Find You In The Dark Part 4

But I needed this time with Clay. Because when we were by our selves, I saw a side of him that was so different from the guy he projected at school. After our disastrous lunch together a few weeks ago, Clay had joined us a few other times. Rachel tried really hard to be nice to Clay and there were times when I thought that maybe these two parts of my life might be able to co-exist. Clay could be talkative and polite with my friends, when the mood suited him. I loved seeing him banter with Rachel and talk to Daniel- (who was making an effort at least-) about soccer. Clay made me feel so endlessly happy when he was like that.

But then there were the days when Clay would disappear, not showing up for lunch and becoming again the shadow in the hallways. If I approached him, he would either blow me off or act like he was angry with me. His moods were mercurial. He seemed to close in on himself at times and it made me sick to my stomach. I asked him about it once and he pretended that he didn't know what I was talking about, that I was imagining things.

But when things were good. They were fantastic. He was so much fun to be around. He made me laugh and let loose in a way that I had never done before. He made the most mundane things exciting and interesting. There was something magnetic about Clayton Reed that made it almost impossible for me to stay away from him.

We were still technically "friends." Though our friends.h.i.+p danced a very fine line into something else. I could feel it. I knew Clay could feel it. But I also knew Clay held back for some reason and right now I was okay with letting us go at his pace. Because I knew it would lead to something life altering. Even though it drove me nuts.

Particularly since Clay continued to garner a lot of attention from the girls at Jackson High School. I hated the painful jealousy I'd feel whenever I watched some stupid cheerleader or annoying flirty girl try to get his attention. I was possessive of my relations.h.i.+p with Clay in a way that surprised me. But I found, to my intense relief, he seemed content with spending time within my small circle.

I had come to realize how amazing Clayton Reed was and I didn't want to share him.

"What's wrong with going to a party?" I asked innocently, really not attending to his wariness. I handed him a handful of pewter figurines and he carefully placed them on top of the case. I watched his purposeful yet delicate movements and thought about those hands touching me with the same gentleness.

Clayton seemed to be weighing his words before he answered me. "I'm just not really a party person anymore." "Anymore? Were you a party person before?" I asked him. Clayton sat back on the chair behind him and started digging through the box on the floor at his feet. He was still so choosy in the information he revealed about himself. I had learned in the last few weeks that he felt his parents could no longer "deal" with him and that's why he was now living with his aunt. He admitted to having a lot of "problems" and it had become too much for his mom and dad to "handle." His aunt was apparently much more patient and supportive of him, and he felt more relaxed in her home than he ever did with his parents.

"Yeah, partying was part of my issue in Florida." He said, getting up and carrying the box to the back room. Tilly gave him a smile as he pa.s.sed by her. Her smile to me was much tighter and I knew it bothered the older girl that I hung out with Clayton in the store, which she must have viewed as her territory.

Okay, so maybe my smile was a little smug as I followed Clayton with another box. But I couldn't help it. "Do you need any help, Clay?" Tilly called out. She was tenacious, I'd give her that. "We're good, Tilly. Thanks though." Clay replied over his shoulder without looking in her direction -(earning Tilly another smug smile from yours truly-).

I dropped it on the floor inside the dark storage room. "Be careful, Mags. Ruby will have my head if you break the crystal b.a.l.l.s in there." He said sharply, quickly looking through the box to make sure everything was still in one piece. Despite his terse tone, I thrilled at his use of my nickname. I loved it when he called me Mags instead of Maggie, thinking it hinted at an intimacy that I desperately longed for.

"Sorry, Clay." I said, sitting down in a metal chair. I stretched my back after carrying the heavy box. "So you had a problem with partying in Florida? What kind of problem?" I asked as he sorted through the greeting cards inside his box. Clay looked up at me with that unreadable expression he was p.r.o.ne to displaying.

"Well, I got in heavy with drugs and stuff. Hanging with the wrong crowd and all. Things got a little out of control for awhile. But that was only a symptom of everything else, I guess." His voice was cagey, always aware of how much he was reveling about himself.

"Wow Clay, you just don't seem like that kind of guy. I'm a bit surprised." I said, watching him closely. Clayton sighed. "I'm definitely that kind of guy. You have no idea." He muttered. I wanted to ask him more. To find out how "out of control" he had been. I wanted to know everything about my mysterious friend, but he remained hesitant and wary. Despite how close we were becoming, there was a very significant line that I just couldn't cross. Yet.

"So, no party then?" I asked him. Clay's shoulders dropped as he stood up. He seemed unsure of himself and it made me want to hug him. "Would we go there together?" He asked me. Would we ever! I wouldn't let him out of my sight if I could help it. But I responded with an airy, "Of course, if you want to."

Clay seemed to be ruminating over his response. How a high school party could be such a matter of life and death was beyond me. "And Rachel and Daniel are going?" He clarified. Clearly he needed strength in numbers or something. I nodded. "Okay then. I guess I'll go. If you want me to." He looked at me, waiting for my affirmation.

"I'd love for you to go." I said, relieved that he would be with me in a social setting. I had this primal need to mark him as mine. To make it clear to all the idiots at school that he belonged to me. Wow, had I gone all alpha? "Will there be, you know, drinking and stuff? Because that's kind of hard for me." He admitted softly. He seemed sad all of a sudden, the sudden change in him catching me by surprise. His moods were so up and down; he was hard to keep up with.

"Melissa's parties aren't like that. Her parents are usually there somewhere. It's typically a bonfire in her back field with music and people just hanging out. It's a good time." Clay still seemed a bit unsure but took me at my word. "Okay then, sounds good." He said and gave his first real smile since I had brought the whole party thing up.

"Great!" I said a little too loudly and I winced at my overt display of enthusiasm. Clay reached over and squeezed my hand. I startled at the physical contact. He wasn't a touchy feely kind of guy, so I was taken aback by it. "You're so cute when you get excited." He said, looking at me with something that could only be described as tenderness.

I know I stopped breathing. He thought I was cute? Our eyes held each others', not moving away. A moment began to build and Clay took in a sharp breath. His eyes dropped to my lips and I could have sworn he wanted to kiss me. My tongued darted out and wet my suddenly dry lips and I watched his eyes follow the movement.

The air crackled with the tension. Clayton's eyes burned with intensity. I felt like we were trapped in slow motion. His hand came up and lightly touched my face. I angled my cheek toward his palm and I closed my eyes. "Maggie." He whispered, his breath on my face as he moved closer.

And my phone started buzzing in my pocket. Why did this always happen?! Clay immediately jumped back, putting s.p.a.ce between us. He was suddenly focused on finis.h.i.+ng his task of unloading the boxes on the floor. c.r.a.p! Someone had better be dying! I glanced at the screen on my phone and saw Rachel's name.

"What?" I barked after I answered. "Jeez. Who p.i.s.sed in your cornflakes?" Rachel's testy voice asked on the other end. I took a steadying breath and tried to calm the frantic beat of my heart. I looked back over at Clay but he had turned away from me.

"Sorry, Rach. What do you need?" I mollified, trying to not sound as agitated as I felt. "I was just calling to see what time you wanted me to pick you up tonight." She said, still sounding miffed by my earlier att.i.tude. "You're not going with Daniel? I thought you guys were riding over together." I asked, already fearing the answer. Daniel must have bailed on her, thus her p.r.i.c.kliness. Confirming my thoughts, Rachel told me that he had called an hour ago and said he'd be taking Kylie to the party. Rachel sounded so dejected that I wanted to call Daniel and ream him out. I was sick of him doing this to her. Even if he was my other best friend, it didn't mean I had to sit by and watch him be so thoughtless all the time.

I didn't comment on Daniel's a.s.s-itude, knowing that it wouldn't help Rachel feel better. "Hold on." I told her, covering the mouth piece with my hand. "Hey, Clay." I whispered. Clay turned around, not really meeting my eyes. His expression was cold. Great, he was totally regretting our little moment earlier. Whatever, I could play the I- don't- care game with the best of them.

"Do you want to ride with me and Rachel?" Clay shrugged. "I can just meet you guys there. Don't worry about me." He said, turning back around, walls firmly in place. His nerves from earlier seemed to have taken a back seat to his need to stay away from me. I suppressed a sigh and returned to my conversation with Rachel. "Eight-thirty sound good to you?" I asked her, trying to sound more upbeat. The truth was I was b.u.mmed that Clay wouldn't be going to the party with me. Sure he said he'd meet us there, but it's not the same as actually arriving together.

"Sounds fab. I'll see you then." And with that, Rachel hung up. I put my phone on the table and picked up my jacket. Jamming my arms through the sleeves I roughly zipped it up with an annoyed huff. Clay turned at the noise and looked surprised. "You leaving already?" He asked me. I met his eyes defiantly. I was hurt by his att.i.tude after our near kiss minutes earlier. Maybe I was setting all my hopes on something that most certainly wouldn't happen. But it didn't stop the stop the sting. I just wanted to get out of there, put some s.p.a.ce between me and this moody boy who I felt that I would never understand.

Clay's face softened, as if he were reading my thoughts. "Okay then." He said quietly, taking a small step toward me. I held my ground, not moving toward or away from him. "Guess I'll see you tonight. You're not going to bail at the last minute are you?" I asked him, frustrated by the needy note to my voice. "No, I'll be there. Wild horses couldn't keep me away." He said with his ironic smile. I didn't smile back, my feelings still hurt too much.

I turned away and walked toward the door. "See you then." I called over my shoulder, refusing to show how badly I wanted that moment to happen. How much I wanted him to call me back, pull me in his arms, and kiss me senseless. When did I become this gooey romantic? When did I become freaking Rachel? I shuddered.

"Maggie." He stopped me with the sound of my name on his lips. I didn't turn around and he made no move to come any closer. Every second that pa.s.sed amped up the angst level to an unbearable degree. Did he realize how much I wanted him? Needed him with a pa.s.sion that scared me? Or was he a dolt just like Daniel?

Clay cleared his throat. "I can't wait to see you tonight." He said, almost strangling on his words. My cheeks flushed hot. I nodded again with my back to him, and left.

Dolt it was.

Once outside with the door firmly closed behind me, I sagged. I wasn't sure how long I could keep up this "friends.h.i.+p." Not when I wanted so much more. I'd never experienced anything like the crazy feelings that Clayton stirred up inside of me and I didn't know what to do about it. There had been about thirty seconds there when I just knew he wanted the same thing I did before the window slammed shut.

Was I expecting too much too fast? Maybe I was being pushy and inconsiderate of Clay's feelings and needs. Should I back off and let him come to me when he was ready? As great and thoughtful as that all sounded, it so wasn't me. I wasn't one to sit back and wait for s.h.i.+t to happen. So that's why this whole will- they-won't- they thing was exhausting. But I didn't want to give up. Clay was worth more than that. Our friends.h.i.+p was something special and I couldn't ruin that.

I chuckled to myself and I headed home. d.a.m.n it if Daniel hadn't been right -(not that I would EVER tell him that-). He had told me that one day I would get what all the fuss was about, and that day had just arrived.

Chapter Seven.

"It's packed! I don't even recognize half of these people." I whined as Rachel and I parked my Corolla in the field behind Melissa James's house. Rachel pulled the visor down and touched up her lip gloss and fluffed her hair. "Awesome! I'm down with meeting some new people tonight." Rachel said, pulling on her pink cardigan.

I was less enthused about getting out of the car. The thing I had always liked about Melissa's parties was that they were usually small and relatively controlled with no more than eighty or so people. I could relax and hang out without dealing with drunken idiots trying to cop a feel. If I was going to be groped, it would be on my terms only.

But this party was heaving. There were at least 100 cars parked in the field and crowds of people dancing and drinking out of solo cups around the humongous bonfire. "Get out of the car, Mags. Lets go mingle." I ran a brush through my limp hair and finally gave up and pulled it back in a ponytail. "Uh uh." Rachel said, pulling the tie out. She hated it when I put my hair back, telling me I was so much prettier with it down. She threw the hair tie out of the window. "Rachel!" I yelled. But she was already moving away, toward the huge fire leaping against the dark sky.

I looked quickly around, trying to spot Clay's BMW in the throng of cars. I couldn't find it, so I grudgingly followed my friend. "Hey, Maggie." A guy slurred as I approached the party. I squinted in the darkness and made out Raymond Lewis, a guy in my grade who was friends with Daniel and often hung in our circle. I was friends with his girlfriend Clare, who had been in French Club with me freshman year.

It was obvious Ray had already had a lot to drink, as he hung onto me for support. d.a.m.n it, I had told Clay this wouldn't be that kind of party. I was just made a liar, and that p.i.s.sed me off.

"Get off, Ray." I shook my arm, trying to get loose. Raymond awkwardly slung his arm around my waist, more in an effort to stay upright it seemed than in any kind of friendly affection. "I think you need a drink, Maggie. Come on." I wiggled out of his grasp and didn't follow as he tottered off in the direction of Melissa's house.

I found Rachel, red cup already in hand, who had been intercepted by Jeremiah Higgins and Lila Casteel. Rachel gave me a smile as I approached before turning back to her conversation with Jeremiah and Lila. They were apparently trying to recruit her for the Humanitarian Club or something equally boring. I stood there not really listening, tapping my foot, and scoping out the party.

People were really drunk. I could see a few girls throwing- up in the bushes already. Couples were grinding against each other as they danced badly to the techno music blaring from the house and people were sneaking off to do G.o.d knows what in the woods. Wow, this was seriously awful and I couldn't believe I actually wanted to come. I just hoped Clayton had decided to bail, even though I had asked him not to.

No such luck. Just as the thought crossed my mind, there he was. He had just walked toward the bonfire when Kylie -(Daniels' now on again girlfriend-) and her b.i.t.c.h posse stopped him. I wasn't sure whether Clay had spoken with any of them since their awkward introduction at Bubble's. But there they were, chatting it up like BFFs.

Grr, that crazy jealousy knifed through me again. Dana and McKenna laughed at something Clayton said. Dana in her bleach blond glory, tossing her stupid, perfect curls back and laying her hand on my Clay's arm. Okay, I needed to check myself. He wasn't my Clay. He was only my friend, who I thought might kiss me earlier today. That didn't mean I had some sort of claim.

Despite my rationalizations, I was still beyond annoyed by the very obvious flirting happening on the other side of the bonfire. It was like watching a car wreck. My eyes were glued to the horror in front of me. After a few minutes, I was relieved that Kylie and the bimbettes started moving back toward the house. Clayton stood there in the flickering shadow of the bonfire, looking like some sort of male model in his dark jeans and green Henley s.h.i.+rt. He was without his faded army jacket for once and he looked almost naked without it.

I nudged Rachel in the side and c.o.c.ked my head in Clay's direction letting her know I was heading over to him. "I'll be there in a sec." She told me. I walked over to Clay and I knew the exact moment he saw me. It was like one of those super cheesy movie moments when the boy and girl see each other across a crowded room, their eyes locked only on each other. They move slowly toward one another, as if pulled by an invisible force. Then they rush into each others' arms, kissing pa.s.sionately, and declaring their undying love.

Well, my scene didn't quite go that way. Clay and I met half way and he kept his hands firmly in his jeans' pockets and nodded his head in my direction. Though, he did give me an awfully nice smile. "Hey, Mags. Raging party. Not exactly what I was expecting." He said jokingly as a junior stumbled past us to puke his guts out in the dirt not even ten feet behind me.

I cringed. "Yeah, I'm sorry, Clay, it's not usually like this. Apparently Melissa's parents are out of town, thus the ma.s.sive kegger." Clayton shrugged, trying to act as if the crazy debauchery around us wasn't bothering him. I lightly touched his arm and he looked down at my fingers and then up into my eyes. "If this is too much for you, we can leave. You know, go get something to eat, go see a movie. Anything really." I said, hoping he'd say yes and we could get out of there.

Clay looked around, tossing his dark hair out of his eyes. "No, that's cool. I mean I'm already here, right?" I dropped my hand from his sleeve and it hung limply at my side. We fell into our normal silence as we watched kids from our school and the next town over, partying like it was 1999.

"Hey guys! Clay, it's so cool that you made it!" Rachel gave Clay a big hug. Clayton looked over her shoulder at me, surprise obvious on his face. Because he and Rachel were definitely not at the "hugging" stage of their acquaintance. I tried not to laugh. There was no way she had more than one drink, but here she was acting like she had been mainlining vodka all night. She was such a light weight. Looking at Clay, I gestured that Rachel had already been gulping up the happy sauce.

Clay smirked and mouthed sarcastically, "No kidding." Rachel pulled away and then gave me the same boisterous hug. I couldn't help but laugh at her. She definitely put the "happy" in "happy drunk." Well, until she was forced to interact with Daniel, who had a habit of setting her off when she was like this. I was plotting ways of keeping them apart for the remainder of the evening, when I saw him walking towards us with Kylie firmly attached to his side.

I sighed and prayed that Rachel wasn't too tanked to keep a lid on the drama. "Mags! Rach! There you are! I've been looking everywhere for you!" Daniel gave me a Polo Sport scented hug and I nearly gagged. He wore way too much and the smell got stuck in my nose. He then turned and kissed Rachel on the forehead. Rachel scowled at him. "I seriously doubt you were looking for us Danny. You seem busy enough." Kylie pulled herself up at Rachel's biting comment and interlaced her fingers with Daniel's in a territorial move.

Daniel frowned at Rachel but chose to ignore her words, which was probably smart on his part. He turned to Clay. "Hey Clayton, good to see you made it out." I couldn't help but smile at Daniel's efforts to be nice. They engaged in that weird guy fist b.u.mp, hand shake, half hug thing boys do. Clay gave him a small smile. "Hey, Daniel. How's it going?" Daniel shrugged but gave a wary sideways glance at Rachel, who was now focused on anything besides him and Kylie. She was definitely failing in the subtlety department this evening.

"You know, same ol', same ol'." Rachel's head whipped around and gave him a hateful smile. "Yeah it is the same ol', same ol'. Isn't it Danny? I can't figure out why you'd keep coming back for the same old and tired thing instead of finding something new." Kylie's face turned red and I knew I had to intervene before there was an outright cat fight.

"Rachel, enough." I hissed under my breath. Daniel looked p.i.s.sed. "What the h.e.l.l is your problem Rachel? If I've done something to offend you, just tell me already." Poor delusional Daniel. He was seriously about to open up Pandora's box and had no idea.

"Rachel's just had a few too many drinks. She'll be right as rain tomorrow. Don't listen to her..." Rachel shoved me in the chest, so that she could move past me. She got right in Daniel's face, her expression murderous. Clayton thankfully realized something was about to go down and moved deftly between them. "Rachel, could you help me find the keg? I'm pretty thirsty." He asked her, shouldering Daniel out of the way.

Rachel blinked a few times, but the change in topic worked and she gave Clay a bleary smile. "Of course, Clayton. I'd be happy to show you. I need to get away from all this bulls.h.i.+t anyway." With a final look of death in Daniel's direction, she led Clay toward the house. Clayton looked at me as he started to follow her. "Come find us when you're done here. I'll probably need the help." He looked at Rachel's rapidly retreating form. "Sure, just give me a minute." I said. Clayton nodded before hurrying after Rachel.

"What the h.e.l.l is that b.i.t.c.h's problem?" Kylie growled. My back stiffened. Yeah, Rachel was a little out of line, but no one could call my best friend a b.i.t.c.h but me. "Watch your mouth, Kylie, don't say s.h.i.+t about her like that." My voice was hard and I gave the smaller junior girl a look of steel. Kylie shrank a bit under my stare.

I turned to Daniel. "Danny, can I talk to you a moment?" I looked pointedly at Kylie. "Alone, please." Kylie's face turned red again. It seemed to be her natural coloring tonight. She let out a dramatic harrumph and stomped off. Kylie wouldn't be joining the Maggie Young fan club anytime soon, that's for sure.

Daniel rubbed his hand across his face. "Seriously, Mags? I'm gonna get so much flack for this. I really didn't need all of this drama. I thought you girls were cooler than that." Daniel's shoulders sagged and for a moment I felt bad for him. He was my friend and I loved him. "Sorry Danny, but Kylie kind of grates on my nerves." I sat beside him on a large boulder along the edge of the bonfire.

"Don't read too much into Rachel. She's just mouthing off." Though Daniel knew as well as I did, that Rachel didn't just "mouth" off. That when she spoke, she spoke her mind. "I didn't realize you guys disliked Kylie so much." He muttered, hanging his head, his elbows propped on his knees. "We don't dislike Kylie so much as we just don't like how she treats you." Daniel just shook his head. He looked up at me and I felt bad that he was so miserable. He loathed fighting with Rachel and I as much as I did. "Is there more to this? Is there something you're not telling me?" He asked me, frowning.

When did Daniel become so perceptive? But there was no way I would tell him about Rachel's crush. That would be breaking her confidence, and if she wanted him to know, she would have told him. So I just shrugged my shoulders. "Not that I know of." But then I added. "Just be gentle with her, Danny. You know how sensitive Rachel can get. She gets her feelings hurt easily. Just be aware of the things you say and how it affects others, alright?" I put my arm around his shoulders and gave him an affectionate squeeze.

Daniel laid his cheek against mine. "I love you, Mags." He patted my knee and stood up. "Okay enough of this girlie c.r.a.p. Let's go find Rachel and Clay so I can make this right." I stood up ready to follow him, but then paused. "What about Kylie?" I asked, surprised he didn't choose to go find his girlfriend first.

Daniel snorted. "I don't feel like hearing her particular brand of bulls.h.i.+t right now. Besides, Rachel comes first." I grinned. Daniel did have a good heart. Perhaps I've never given him enough credit. "Let's go get a drink and find our friends." Daniel tugged on my hand and I laughed as he pulled me after him. My heart warmed that he included Clayton in our circle of friends, despite his wariness toward him. Daniel was a good guy.

We made our way through the backyard. It felt like trying to part the Red Sea, there were people everywhere. Melissa would have a nasty mess on her hands tomorrow morning. I would be too paranoid to throw a party like this at my place. Though looking at the huge house, I figured she could afford to have cleaners come in and take care of it for her.

Daniel led the way and we went in through the kitchen. A few kids were mixing drinks with Melissa's parents' liquor, slos.h.i.+ng liquid all over the counter. "Hey, Daniel! Maggie! Want a Long Island Ice Tea?" Jake Fitzpatrick asked, pus.h.i.+ng a full cup in our direction. Daniel took the cup and sniffed. "d.a.m.n! What did you put in here? It smells like cat p.i.s.s." Daniel gagged and handed the drink back. Jake laughed. "I little of this, a little of that. You know." I shook my head at the inebriated idiots.

"You want anything?" Daniel asked as we headed down the hallway toward the garage. "Yeah, I'll grab a beer. But I'm DD tonight, so I can't drink much." We followed the wave of voices that drifted from the end of the hallway. This was obviously the way to the keg.

There were people crowded around the entrance to the garage. Daniel grabbed my hand and tugged me through the door. "You have got to be kidding me." Daniel muttered in apparent amus.e.m.e.nt. He had stopped just short of the keg and I ran into his back. "Danny! What are you doing?" I called out. "Get a load of your good buddy Clayton Reed." Daniel said, pointing in front of him. I moved around Daniel and was stunned to see Clay being held upside down by two football players with his mouth underneath the keg tap.

It was then that I noticed the people circling him, chanting "Go, Go, Go!" Rachel was jumping up and down, clapping her hands and cheering louder than anyone. "What the h.e.l.l?" I asked, not as amused as Danny had been. "We have to stop him, Daniel!" I pulled on his arm. Daniel looked at me questioningly. "Why? It's not like you haven't done a few keg stands in your time, Miss Judgmental. Let the boy have some fun, he could use some loosening up."

I groaned. "You don't get it, Danny. Clay has a...uh...history with drinking and it's not a good one. This will end badly." I was becoming panicked as the keg stand seemed to never end. Daniel looked at me, frowning. "If you say so. I think you might be overreacting. But whatever. You take care of Clay, I'll get Rachel." I smiled in relief, appreciating his help.

Daniel and I parted ways. He headed over to Rachel, who tried to push away from him as he put his arm around her shoulder and started leading her out of the garage. Daniel firmly held her by her upper arms and herded her outside.

I turned toward Clay who was just now being put on his feet. He stumbled and one of the football guys put out a hand to steady him. "You all right, man?" he asked, laughing at my friend's drunken state. Clayton gave him a thumbs up. "I'm fantastic." He slurred. Good G.o.d, this was going to be just super.

Before I could get over to Clay, Melissa, the hostess extraordinaire, rushed to his side and plastered herself against him like a second skin. "That was amazing, Clay." She cooed in his ear. Oh gag. I grabbed a hold of Clay's arm and squeezed. "What the h.e.l.l are you doing?" I asked quietly in his ear. Clayton looked over at me, only now realizing that I was standing there.

He grinned at me and pulled me into a hug. Renee looked miffed that she had been discarded. "Mags. I'm so happy you're here! Did you see that? That was epic!" He told me, ridiculously pleased with himself. I pulled on him and we moved toward the door. "Yeah, I saw you. I thought you said you didn't want to be doing that stuff." I replied, looking at him with concern.

A dark look crossed Clay's face and he yanked his arm from my grasp. "What are you? The party police? I'm having fun. I thought that's what you wanted. For me to meet people and you know, socialize." I didn't say anything. Clearly, Clayton was not a friendly drunk. "I did want that, but you were the one who said you had a history with this stuff. That drinking isn't good for you." I tried to grab his hand again and get him out of the garage.

Maybe if I could get him out of there I could get him to see reason. Well, that was wishful thinking. Clayton Reed was way past reason and had dipped precariously into crazy land. He pushed my hand away. "Back off, Maggie! I don't need you telling me what I should and shouldn't be doing. I did just fine before you came along to mother me."

My mouth fell open to reply, but then I closed it. I wouldn't be this guy's punching bag. Drunk or not. Love of my life or not. I didn't put up with that kind of s.h.i.+t from anyone. So I shoved him in the center of his chest, making him stumble backwards a few steps.

"Well pardon me for giving a c.r.a.p about you. I was just worried. But if you want to act like a drunken a.s.shole, that's fine! But I won't be around to watch it!" I slammed out the door and into the cool night air.

I pressed my back into the cold metal of the garage door, trying to calm my breathing. That went well. I slid down the wall until I was sitting on the pavement. I leaned my forehead against my knees, wrapping my arms around my legs.

The door opened beside me and I lifted my head to see Clay step outside. He looked around and then noticed me sitting down on the cold pavement alone in the dark. He sank to the ground beside me, keeping a cautious distance between us. I didn't say anything. I had nothing to say. "I'm sorry. That was totally uncalled for." Clay said softly. Though his words were slurred, he at least seemed to possess some understanding of how horrible he was behaving. And he appeared genuinely contrite.

"Yeah, you kind of suck right now." I remarked, refusing to look at him. Clay's fingers touched my chin and pulled my face around so I was looking at him. "Please don't be angry with me. I can't stand that. I need you way too much to have this between us." His words were desperate and I was shocked at what he had just said.

He needed me? Since when? And, while my heart thrilled, something inside me hesitated, unsure how to respond. His fingers slipped into my hair and he started to pull me toward him. More specifically my mouth toward his. Before our lips touched I stopped him. I put my hands over his to still the movement. "What is this, Clay? What are you doing?" I murmured, the skin of our lips brus.h.i.+ng against each other.

Clay gazed into my eyes and a pool of warmth flooded my belly. Why was I talking? Why didn't I just let him kiss me? How long have I wanted this and I was making him stop? Was I freaking nuts?

But it just didn't feel right to have him do this when he was drunk. I wanted him in his right frame of mind when he kissed me. I didn't want it to be some sloppy event outside of Melissa James's garage. Clay backed up. "I thought you wanted this. You've been sending out signals like crazy." Clay seemed angry. Embarra.s.sed even. I had taken his guy card...again.

I touched his face, but he pulled away from me. Dear lord, his moods were all over the place right now. "I do want to kiss you. Just not like this. I mean you're kind of wasted right now. This isn't exactly romantic." I laughed nervously. Clay shook his head. "Who said I'm looking for romance? Can't we just hook up and it not be all serious?" Woah. Okay, that hurt. Glad to know that our kiss wouldn't mean quite the same thing to him as it would to me. Though he had just told me he needed me. He had seemed absolutely wretched when he thought I was angry with him. He was so hot and cold, I just couldn't wrap my mind around it.

"Alright then. This is clearly not going to happen, so I'm going to go find Daniel and Rachel." I stood up. Clay got to his feet behind me. His face was unreadable but it was obvious from his body language that he was not happy. "You go on. I'm just going to hang out. You know....socialize and all." He said nastily and turned around and went back into the garage.

My stomach dropped and I blinked back tears. You have got to be kidding me. I had hoped tonight would be fun. But between Rachel's dramatics and Clay's drunken craziness, this night was quickly turning into a disaster.

I found Rachel and Daniel, who were swinging on the play set in Melissa's backyard. Rachel seemed to have sobered up and was actually smiling; which was a relief. "Hey guys." I called out as I reached them. They both looked up at me and smiled. "Hey. Where's Clay?" Danny asked, kicking his legs out in front of him to get the swing moving.

"Yeah...well he's being a royal b.u.t.t. I don't really feel like subjecting myself to that, if you know what I mean?" I perched on the seesaw and pushed with my legs to make it bobble up and down. Rachel blew the hair out of her face and slowed her swing down until she was swaying gently back and forth. She looked over at me sheepishly.

"I'm sorry about the amateur dramatics earlier. I think it's official that I can't exactly handle my alcohol." I gave her a look that said I agreed with her statement. "Yeah, I guess we've learned that lesson. Next time you're the DD." Rachel laughed. "Deal." She agreed.

"I had no idea that Clay had a problem with drinking, or I wouldn't have encouraged him to do the keg stand. But he never mentioned anything." Rachel said guiltily.

I pushed with my legs again and slammed back down on the seesaw. "It's not like you held a gun to his head, Rach. Clay is a big boy. He doesn't need us mothering him." I parroted his words, feeling hollow inside. I hated arguing with Clay. It felt c.r.a.ppy.

Daniel hopped off the swing and wiped gra.s.s from his pants. "Enough moping, you two. Let's go get our party on." Daniel pulled Rachel off the swing and grabbed my hand. We chuckled and followed him around to the back of the house, toward the pool. It was nice having Daniel and Rachel being so normal with each other. Rachel looked at ease and none of their now customary awkwardness seemed to be present between the two of them.

The pool was obviously heated as I watched steam drift upward from the surface of the water. People were swimming. Some without any suits. I looked away as Julianna Martin from my Spanish cla.s.s climbed up the ladder in all her natural glory. Daniel's eyes nearly popped out of his head and Rachel smacked his leg, giggling.

Daniel went to join a group of his friends from the soccer team, while Rachel and I found a pair of deck chairs closer to the pool house to stretch out on. "Now this is what I'm talking about." I groaned as I laid my head back on the cus.h.i.+on. Rachel did the same. "I could get used to this." Rachel said, her arms dangling off the side of the chair.