Running On Empty Part 8

"Hardy-har-har," I state sarcastically, trying unsuccessfully to hide my own laughter. "You guys are hilarious." I roll my eyes at them and turn back to the cabinet. Grabbing a gla.s.s, I walk over to sink and fill it with water. Placing it on the counter, I grab the ibuprofen bottle and start to open it.

"Did you make sure that you can take those with your pain meds?" I turn around to see Blake standing behind me. He reaches around my body, grabs my water, takes a drink and puts it back down on the counter. Why?

"Um, no I didn't because I'm not taking the pain meds. I can't take them with the girls, Blake." I move the gla.s.s of water closer to me.

Blake rakes his hand through his hair, as though he's scratching his scalp. I can tell he's frustrated by the tone of his voice. "Alex, you're going to have to take the meds. You won't be able to sleep unless you do, trust me."

"Um, again, no. I'm not taking them, Blake."

The girls feel the tension in the air and slowly start disappearing from the room. Blake looks at me disapprovingly.

"I told you. I'm here to help. I'll wake you if anything happens. But the most important thing is that you rest so you can heal," he says, gesturing towards my fingers.

"h.e.l.lo! You're so not sleeping here Blake. Like I really want to explain that to my girls. Plus, I don't want to keep you from anything you need to be doing. Thank you, but I don't need you to stay, I'll be fine. Don't worry."

"The thing is, Alex, I do worry, which evidently is the problem here," Blake says, grabbing the ibuprofen pills out of my hand. "I promised the girls I would help you and I don't go back on my promises. I'm not sleeping with you in your bed. I'll be on the couch. So there won't be anything to explain to them. They know I'm here to help because I'm the only person able to help right now. You need help and you know it. I know it. Your girls know it. I really don't think there is any reason to make a big deal about it. So why don't we just make sure you can take these with the other pills."

G.o.d he's annoying.

"Give me the ibuprofen, Blake! You're being ridiculous!" I reach for them but he quickly moves them out of my reach and holds them over his head. "Seriously, Blake! Give them back !"

I jump up to try to reach them, but it's d.a.m.n near impossible. I attempt to jump again, the jerkiness of the movement killing my hand. "d.a.m.n it, Blake! I'm serious!"

"Well, you're just going to have to get over it because I'm not leaving. I can't leave; I drove you here in your car, which means I would have to take your car to my house. I don't think leaving you stranded is a safe alternative. I mean, I'm sure we can figure something out if you really want me to go..." A devious smile breaks across his face. His voice rises louder as he looks over my shoulder. "But I don't plan on going anywhere tonight, that is unless the girls want me to. Girls, do you think I should stay and help your mom out?"

I stop mid jump and look back to see all three girls peeking their little heads around the corner of the kitchen, watching my pitiful attempt to grab the ibuprofen from Blake. The kid card? Again? Really?

"Why can't he stay, Mama? We're supposed to watch a movie later, Blake promised. You said he was your friend, we don't mind if he stays. It'll be like when we have slumber parties with our friends, right? That way if you can't do something and we're already asleep, Blake can help," Kyndall says to me with a look of confusion on her face.

I'm so not ready to deal with this right now. This man shows up a couple of days ago and all of a sudden he has infiltrated my house.

"As I said, Alex, I don't go back on my promises. So the girls and I will be watching " He motions to the girls for help.

"The Little Mermaid!"

"Spy Kids!"

"w.i.l.l.y Wonka!"

Blake shakes his head and continues, "A movie, which we'll evidently be deciding on later. And since I'll be here anyway, you might as well get some comfortable sleep."

For once, I'm completely at a loss. A man has not spent the night in this house since Derek. I'm not really sure how I feel about having any man in this house for an extended period of time. Short visits are fine, but we're talking overnight.

I'm in a whole new realm of confusion.

"Look girls, I know you really like Blake. I like Blake too or he wouldn't be here." I make sure to shoot him a dirty look. "But things are a little more complicated when you're all grown up. It's just not that easy."

"Mom, I don't really see what the problem is. You already broke a gla.s.s tonight all over the floor. I think that we all know you need a little help. And we think that Blake being here is good because he can help you after we go to bed. Plus, what if you need something out of the cabinet that we can't reach? Blake's a lot taller and can get it for you. Mom, please, just let him help." Nycole crosses her arms over her chest and s.h.i.+fts her weight to one side.

Help. That evil little word. d.a.m.n Harlow for being out of town. This would be so much easier with her here...and a lot less to explain.

"Alright, I'll make you a deal. Blake can stay for one movie. Then I'll decide if I need his help through the night, okay? I'm not making any promises. And I don't want any pouty, grumpy faces if I decide he needs to go home. Got it?"

"Yes, ma'am!" They all shout at the same time, each with huge grins on their faces.

I snap my head back to Blake who's also grinning, but his smile is more triumphant.

I lean over and whisper, "Look buddy, you need to wipe that smug smile off your face. No promises have been made, so there's absolutely no reason for you to be smiling like that. You're lucky to get to stay for a movie. And for the record, I hope they choose something that will be extremely painful for you to watch. You deserve it."

Speaking of which...

I excitedly turn back to face the girls. "Alright, go pick a movie! Oh, didn't we just get that new Barney movie? I really think Blake would love that one! You should put it on for him!" I direct my eyes over to Blake and shoot him the best, smart-a.s.s grin I can conjure up.

Blake simply glances at me and then turns his full attention back to the girls. He trumps my enthusiasm with an astounding, "The purple dinosaur? I love that one! Do you guys really have a whole movie? I can't wait! Go get it and let's watch it!" He then looks back at me, giving me his own smart-a.s.s grin.

Jerk.

I decide no baths are necessary tonight. My hand hurts too bad, and there's no way Blake's doing it, so I just decide to skip them all together. And since I don't feel like cooking either, we order pizzas for dinner. After the girls are fed, I pop a few ibuprofen (after internet research confirmed that I could indeed take them with the pain pills), and we load up the new Barney movie despite Nycole's heartfelt protests.

If Blake wants Barney, he's getting Barney. Full length, movie version Barney.

As Blake starts throwing pillows on the floor constructing a make-s.h.i.+ft pallet, I watch the girls literally slide off the couch and onto the floor, making their way to sit by him.

"Hey!" I shout. "Isn't anyone going to sit with me? I'm pretty sure I'm the one whose fingers were almost broken today!" I push out my bottom lip and cross my arms over my chest, making my best pouty-face.

Nycole looks at me and laughs. "And you call me dramatic?" She sighs. "Okay, I'll come sit with you." She flings herself on the couch and lands right beside me. She snuggles in next to me and I put my left arm around her and squeeze her tight. Elbow positioned on the arm of the couch with my right hand sticking straight up, I yell to Blake, "Let's get this party started! Push play!"

Blake leans over to grab the remote and turns back to me with a wide grin. Then he looks at the girls and says, "I'm ready for some Barney. You girls?"

"Yeah!" I hear from Kyndall and Rylie while at the same time Nycole protests, "No!"

I chuckle and elbow her in the side. "Stop it. Be nice! I'll let you have Nycole time tomorrow in the office and you can watch whatever you want, sister-free, okay? I know you don't want to watch it, but your sisters are really excited, and evidently so is Blake." I jerk my head towards him and shake my head. We both start laughing. "So you suffer with me tonight, I'll reward you tomorrow. Deal?"

"Deal," she says and then eyes my hand with concern. "How's your hand? Is it okay? Do you need anything?"

Wow. Where's this coming from? Squeezing her shoulder, I look at her. "I'm fine, sweetheart. Thank you though."

"You should take your pain medicine, Mom. We'll be fine. I promise. I think between the both of us, Blake and I can handle Kyndall and Rylie," she says seriously.

Tears start to fill my eyes. I look away because I don't want Nycole to think she's said anything to upset me. But I just can't help myself. I feel incredibly guilty that she's been forced to grow up so quickly. I wanted her to stay my baby forever, but circ.u.mstances being what they are, she's had to shoulder more responsibility than most nine year olds. Wiping a tear that escapes my eye, I turn to her and say, "You're right, Nyc. You guys are more than capable of handling those two. If I hurt too much, I'll take them. I promise."

She smiles a grateful smile at me and then looks forward as Barney makes his appearance on the television. She rolls her eyes and exhales loudly. "You so owe me."

"I love you, you love me..." I hear Blake singing as he walks down the hall. I also hear some shuffling around so I lean over the couch to see what he's doing. He's standing in my hallway, sifting through some of the girls' movies.

"What are you doing?" I ask.

"Getting the girls something to watch. They wanted to have a slumber party in Nycole and Kyndall's room. I hope it's okay, I figured it would be fun for them. Plus, it'll give us a chance to catch up. They're about to pa.s.s out anyway so I'll move them once they fall asleep."

I continue to watch him. "Okay."

He goes back to singing the Barney song, and I find myself grinning from ear to ear. Here is this beautiful, ma.s.sive man, smiling and singing the stupid Barney song in my hallway. I s.h.i.+ft my body around to get a better look. I cross my arms on the top of the couch and place my chin on them. I find myself continuing to smile as I watch him. I also find myself genuinely happy that he's back in my life.

He was always a good friend to me. A good person, who turned out to be an even better man. He has every right to be angry with me for so many things, but yet, he doesn't hold a grudge. In fact, here he is, in my house, helping take care of my children. In the midst of all of the misery over the last few years, I guess I must have done something right.

Evidently finding the movie he's looking for, he closes the door to the "movie closet", and heads to the girls room. I hear the girls shout, "Yay!", and once again, giggling ensues. After a few seconds of getting settled, I hear Blake reading their favorite book, making different voices for the characters. I don't hear anything else from the girls. I a.s.sume they're entranced by his story telling. Maybe his awesome reading skills will lull them to sleep.

Starting to feel the effects of the day, I yawn as I drag myself off the couch to head to the kitchen. My hand's really starting to hurt again. And I'm pretty sure that Blake will be staying the night because it's inevitable...I'm going to have to take the d.a.m.n pills.

I pick up the prescription bottle and stare at it. Rolling it around in my fingers, I look at the clock. 9:18 PM. Sighing, I put it back on the counter and fill my gla.s.s with water. Not quite yet. Not until the girls are asleep. Then maybe I can get some relief.

I hear the door to their bedroom close and listen for Blake. "Alex?" he asks from the living room. I place my gla.s.s back on the counter next to the pills. "In the kitchen."

Blake enters and walks right past me to grab a piece of pizza from the box on the stove.

"Blake! Don't eat that! It's been out for at least two hours. You're going to get food poisoning!" I can't help but look at him in utter disgust.

"No way!" he fires back as he takes a huge bite of the slice of pepperoni. Mouth completely full he adds, "Two hours is nothing. It's fine. Trust me."

Pet peeve number one. Gross.

"Okay, well for the record that's just gross. If you get sick I'm going to be really p.i.s.sed, seeing as though you're the only help I have until reinforcements arrive tomorrow."

I watch him finish off the piece of pizza and follow it with a swallow of water...my water. He puts the gla.s.s in the sink and turns to face me, leaning his back against the counter. He puts his elbows on the top of the counter behind him and crosses his feet at his ankles. He watches me for a couple of seconds as I back up and lean against the stove.

"How's your hand? Have you taken the pain meds?" He dips his head toward the prescription bottle. "I'm pretty sure the girls are settled if that's what you're waiting for."

"Yeah, I'll take them soon. I just want to be sure they're good for the night. Don't worry...you've made your point. The way my hand feels right now, it's pretty evident I won't be sleeping at all without taking them." I'm growing extremely tired of him being right all the freakin' time.

I lean back against the counter and sigh as I replay the evening in my head. It was really fun, actually.

"You were really great with them tonight, Blake. Thank you so much. And thank you for helping me through my break down in the kitchen earlier. I don't do well when things are out of my control...as if you don't already know that."

He chuckles silently and I can't help but smile as I watch his face light up with laughter. "Yes, unfortunately I know that all too well. You're allowed to need help sometimes, Alex. Everyone does. There's no fault in that. Seeing as though I actually helped put you in this predicament, it's the least I can do. Plus, you have really great girls, so it wasn't that bad," he says with a wink. "They were actually the easy part."

"Shut up! I can't help the way I am. You know this, yet you continue to act surprised. I haven't changed that much since high school," I say defensively.

"I wouldn't know. You didn't really bother to talk to me in high school." I scan his face for a couple of seconds, trying to gauge whether or not he is angry or just stating a fact. Either way, his statement warrants a response.

"You're completely right, Blake, and I'm so sorry. I don't know what happened really. I guess I was just young and didn't understand that what I was doing, or not doing, was hurting you. I was so focused on Derek; I just kind of moved on and left you behind." I see his body tense and I know I've struck a nerve. Nevertheless, I continue.

"It wasn't fair to you. You were, and still are, a great person. I was lucky to have you in my life then and extremely selfish when I decided I didn't need you anymore. I can't tell you how truly sorry I am. But what I can tell you is that I'm blessed you have entered my life for a second time, and I hope you and I can pick up where we left off, as friends. I don't want to lose this, Blake. I was reckless enough to throw it away the first time; I hope I get the chance to prove to you that I won't do it again." When I'm finished, I continue to hold his eyes with mine so he can see my sincerity.

Still maintaining eye contact, Blake pushes himself off the counter and I hear his boots clank as he crosses my kitchen floor to where I'm standing. I want to look away, but I refuse to let myself. He needs to understand how I truly feel. So I look him in his beautiful face and stand my ground. He walks right up to me and simply puts the palm of his hand on the side of my face. He strokes my cheek with his thumb. He then moves his hand to slide a lock of my hair behind my ear and places his hand on my shoulder.

"I know, Alex. It just really hurt. You meant a lot to me. You were my best friend." He lets out a deep breath. "But you're right, that's the past. So consider it water under the bridge. I was always there for you, whether you wanted me to be or not, and I always will be."

With that, he turns and walks out of the kitchen. I continue leaning against the counter, mainly to catch my breath. It seems to have left my lungs.

Well, that was...unexpected. I run my fingers through my hair and focus on my breathing. Finally, after regaining my composure, I make my way to leave the kitchen. I guess there's really nothing left to say about the past. Blake Morgan is here, now, in my life and evidently plans to stay.

Smiling, I walk into the living room where Blake is sitting on the couch flipping through the channels. I casually take a seat on the other end. I pull my legs up to my chest and turn to look at him, placing my cheek on the tops of my knees.

"Nice exit strategy," I say to him with a huge smile on my face. "Very compelling."

"You like that?" he asks me, joining in my amus.e.m.e.nt. "It's my power move. Did it work? Did you find it more effective or dramatic? "

"Definitely effective Blake, nice work." Laughing heartily I add, "I'm sure that works well with the ladies."

Still smiling, Blake shakes his head. "Nope, no girlfriends. My life's too busy. I don't really have the time to devote to someone else. It wouldn't be fair to them or to me."

I'm pretty sure my eyes bug out of my head. "What? How is that possible? I don't know if you're aware of this or not, but you're freakin' hot! How do you not have a million girls lined up waiting for you?"

He lets out a s.e.xy chuckle. "Alex, I didn't say there weren't girls. Just nothing serious. I guess I'm just waiting for someone who I actually want to make a priority, not one that I feel like I have to."

"Oh," I say looking down at my feet. How many girls? I swear I feel a jealous tug in my heart. Weird.

"What about you?" he asks.

I glance back up and shake my head back at him. "No, no one since Derek pa.s.sed. I don't really feel like I've moved on from him. Honestly, I don't know if I ever will. He was part of my life for so long; I can't imagine my life with anyone else. Plus, I do have three children and I'm thirty-three years old. It's not like I have guys lined up around the block waiting to date me and my children. Most men my age are either married or there's something severely wrong with them." I point at him and giggle. He grins beautifully back at me.

"Not to mention," I add, "dating actually takes time, of which I have none. So, no, there's no one right now."

He puts his hand up to his face and rubs his jaw with his fingers as he eyes me for a while like he is mulling over something in his head. When he's through, he stands up and moves to take a seat so close to me, that when he sits down on the couch, I almost topple over. He leans over right in my face and simply says, "Bulls.h.i.+t."

"Excuse me?" I ask, raising my eyebrows in question.

"You heard me. That's complete bulls.h.i.+t. I get your issue with Derek. I knew your relations.h.i.+p personally so I know how much you loved each other and I guess you'll move on in your own time. But you can't sit here and tell me that you can't date because you have three children, because you're thirty-three, or because you have no time. Those are excuses that you're using to protect yourself. I know you, Alex. Believe or not, I still know how you work. You have to be in control all the time or you're out of your comfort zone. I'm sure dating would definitely fall into that category."

He's so close I can feel his breath on my face. "You can't keep doing this to yourself, Alex. I know it isn't pleasant to talk about, so I'm going to drop it because you've been through a lot today. But I don't ever want to hear you sell yourself short again. You're a great mom. You're still very young and extremely beautiful something you never realized and obviously still don't. You have a lot of life left to live, Alex. I don't want to see you give up when you still have so much to look forward to." He gives me a shy smile and a shrug of his shoulders as he backs out of personal s.p.a.ce. "I wouldn't be much of a friend if I didn't say something. I hope you aren't p.i.s.sed."

I immediately look down to my feet and start picking off Nycole's bright blue glitter nail polish. "No, I get it. I understand. Harlow just delivered me pretty much the same lecture. Nancy too. I know you guys are right, but it just doesn't feel right, you know? I know my girls deserve more," I say feeling my throat starting to constrict, "and I'm doing the best I can right now. I guess I just feel like I'll be dishonoring Derek's memory if I move on."

Blake shakes his head at me. "Alex, you couldn't be further from the truth. You're not being fair to yourself."

"It's not about me or being fair to myself. It's about Derek." I feel moisture gathering in the corners of my eyes. "I guess I'm just scared that if I move on with someone else, we...," I take in a deep breath, "we...won't remember him." I lose the battle against the tears and begin to cry.

Blake moves in once again to comfort me, placing his arms protectively around my body and pulling me close to his. And I let him. Because, with each tear that falls down my face, I begin to feel a peace in my soul that I haven't felt in years. I have never revealed that to anyone. Not even Harlow. It's something that I've kept safely locked up in my heart.

I feel like I'm taking my first real breath in three years and I have Blake to thank for that. So, I let him stay with me as I cry. The tears was.h.i.+ng my soul with a peace I had no idea I would ever feel again.

Thank you, once again, Blake Morgan.

An hour later, Blake and I are still sitting on the couch. With my feet in his lap, I'm giving him the "Where Are They Now" version of the Waco High cla.s.s of '97.

I've been relaying to him how lucky he was not to marry his G.o.d-awful prom date, Ashley Thompson. For some reason, there has always been some unspoken hatred between us. I'm not sure what the reason was, if there even was one, for this animosity. But it was something that started when we were in junior high and still hasn't been resolved.

"Blake, seriously, she's slept with every man in Waco. It's gross." I make a gagging noise and look at him in disgust. "I can't believe you took her to prom. She was such a hooker."