The Wraiths Of Will And Pleasure Part 28

'I looked in the books back at the white house library,' she said. 'I know.' know.'

'But perhaps with this feybraiha thing, everything will become normal. d.a.m.n, I should have asked Rofalor for more details. We just skirted the issue and didn't find out anything really.'

'Maybe you could go back tomorrow and ask him,' Lileem said.

Flick grimaced. 'I don't know. I'm still cautious of inviting too much attention to ourselves.'

'Why are you so afraid for me? Hara treat me like normal. What difference would it really make?'

'I don't know,' Flick said. 'But my instincts advise me to be careful, that's all. You and Mima are special, but I'm not convinced all hara would think that way.'

Lileem already knew that when one significant event occurs, then others are waiting to manifest, impatiently in a line. Therefore, when they returned to the 'Esmeraldarine' and found Terez there, sitting with Ulaume on the roof, she was not surprised. He hadn't sought them out for so long, she had begun to wonder if he ever would again, but now, here he was, the creature of dark, sharing a drink with Ulaume in the last of the sunset. Lileem was pleased to see him.

'Terez wants to talk to us,' Ulaume said as Flick and Lileem jumped aboard. His tone was tense. 'Flick, you must persuade Mima to hear this. It's important.'

Flick sighed. Mima would be hiding below deck, seething with all the complicated bitter emotions Terez's proximity inspired in her. While Flick went to reason with her, Lileem sat down. Her head was aching in three different places. She felt dizzy.

'You have grown a lot since the last time I saw you,' Terez said to her. 'It's uncanny.'

Lileem had nothing to say to this. 'Have you brought us anything?'

Terez produced a leather bag. 'Not much. Some trinkets.' He pulled an object out of the bag and pa.s.sed it to her. 'Here, it's yours.' It was a small white carving of a har, very beautiful. He wore an ornate head-dress and the detail was astounding.

'It's lovely,' Lileem said, turning it in her hands. 'So delicate. I wish I could carve like this. Does it represent anything?'

'Yes,' Terez said. 'It is the Tigron.'

'Somehar's G.o.d?'

'In a way. I'll explain when the others are here.'

Lileem held out the little carving to Ulaume, but he would not take it. He was frowning, and his composure was ruffled. This meant Terez had told him something he didn't like, something that endangered his control of life. Ulaume always hated things like that, especially so since the episode with the Uigenna. He was superst.i.tious about the carving. Lileem was so full of curiosity, she forgot about how frightened and threatened she'd felt only minutes before. She enjoyed mysteries.

Flick emerged from below deck, with Mima following, her face set into a surly expression. She had her arms folded and everything about her was closed in and hostile. She would never forgive Terez for what he'd said and done in the past and she couldn't forgive herself for what she'd done, either. Lileem wished Mima would let it all go. Terez had been denied a life with the Uigenna, but surely that was for the best. What did Mima have to feel bad about now? Terez did not appear unhappy. He didn't appear anything. Well, perhaps, there were reasons for regret, after all.

'What's so important?' Flick said, sitting down beside Terez.

Terez held out his hand to Lileem. 'The carving,' he said.

Lileem handed it to him and he pa.s.sed it to Flick.

'Somehar else is inventing G.o.ds,' Lileem said.

Flick examined the carving. 'It's well crafted, but what's so important about it? If other hara are creating dehara, it's not that surprising.' He held out the carving to Terez.

'Look again,' Terez said. 'That is the Tigron of Immanion, the king of the Gelaming, if you like. The ruler of all Wraeththu.'

'Well, they were bound to do that sooner or later,' Flick said. 'They think highly of themselves. Personally, I don't have a king and never will. I won't buy into Gelaming power fantasies.'

'His name is Pellaz-har-Aralis,' Terez said. 'The carving is stylised, of course, so don't look for resemblances.'

Flick glanced again at the carving, then fixed Terez with a stare. 'What are you suggesting?'

'I travel widely in this land,' Terez said. 'I get to hear many things. I make sure I do. I've never stopped searching for my brothers, and my feet led me to what was once Varrish territory. It was there I met a har who came from Almagabra. He was Gelaming, attached in some small capacity to the n.o.ble house of Parasiel in Galhea, the home of Swift the Varr, now presumably Swift of the Parasiel, who has earned himself fame as a Gelaming lap dog. The har I met told me that Thiede had created himself a king and that his name is Pellaz.'

'No,' Flick said. 'Don't think it. It's impossible.'

'No it isn't,' Ulaume said, in a low voice. 'You know that. This is what everything has been leading to. It makes sense of your story, Flick, about Pell's inception and Thiede. This was the plan no har knew about. He never died. Cal was deceived.'

'He couldn't have been,' Flick said. 'It was too raw and real for him. I don't believe it.'

'But you have seen Pell in visions,' Mima said. Her arms were unfolded now, though her skin looked sallow. 'He spoke to you, and Ulaume never believed Pell was dead. By Aruhani, this is it! He sent you to us, Flick. He sent you to care for us, because he is a Wraeththu king, all-powerful. Because he can can do it.' do it.'

'Then he could have come for you himself,' Flick said. 'Don't jump on this, Mima. There could be any number of explanations. Not least that Thiede just decided to call this king he made Pellaz. It could be anyhar.'

'I agree,' Terez said, 'so I investigated further. It transpires that a har named Cal went to Galhea a few years back and that it's rumoured he once had a connection with the Tigron. That is more than coincidence.'

'When I felt Pell die,' Ulaume said, 'and when your friend Orien had that psychic episode, it must have been the exact moment when Thiede took Pell away from Cal. We misinterpreted what we felt. It was a transformation, not death.'

'Cal burned the remains,' Flick said. 'I'm sure he didn't make it up. You didn't see him, talk to him. He knew what he saw and experienced, and it was was Pell's death. He had half his head blown off. There can be little mistake under those circ.u.mstances. I know Cal visited the Varrs. He did so with Pell. The stories are getting mixed up, that's all.' Pell's death. He had half his head blown off. There can be little mistake under those circ.u.mstances. I know Cal visited the Varrs. He did so with Pell. The stories are getting mixed up, that's all.'

'No, this was more recent,' Terez said, 'certainly since he murdered your friend at Saltrock.'

'Why are you trying to explain this away?' Mima said. 'Flick, it is the answer. It's why you and Ulaume were drawn to us.'

'But if it were true, then surely Pell would have tried to make contact with you himself,' Flick said. 'Mima, please think about this. Don't give in to wishful thinking. If he lives, he's obviously not thinking about you, or Terez, or Ulaume or me. Not even Cal. Maybe he wanted this. Maybe he was in on it from the start. But, if he is this Tigron, he doesn't care about you. You must be dead to him, as I am, as we all are.'

Lileem was watching Mima's face. She noticed the way Mima recoiled from Flick's words. They were harsh, but true, and despite everything, Mima was no fool.

'Flick's right,' Terez said. 'It would once have been my instinct to believe this fully, without question, but now I am wiser. I'll go to Immanion and find out for myself, and if there is any truth in this story I will find you and tell you.'

'Hara don't just 'go' to Immanion,' Flick said. 'You must know that. Many don't even believe it exists. The Gelaming create legends about themselves, and one of those legends is that nohar finds the city unless the Gelaming invite them there.'

'I will discover what is truth and what is myth,' Terez said. 'I don't need invitations. You cannot do it, because you need to remain here in hiding. But think of this, if Pell does does live and he live and he is is Tigron, then he could provide the protection you need for Mima and Lileem. This must be important to you all.' Tigron, then he could provide the protection you need for Mima and Lileem. This must be important to you all.'

'If he lives and is Tigron, it's my thought that he's abandoned all aspects of his past,' Flick said. 'I wouldn't count on an offer of protection. He could have done that any time. He might not even acknowledge you as kin.'

'We are are protected,' Lileem said abruptly. 'We don't need anyhar else to do it. We have ourselves.' She was filled with a fear of her life disintegrating around her. She didn't want change. There was nothing that needed changing. Whatever happened that she couldn't handle herself, Flick, Ulaume and Mima would deal with it. protected,' Lileem said abruptly. 'We don't need anyhar else to do it. We have ourselves.' She was filled with a fear of her life disintegrating around her. She didn't want change. There was nothing that needed changing. Whatever happened that she couldn't handle herself, Flick, Ulaume and Mima would deal with it.

'I have to agree with Flick,' Mima said, 'even though it hurts to do it. I want Pell to be alive so much, yet if he is, I have to face that he has no interest in us. If he wanted to find us, he could have done, but as yet, he clearly hasn't bothered trying.'

Lileem was surprised that Mima had changed her mind so quickly, but then again she could see in Mima's face all those difficult feelings she couldn't straighten out. Mima felt abandoned, all over again.

'I hope to all the dehara it isn't true,' Flick said in an uncharacteristically cruel tone. 'Because if it is, then it means Orien died for nothing and I lost Seel for nothing. Cal went insane for nothing and has blood on his hands for eternity. If Pell lives, he's as much responsible for what happened in Saltrock as Cal was.'

Lileem opened her mouth to offer some comfort, because she could see how upset Flick was but, before she could speak, he threw down the carving, leapt off the boat onto the bank and marched off into the trees. For a moment, all was silent.

'I knew this news would be difficult,' Terez said. 'I had thought of the implications in it too.'

'You must find out if it is true though,' Mima said. 'I have to know.'

'I will do what I can,' Terez said.

Lileem picked up the little carving Flick had discarded and held it out to Terez.

'Keep it,' he said. 'I have no need for it.'

Lileem put the carving of the Tigron in a drawer in her cabin, although she liked to take it out at night, when she was alone, and study it. Not for one moment did she ever doubt that what Terez had told them was true. Neither did she think that Pellaz had coldly and consciously abandoned his surviving kin and friends. She was sure he just didn't know about them, that other things occupied his attention. If he had truly died and been resurrected, perhaps he couldn't even remember his human family. Everyhar was reacting in a very personal way, but Lileem had never had business with Pellaz. She had no expectations of him, and no disappointments in him. If anything, the idea of him intrigued her greatly. All her life, she'd heard about him, and the way he affected others made him all the more fascinating. Lileem liked both Mima and Terez very much, and considered them to be beautiful, das.h.i.+ng and daring creatures. It made sense to her that a Cevarro should end up as king of all Wraeththu. It was terrible to her that any of the family had been killed, because she was sure they had all been special people. Flick, Ulaume and Mima lashed out against Pellaz in hurt and resentment. Terez merely set himself the task of discovering the truth. Lileem herself simply decided to wait. This was a story that had yet to reach its conclusion.

Flick would not return to Rofalor's house for more information about harlings, so the morning following Terez's arrival 'Esmeraldarine' left the Unneah settlement and headed north. Terez departed before they left, riding one of the Uigenna horses he'd stolen years before. Lileem stood on top of the boat and watched him gallop off into the morning, where an early mist hugged the ground. I wouldn't mind being like him, I wouldn't mind being like him, she thought, she thought, not if I could look like that, riding a horse. Not if I could be a walker of shadows, like he is, and never be fl.u.s.tered, unsure or frightened. not if I could look like that, riding a horse. Not if I could be a walker of shadows, like he is, and never be fl.u.s.tered, unsure or frightened.

'Hey!' Flick called to her. 'Are you dreaming? There's work to do!'

'Sorry.'

Flick looked at her strangely and she found her neck was burning.

It began two weeks after Terez had come to them, two weeks after the conversation at Rofalor's. Lileem was ash.o.r.e one afternoon, walking in overgrown fields next to an abandoned farm. Feral horses galloped in the suns.h.i.+ne and the air was full of insects, murmuring lazily in the summer warmth. Lileem walked to a gigantic oak and sat down against the trunk. She leaned back and closed her eyes, breathing deeply, absorbing all the scents of the land. Why had she ever been afraid? She was a part of the world, at one with it. She could feel every ray of sunlight as it fell on her skin, coming down through the softly rustling leaves overhead.

'Lileem!'

She opened her eyes at once. There was nohar there, and yet the voice had sounded so close. She jumped up and glanced around herself, but the field was empty of all but horses, which had stopped cavorting around and now cropped the gra.s.s nearby, their tails swis.h.i.+ng to ward off the flies. It must have been one of the others, putting out a mind call to her, but it hadn't felt like that at all. She had heard her name spoken, not in her head, but with her physical ears. Neither had she recognised the voice.

This could be a haunted place. Humans had once owned the ruined farm. They may have been slaughtered in this field. Unnerved, Lileem ran through the sunlight to the shelter of trees and the woodland path that led back to the river. Just when the world feels right and good, something peculiar happens to remind you that nothing is certain.

Lileem didn't mention anything to her companions about what had happened, but for the rest of the day she felt slightly disorientated. Her ears had started to ring, and it was a strange ringing that sounded like the distant lilt of a choir. If she put her hands over her ears in order to concentrate on it and hear it properly, it went away. But when she was speaking or others were making noise around her, she could hear it again, faint and insistent within her.

That night, she was plagued by troubling dreams. All of them involved voices shouting her name. They were calling to her desperately: come to us! come to us! But she didn't know who or what they were. In the single word of her name, repeated endlessly, she perceived the message: But she didn't know who or what they were. In the single word of her name, repeated endlessly, she perceived the message: you belong with us. Come quickly! It is time. you belong with us. Come quickly! It is time.

She wondered if it could be her hostling, and in the morning felt she had to confide in Flick about the dreams. She asked him to go for a walk with her in the woods, because for some unknown reason, she didn't want Ulaume or Mima to hear what she had to say. Flick listened to her account of the call in the field the previous day and the events of the night. He did not interrupt, which was unusual, and unsettling.

'Is it the Kakkahaar who was my hostling calling to me?' Lileem asked, making a conscious effort not to wring her hands together. She couldn't stop s.h.i.+vering.

'I don't know,' Flick said. 'I doubt it. Maybe it was just a bad dream.'

Lileem could tell he didn't believe this, because his expression was deeply worried. 'Is it...' she began. 'Is it the... other other thing? Is this what happens? A call from somehar I don't know, the har who's supposed to...' thing? Is this what happens? A call from somehar I don't know, the har who's supposed to...'

'No!' Flick said quickly. 'I'm sure not. It could be something to do with the landscape here. We'll move on. Let me know if anything else happens.' He paused. 'There haven't been any other changes, have there.'

Lileem's face burned. 'No. I'd tell you.'

Flick nodded. 'OK. Don't worry. It's probably nothing.'

The walked back to the boat in silence and Lileem considered how much Flick had changed since she first met him. It was as if she were seeing him for the first time. He no longer appeared so fey and vulnerable. He was strong and his hands were calloused. They rarely talked of the dehara nowadays, although Lileem had kept up her devotions to them privately. Flick had lost faith in all that was wondrous, as had Ulaume. Flick had always believed the world would be fair to him, and it hadn't been. What had started in Saltrock had only been compounded by the events with Terez and the Uigenna. Flick never spoke of those things either, but sometimes Lileem could feel self-loathing coming off him like a black flame.

All day, Lileem felt nauseous. Her face was hot, her ears were singing and her head felt as if it was stuffed full of cotton. It was inevitable that both Ulaume and Mima noticed she was out of sorts. 'You're flushed,' Mima said. 'Do you feel all right?'

Lileem wanted to escape them all. She was terrified that the dreaded time of feybraiha was upon her. What would happen? What must she do? As the hours pa.s.sed, the voices in her head became louder, calling her name insistently. She must be going mad. She would become like Terez had been, a half creature lost in darkness.

Just before sundown, it became unbearable. One moment, Lileem was sitting down on deck to begin the evening meal with her companions, the next she was on her feet, screaming aloud. She jumped off the boat and landed in the icy cold water with a great splash.

Deaf to the cries of her companions behind her, she swam strongly towards the eastern bank and climbed from the water. She wanted and needed to run, to keep running. Clawing her way through thick, th.o.r.n.y bushes, she headed east. It was the only way to go, and the faster she went and the longer she ran, the more the pressure let up within her. This was the way the voices wanted her to go. They lay in this direction: waiting. She found she was both laughing and crying as she ran.

Breaking free of the bushes, she hurtled down an old road that was cracked and half hidden by weeds. Here, her limbs took flight. She had never run so fast and it had never felt so good.

She ran for half the night and only stopped running when she fell exhausted in her tracks. Flick found her before dawn. She was still panting.

He wanted to take her back to 'Esmeraldarine', but she could only screech and lash out at him with her fists when he tried to make her do that. She couldn't go back. It was far too painful. 'This way!' she yelled, pointing to the east. 'I'm going this way and you won't stop me. I have to.'

Flick crouched before her, his hands hanging between his knees. 'Why?' he asked.

Lileem gripped her head, squeezed it. 'It's a call,' she said, trying to think clearly. 'So strong. I have to obey it. There is no choice.'

Flick stared at her and she stared back, breathing heavily. She couldn't slow down her breath. After a long minute or so, Flick said, 'All right.'

'All right what?' she cried. The singing in her ears was so loud now she had to shout to hear her own voice, never mind Flick's.

'We'll go east,' he said. 'I'll come with you, if you have to go.'

Lileem threw herself against him. 'Thank you.' She realised she had never wanted to go alone.

He held onto her tightly, for just a moment, then held her shoulders at arm's length, gazing into her eyes steadily. 'I'll go back to Ezzie, tell the others, see what they want to do. OK? Will you wait for me here for a just a while?'

She nodded vigorously. 'Yes.'

He stood up. 'If you really have to go, leave signs. I'll be as quick as I can.'

Lileem watched him lope away from her and when he had vanished from her sight, began to weep. He hadn't questioned her desire. He accepted it, and he would be with her. Her breast ached as if something inside it was about to burst. She had never felt so happy, yet at the same time, so sad.

It was difficult not to give in to the desire to leap up and keep running, but Lileem managed to control herself. She knew she should feel hungry, because she hadn't eaten anything since lunch the day before, but she had no hunger within her. She was simply itching to move and had to keep pacing around. While she did so, she prayed to Lunil, her gentle dehar. What is happening to me? Help me. But it was daytime and Lunil's influence was weak. She shrank from calling upon Aruhani, because of his arunic a.s.sociations and Miyacala did not feel appropriate. Her own particular invention, Agave, could give her strength perhaps. For some minutes, she spoke to him, and maybe it was her imagination at work, but her body did begin to feel less agitated. It was fortunate she'd not strayed as far from the river as she thought she'd done, because Flick returned to her just past noon.

'Ulaume had an idea,' he said. 'It might take strength for you to go through with it. There is an eastern tributary to the Serpent a few miles north. You should come back to Ezzie and we'll head that way. It'll be quicker than travelling on foot.'

Lileem considered this. 'It's a good idea, but I don't think I can.'

'You could try.'

'But it hurts so much. You don't understand.'

'We don't know who or what is calling to you,' Flick said. 'It would be better if we could all stick together. Try speaking to these voices in your head. Tell them your intention is to go east, but that you need to go back west first for quicker transport.'

'OK, I'll try.' She took a few tentative steps towards Flick and it was as if a giant fist closed about her mind. She uttered a cry, clasped her head, stepped back. 'I can't!'

'Lileem, you are strong,' Flick said. 'Fight back!'

Lileem screwed up her eyes and cried, 'Agave, be with me! Give me your strength, your fire.'

'That's it!' Flick urged. 'Take my hand. Come to me.'