Long Tall Texans: Justin Part 8

When she stopped, he mopped her eyes with a tissue. Her cheek was against his broad, shuddering chest, nestled against the thick hair, and her b.r.e.a.s.t.s were lying soft against his stomach. She s.h.i.+vered at the intimacy of it because she didn't have a st.i.tch on.

"You're my wife," he whispered when he saw her embarra.s.sment. "It's all right if I see you without your clothes."

She curled closer. "Yes, I guess it is. It's just...new."

"My G.o.d, yes, I know."

There was an unmistakable note in his voice. She looked up, giving him a sudden and total view of her pretty b.r.e.a.s.t.s. He had to drag his eyes back up to hers.

"My virgin bride," he whispered huskily. His fingers touched her b.r.e.a.s.t.s hesitantly, with something like reverence. "Oh, Shelby. Shelby!"

"I...Dr. Sims made me have some minor surgery, but he muttered about it when I wouldn't let him do a proper job," she said, hiding her eyes from him. "I guess it wasn't quite enough..." Her face went red.

"Why wouldn't you let him do it properly?"

"So that I could prove that I hadn't slept with Tom," she said simply.

"You little fool!" He tilted her eyes up to his. "If I hadn't stopped upstairs, or if I'd ever lost my head with you... G.o.d, it doesn't even bear thinking about!"

She bit her lip, staring at his broad chest with its thick pelt of hair. "Justin...it would have stopped hurting," she began shyly.

"Like h.e.l.l it would." He leaned back with a rough sigh. "I hate to be the bearer of bad tidings, honey, but you're going to have to go back and have the rest of that surgery."

"But..."

He tilted her eyes up to his. "A little pain is one thing, but you've got one h.e.l.l of a lot of proof there," he said curtly. He s.h.i.+fted restlessly, noting her embarra.s.sment and feeling just a little of his own at trying to explain things to her. He drew her head against his chest and bent to brush his mouth softly over hers. "Put your clothes back on while I top off your brandy snifter. The feel of you is making me hurt."

He got up and put her down on the sofa with only a cursory glance. While she fumbled her way back into her pajamas, he poured brandy into her gla.s.s and whiskey into his, and then went searching for a cigarette.

She knew her face was flaming. She'd never imagined that intimacy was so...intimate. But along with the shyness was a kind of excitement that went along with her new discoveries of Justin. He didn't lose control and go wild and hurt her. He was slow and patient and considerate. That made her blush even more.

"Who told you that men go nuts and hurt women when they make love?" he asked conversationally. "Because you seemed to think that's what was going to happen upstairs."

She took the brandy snifter and watched him go back to the armchair, where he sat and pulled up an ashtray. "You did," she said hesitantly. "The night we got engaged, and you lost control."

His eyebrows shot up. "Did I lose it that badly?"

"I thought so." She studied the snifter. "I knew I had this problem, you see, and I'd already been told about the surgery I'd have to have before my first time." She shrugged. "I've been terrified of it ever since my fifteenth birthday, when the doctor examined me for a female dysfunction. Some girls have a little discomfort, but he told me it would be unbearable if I didn't have the surgery. Then when you came on so strong, and I didn't think I could stop you..."

"You didn't tell me any of this," he said quietly.

"How could I?" She sighed miserably. "Oh, Justin, I'm twenty-seven and as green as a preadolescent! I can't even talk about it now without blus.h.i.+ng!"

"I thought you were repulsed by me," he said, his voice deep with remembered pain. "I never dreamed... And then you told me what you did about Wheelor, and my ego shattered." His broad shoulders rose and fell. "I've been a lot rougher with you than I ever would have been if I'd known the truth. It hurt so d.a.m.ned bad to think that you'd been with someone else, and when you flinched away, it made me sick."

"At least now you know why I flinched away," she said with a sigh.

He took a draw from the cigarette. "I want you d.a.m.ned bad," he said without preamble.

She lowered her eyes to the carpet. "I want you, too."

"Then let's do something about it. Go see Dr. Sims. Have the surgery. Let's have a real marriage. The kind where two people sleep together, share together, make babies together."

Her face flamed, but she looked up. "You really do want children, don't you?"

"I want them with you," he said simply. "I never wanted them with any other woman."

"Then I won't need to...to take anything."

He smiled slowly. "No."

She got up, nervous and shy all over again. "I guess it wouldn't be a good idea for us to sleep together?" she asked without realizing how wistful she sounded.

He got up, drawing her eyes as he towered over her. "Maybe it wouldn't, but we're going to. Even if we can't make love, I can hold you."

Her breath sighed out. "Justin, I'm sorry for so many things."

"So am I, but we can't go back." He bent and brushed a gentle kiss across her mouth. "We'll take it one day at a time. I won't rush you again."

She smiled at him. "Thank you."

He smiled back, but he didn't say anything. She watched him put everything away before he came back to her, turning out the light. He still had his cigarette in hand as they went upstairs together.

"Are you all right?" he asked her when they were in bed, and she was curled up beside him. "I didn't hurt you badly?"

"No," she whispered in the concealing darkness.

"I didn't frighten you, either?" he persisted, as if it mattered.

"Not at all," she a.s.sured him, going closer. He was warm and muscular and she loved the feel of him against her. "Not once." She nuzzled her cheek against him. "You're very tender."

"That's how lovemaking should be," he said quietly. "But I'm rusty, Mrs. Ballenger. I've been celibate for quite a while."

She held her breath. "A few months, you mean?"

"Um, not quite." He brushed his mouth over her forehead. "For about six years, Shelby."

She caught her breath. "My gos.h.!.+ I didn't dream...!"

"It's a good thing," he murmured. "I guess you'd have run from me screaming if you'd known, thinking that a man who'd gone hungry that long would be ravenous and uncontrollable."

"But you weren't."

"You needed tenderness, so that's what you got. You won't always get it after we've had each other a few times," he said flatly. "I don't like it that way all the time."

The mind boggled at what he did like and she realized that he'd been curbing his instincts, holding back to make things easier for her. "Justin..."

"Shhh." He kissed her mouth softly. "Go to sleep. You're arousing me."

"I'm sorry."

He kissed her again and rolled over onto his stomach with a long sigh. "Good night, baby doll."

"Good night, Justin."

But she didn't sleep for a long time. There were a thousand questions buzzing around in her mind, and only a few answers. At least she'd gotten one big hurdle out of the way, and Justin still wanted her. That was something. Even if he couldn't love her, he might grow to have some kind of affection for her again. He couldn't blame her totally about the past, since he knew she was still innocent. Or could he? It occurred to her then that he might still want vengeance for the bitterness and humiliation he'd suffered. That was a sobering thought, and it kept her awake for a very long time.

Chapter Seven.

Justin could hardly believe what he saw when he woke up the next morning. He was so used to the dreams of Shelby ending at dawn. But here she was, with her long, dark hair on his pillow, her soft, elfin features relaxed in sleep, her mouth full and sweet and tempting.

He lay there, just watching her, for a long time. He'd been lonely without her. More lonely than he'd realized until they were speaking again. When they were dating, he'd dreamed of having Shelby in his bed, relaxed in sleep, and doing just this-watching her sleep. She couldn't know how precious she was to him, or that last night had been a revelation, a culmination of every longing he'd ever had, even though he hadn't been able to finish what he'd started. Just finding her virginal was a shock of pure delight.

He didn't even start to think about why she'd deceived him. He was too enraptured by the sight of her lovely face in sleep, by her dark head lying so trustingly on his pillow.

When she didn't stir, he smiled gently and bent to brush her lips with his.

He saw her long black eyelashes flutter and then lift. She sighed, saw him and smiled, a new softness in her pale green eyes.

"Good morning," she whispered.

"Good morning." He kissed her again. "Did you sleep well?"

"I've never slept so well in all my life. And you?"

"I could say the same." He pulled the sheet back over her, tucking it in. "You don't have to get up yet."

"Are you going to work this early?" she murmured with a sleepy glance at the clock.

"I have to fly up to Dallas, honey," he said, rising. "A new customer. I'll be home by dark."

"I don't have to be at work until nine," she said with a smug smile.

"I wish you'd give up that job," he said, frowning down at her.

"Justin, I like it," she protested, but not vehemently.

"I don't like having you so handy to Barry Holman," he murmured.

She stared at him. "Maybe he is a womanizer, but not with me," she told him. "He's a very nice man and he's good to me."

Justin turned away. It wouldn't do to have her know how jealous he was of her handsome boss. "I've got to get a shower."

She watched him rummage in his drawer for underwear and head toward the bathroom, her eyes hungry on his bare torso. It seemed so unreal, the intimacy that they'd shared the night before. She blushed just remembering it, but he was gone before he saw the scarlet flush on her cheeks.

She wondered if she should have told him about Tammy Lester and the way Mr. Holman seemed so interested in her. She might do that later.

But she dozed off while he was in the shower, and when she woke up again, he was dressed in a pale gray suit that clung lovingly to the powerful lines of his tall body, and he was straightening his red-and-gray-striped tie in the mirror.

"Is Maria up this early to feed you?" she murmured sleepily.

"I'll have breakfast on the plane." He turned, digging into his pockets, and tossed a set of car keys on the bed beside her. "Take the T-bird to work. Your transportation problem will have to wait until tomorrow."

She sat up, holding the keys. "But how will you get to the airport?"

He c.o.c.ked an eyebrow. "I wonder if my heart will take all this concern?" he asked.

Her soft eyes ran over him and then the night before came back with alarming clarity. She saw him the way he'd been downstairs with her, felt again the intimacy...

"My G.o.d, what a scarlet blush," he murmured, loving her reactions. "I suppose you'd get under the bed if I started reminiscing?"

"You bet I would," she said with her last bit of pride. Then she ruined it all by smiling and hiding her face in her hands. "Oh, Justin," she whispered, remembering.

He sat down on the bed beside her, drawing her forehead against his chest. He smelled of cologne, and just being close to him made her weak and giddy.

"Do you feel like going to work?" he asked then, tilting her eyes up to his. "You don't have to."

"I know." She sighed gently. "But I'm only sore. I was more scared than hurt in the first place."

"You weren't the only one," he murmured. "I've got five new gray hairs this morning thanks to you."

She reached up and touched his neatly combed hair at the temple, where silver hairs were threaded through the black ones. "I'm sorry. I was running away, I guess. You seem to hate me from time to time."

"Sometimes I thought I did," he confessed, and he didn't smile. "Six years is a long time to brood. I believed you, about Wheelor." He slid his hand under her nape. The fingers contracted suddenly, not hard enough to hurt, but hard enough to pin her forehead to his jacket. "Why?" he asked in a deceptively soft voice. "Why lie to me about it? Wasn't breaking the engagement enough, without ripping my pride to shreds, as well?"

And there it was, she thought, the bitterness seeping through. He was never going to get over what she'd done, and the fact of her innocence physically didn't seem to make much difference. It certainly wasn't going to stop him from blaming her for the past, even if he wanted her desperately. He'd always wanted her, but that wasn't enough anymore. Her eyes went misty with sadness. He'd told her last night that he'd been six years without a woman. That showed how bitter he was, that he didn't even want women anymore. But he wanted her, and she could imagine that it made him forget the past when he was close to her. Years of celibacy would probably make a man forget a lot when he was in the throes of pa.s.sion.

Her world crumbled. She closed her eyes with a small sigh.

"I told you why last night," she said. "It was Dad's idea."

"And I told you before, your father liked me. He did everything in the world to help me. That night he and Wheelor came to see me, he even cried, Shelby."

Her eyes lifted to his. "It all goes back to trust, and I know how little of that you have for me," she said. "Not that it's all your fault, Justin. I didn't help things by deliberately lying to you in the beginning. But you don't trust me at all."

His jaw tautened. "I can't," he said. He let go of her all at once and got to his feet, moving away. "I want you, you know that. But I can't let you close. A woman who'll betray a man once will do it twice."

"I'm still a virgin," she reminded him uncomfortably.

"That isn't what I meant. You lied to me. You sold me out." He took a deep breath and pulled out a cigarette. "I'm not even sure you wouldn't do it now with that slick boss of yours." He glanced at her set face, his eyes glittering. "It's easy to see how little encouragement he'd need from you, and he's good-looking, isn't he, honey? There's nothing plain about him."

"You aren't plain," she muttered.