Mr. Punch in the Highlands - LightNovelsOnl.com
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[Ill.u.s.tration: "UNCO CANNY"
_n.o.ble Sportsman._ "Missed, eh?"
_Cautious Keeper._ "Weel, a' wadna gang quite sae faur as to say that; but a' doot ye hay'na _exactly_ hit."]
THE SONG OF THE SCOTCH TOURIST
Those Scotch hotels! Those Scotch hotels Are fit for princes and for swells; But their high charges don't agree With humbler travellers like me.
Twelve s.h.i.+llings daily for my board Is more than I can well afford, For this includes nor ale nor wine, Whereof I drink some when I dine.
Bad sherry's charged at eight-and-six, A price that in my gizzard sticks: And if I want a pint of port, A crown is what I'm pilfer'd for 't.
For service, too, I have to pay, Two s.h.i.+llings, as a rule, per day: Yet always, when I leave the door, The boots and waiter beg for more.
So, till a fortune I can spend, Abroad my autumn steps I'll bend; Far cheaper there, experience tells, Is living than at Scotch hotels!
[Ill.u.s.tration: A VERY DIFFERENT MATTER
_Southern Lord_ (_staying at Highland castle_). "Thank you so much.
I--ah--weally enjoy your music. I think of having a piper at my own place."
_Sandy the piper._ "An' fat kin' o' a piper would your lords.h.i.+p be needin'?"
_Southern Lord._ "Oh, certainly a good piper like yourself, Sandy."
_Sandy_ (_sniffing_). "Och! Inteet!--Ye might easily fin' a lord like your lords.h.i.+p, but it's nae sae easy to fin' a piper like me whatever!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration]
THE END
