couldn't staunch the flow of his harsh words. "When did he give it to you? It was after your miscarriage, wasn't it?"

"I don't understand-"

"Wasn't it?"

Confusion marred her brow. "Yes."

"After you lost the babe, did you stop taking the laudanum?"

She shook her head. "Please, why are you doing this?"

"Answer me, Gilly. Did you stop?"

"I wanted to stop. I wanted to."

"But Hyde insisted you continue taking it, didn't he? Didn't he!" She jumped as he shouted his accusation.

"You must understand. I became ill again." Torment wreathed her pleading eyes. More tears welled up. "My stomach churned, my back stiffened and ached. Every breath I took was like trying to breathe through a wet blanket. My skin itched, a thousand spiders crawling over every inch of my body. Going mad, I was going mad."

"And so he rescued you. He had all the answers, your Hyde. He'd protect you by feeding you more poison." Drake should have shown her more pity. She didn't deserve his corrosive sarcasm. But, d.a.m.n it, he couldn't control his vicious tongue for the man who inflicted such h.e.l.l upon her. Blast! And she loved him.

"How dare you condemn him! You didn't know him. He couldn't stand to watch me suffer. He loved me. He gave me the laudanum to-"

"To feed your addiction."

"No!"

"He needed you to remain dependent upon him. He needed you to carry his diamonds."

"Stop!"

"He gave you the bag, told you to keep the laudanum inside. Do so, and you'd never suffer again."

"Stop!" She slammed her fists into his chest. "Lies! All of it, lies!"

Drake grabbed her wrists. "You waste your guilt on yourself just as your love on that b.a.s.t.a.r.d. He used you. He needed you to ama.s.s wealth to fuel his l.u.s.t for the gaming tables. A child would complicate his life, stand in the way of his greed. First, he poisoned the babe to be rid of it. Then he poisoned you, to keep you under thumb. He never loved you."

Gilly sucked in a breath and yanked free of him.

He'd gone too far again. Instantly, he was sorry. Truths were sometimes better delivered delicately. An art he desperately lacked. He placed a hand on her face, an apologetic gesture she did not appreciate. She pulled away and looked to him with a crus.h.i.+ng amount of grief and bitterness.

"Don't you think I knew he didn't love me? Don't you think I knew I killed my child for him? Oh no, I didn't know at the time. No. I was so ignorant, so needy of him." She sank to the bed, covering her face with her hands before continuing. "One night, I began bleeding. I was terrified, but Hyde, he couldn't be bothered. He'd been invited to a well-breeched rout. He told me to rest while he collected a full purse at the card game."

Drake could only imagine the fear and emptiness she must have endured. That alone was enough to put the cad on a rack.

"I sought out a midwife on the other side of town. The old woman said I was fortunate the baby died. If it had lived, the baby would have been born deformed, sickly, an abomination."

By the way Gilly shook her head, Drake knew that Gilly wouldn't have cared in what state the baby was born. She'd have nurtured and cared for it with all the love a mother could give. Wouldn't she let him hold her?

"Shall we talk of guilt?" Her gaze shot up to pin him in place. "I am most deserving of it. I killed my babe. By G.o.d, I killed my babe. I wish with all my soul I could take it back. I wish I would have been stronger."

They were a lot alike, he and Gilly, languis.h.i.+ng in self-condemnation and blame. Aye, she had her demons.

"You are a victim, Gilly. Not a monster."

She stood, a cynical st.i.tch in her brow as she looked to the door. Foolish if she thought he'd let her run away now. Drake didn't want Gilly to hide from him anymore. With no place to go, she moved to the window. Staring into the outside world would have to be harborage enough.

Beyond her, out the window and past the avenue, the bay glittered. s.h.i.+ps docked along the quay, but his sights fell upon the Rissa with her sails furled. Mighty masts shorn of her canvas made her appear less formidable, not the infamous s.h.i.+p of wicked pirates. He sighed and rubbed at the back of his neck.

"I used you, Gilly. I used you for my own gain. And I've hurt you. I am no different than Hyde."

Gilly faced him, stunned, wiping away the tears that trailed down her cheeks. His admission, not sparing her more pain, would be the death of him.

"For that." He drubbed his fist against his heart. "I want you to hate me as much as I hate myself." She must give him the hate he was ent.i.tled to and renew his self-destructive mask.

"You mentioned I play with innocent people's lives," he continued. "'Tis true. And should my crew ever know the truth about the wrecks, I would welcome their mutiny, welcome the blade meant to cleave out my heart. But understand this, I do not send innocents to their deaths. No one has ever died by my heinous trapping. My lantern is set out on nights of calm seas and often when I know of vessels choking with wealth nearby. It takes a lot of money to maintain autonomy for a brotherhood who claims no country as his own. Equally, to protect those who are sympathetic to our cause. There are many, and they are paid handsomely."