Meridian. Part 10

He shrugged.

"Did you picture the window?" Auntie asked.

"No!" I shouted, pus.h.i.+ng Auntie's tender hands away. "She shouldn't have died. She was a baby. I could have done something. I should have done more. If I'd known first aid or if we'd gotten there faster."

"Meridian, all your illnesses, your physical maladies, those are the souls tangling in your energy. If you didn't let Celia go -I mean actively picture your window so she could break through easily and painlessly-then her pain must have transferred. If you felt that much of her pain, you should have died. I don't understand how you're still alive." Auntie was puzzled and thinking hard. "I wasn't there-"

"Do you feel their pain?"

"Not anymore. But it requires practice. Once you're in control of the window, it never hurts.

You feel it, see them pa.s.s."

"So my ankle is fine?" I rotated my foot and it didn't hurt at all.

Very strange. Then it occurred to me that I always seemed to feel better when Auntie was in the room, "It's you, isn't it?"

"Me what?"

"I feel better around you. Or am I imagining that too?"

"Don't kid yourself. The pain is real. But yes, you probably do feel better around me. I've never really thought about it, but souls would pick me. I'm easier to pa.s.s through, so you're not getting bombarded. As soon as you become confident in your ability, your body will get stronger -you might even grow a few feet. I used to be almost five ten, would you believe that? Age shrinks the spine."

"So there have always been small souls pa.s.sing through me?"

"All your symptoms are departing energy punching holes in you, trying to get through.

When I'm around, they pick the easiest route: me."

Talk about a headache. "But -"

61a "Once you learn to stay on this side you can have your window open all the time, like me.

ni You'll get to a point where it's painless, easy, second nature. You'll know when a soul is *pa.s.sing on because you'll see their heaven and know a bit of their life, but it'll be like watching a movie preview -simply a moment of their life shared with you."

"Oh." I was too tired to process all this. The fire danced while Tens hovered.

Auntie abruptly got to her feet and said, "Want some brownies? I have a hankering." She was already moving out of the room, muttering to herself.

"Thanks. Chocolate sounds really good."

I closed my eyes, leaning back into the embrace of the pillows. This was so confusing.

Tens stood there, still and silent.

"What?" I asked, keeping my eyes closed.

"Nothing." He moved closer. Cleared his throat. "Do you want, um, need ... help with your clothes? Or I can ask Auntie to help you instead?" He sounded vulnerable and unsure.

A blush stole over my face. But exhaustion sapped my limbs, making it nearly impossibly to move. "Please."

He tenderly peeled back the blanket and gripped the bottom of my s.h.i.+rt and sweater.

I must have blanched at the intimacy because he said, "I've seen it all before, but I'll close my eyes if you'd rather. Of course, I'm more likely to put my hands in the wrong places with my eyes closed."'

I cracked an eyelid to see him smiling shyly. I raised my arms so he could tug the clothes over my head.

He handed me the unb.u.t.toned pajama top and for the first time in my life I wished it was satin or lace -anything more sophisticated and worldly than Sponge-Bob. Sammy had given these pj's to me last Christmas as his idea of a joke, but they were the softest flannel I owned. I unsnapped my snowpants and lowered the zipper. Tens moved to my feet. "Lift your hips."

I did and pushed the nylon down my legs. He carefully and slowly drew the pants off my legs, replacing them with SpongeBob and letting me finish hauling them all the way up. It registered in the girlie part of my heart that he was the first boy to ever see this much of my skin.

Tens stayed at the end of the couch, his fingers idly running over my ankles as if he needed to rea.s.sure himself that I was okay.

Auntie came hurrying back in. carrying a tray of milk and brownies, and Tens rose from the couch.

62ani *I ate a brownie; it tasted delicious. Auntie settled into a chair by the fire and Tens finished three large brownies before digging around in a basket filled with tools and chunks of wood.

Maybe I'd watched too much television, but I couldn't help wondering. "Auntie?" I didn't know how to ask this question and wasn't sure I really wanted the answer.

She sat in her rocker and pulled out her lap-sized quilting frame. "What is it?"

"Are Fenestras ... Are we witches?"'

"Goodness Gabriel, no!"

"Are the Aterthingies?"

"Aternocti? Not in the traditional sense, no." Auntie held a couple of sc.r.a.ps of cotton together, discarded one and considered another. "They are the DarkNights. Rather than letting souls transition back to the Creator, they ferry the soul to the Destroyer."

"h.e.l.l?" Visions of fire and brimstone flashed through my mind.

She nodded. "It has many names."'

"Do the Aternocti want to hurt Fenestras?"

"Kill us, you mean? Very much so." Auntie's p.r.o.nouncement was so matter-of-fact, she could have been giving me a cookie recipe. But she squinted into the fire, frowning.

A horrifying thought rushed into my head. "Do we want to kill them?"

"No. that's not our job. There are warrior Sangre angels who do that, but if you're lucky you will never meet a Nocti, nor will you meet a Sangre." She shuddered and stared into the fire, forgetting her sewing.

Even Tens paused and waited.

"Oh." Visions of Buffy danced in my head I couldn't imagine myself in cute outfits battling demons. That wasn't on my list of things to do before graduating high school. High school - do I get to go back? "What about ghosts?"

Auntie started st.i.tching again as if a trance had been broken. "They do exist. Usually, their energy is trapped on this plane. They held on to this world rather than moving on."

"Why?"

"It depends, but it could be to see their children grow up or to protect loved ones.

Sometimes they stay to watch over a place or a house. Maybe they're afraid to go on, which is silly since it's simply a change, not an end."

63a "Are they, uh, mean?"' As in. were they trying to kill us too? Because I could swear I was ni being watched.

*Auntie shook her head and shrugged. "The energy has the persona of that which it lived - remember, energy can change form, but doesn't appear or disappear. So if they were evil in one life, that doesn't change simply because their bodies have gone back to the earth. The longer they're here, the harder it is to get them to move on."

"Can they use us?"

"They can be very dangerous. Meridian. Don't start hunting lost souls."

"Why are they dangerous?"

"Their energy is no longer tightly packaged. It's much easier to get tangled in them, especially if they have any reason to want you with them. It can be completely accidental, not malicious in the least. Just be careful."

Lovely, another wrinkle to worry about. "Can anyone see us? I mean, as the light thing rather than just human?" My mind flipped to Senora Portalso calling me luz. Should I mention it? I kept my mouth shut. I didn't know yet whether or not it was okay.

"There are a few humans who have evolved over time to be able to see us."

"How?" Maybe Senora Portalso had seen me. I liked the idea of having someone else, an outsider actually know the truth.

"Not every family of Fenestras gives birth to them. But Fenestra progeny without the power itself still have the ability to sense it and notice it. Think of healers and psychics, people who can see auras or move chi around the body with their hands."

And here I'd always thought they faked it. My memory flashed back to the state fair last summer and the fortune-teller's booth I'd visited on a lark with Sam. She'd said I'd be going on a long journey and would be introduced to a future of light and dark, life and death. I'd told Sammy she was full of c.r.a.p. If I ever saw her again I owed her an enormous apology.

Auntie chuckled to herself. "Enough for tonight. But I have something for you."

I braced myself. So far her gifts hadn't been terribly fun. My expression must have shown my reluctance.

"My journal. Actually it's our journal. Over the centuries, Fenestras from our family have added to, rewritten, and guarded the wisdom we've gained. It won't bite. I promise. I've kept notes over the years, hoping you would come. There isn't enough time to tell you all of it, so you'll need this." She handed me a leather-bound tome with gold edging and a ribbon tie. It was worn and mangled, the oil from many fingers leaving streaks on the pages, marks where the ink had run, and smudges on the cover.

"Thanks." The darn thing was so heavy I had to use both hands to hold it.

"It's been many years since my eyes were good enough to read it cover to cover. Perhaps there's a way to fight the Nocti that I don't remember. I will think on it -we should be prepared. Get some sleep." Auntie kissed me on the forehead and then went back to her seat 64ani by the fire.

*I stood up and put weight on my foot. It was completely normal, as if I'd never felt pain.

"I'll walk you up." Tens shadowed me.

Custos was already snoring on my bed. I laughed.

Tens peeked over my shoulder and chuckled. "Bed warmer?"

"Yeah. I guess."

Custos blinked one eye at us and went back to sleep.

Tens moved around me and turned the s.p.a.ce heater up to high.

I crawled onto the bed and picked up a framed photograph of my parents and Sam from the nightstand. How my life had changed since I'd snapped that shot with Sam's camera. Not for the first time I wished I'd been in a family photograph. Now at least I knew why I was always the one behind the camera.

Tens stuffed his hands in his pockets and paused at the doorway, observing me with a brooding expression that made me s.h.i.+ver. He made me feel itchy and hot and unused to my own skin.

"What?" I broke the silence with a bark.

"Night." He turned and walked out the door.

"Wait!" I called.

He poked his head around the corner. "What?"

"What did Auntie mean, there isn't enough time?"

He wouldn't meet my gaze. "You have to learn to let souls pa.s.s before..."

I thought I saw fear and hurt pa.s.s across his face. I prodded, unsure I still wanted the answer. "Before what?"

He swallowed. "Auntie's dying. She has to pa.s.s through you or the world loses another Fenestra. If you can't do it ... well then, you'll go too." His eyes locked with mine.

"What? No!" I crumpled into myself.

"I wasn't supposed to tell you yet, but I -"

"I asked. It's okay. I wanted to know. Needed to know." Didn't I? No wonder. I closed my eyes and tried to inhale immense breaths.

Tens stepped forward and then stopped, rubbing his hands over his face "I -Sorry-" He 65a backed out of the room and shut the door.

ni *I gave up on sleep. Auntie was dying. I turned the lamp back up to high and tugged the enormous volume onto my lap, flipping through the pages.

March 23, 1921 I do not always get to see the souls that pa.s.s through me. I only feel the warmth of the light and see a glimpse of their afterlife from my vantage point on this side. But I know the feeling. I know when it is coming and I know when a soul makes use of me. I am only beginning to get accustomed to it, but I wonder if it will ever feel natural?

January 2, 1972 Favorite foods, a song, their first love, I know these things the moment the soul pa.s.ses through me, but I am unable to share my knowledge with their families, I hate not being able to bring comfort to the living, only the dying, Other people can bridge and pa.s.s messages and such. I am not skeptical of their ability to do so, but I cannot. I can never get the words out of my throat, no matter how hard I try, I have come to think it is not my place, I am not a medium. I am a window.

October 18, 1931 There is one who is chasing me. I must remember Atlantis, Aztecs, druids, Gede. Easter Island - they all were swallowed by the Aternoctis, Their energy and their people gone because there were too few Sangre and too few Fenestras to cover the world. It is a battle between good and evil that plays out in those brief moments of transition. If they can scoop up the energy, the darkness grows and the world turns with less good. I have heard rumors the Aternocti have gained terrible power in Europe. I must be everywhere I am needed, Perhaps I will travel to Europe on my own. I must save the souls I can. I wish I had a sister Fenestra to share my burdens.

If Auntie felt this way, how was there any hope for me? "I must save the souls I can." How was I supposed to do this? Before she died? I'd never felt so alone.

66ani *

Chapter 13.

The best way to know if she is a Fenestra is to know the date of her birth. She is always first to cry at the stroke of midnight on December the 21st. Our relatives are birthed on the 20th or 22nd, but a Fenestra will always & forever see her first light as a human soul on the day of winter solstice. The darkest morn of the year births the brightest lights.