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Reed drove slowly. I could tell his mind was somewhere else. His brow furrowed, his jaw clenched and unclenched over and over. I reached over and gently touched his shoulder. Reed jumped, then let out a sigh and reached his hand up to hold mine. I could see his other hand tighten around the steering wheel.
"Reed, what's wrong?"
Reed stared at the road. Silence filled the small truck cab, and I started to think he didn't plan on responding.
"I can't do this anymore Millie," he said in a barely audible whisper. He glanced over to me, then focused his eyes back on the road. His voice came out stronger. "Being in there, knowing that there were all those people who were locked away just on the other side of those walls, knowing this Nation could so easily claim me, or you, I just... I need out."
"Out?"
"Millie, I need to leave the Nation." His voice suddenly came out rushed, as if afraid I would stop him at any moment. "I know Eddie will go with me. He has already talked about it. Every time we go into town he fills that bag of his with supplies. Food, maps, all that. We have everything we need." Reed pausing, sucking in a deep breath. "Millie, I need... I want you to come too."
I lowered my hand to the worn out seat, his fingers clinging to me as I let it go limp. "You want me to leave, leave the Nation, with you?"
Reed let out a heavy breath, glancing out the side window then looking back to me quickly. "When you know something Millie, you know it. I have spent my entire life not knowing too much. I don't know my parents. I don't know what happened to them. All I have is one name and some fading memories and those haven't gotten me anywhere." Reed wiped at his eyes, his fingers dragging along as if trying to pull out lost memories. Blinking once, he let his eyes trail to me. "But then I saw you. There was something familiar, and I had to know it more. I couldn't take my eyes off you, and not only because of how you look. You are... you are something I know."
Reed looked over to me. "I need you, Millie, because you make me feel needed."
His eyes stared into mine, his face soft. A fire burned in his eyes that begged for my answer, but my mouth couldn't move. I couldn't think. I could feel his fingers holding mine, but my body suddenly felt like it had lost gravity and was floating far away from me.
Reed pulled over to the side of the road. He pulled the brake, leaving the engine to rumble in the silent air. Unlocking his buckle, he moved closer to me. His hand rose to stroke my face, slowly cupping my cheek in a tender hold.
"I need you, Millie," he whispered. "I am falling in love with you, and I can't lose you now." He leaned in closer, his breath warm on my face. I closed my eyes, feeling his presence envelope me. Softly, gently, his lips pressed against mine.
Before I had time to react, he pulled back again. My lips were cold without his against them. I bit my lower lip, feeling the odd tingle that still ran over it. Reed looked me in the eyes, his face barely an inch from mine.
"Imagine living in happiness," he whispered, his forehead resting against mine. "Imagine eating all the apples you ever wanted, and knowing that at the end of the day, you would still be free. You would still be in my arms." He paused, swallowing hard. He pulled back just enough to look me in the eyes again. "Think about it."
I nodded.
Reed watched me, his face not moving. I found myself hoping he would lean in to press his lips against mine again. That we would share the same breath again, leaving my lips cold and tingling again. Instead, he let out a slow breath then backed away and buckled himself back in. Throwing the break, he steered the truck back onto the road.
I turned my eyes away from him, focusing on the road ahead. My mind felt strange. The fog had come back, tickling at the edges. It taunted me. It wanted to envelope me, to take away this tingle on my lips and decisions on my mind. So much had happened in just the last day. I felt myself tempted to give in and disappear.
The fog.
My mother had said the fog took her over. She said she let it take away her pain. My mind drifted back to the last visit I had just had with my parents. How could any pain I thought I felt compare to theirs? I had a brother. His name was Charlie. Disgusting monsters had killed him, and when my parents acted to protect what had been left of their lives, the Nation sided with the monsters.
What was right? My parents had killed two men. That was an undisputed fact. Men who had killed their baby, then were about to turn on them as well. The thoughts of what those men had running through their minds sent a sick s.h.i.+ver down my spine.
The Nation should have locked the remaining monster away.
Instead, it had sided with him.
I felt sick. The jostling of the truck didn't help at all. With every bounce and jerk, I could feel my stomach roll. I reached out and clenched my fingers around the handle on the door, hoping that it would make the world stop spinning. The fog laughed at me, readying itself to take me away from my reality. Looking over at Reed, I became suddenly afraid that I would never come back. I couldn't let it take me. I would not disappear.
Reed glanced over at me, his eyes growing wide as he took me in. We had just entered the town. Reed quickly pulled the truck into a parking spot along the road and killed the engine.
"Millie, you look sick."
I swallowed hard. "I feel sick. I... I need some air."
Reed nodded and climbed out of the car. Hurrying to my door, he pulled it open and let me out. I heard the door slam shut behind me, but didn't jump. I was numb.
I didn't want to make this decision. I didn't want to admit that the one thing I had always seen as my protection was, in truth, the enemy I had always feared. Reed had his hand on my back, directing me as we walked down the near empty sidewalk. I barely felt him there.
We finally got to a bench. It sat around the corner, hidden in a small alley against a brick building. A window sat open above it, the sound of a radio playing m.u.f.fled music floating into the alley. Reed helped me sit down then sat himself down next to me, never taking a worried hand off of me.
"I am so sorry, Millie," he said, his voice almost sounding scared, "I shouldn't have "
"It's okay, Reed." I said, forcing a thin smile. "It's just been a long day. I have... alot to process."
Someone screamed.
Jumping to his feet, Reed pushed me back into my seat when I tried to stand. The screaming grew louder. Frozen in our places, we waited. Down the street we saw a small group making its way toward us. As they neared, I felt my breath catch in my throat.
A tangle of men approached. Some I didn't recognize, but most were unmistakable. I could see the same sneering looks that they wore when they watched me at night around the fire now plastered on their scruffy faces. The men moved down the street, the screaming growing louder as they got closer.
I leaned forward, looking around Reed. In the center of their group, they were dragging someone. A few men broke away to jog ahead, disappearing into the building we were sitting against. As they left, I got a better look at the person being hauled.
Maria.
She screamed again, tears streaming down her face. The men held her arms tightly, dragging her as they walked. She fought against their grip, her feet searching for purchase but constantly being knocked out from under her. Another man jogged ahead into the building, and I finally got a full shot of her.
Her clothes were torn. As she flailed and fought, I could see the flaps of clothing swing around, showing her flesh underneath. I felt sudden embarra.s.sment as I watched, her b.r.e.a.s.t.s flas.h.i.+ng in the low sunlight before being covered again by a stray piece of her remaining s.h.i.+rt. Her skin was covered in bruises. Even from where I sat I could see the gashes that cut across her flesh, blood gus.h.i.+ng to run in trails down her thin body.
The group pushed into the building. Without saying a word, Reed and I kneeled on the bench, peeking our eyes barely over the open windowsill. Inside, the music died with a click.
Along one wall stretched a row of metal bars. An officer stood and opened one of the cell doors. The group of men moved forward and threw Maria in. She landed hard on the ground, smacking her head before her hands were able to reach out and catch her fall. A sob broke free from her bleeding mouth. Maria scrambled into the corner furthest from the group of men, trying desperately to gather the shreds of the remaining clothing around her.
Standing near the window were the few men who had run ahead. They leaned against the wall, quietly speaking with a stiff police officer. I could see a star pinned to his chest, s.h.i.+ning in the dusty air. He stood with his arms crossed against his proud chest, eyes occasionally flicking to Maria before returning to the men who stood in front of him.
"Tell me what happened again," he said, his voice husky.
One of the men let out an aggravated breath then shoved his hands into his pockets. I could see blood on his knuckles.
"I told you, Sheriff. This woman came across us when we were having our break. Offered herself to us. Well, we couldn't resist that, could we?" He flashed a smile at Maria. I could see her shoulders heave as she let out another sob. "Well, we were about done with the fun when the s.l.u.t said we had to pay. We follow the law, Sheriff. And prost.i.tution and pimping are major felonies. We had no idea that she had planned to trap us like that. I swear."
I recognized the man. Searching my thoughts, I finally placed his smug face. The man in the restaurant. The one who had taunted Eddie, who had draped the woman across him like a cheap accessory. I stared at him in shock as he leaned close to the Sheriff. The innocent look on his face made me want to scream. It was obviously forced, almost mocking as he watched Maria. I looked over to the Sheriff and saw him nodding in agreement.
The man went on. "Some of the fellows here had to detain her. She is a strong little wh.o.r.e. That's what's up with the..." He looked back at her a moment, his nose wrinkling up, "the revealing attire. We apologize for the way we brought her in, but the law is the law, right, Sheriff?"
The Sheriff, still nodding, cracked a smile at the man. "It is Paul. That it is."
Maria, crammed in the corner, started to shake. I could see her balled tight, her shoulders shuddering uncontrollably. Pure terror ran through her eyes. The Sheriff looked over to her again, then nodded at the officer who stood next to the cell. The officer nodded back and turned to Maria "You have the right to remain silent. Anything you do say can and will be used against you "
"No!" Maria cried. "Please, don't do this!"
Without pausing, the officer continued.
The man, Paul, leaned in to the Sheriff. "What are you going to book her on?"
"Oh, the standard," the Sheriff answered, ignoring the pleading of the bloodied woman. "Prost.i.tution 1. Pimping. I bet there is some burglary or breaking and entering we can dig up."
Paul nodded, a disgusting smile spreading on his face. The other men in his group made their way out of the building. I could hear them chuckling and clapping each other on the back as they disappeared.
The Sheriff leaned closer, his hand resting casually on Paul's shoulder. I could see a splash of drying blood on the back of Paul's arm. I swallowed hard, forcing down the churning in my stomach. "A bit excessive on the force, don't you think Paul?"
Paul's shoulders shuddered as he let out a laugh. "I am proud of our oh-so-great Nation. I must do what I can, to prove that I am the good, the strong." His voice came out sharp, spitting the words as he laughed again.
The Sheriff s.h.i.+fted on his feet, smoothing his s.h.i.+rt as he made a point to avoid eye contact with Maria. "Any news on the apple contract?" he asked.
Paul shrugged. "Nothing has changed. We managed to get it signed and stamped, now it's processing. How ironic is it, that the apple pickers are sent to Spokane, then fed the very apples they picked? I'm telling you, that's justice."
The Sheriff chuckled lightly. "See you tonight Paul? Eight o'clock?"
"Yeah Dad, I wouldn't miss dinner for nothing."
The Sheriff clapped Paul on the shoulder, chuckling.
"Sheriff!" Maria cried. "Por favor. They... they raped me." Her voice broke, choking sobs sending her body in convulsions again. "Please believe me. They raped..."
The Sheriff let out a bored sigh, then followed Paul out the door as if Maria weren't there at all.
20.
"Okay," I choked out, my body slamming back down onto the wooden bench.
Reed stared into the window a moment longer, his lips so tight they were white. His breaths came in ragged gasps, uneven beats of loss and desperation. I could hear Maria sobbing, her voice carrying into the alley air where just moments ago there had been music. Her sobs mixed with Reed's gasps became a haunting duet that brought stinging tears to my eyes.
Reed turned and sank back onto the bench. He shut his eyes, his fingers rubbing over his clenched lids as if trying to smear out what we had just seen.
Lifting his head, he finally seemed to remember that I sat there next to him. "Okay?" he asked, his voice sounding lost and distant.
Maria's sobs finally quieted. Through the window I only heard a soft whimper, her begging quieted and long since forgotten.
"Reed, those men... that story they told the sheriff "
"I know, Millie."
"They never even let Maria speak! Just looking at her, you can tell she was..." My voice caught in my throat. Fog tempted me. I shut my eyes, forcing it to clear. This was Maria. Happy, welcoming, gentle Maria. It could so easily have been me. "He believed his son. Without a question."
"Family," Reed's voice sounded choked. "They like to believe lies more than truth, when it comes to those they love. It would be too much to admit your son is a monster. It is so much easier to see him as a hero."
I opened my eyes and turned to Reed, searching his own pain filled eyes. "What will happen to her?"
Reed licked his lips, obviously trying to find a soft way to answer my searching question. "You already know, Millie. You grew up surrounded by women just like Maria."
"The women? They were prost.i.tutes. They sold their own bodies for money, so they could buy drugs and who knows what else. They ruined the Nation."
Reed raised his eyebrows at me, his eyes almost begging. Could it be true? It was so easy to believe that they were all the criminals. Those women in the prison who strutted around, pushed themselves at the men, taunted the girls. I could see them now in my mind, walking in their tight groups, hands protectively holding each other, eyes always carefully watching every pa.s.sing man even as their mouths said otherwise. Could they all be Marias, living to get by but always scared that their nightmare would just begin again?
Orrin's words crept into my mind. They lock away the people and make them become the criminals they so fear. Hearing Maria's lost sobs behind me, I finally understood what he meant.
"But, can't we... couldn't we just "
"No," Reed said, stopping me. "We can't. The law has already decided what the truth is. We can't."
"In Prison Nation, the truth can't set you free," I muttered to myself. I thought back to my parents. To Orrin. To the workers who disappeared from the Orchard, the inmates who wandered lost and tear-streaked in Spokane. How many had a truth that would never be listened to?
I reached over and grabbed Reed's hand, my fingers lacing with his. "Okay," I said firmly. "Let's go."
"Go?" Reed asked cautiously.
"I will go with you, Reed. Away from here. From the Nation." I took a deep breath. "What just happened to Maria, that was a crime. And those men will do it over and over. How many more men are there in the Nation like that? And women? I thought... I thought the law protected me." I lowered my eyes a moment, then looked back at him. "I don't know if that's true anymore. I don't feel safe. And if you were to leave, I know I wouldn't be safe."
Reed lifted his hand, letting mine fall into my lap as he cupped my cheek. Leaning close, I could feel his breath on my skin. It sent tingles down my body. "If I had to live without you, Millie. If for some reason you were gone... I would never have to think twice. I would miss you with every fiber of who I am."
A tear broke free from my eye. It trailed down my cheek, stopping to rest on Reed's hand. In a soft flick, he wiped it away.
"I will never leave you, Millie," Reed said softly.
"I know. Because I am going with you."
Reed let a soft smile spread on his lips. Without another word, he pulled me to my feet and rushed back to the truck. I was more than eager to leave behind Maria's lost whimpers as she huddled locked and nearly naked in the cell behind us.
It seemed like the town had barely faded away when I saw the white house loom in front of us. Reed pulled the truck to a stop, dirt still flying behind it as he jumped out. I followed. We quickly made our way to my living quarters. I moved to step inside, when Reed grabbed my wrist.
He turned it and lifted my sleeve. My metal bracelet dropped down into sight.
"I forgot about this," he said, his voice tense.
"Can we take it off?" I asked.
Reed shook his head. "You have to have a certain machine to take it off. They only keep them at the prisons or under lock and key. We don't have time."
I stepped down off the step, peeling Reed's fingers off my wrist and lowering my sleeve to cover the bracelet again. "It's just an ID bracelet, Reed. It can stay on."
He opened his mouth to protest then stopped himself. "Okay," he said. "Get your stuff. Quickly. I will go get Eddie and our stuff. Meet back at the truck." I nodded to Reed then watched as he ran down the walk to his own living quarters. As soon as he disappeared inside, I turned and hurried down the hall.
My room was just as I had left it. For some reason I had expected it to be different. To be torn apart, to see a roommate waiting to take over my s.p.a.ce. Something. It hadn't changed, yet things felt different. Something was missing. As I stepped inside, letting the curtain drape shut behind me, I could feel it.