Oh! Susannah! Part 5

Pearl. We saw lots of him then, we were both of us _awfully_ in love with him.

Ruby. And we're longing to see him again! _(pointedly)_

Andrew. _(laughing)_ Oh, are you? Well, I shan't be jealous of _serious_ old Jack.

Ruby. _(aside)_ Oh, won't you?

_(Ruby and Pearl exchange looks, smiling.)_

Waver. Where is he?

Ruby. _(quickly)_ He won't be back till half-past--_(coyly)_ How shall we kill time?

Andrew. I know, come and shoot tin d.i.c.kie-birds at the Aquarium--I must have exercise.

Ruby. Oh, what fun! Come along!

_(Exeunt Ruby and Andrew.)_

Waver. _(breaking away--aside)_ I shall never have the pluck to break it to her that I've got engaged to another girl.

Pearl. _(looking at door, then at Waverly, drops Tier eyes)_ Well!

Waver. _(stands facing audience, back to writing table--to her)_ Miss Plant. there's something I want to say to you--something--I--I--I don't know how to _say_ it.

Pearl. _(coquettishly)_ Then don't say it. Write me a little note, _(taps his arm, goes to table, holds up note-paper and pen)_

Waver. Thanks awfully! _(sits and writes)_

_(Pearl walks away.)_

_(Pauses, aside, alarmed)_ Does she mean business? She's not a lawyer's child for nothing. She might make a Breach of Promise out of this, _(tears up letter and pockets the pieces)_ I'd better blurt it out. _(goes to her)_ I say, it's not--er--it's not that.

Pearl. Not what?

Waver. I mean--er--_(absently takes from his pocket a kodak made like a large turnip watch, and fumbling nervously with it)_ I mean I've been and got--er--I've been and got----

Pearl. A watch?

Waver. No. _(aside)_ But it'll gain time, thank goodness.

Pearl. What is it? _Do_ tell me.

Waver. A detective camera that _defies_ detection.

Pearl. _(rises)_ Oh, what fun! _(takes it from him)_ Let's go and take snap-shots at Andrew and Ruby when they're not looking, then they shall take us--when we're not looking, _(takes his arm)_

_(Enter Tupper.)_

Waver. _(aside)_ She does mean business.

_(Exeunt Waverly and Pearl.)_

Tupper. _(looking after them)_ I don't like the look of those two gents, _(takes cigarette end off ash-tray, lights it)_ They've gorn and eloped with the fust two customers we've 'ad. _(lies on operating couch)_ Oh, well, I don't interfere with other people's business. I got enough to do to look after my own.

_(Enter Doctor in high hat, frock coat, overcoat, carrying a Gladstone bag, looks as if he had something on his mind.)_

_(Jumping off couch)_ I _am_ glad to see you back, sir.

Doctor. Thank you, Tupper--a kind boy--unpack these, _(hands him bag)_

Tupper. _(finds bag very heavy, drops it down by bureau, opens bottom drawer, looks in, aside)_ Empty--must 'ave p.a.w.ned the lot to buy the noo ones, _(takes out pile of books and papers and one collar)_ I wonder if 'e's spliced, 'e looks un'appy enough.

I'll arsk 'im. _(chucks books, MSS., collar, etc., into drawer, anyhow, crosses on tiptoe to Doctor)_ 'Ave yer brought 'er with yer, sir?

Doctor. _(swinging round on revolving chair facing Tupper, who has backed to bureau alarmed)_ Don't talk, I'm busy! _(opening his letters--aside)_ Can that boy have guessed? No, how could he?

_(picks up c.u.mmerbund's letter)_

Tupper. _(aside)_ 'E's got the letter! _(closes drawer)_

Doctor. _(throwing down letters savagely)_ Bills, bills, bills--nothing but bills! _(walks up and down shying things about)_

Tupper. _(aside, stealing out on tiptoe)_ It's my last day out o'

bed, I know it is.

_(Exit Tupper.)_

Doctor. _(takes card out of mirror)_ "Sir Peter and Lady Quayle request the pleasure----" That's what did it, that dinner of Quayle's. Sir Peter told me over dessert, that for the first six months after he started in practice, he was starving. Then he met a young governess who was starving too, and with what their friends called "sublime imprudence" they got married. _And he never looked behind him after_. Then he said if I meant to get on as a gynaecologist, I must get married. "Your wife will prove a mascotte like mine did," he said, "and patients will flow in--simply flow in." Well, I believe in Quayle. That was Tuesday night; on Wednesday I ran down to Lowesloft, proposed to Flo on Thursday, we were secretly married this morning at the Registry Office, she's gone back to her people, and I've come back to town; and what do I find? Nothing but bills, and I can't pay one of them. After settling for the special license, my fare back to town, and that telegram to Aurora. _(feels in pocket, produces coppers)_ I've got sevenpence half-penny in the wide world and a wife! It's all Quayle's fault! d.a.m.n Quayle! I'll never believe in him again. I don't even know where my next meal is coming from, _(walks up and down)_

_(Enter Aurora with the tea--goes to small tea-table.)_

Aurora. 'Ere's yer tea, sir. I was glad to get your telegram.

Mrs. O'Hara was getting quite anxious about you.

Doctor. _(aside)_ About her rent, more likely.

Aurora. She wondered where you'd got to, but I knew, sir. 'Ow is the pore lady? Do you think she'll get over it, Doctor?

Doctor. Don't talk, my good girl, I'm busy, _(cuts bread)_

Aurora _(getting behind couch--aside)_ "'Is good girl," that I am, it's all for 'im. I know 'e's starving. 'E goes for that stale quartern like the pore prodigal gentleman with the 'usks, but I've got a treat for 'im, that there card put it in my 'ead.

_(points to Quayle's card in mirror)_ I've bought 'im a beautiful bird, that'll give 'im a relish, _(to Doctor)_ Couldn't you fancy something light with yer tea, sir? _(back of couch)_

Doctor. Yes, I think I could--I'll finish that tin of potted pig I left, _(rises, gets cC)_

Aurora. _(aside)_ My stars! An' Tupper's ate it!

Doctor. _(opens drawer of bureau)_ Hullo! It's gone!

Aurora. _(to him)_ G-gone bad, sir.