Troilus And Cressida Part 14

Think'st thou to catch my life so pleasantly As to prenominate in nice conjecture Where thou wilt hit me dead?

ACHILLES. I tell thee yea.

HECTOR. Wert thou an oracle to tell me so, I'd not believe thee. Henceforth guard thee well; For I'll not kill thee there, nor there, nor there; But, by the forge that st.i.thied Mars his helm, I'll kill thee everywhere, yea, o'er and o'er.

You wisest Grecians, pardon me this brag.

His insolence draws folly from my lips; But I'll endeavour deeds to match these words, Or may I never- AJAX. Do not chafe thee, cousin; And you, Achilles, let these threats alone Till accident or purpose bring you to't.

You may have every day enough of Hector, If you have stomach. The general state, I fear, Can scarce entreat you to be odd with him.

HECTOR. I pray you let us see you in the field; We have had pelting wars since you refus'd The Grecians' cause.

ACHILLES. Dost thou entreat me, Hector?

To-morrow do I meet thee, fell as death; To-night all friends.

HECTOR. Thy hand upon that match.

AGAMEMNON. First, all you peers of Greece, go to my tent; There in the full convive we; afterwards, As Hector's leisure and your bounties shall Concur together, severally entreat him.

Beat loud the tambourines, let the trumpets blow, That this great soldier may his welcome know.

Exeunt all but TROILUS and ULYSSES TROILUS. My Lord Ulysses, tell me, I beseech you, In what place of the field doth Calchas keep?

ULYSSES. At Menelaus' tent, most princely Troilus.

There Diomed doth feast with him to-night, Who neither looks upon the heaven nor earth, But gives all gaze and bent of amorous view On the fair Cressid.

TROILUS. Shall I, sweet lord, be bound to you so much, After we part from Agamemnon's tent, To bring me thither?

ULYSSES. You shall command me, sir.

As gentle tell me of what honour was This Cressida in Troy? Had she no lover there That wails her absence?

TROILUS. O, sir, to such as boasting show their scars A mock is due. Will you walk on, my lord?

She was belov'd, she lov'd; she is, and doth; But still sweet love is food for fortune's tooth.

Exeunt

>

ACT V. SCENE 1.

The Grecian camp. Before the tent of ACHILLES

Enter ACHILLES and PATROCLUS

ACHILLES. I'll heat his blood with Greekish wine to-night, Which with my scimitar I'll cool to-morrow.

Patroclus, let us feast him to the height.

PATROCLUS. Here comes Thersites.

Enter THERSITES

ACHILLES. How now, thou core of envy!

Thou crusty batch of nature, what's the news?

THERSITES. Why, thou picture of what thou seemest, and idol of idiot wors.h.i.+ppers, here's a letter for thee.

ACHILLES. From whence, fragment?

THERSITES. Why, thou full dish of fool, from Troy.

PATROCLUS. Who keeps the tent now?

THERSITES. The surgeon's box or the patient's wound.

PATROCLUS. Well said, Adversity! and what needs these tricks?

THERSITES. Prithee, be silent, boy; I profit not by thy talk; thou art said to be Achilles' male varlet.

PATROCLUS. Male varlet, you rogue! What's that?

THERSITES. Why, his masculine wh.o.r.e. Now, the rotten diseases of the south, the guts-griping ruptures, catarrhs, loads o' gravel in the back, lethargies, cold palsies, raw eyes, dirt-rotten livers, wheezing lungs, bladders full of imposthume, sciaticas, limekilns i' th' palm, incurable bone-ache, and the rivelled fee- simple of the tetter, take and take again such preposterous discoveries!

PATROCLUS. Why, thou d.a.m.nable box of envy, thou, what meanest thou to curse thus?

THERSITES. Do I curse thee?

PATROCLUS. Why, no, you ruinous b.u.t.t; you wh.o.r.eson indistinguishable cur, no.

THERSITES. No! Why art thou, then, exasperate, thou idle immaterial skein of sleid silk, thou green sarcenet flap for a sore eye, thou ta.s.sel of a prodigal's purse, thou? Ah, how the poor world is pest'red with such water-flies-diminutives of nature!

PATROCLUS. Out, gall!

THERSITES. Finch egg!

ACHILLES. My sweet Patroclus, I am thwarted quite From my great purpose in to-morrow's battle.

Here is a letter from Queen Hecuba, A token from her daughter, my fair love, Both taxing me and gaging me to keep An oath that I have sworn. I will not break it.

Fall Greeks; fail fame; honour or go or stay; My major vow lies here, this I'll obey.

Come, come, Thersites, help to trim my tent; This night in banqueting must all be spent.

Away, Patroclus! Exit with PATROCLUS THERSITES. With too much blood and too little brain these two may run mad; but, if with too much brain and to little blood they do, I'll be a curer of madmen. Here's Agamemnon, an honest fellow enough, and one that loves quails, but he has not so much brain as ear-wax; and the goodly transformation of Jupiter there, his brother, the bull, the primitive statue and oblique memorial of cuckolds, a thrifty shoeing-horn in a chain, hanging at his brother's leg-to what form but that he is, should wit larded with malice, and malice forced with wit, turn him to? To an a.s.s, were nothing: he is both a.s.s and ox. To an ox, were nothing: he is both ox and a.s.s. To be a dog, a mule, a cat, a fitchew, a toad, a lizard, an owl, a put-tock, or a herring without a roe, I would not care; but to be Menelaus, I would conspire against destiny.

Ask me not what I would be, if I were not Thersites; for I care not to be the louse of a lazar, so I were not Menelaus. Hey-day!

sprites and fires!

Enter HECTOR, TROILUS, AJAX, AGAMEMNON, ULYSSES, NESTOR, MENELAUS, and DIOMEDES, with lights

AGAMEMNON. We go wrong, we go wrong.

AJAX. No, yonder 'tis; There, where we see the lights.

HECTOR. I trouble you.

AJAX. No, not a whit.

Re-enter ACHILLES

ULYSSES. Here comes himself to guide you.

ACHILLES. Welcome, brave Hector; welcome, Princes all.

AGAMEMNON. So now, fair Prince of Troy, I bid good night; Ajax commands the guard to tend on you.

HECTOR. Thanks, and good night to the Greeks' general.

MENELAUS. Good night, my lord.

HECTOR. Good night, sweet Lord Menelaus.

THERSITES. Sweet draught! 'Sweet' quoth 'a?

Sweet sink, sweet sewer!

ACHILLES. Good night and welcome, both at once, to those That go or tarry.

AGAMEMNON. Good night.

Exeunt AGAMEMNON and MENELAUS ACHILLES. Old Nestor tarries; and you too, Diomed, Keep Hector company an hour or two.

DIOMEDES. I cannot, lord; I have important business, The tide whereof is now. Good night, great Hector.

HECTOR. Give me your hand.

ULYSSES. [Aside to TROILUS] Follow his torch; he goes to Calchas' tent; I'll keep you company.

TROILUS. Sweet sir, you honour me.

HECTOR. And so, good night.

Exit DIOMEDES; ULYSSES and TROILUS following ACHILLES. Come, come, enter my tent.

Exeunt all but THERSITES THERSITES. That same Diomed's a false-hearted rogue, a most unjust knave; I will no more trust him when he leers than I will a serpent when he hisses. He will spend his mouth and promise, like Brabbler the hound; but when he performs, astronomers foretell it: it is prodigious, there will come some change; the sun borrows of the moon when Diomed keeps his word. I will rather leave to see Hector than not to dog him. They say he keeps a Troyan drab, and uses the traitor Calchas' tent. I'll after.

Nothing but lechery! All incontinent varlets!

Exit

ACT V. SCENE 2.

The Grecian camp. Before CALCHAS' tent