Barrack Room Ballads Part 7

'Alt! Fall in along the troop-deck! Silence all!

Cheer! For we'll never live to see no bloomin' victory!

Cheer! An' we'll never live to 'ear the cannon roar! (One cheer more!) The jackal an' the kite 'Ave an 'ealthy appet.i.te, An' you'll never see your soldiers any more! ('Ip! Urroar!) The eagle an' the crow They are waitin' ever so, An' you'll never see your soldiers any more! ('Ip! Urroar!) Yes, the Large Birds o' Prey They will carry us away, An' you'll never see your soldiers any more!

'Soldier an' Salor Too'

As I was spittin' into the Ditch aboard o' the Crocodile, I seed a man on a man-o'-war got up in the Reg'lars' style.

'E was sc.r.a.pin' the paint from off of 'er plates, an' I sez to 'im, "'Oo are you?"

Sez 'e, "I'm a Jolly--'Er Majesty's Jolly--soldier an' sailor too!"

Now 'is work begins by Gawd knows when, and 'is work is never through; 'E isn't one o' the reg'lar Line, nor 'e isn't one of the crew.

'E's a kind of a giddy harumfrodite--soldier an' sailor too!

An' after I met 'im all over the world, a-doin' all kinds of things, Like landin' 'isself with a Gatlin' gun to talk to them 'eathen kings; 'E sleeps in an 'ammick instead of a cot, an' 'e drills with the deck on a slew, An' 'e sweats like a Jolly--'Er Majesty's Jolly--soldier an' sailor too!

For there isn't a job on the top o' the earth the beggar don't know, nor do-- You can leave 'im at night on a bald man's 'ead, to paddle 'is own canoe-- 'E's a sort of a bloomin' cosmopolouse--soldier an' sailor too.

We've fought 'em in trooper, we've fought 'em in dock, and drunk with 'em in betweens, When they called us the seasick scull'ry-maids, an' we called 'em the a.s.s Marines; But, when we was down for a double fatigue, from Woolwich to Bernardmyo, We sent for the Jollies--'Er Majesty's Jollies--soldier an' sailor too!

They think for 'emselves, an' they steal for 'emselves, and they never ask what's to do, But they're camped an' fed an' they're up an' fed before our bugle's blew.

Ho! they ain't no limpin' procrast.i.tutes--soldier an' sailor too.

You may say we are fond of an 'arness-cut, or 'ootin' in barrick-yards, Or startin' a Board School mutiny along o' the Onion Guards; But once in a while we can finish in style for the ends of the earth to view, The same as the Jollies--'Er Majesty's Jollies--soldier an' sailor too!

They come of our lot, they was brothers to us; they was beggars we'd met an' knew; Yes, barrin' an inch in the chest an' the arm, they was doubles o' me an' you; For they weren't no special chrysanthemums--soldier an' sailor too!

To take your chance in the thick of a rush, with firing all about, Is nothing so bad when you've cover to 'and, an' leave an' likin' to shout; But to stand an' be still to the Birken'ead drill is a d.a.m.n tough bullet to chew, An' they done it, the Jollies--'Er Majesty's Jollies-- soldier an' sailor too!

Their work was done when it 'adn't begun; they was younger nor me an' you; Their choice it was plain between drownin' in 'eaps an' bein' mopped by the screw, So they stood an' was still to the Birken'ead drill, soldier an' sailor too!

We're most of us liars, we're 'arf of us thieves, an' the rest are as rank as can be, But once in a while we can finish in style (which I 'ope it won't 'appen to me).

But it makes you think better o' you an' your friends, an' the work you may 'ave to do, When you think o' the sinkin' Victorier's Jollies--soldier an' sailor too!

Now there isn't no room for to say ye don't know-- they 'ave proved it plain and true-- That whether it's Widow, or whether it's s.h.i.+p, Victorier's work is to do, An' they done it, the Jollies--'Er Majesty's Jollies-- soldier an' sailor too!

Sappers

When the Waters were dried an' the Earth did appear, ("It's all one," says the Sapper), The Lord He created the Engineer, Her Majesty's Royal Engineer, With the rank and pay of a Sapper!

When the Flood come along for an extra monsoon, 'Twas Noah constructed the first pontoon To the plans of Her Majesty's, etc.

But after fatigue in the wet an' the sun, Old Noah got drunk, which he wouldn't ha' done If he'd trained with, etc.

When the Tower o' Babel had mixed up men's bat, Some clever civilian was managing that, An' none of, etc.

When the Jews had a fight at the foot of a hill, Young Joshua ordered the sun to stand still, For he was a Captain of Engineers, etc.

When the Children of Israel made bricks without straw, They were learnin' the regular work of our Corps, The work of, etc.

For ever since then, if a war they would wage, Behold us a-s.h.i.+nin' on history's page-- First page for, etc.

We lay down their sidings an' help 'em entrain, An' we sweep up their mess through the bloomin' campaign, In the style of, etc.

They send us in front with a fuse an' a mine To blow up the gates that are rushed by the Line, But bent by, etc.

They send us behind with a pick an' a spade, To dig for the guns of a bullock-brigade Which has asked for, etc.

We work under escort in trousers and s.h.i.+rt, An' the heathen they plug us tail-up in the dirt, Annoying, etc.

We blast out the rock an' we shovel the mud, We make 'em good roads an'--they roll down the khud, Reporting, etc.

We make 'em their bridges, their wells, an' their huts, An' the telegraph-wire the enemy cuts, An' it's blamed on, etc.

An' when we return, an' from war we would cease, They grudge us adornin' the billets of peace, Which are kept for, etc.

We build 'em nice barracks--they swear they are bad, That our Colonels are Methodist, married or mad, Insultin', etc.

They haven't no manners nor grat.i.tude too, For the more that we help 'em, the less will they do, But mock at, etc.

Now the Line's but a man with a gun in his hand, An' Cavalry's only what horses can stand, When helped by, etc.

Artillery moves by the leave o' the ground, But we are the men that do something all round, For we are, etc.

I have stated it plain, an' my argument's thus ("It's all one," says the Sapper), There's only one Corps which is perfect--that's us; An' they call us Her Majesty's Engineers, Her Majesty's Royal Engineers, With the rank and pay of a Sapper!

That Day

It got beyond all orders an' it got beyond all 'ope; It got to shammin' wounded an' retirin' from the 'alt.

'Ole companies was lookin' for the nearest road to slope; It were just a bloomin' knock-out--an' our fault!

Now there ain't no chorus 'ere to give, Nor there ain't no band to play; An' I wish I was dead 'fore I done what I did, Or seen what I seed that day!

We was sick o' bein' punished, an' we let 'em know it, too; An' a company-commander up an' 'it us with a sword, An' some one shouted "'Ook it!" an' it come to sove-ki-poo, An' we chucked our rifles from us--O my Gawd!

There was thirty dead an' wounded on the ground we wouldn't keep-- No, there wasn't more than twenty when the front begun to go; But, Christ! along the line o' flight they cut us up like sheep, An' that was all we gained by doin' so.

I 'eard the knives be'ind me, but I dursn't face my man, Nor I don't know where I went to, 'cause I didn't 'alt to see, Till I 'eard a beggar squealin' out for quarter as 'e ran, An' I thought I knew the voice an'--it was me!

We was 'idin' under bedsteads more than 'arf a march away; We was lyin' up like rabbits all about the countryside; An' the major cursed 'is Maker 'cause 'e lived to see that day, An' the colonel broke 'is sword acrost, an' cried.

We was rotten 'fore we started--we was never disciplined; We made it out a favour if an order was obeyed; Yes, every little drummer 'ad 'is rights an' wrongs to mind, So we had to pay for teachin'--an' we paid!

The papers 'id it 'andsome, but you know the Army knows; We was put to groomin' camels till the regiments withdrew, An' they gave us each a medal for subduin' England's foes, An' I 'ope you like my song--because it's true!

An' there ain't no chorus 'ere to give, Nor there ain't no band to play; But I wish I was dead 'fore I done what I did, Or seen what I seed that day!