Oh! Susannah! - LightNovelsOnl.com
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Plant. I tell you I left 'em here, on this sofa.
Doctor. _(rises indignantly)_ Oh _my_ sofa! Then you'd no business to. How dare you leave the poor things lying on my sofa?
Where are they? _(looking under sofa cus.h.i.+ons)_
Plant. Hang it, sir, that's what I've come to ask _you_. What have you done with them?
_(Enter Tupper.)_
Tupper. _(to Doctor)_ Please, sir, Mrs. O'Hara says--_(hands him her account book)_
Plant. _(seizing Tupper)_ Where are my daughters? _(crosses C, shaking Tupper--threatening him with big stick)_
Tupper. I dunno, sir--give it up.
Plant. No prevarications! You saw the two young ladies.
Doctor. _(surprised)_ Two young ladies! I see now!
Tupper. Are you their _father_, sir? I didn't think you was old enough.
Plant. _(pleased, releases him, pats his head)_ Good lad!
_(crosses down L.)_
Doctor. Where have they gone, Tupper?
Tupper, I dunno, sir--they was fetched.
Plant. Fetched? Who by? _(rus.h.i.+ng at Tupper furiously)_
Tupper. I dunno, sir, two gentlemen--they didn't leave no name, they simply come, saw the ladies---and carried 'em off.
_(Bus.--Plant threatening Tupper--Tupper arm up.)_
_(Exit Tupper quickly.)_
Doctor. _(aside)_ Just my luck--lost two cases!
Plant. A plot, sir--a vile plot--whoever the scoundrels are, they shall pay heavily for this wounded heart.
Doctor. _(seriously)_ Heart? Cardiac? _(hand on Plant's heart, listens)_
Plant. _(half crying, on Doctor's arm)_ My precious jewels!
Two dear girls, Doctor. who have never caused me a moment's uneasiness all their blessed lives.
Doctor. Apparently not. Hadn't you better go and look for them?
Plant. _(excitedly walks up and down)_ Ah, you are not a father--
Doctor. _(aside, looking through microscope)_ Hope not--only married this morning.
Plant. --or you couldn't stand there unmoved. I am struck down in the flower of my days; this is a stroke, sir, a fatal stroke.
Ach! _(cries out with pain--puts hands to his back)_
Doctor. That's not a _stroke_--that's _lumbago_.
Plant. _(hotly)_ Hang it, sir, I speak in parables--I'm not a patient!
Doctor. Not a patient! Then what do you come here for? Parables are no good to me. I've got my living to earn! _(rings bell)_ Good afternoon!
_(Enter Aurora.)_
Aurora. 'Ere's a letter for you, sir.
Doctor. _(taking it)_ Thanks, and show this gentleman out.
Aurora. Very good, sir, we _are_ busy to-day, sir. _(to Plant)_ This way out. _(at door)_
Plant. _(to Doctor)_ You little know whom you are insulting. Some day, sir, your eyes will be opened--and you will discover that the country cousin--
_(Aurora listens and mimics him.)_
--whom you spurned from your door, was none other than a fairy prince, who will this very day lift you from the slough of grovelling poverty to the realms of affluence and prosperity.
Good day, sir!
_(Aurora crosses and exits behind Plant.)_
Doctor. _(alone)_ "This very day"--"Affluence and prosperity"--"fairy prince"--oh, he's off his dot! _(looks at postmark)_ "Ambleside." Why, it's from _(rises and crosses L.)_ Aunt Susannah! "My dear Nephew: I have heard glowing accounts of your success." My success! "I long to see my brilliant nephew --I'm coming up to London to-morrow." To-morrow--to-morrow, _(looks at calander)_ that's Sat.u.r.day, good job it's not to-day.
Mrs. O'Hara's got an Irish party on upstairs and Aunt Susie's so awfully quiet she can't stand the slightest noise, _(reads)_ "It is my constant joy to know that you are devoting your days--and I daresay many of your nights--to the n.o.ble work of alleviating human suffering." _(looks at her picture--reads)_ "I mean to do all that my money can do to help you to pursue your glorious profession with everything in your favor." Its too good to be true! _(rises)_ No, it isn't Quayle's right again! Flo _has_ brought me luck, and on our wedding day! _(pause)_ The very day!
That's what that silly old man with the dyed hair meant. By Jove!
he is a fairy prince! Oh, Flo, Flo, what a honeymoon we'll have!
_(dances all over the room with delight, seizing a sofa cus.h.i.+on to dance with)_
_(Enter Aurora. followed by Ruby. Pearl. Waverly and Andrew in single file.)_
Aurora. The Doctor'll see you directly. Take your seats, please.
_(Ruby and Pearl sit on couch, Ruby L. of Pearl; Andrew and Waverly R. C, laughing.)_
TABLEAU.
Doctor. _(stops dancing suddenly--aside)_ Quayle's right again!
They're flowing in, simply flowing in! _(sits at table--to Waverly down r.)_ Good afternoon. Won't you sit down?
_(Waverly sits O. P. corner.)_
Now what can I do for you? What's the trouble, eh?
