A Logic Named Joe Part 9

Tony looked sharply at Ghail and at the Queen. Ghail was young and very desirable. The Queen was less young and contentedly undesirous. She laughed frankly.

"Very well, Ghail!" And to Tony she said: "I think that even as a captive queen, though, I can amend my council's orders to say that it will not be necessary to exterminate thedjinnscompletely! I should think, in fact, that if they were suitably subdued, a few tame ones kept around the palace would be quite pleasant.

They'd be excellent for the prestige of the throne of Barkut, too!"

Tony said painfully: "Majesty-"

"It's really too bad you came to Barkut at all," the Queen said, though with no unfriendliness. "Humans anddjinnsalike believe that if anybody can bring about a human victory, you can. So the humans won't consent to a compromise until they've tried for conquest. And if they would, thedjinnswould be sure they knew they couldn't win, and they wouldn't compromise until they'd tried for conquest. It's so silly! We really could get along without fighting, if we tried! I've been working on thedjinnking. He was willing to come to a compromise, but-male vanity again!-only on condition that the Queen of Barkut married him. And that seemed to be out of the question."

"It was out of the question!" snapped Ghail, her eyes angry.

"I was wearing him down," protested the Queen. "After all, if he had his harem ofdjinnees, a private agreement that his marriage to a human queen would be a form and not a fact-"

"Absolutely out of the question!" repeated Ghail, her color high. "Absolutely!"

The Queen sighed.

"I know it is, my dear . . . and it's too late now, anyhow. The Lord Toni has come. The humans think he's going to lead them to victory. Thedjinnsare sure that if he can't, the war goes to them." She looked at Tony, frowning. "Of course you've got to win, Lord Toni! Of course! Humans as the slaves ofdjinns would be in a terrible state! It would be like enslaved by apes or-children! And apes make nice pets-I had one once-and children are doubtless very well, but apes or children ordjinnswould be horrible masters! But thedjinnsare so amusing-"

"I'm getting a trifle confused," admitted Tony.

The Queen nodded kindly.

"I know," she said condescendingly. "You men only really talk to each other. You don't often see things straight. If you only talked to women more . . . about things that really matter, that is-"

"May Allah forbid!" said Tony grimly. "I've never yet talked to a woman who didn't try to make me apologize for being a man, or any who'd have bothered to talk to me if I hadn't been! You are a queen, Majesty, and you're giving me what I take to be rather complicated instructions. I'm only a man. So whatever I do-because I'm a man-you will explain should have been done differently. No man can ever do anything exactly the way a woman would like him to, but whatever he does, women will make the best of it. So I'm not going to try to do whatever it is you're trying to command. I'm going to handle this my way!"

He spoke hotly, through a natural a.s.sociation of their viewpoint with that of his conscience. Which had reason behind it, at that. But at the same time, he wondered rather desperately what his own way would be.

The Queen regarded him complacently.

"I know. Men are like that." Then she added, "I think you and Ghail will be very happy."

Ghail turned crimson. She stamped her foot furiously. "Majesty-" she cried. "You go too far-"

There was a small-sized uproar outside. The voice of the stout woman, in alarm: "Abdul! Abdul! You can't do things like that!"

Tony plunged to the door. At the foot of the wall which was thedjinnking's palace, almost a quarter of a mile away, there was a twelve-foot soldier-djinnwho by his gestures had just communicated some message of importance. In the stretch between the wall and the farmhouse, a charging rhinoceros raced at top speed. It plunged toward the small group of buildings. Fifty yards away it seemed to stumble, crash, and in mid-air turned into a round ball with spiral red-and-white stripes which made a dizzying spectacle as it rolled. It was five feet in diameter. It checked abruptly two yards from the Queen's door and there abruptly wrinkled itself, changed color, and collapsed into the short, fat, swaggeringdjinnwith a turban who was Tony's guide to this place, who was Nasim's friend Abdul, and who had awaited a summons to duty as a valet in the form of a c.o.c.kroach atop the window hangings of Tony's bedroom.

He bowed profoundly.

"Lord," he said, "there is a message from the king. Es-Souk, who was to have been executed today for your amus.e.m.e.nt, has escaped from his prison. He undoubtedly seeks you, lord, to attempt your murder before his own death, since he cannot live under the king's displeasure."

Tony felt himself growing just a little pale. He remembered fingers closing on his throat, and an elephant-sized monster in his bedroom in the palace at Barkut, beating its breast before falling upon him to demolish him utterly.

That-irrelevantly-suggested the only possible source of action. Tony gulped and said: "Thank you, Abdul. Tell the king I am very much obliged for the warning. But tell him not to worry about it. I won't need any extra guards. I'll handle Es-Souk. In fact, I'll help hunt for him as soon as I've-as soon as I've refilled my cigarette lighter."

Chapter 13.

He went back into the house. His knees felt queer. He fumbled in his pockets. He brought out the lighter, and then brought out one of the small gla.s.s phials Ghail had given him in the camel cabin on the way across the desert-one of those containinglasf.

Ghail looked pale, too.

"What are you going to do?" she demanded. Her voice trembled.

"Attend to Es-Souk, I hope," said Tony, with quite unnatural calm. To the Queen he said: "Your Majesty, if you have any petdjinnsaround at the moment, you'd better chase them out. I'm opening up a phial oflasf."

"But-"

"I've got an idea." said Tony. "It doesn't make sense, but nothing makes much sense any more. I'm going to take advantage of what I think is a generally occurring allergic reaction amongdjinns." The words "allergic reaction" had no Arabic equivalent, so he had to use the English ones, and to Ghail and the Queen of Barkut they sounded remarkably learned and mysterious. "And just to make sure, I'd appreciate it enormously if you'd draw me a picture of the leaf of thelasfplant."

He unscrewed the seal of the cigarette-lighter tank. It was bone-dry of fluid, of course. It hadn't been filled since Suakim. And while confined in his later cell it had been extremely annoying to have to get a light for an occasional cigarette, rolled from local tobacco, from a brazier kept burning by the guards outside his gate. Now the lighter was a G.o.dsend. If he was right aboutlasf,a cigarette lighter was the ideal weapon in which to use it.

He extracted the stopper of the small gla.s.s phial. With not especially steady fingers he poured the liquid into the tank. It soaked up and soaked up. Its odor was noticeable. Presently the wick was moist. He re-sealed the tank and snapped down the lighter's cover. He re-stoppered the phial and put it away.

"Now I'd like to wash my hands," he said unhappily, "and-is that the picture of thelasfleaf?"

The Queen had stooped and traced an outline on the clay floor of her dwelling. She said: "I'm quite sure. Yes."

Tony stared at it and sighed in enormous relief. Ghail brought a bowl of water. He washed his hands with meticulous care. He dried them on a cloth she handed him.

"If you keep petdjinnsaround," he observed, "better burn that cloth. Right away. And I'd empty the water on soft earth and throw more earth on top of it. No use revealing that you've gotlasfaround, until you need it. The faintest whiff would give it away to them."

Ghail said again: "But wh-what are you going to do?"

"I'm going to hunt Es-Souk," said Tony. "I think thedjinnking is putting something over on me. I had a fight with Es-Souk in my bedroom in Barkut. He ran away. There's been talk of atomic bombs and the king thinks I can make them. But he wants to make sure. I'm under safe-conduct, of course, but if a condemned criminal-Es-Souk-breaks loose and kills me, the king can't be blamed. He'll apologize all over the place, of course. He'll probably offer to pay reparations and indemnity, and salute the Barkutian flag, and all that. But I'll be dead. And the war will go on merrily. You see?"

"But that's-dishonorable!" protested Ghail.

"Nothing's dishonorable," said Tony, gloomily, "unless you can prove it. And you'd never prove that!

Just helping hunt for Es-Souk is no good. I've got to meet him in single combat, somehow, and whip him again so the king will know I do it without mirrors or outside help. If I do that, maybe we'll get somewhere."

He turned to go out the door. Ghail caught at his sleeve.

"P-please!" she said shakily. Her eyes were br.i.m.m.i.n.g. Tony saw the Queen regarding them critically. He was embarra.s.sed.

"What is it?" he asked.

"Last-last night-"

Tony sighed deeply.

"Listen," he said. "If you want to sign a pledge that the lips that touchdjinnees, shall never touch yours, you go right ahead! It won't interfere with my plans in the least. Is that satisfactory?"

"I-don't understand," said Ghail faintly.

Tony regarded her in weary gloom.

"Oh, all right!" He spread out his hands, holding the cigarette lighter in one of them. "Maybe you don't.

But I'll bet Esir and Esim would!"

He went out the door to find Abdul waiting for him expectantly. Behind the door he heard Ghail sob. He marched heavily off toward the palace door, a quarter of a mile away. Abdul followed interestedly.

Tony's conscience spoke to him acidly, mentioning his discourtesy to Ghail and the fact that he hadn't even said good-by to the Queen of Barkut. He snarled at it, out loud. In consequence he did not hear Ghail say, between weeping and fury: "The-b-beast! Oh-h-h-h, thebeast!"

Nor did he hear the Queen say approvingly: "I'm sure you're going to be very happy with him, my dear! You'll never quite know what he's going to do next!"

This was, however, one of the few times when Tony himself did know what he was going to do. He was angry. He grew angrier. The whole affair was simply too pat. It was too perfectly coincidental. It was exactly the sort of thing that the heads of nations in his own world-the heads of some nations, at any rate-had pulled off too many times. Tony had not yet met thedjinnking, but he felt that he was being manipulated with the sort of smug clumsiness characteristic of power politicians. Thedjinnking in all his official acts was ineffably virtuous and chivalrous. He'd invited Tony to visit him under safe-conduct, he'd provided him with a guard, with entertainment, he'd paid him extravagant honors-and he was arranging for him to be a.s.sa.s.sinated by someone whom he could afterward execute with every expression of horror for his crime.

"He's a d.a.m.ned-he's a d.a.m.ned totalitarian," Tony growled.

He stamped into the palace, too angry to be scared any longer. There is a certain indignation of the naive and the imaginative which practical men and politicians never understand. The innocent common citizen who believes in hair tonics and television commercials and the capitalist system, believes most firmly of all that justice and decency are going to triumph. He will endure with infinite patience as long as that belief is not challenged. But let him see injustice fortifying itself for a permanent reign; let him see deceit become frankly self-confident; then he explodes! More tyrants and dictators have been overthrown for trying to make their regimes permanent than for all their crimes. In all that had gone before, Tony had been less active than acted-upon. But now he was furious.

He found the fifteen-foot captain of his personal guard of honor. He said harshly to that cat-eyed giant: "Captain! You will take a message immediately to your king! Say to him that as his guest, I request a favor of the highest importance! I wish a proclamation to be made everywhere within the palace saying that I, your king's guest, have been insulted by one Es-Souk, who after attempting to a.s.sa.s.sinate me while I slept, fled in terror when I grappled with him. The proclamation is to say that I had intended to ask the king to pardon him so that he could accept my challenge, and that now I have demanded of the king that I still be allowed to do battle with Es-Souk unless he is afraid to fight me. The king, therefore, grants safe-conduct to Es-Souk to an appointed place of single combat, and that the king commands his presence there because of the disgrace to all thedjinnfolk if one of them is too much of a coward to fight a single man. And you will tell the king that if Es-Souk is afraid to fight me-as I believe-then I demand that some otherdjinntake his place unless alldjinnsare afraid of me!"

The guard-captain towered over Tony, more than twice his height. For the honorable post of official guardian of the king's guest's safety, he had chosen a form neatly combining impressiveness and ferocity.

He looked remarkably like an oversized black leopard walking on his hind legs and wearing a green-and-gold velvet uniform. Now his cat-eyes glared down into Tony's. But Tony, staring up, stared him down.

"Incidentally," snarled Tony, "you can tell the king that I'm quite aware that I'm being insulting, and that n.o.body will blame him if I get killed in single combat of this sort!"

"Lord," purred thedjinncaptain of the guard, "I shall give the king your message."

He saluted and walked with feline grace toward the nearest doorway. There, however, he was momentarily stalled, because some otherdjinna.s.signed to being a part of the palace had grown bored with the design of his part of the structure, and had changed the door sizes. The captain of the guard had to stoop and crawl through a doorway to go on his errand.

Tony paced up and down, growing angrier by the second. He had never fancied himself as a fighting man, and he did not fancy himself as one now. He simply felt the consuming fury of a man who feels that somebody is trying to make a sucker out of him. He fairly steamed with fury.

His valet, Abdul, watched him with wide eyes. He saw Tony muttering to himself, white with the anger which filled him. He said unhappily: "Lord-"

Tony whirled on him.

"What is it?" he demanded savagely.

"You are very angry," said Abdul. "And-lord, created beings do not grow angry when they are afraid.

You are not afraid."

"Is that all?" demanded Tony.

Abdul squirmed as if embarra.s.sed. As if embarra.s.sed, too, his whole body rippled in the beginning of a transformation into something else. He repressed it and returned to the appearance of a short, stout, swaggeringdjinnwith a turban. But he was not swaggering now.

"It appears, lord," he said apologetically, "that you know you can destroy Es-Souk, or whatever other champion appears to do battle with you."

Tony glared at him. He thought he could, but he was not sure. His line of reasoning was tenuous, but he believed it enough, certainly, to risk his life on it. Yet he could not have managed that belief, at all, without his hot anger at the clumsily smart trick thedjinnking had so obviously contrived. It was not fair. It was too smart. And it was complacent. The complacency may have been the most enraging part of the whole thing.

"I am quite willing," said Tony, strangling with fury, "to take on the whole d.a.m.neddjinnnation, beginning now, and including your fellow-djinnswho happen to be the floors and walls of this room!"

Abdul said tentatively: "Lord, wedjinnare the most powerful of created beings. Therefore we can only have as our ruler the most powerful of created beings. Any less-any whom we could destroy-it would be beneath our dignity to obey."

Tony turned his back. He paced up and down. There was a pause. Then: "I take a great risk," said Abdul plaintively. "Lord, will you permit me to obey you?"

"No!" snapped Tony. "Go to the devil! Get out!"

Abdul sighed. Mournfully, but elegantly, he turned into a large ma.s.s of black, inky liquid which sank in funeral fas.h.i.+on to the floor and flowed toward the doorway. But it did not open the door-it went out through the crack underneath. Tony was alone.

He looked at the cigarette lighter in his hand. He touched his three separate pockets where phials oflasf -one almost empty, now-reposed. He reflected with savage satisfaction that it was not likely that he could be killed without some mangling, and that at least one of the bottles oflasfwas practically sure to be smashed. And Tony's information onlasfwas confined to about three sentences from Ghail, and one experience. And the picture of the leaf the Queen had drawn. That was all he knew. But he could extend his knowledge of a common phenomenon in the United States and guess that the Barkutian use oflasfwas woefully inefficient. With a cigarette lighter he could do better.

The door opened again. The commander of the guard of honor was back. He saluted profoundly.

"Lord," he purred. "The king has made the proclamation you requested. He has appointed a place for the combat. He has given Es-Souk safe-conduct, and Es-Souk has appeared from hiding in the form of a rug on the audience-chamber floor and prepares himself for battle."

"Very well," snapped Tony, "I'll go there at once. If he isn't afraid, he'll follow immediately."

Thedjinncaptain saluted again, with enormous formality, and withdrew for the second time.

Something stirred on the floor. A c.o.c.kroach waggled its feelers imploringly, turned into an explosively expanding mistiness, and condensed again as Abdul.

"Lord!" said the stoutdjinnimploringly. "Hear me but a moment! The walls of this palace hear and report to the king! I asked to obey you. The king will know. If you do not accept me and protect me, I am lost!"

Tony shrugged.

"Unless," he said skeptically, "this is more of your king's conniving!"

"I swear by the beard of the Prophet!" panted Abdul. "Truly, lord, I can be most useful! Protect me, lord, and you will have the fleetest horse, the swiftest hound . . . I will carry you to the place of combat! I will bring you the fairest women! I will steal chickens-"

"Hm . . ." said Tony. "I suspect I did talk too fast. Where is this place of combat, anyhow?"

"I know, lord! I will take you there-"

"Then," said Tony, "let's get started."

"This way, lord!" panted Abdul. "I beg you, lord, protect me until we are free of the palace-and after.

Indeed I spoke too soon. Here-the window, lord. . . ."

He raised the window. With an imploring gesture for Tony to follow, he jumped out. Tony walked to the window and looked out. There was no sign whatever of Abdul-but a wide stairway led to the ground from the windowsill. Tony swung up and tested it with his foot. It held. He went down. Instantly he touched the earth, the stairway collapsed into a cloud of dust which coalesced and was Abdul again. He wrung his hands.