Jokes For All Occasions - LightNovelsOnl.com
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"Why do you say so?"
"Because the greatest number of fish are eaten by the very people who are idiots enough to sit out all day waiting for them to bite."
THE SECRET
_The Man of Theory:_ "The great secret of happiness lies in being content with one's lot."
_The Man of Practice:_ "But it has to be a whole lot."
WANTS HER RIGHTS
_He:_ "There is nothing like experience after all. She is our greatest teacher."
_She:_ "And there is no holding back her salary, either."
"And are you a good needlewoman and renovator, and willing to be useful?"
"Madam, I am afraid there is some misunderstanding. I am a lady's maid--not a useful maid."
GETTING BACK
_Customer to Palmist:_ "Five dollars fee? Er--would you have any objection to waiting until I get some of the money you say is coming to me?"
_Betty:_ "Mummy, does G.o.d send us our food?"
_Mother:_ "Yes, dear; of course He does."
_Betty:_ "But what a price!"
DURING VACATION
_The Summer Girl:_ "It pains me to be compelled to say so, but I really cannot become engaged to you."
_The Summer Man:_ "Well--er--could you manage to be a sister to me for a couple of weeks?"
NOT UNIQUE
_He:_ "Crowded, were you? I thought you went early to avoid the rush."
_She:_ "So I did; but about five thousand other people did the same thing."
A n.o.bLE AIM
_She:_ "Have you heard anything about the woman's Reform Club?"
"Yes, its object seems to be to reform everything except the Club and everybody except the members."
ONCE TOO OFTEN
"Yes, dear, I'm going out to-night. I've been asked to take supper with an old comrade in arms."
"By the way, darling, how many men did your regiment muster?"
"Phwat's the matter wid yez, Regan? Yez look hurted."
"Faith! Lasht noight Oi tould Casey phwat Oi thought av him, an' ut appears he thought worse av me."
CAUSE AND EFFECT
"What a lot of suffering these ambulance surgeons must witness."
"Yes, indeed! Almost every time they go out they run over some one."
"He's a nice little horse (I saw him myself) and the dealer says I may have him for a song. Would you advise me to buy him?"
"That depends upon your eye for a horse and his ear for music."
SYMPATHY
_Freddie_ (_aged six_): "Mother, you know that lovely purse you gave me for my birfday?"
_His Mother:_ "Yes, dear! What of it?"
