Tales of the Jazz Age - LightNovelsOnl.com
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(_He advances toward her with the graceful, even stride that made him captain of the striding team at Cambridge._)
ULSA: You still say it would be Jack?
MR. ICKY: What does she mean?
DIVINE: (_Kindly_) My dear, of course, it would be Jack. It couldn't be Frank.
MR. ICKY: Frank who?
ULSA: It _would_ be Frank!
(_Some risque joke can be introduced here._)
MR. ICKY: (_Whimsically_) No good fighting...no good fighting...
DIVINE: (_Reaching out to stroke her arm with the powerful movement that made him stroke of the crew at Oxford_) You'd better marry me.
ULSA: (_Scornfully_) Why, they wouldn't let me in through the servants' entrance of your house.
DIVINE: (_Angrily_) They wouldn't! Never fear--you shall come in through the mistress' entrance.
ULSA: Sir!
DIVINE: (_In confusion_) I beg your pardon. You know what I mean?
MR. ICKY: (_Aching with whimsey_) You want to marry my little Ulsa?...
DIVINE: I do.
MR. ICKY: Your record is clean.
DIVINE: Excellent. I have the best const.i.tution in the world--
ULSA: And the worst by-laws.
DIVINE: At Eton I was a member at Pop; at Rugby I belonged to Near-beer. As a younger son I was destined for the police force--
MR. ICKY: Skip that.... Have you money?...
DIVINE: Wads of it. I should expect Ulsa to go down town in sections every morning--in two Rolls Royces. I have also a kiddy-car and a converted tank. I have seats at the opera--
ULSA: (_Sullenly_) I can't sleep except in a box. And I've heard that you were cas.h.i.+ered from your club.
MR. ICKY: A cas.h.i.+er? ...
DIVINE: (_Hanging his head_) I was cas.h.i.+ered.
ULSA: What for?
DIVINE: (_Almost inaudibly_) I hid the polo bails one day for a joke.
MR. ICKY: Is your mind in good shape?
DIVINE: (_Gloomily_) Fair. After all what is brilliance? Merely the tact to sow when no one is looking and reap when every one is.
ME. ICKY; Be careful. ... I will-not marry my daughter to an epigram....
DIVINE: (_More gloomily_) I a.s.sure you I'm a mere plat.i.tude. I often descend to the level of an innate idea.
ULSA: (_Dully_) None of what you're saying matters. I can't marry a man who thinks it would be Jack. Why Frank would--
DIVINE: (_Interrupting_) Nonsense!
ULSA: (_Emphatically_) You're a fool!
MR. ICKY: Tut-tut! ... One should not judge ... Charity, my girl. What was it Nero said?--"With malice toward none, with charity toward all--"
PETER: That wasn't Nero. That was John Drinkwater.
MR. ICKY: Come! Who is this Frank? Who is this Jack?
DIVINE: (_Morosely_) Gotch.
ULSA: Dempsey.
DIVINE: We were arguing that if they were deadly enemies and locked in a room together which one would come out alive. Now I claimed that Jack Dempsey would take one--
ULSA: (_Angrily_) Rot! He wouldn't have a--
DIVINE: (_Quickly_) You win.
ULSA: Then I love you again.
MR. ICKY: So I'm going to lose my little daughter...
ULSA: You've still got a houseful of children,
(CHARLES, ULSA'S _brother, coming out of the cottage. He is dressed as if to go to sea; a coil of rope is slung about his shoulder and an anchor is hanging from his neck._)
CHARLES: (_Not seeing them_) I'm going to sea! I'm going to sea!
(_His voice is triumphant._)
MR. ICKY: (_Sadly_) You went to seed long ago.
CHARLES: I've been reading "Conrad."
