The Humors of Falconbridge Part 47

"What can we do for you to-day, sir?"

Looking _quarteringly_ at the clerk for about two full minutes, says he--

"I'd dunno, just yet, mister, what yeou kin do."

"Those are nice hinges, real wrought," says the clerk, referring to an article the "customer" had just been gazing at with evident interest.

"Rale wrought?" he asked, after another lapse of two minutes.

"They are, yes, sir," answered the clerk. Then followed another pause; the Yankee with both his hands sunk deep into his trowsers' pockets, and viewing the hinges at a respectful distance, in profound calculation, three minutes full.

"They be, eh?" he at length responded.

"Yes, sir, _warranted_," replied the clerk. Another long pause. The Yankee approached the hinges, two steps--picks up a bundle of the article, looks knowingly at them two minutes--

"Yeou don't say so?"

"No doubt about that, at all," the clerk replies, rather pertly, as he moves off to wait upon another customer, who bought some eight or ten dollars' worth of cutlery and tools, paid for them, and cleared out, while our Yankee genius was still reconnoitering the hinges.

"I say, mister, where's them made?" inquires the Yankee.

"In England, sir," replied the clerk.

"Not in _Neuw_ England, I'll bet a fo'pence!"

"No, not here--in Europe."

"I knowed they warn't made areound here, by a darn'd sight!"

"We've plenty of American hinges, if you wish them," said the clerk.

"I've seen _hinges_ made in _aour_ place, better'n them."

"Perhaps you have. We have finer hinges," answered the clerk.

"I 'spect you have; I don't call _them_ anything great, no how!"

"Well, here's a better article; better hinges--"

"Well, them's pooty nice," said the Yankee, interrupting the clerk, "but they're small hinges."

"We have all sizes of them, sir, from half an inch to four inches."

"You hev?" inquiringly observed the Yankee, as the clerk again left him and the hinges, to wait on another customer, who bought a keg of nails, &c., and left.

"I see you've got bra.s.s hinges, tew!" again continued the Yankee, after musing to himself for twenty minutes, _full_.

"O, yes, plenty of them," obligingly answered the clerk.

"How's them bra.s.s 'uns work?"

"Very well, I guess; used for lighter purposes," said the clerk.

"Put 'em on desks, and cubber-doors, and so on?"

"Yes; they are used in a hundred ways."

"Hinges," says the Yankee, after a pause, "ain't considered, I guess, a very neuw invenshun?"

"I should think not," half smilingly replied the clerk.

"D'yeou ever see wooden hinges, mister?"

"Never," candidly responded the clerk.

"Well, I _hev_," resolutely echoed the Yankee.

"You have, eh?"

"E' yes, plenty on 'em--eout in Illinoi; seen fellers eout there that never seen an iron hinge or a razor in their lives!"

"I wasn't aware our western friends were so far behind the times as that," said the clerk.

"It's a _fact_--dreadful, tew, to be eout in a place like that,"

continued the Yankee. "I kept school eout there, nigh on to a year; couldn't stand it--"

"Ah, indeed!" mechanically echoed the poor clerk.

"No, _sir_; dreadful place, some parts of Illinoi; folks air almighty green; couldn't tell how old they air, nuff on 'em; when they get mighty old and bald-headed, they stop and die off, of their own accord."

"Illinois must be a healthy place?" observed the clerk.

"Healthy place! I guess not, mister; fever and ague sweetens 'em, I tell you. O, it's dreadful, fever and ague is!"

"That caused you to leave, I suppose?" said the clerk.

"Well, e' yes, partly; the climate, morals, and the water, kind o' went agin me. The big boys had a way o' fightin', cursin', and swearin', pitchin' apple cores and corn at the master, that didn't exactly suit me. Finally, one day, at last, the boys got so confeounded sa.s.sy, and I got the fever and agy so _bad_, that they shook daown the school-house chimney, and I shook my hair nearly all eout by the roots, with the _agy_--so I packed up and _slid!_"

The clerk being again called away to wait on a fresh customer, the Yankee was left to his meditations and survey. Having some twenty more minutes to walk around the store, and examine the stock, he brought up opposite the clerk, who was busy tying up gimlets, screws, and stuff, for a carpenter's apprentice. Yankee explodes again.

"Got a big steore of goods layin' areound here, haven't yeou?"

"We have, sir, a fair a.s.sortment," said the clerk.

"Them Illinoi folks haven't no _idee_ what a place this Boston is; they haven't. I tried to larn 'em a few things towards civilization, but 'twaren't no sort o' use tryin'!"

"New country yet; the Illinois folks will brighten up after a while, I guess," said the clerk. "Did you wish to examine any other sort of hinges, sir?" he continued.

"Hain't I seen all yeou hev?"