The Punster's Pocket-book Part 3

Vocibus alternant sensus, fraudisque jocosae, Vim duplicem rident, lacrymosaque gaudia miscent.

"From word to word th' ambiguous sense is play'd; Laughing succeeds, and joyful tears are shed."

And Martial:

Sit mihi, Cinna, comes, salibus dictisque facetus, Qui sapit ambiguos fundere ab ore sonos.

"Cinna, give me the man, when all is done, That wisely knows to crack a jest and pun."

Petronius likewise will tell you,

Dicta, sales, risus, urbana crepundia voc.u.m, Ingenii facilis quae doc.u.menta dabunt.

"Jokes, repartees, and laugh, and pun polite, Are the true test to prove a man is right."

And Lucan:

Illi est imperium risus, qui fraude leporis Ambigua fallens, humeros quat.i.t usque solutis Nexibus, ac tremuli trepidant curvamina dorsi, Et jecur, et cordis fibras, et pandit anhelas Pulmonis latebras--

"He's king of mirth, that slightly cheats our sense With pun ambiguous, pleasing in suspense; The shoulders lax become, the bending back Upheaved with laughter, makes our ribs to crack; E'en to the liver he can joys impart, And play upon the fibres of the heart; Open the chambers of _longues_[7], and there Give longer life in laughing, than in air."

[7] Potius _lungs_, as a Dutch commentator would observe.

But to come nearer home, and our own times; we know that France, in the late reign, was the seat of learning and policy; and what made it so, but the great encouragement the king gave punners above any other men: for it is too notorious, to quote any author for it, that Lewis le Grand gave a hundred pistoles for one single pun-motto, made upon an abbot, who died in a field, having a lily growing out of his a--:

"Habe mortem prae oculis.

Abbe mort en prez au culiz."

Nor was his bounty less to Monsieur de Ferry de Lageltre the painter (though the pun and the picture turned against himself), who drew his majesty shooting, and at some distance from him another man aiming at the same fowl, who was withheld by a third person, pointing at the king, with these words from his mouth,

"Ne voyez vous le Roy tirant?"

Having now, from the best authorities, plainly proved the antiquity and excellence of the art of punning, nothing remains but to give some general directions as to the manner how this science is to be taught.

1. Let the husband teach his wife to read it.

2. Let her be appointed to teach her children.

3. Let the head servant of the family instruct all the rest, and that every morning before the master and mistress are up.

4. The masters and misses are to repeat a rule every day, with the examples; and every visiting-day be brought up, to show the company what fine memories they have.

5. They must go ten times through the book, before they be allowed to aim at a pun.

6. They must every day of their lives repeat six synonymous words, or words like in sound, before they be allowed to sit down to dinner,--such as

a.s.sent, Ascent.

A La.s.s, Alas.

Bark, Barque.

Alter, Altar.

A Peer, Appear.

Barbery, Barberrie.

They are all to be found in metre, most laboriously compiled by the learned author of "The English School-master," printed anno 1641, London edit. p. 52.

7. If any eldest son has not a capacity to attain to this science, let him be disinherited as _non-compos_, and the estate given to the next hopeful child.

----Si quid novisti rectius istis, Candidus imperti: si non, his utere mec.u.m[8].

"If any man can better rules impart, I'll give him leave to do't with all my heart!"

[8] Hor. Ep. I. i. 67.

A

PARAGRAPH OF THE FIRST PREFACE THAT WAS OMITTED,

WHICH THE READER (ACCORDING TO HIS JUDGMENT OR DISCRETION) MAY INSERT WHERE HE PLEASES.

There is a remarkable pa.s.sage in Petronius Arbiter, which plainly proves, by a royal example, that punning was a necessary ingredient to make an entertainment agreeable. The words are these: "Ingerebat nihilominus Trimalchio lentissima voce, Carpe. Ego, suspicatus ad aliquam urbanitatem toties iteratam vocem pertinere, non erubui eum qui supra me acc.u.mbebat hoc ipsum interrogare. At ille qui saepius ejusmodi ludos spectaverat, Vides, inquit, illum qui obsonium carpit, Carpus vocatur. Itaque quotiescunque dicit Carpe, eodem verbo et vocat et imperat." And it is further remarkable, that every day of his life he made the same pun at dinner and supper.

[Ill.u.s.tration]

A SECOND PREFACE.

Lest my modesty should be called in question, for venturing to appear in print, in an age so famous for politeness and ingenuity, I think I am bound to say this in my own defence, that these few sheets were not designed to be made public, as being written for my own private use: but what will not the importunity of friends conquer? they were no sooner discovered in my study, but my merry friend George Rochfort, my learned acquaintance Patrick Delany, and my much honoured patron Jonathan Swift, all unanimously agreed, that I should do my own reputation and the world that justice, as to send "such a treasure of knowledge" (as they were pleased to express themselves) to the press. As for the work itself, I may venture to say, it is a work of time and experience, and entirely unattempted before. For which reason, I hope the candid reader will be favourable in his judgment upon it, and consider that all sciences in their infancy have been weak and feeble. The next age may supply where I have been defective; and the next perhaps may produce a Sir Isaac in punning. We know that logicians first spun out reason in categories, predicaments, and enunciations; and at last they came to wind up their bottoms in syllogisms, which is the completing of that science.

The Chaldeans began the mathematics, in which the Egyptians flourished.

Then these, crossing the sea by the means of Thales the Milesian, came into Greece, where they were improved very much by Pythagoras, Anaxagoras, and nopides of Chios. These were followed by Briso, Antipho, Hippocrates, &c. But the excellence of the algebraic art was begun by Geber, an Arabian astronomer (whence as is conceived the word _algebra_ took its rise), and was much since improved by Carda.n.u.s, Tartaglia, Clavius, Stevinus, Ghetaldus, Herigenius, Fran. Van Schooten, Florida de Beaune, &c.

But to return to the Art of Punning again; the progress and improvement of which, I hope, will be equal to the sciences I have mentioned; or to any superior to them, if there be such: reader, I must trespa.s.s a little longer on your patience, and tell you an old maxim, _Bonum quo communius, eo melius_, "Good, the more common, the better it is." You see, I have in imitation of the industrious bee gathered my honey from various flowers; but yet I cannot say, without some diminution and loss to the persons from whom I have taken the examples to my rules, who are likely never to use their puns again.

And here to avoid the imputation of ingrat.i.tude, I must declare to the world, that my worthy friend Dr. R----, who is singularly remarkable for his unparalleled skill in punning, and a most industrious promoter of it, has been a very great instrument in bringing this work to light, as well by animating me to proceed in it, as by endeavouring to procure a good letter for the impression.

The favourable acceptance that my puns have met with in some private companies, makes me flatter myself, that my labours therein will be candidly accepted, as they have been cordially intended to serve my native country.

TOM PUN-SIBI.