First. Part 9

"Emily?" my mother asked, the slightest hint of a smile twitched at her lips. I looked at her with wide eyes and shrugged my shoulders. I glanced over at the wall clock to see that it was nearly seven. Beth and I had a mutual agreement that after dinner generally meant eight. By the time I finished the dishes it would be time to head out to the Bowl.

I stood at the kitchen sink with a dishrag in my right hand, sauce-covered pan in my left. I scrubbed absently as I stared out the window to the backyard. I didn't really see the big Cottonwood tree, or the small shed tucked into the back left corner of the yard, nor the big trampoline whose black tarp dully reflected the light of the full moon. I was thinking about how I was going to react to Beth tonight. I had to meet her in fifteen minutes. All the dishes were washed except for the pan that I was slowly working on. After that I only had to wash off the dinner table, and take out the garbage. No problem. I would be there on time.

I thought again about Beth's new friend, Casey. I chastised myself as the realization came to me that I had absolutely no right to be jealous of this mystery girl. Beth was allowed to have other friends, after all. I had my own friends. But I relied on Beth so much. But at the same time I had a sinking suspicion that Beth and Casey had been more than just friends over the summer. Had Beth done the same things to her as she had done to me? Wasn't that just something that Beth and I had done? Other girls don't do that, do they? But then I remembered what Aunt Kitty had said about her and Karen. Did all girls do that at one time or other? Either way, we would work it out. I hoped.

With a swish of the dishtowel into the double sink, I left the kitchen and headed toward the living room where my parents were reading the newspaper and watching the evening news.

"Did you read this article, Fran?" my father asked, his voice distracted as he continued to read an article that was accompanied by a picture of what appeared to be a parade of some kind. Men and women were walking down a street with signs in their hands, and their mouths were open as if they were talking or yelling.

"Which one?" my mother answered just as distracted as she focused on her own section of the Star Journal. My father began to read: "Nearly four hundred marchers partic.i.p.ated in Friday afternoon's rally in front of City Hall in Denver demanding equal rights to gays and lesbians. The rally started off peaceful with mild chants, and rainbow-colored banners, however, things began to turn for the worse when anti-gay protesters began to throw rocks and gla.s.s bottles at the marchers. Some gay members were rushed to a near-by hospital with head wounds, and severe cuts. After twenty minutes, Denver police were able to bring everything back under control, and the rally was disbanded. No arrests were made.....'"

My mother looked up as my father put the paper down and looked at her.

"Those d.a.m.n people." he muttered. "Why can't they just keep it to themselves? No one cares about that... lifestyle. Why can't they just be normal?"

"Henry. Be fair. They didn't deserve that. Someone could have really gotten hurt. They weren't hurting anyone. You just read that it was a peaceful march."

"What is a gay and lesbian?" I asked as I stopped at the front door and turned to face them. Both my parent's eyes turned to me, both looking as if I had just asked them if I could shoot them in the head.

"They're a bunch of sickos, is what they are."

"Henry." my mother was silent for a moment as she thought of how to best answer my question. "Well, honey, they are h.o.m.os.e.xuals."

"What's a h.o.m.os.e.xual?"

"Ah. Oh boy. Well, a h.o.m.os.e.xual is someone who, ah, well, who loves the same s.e.x. Two men who love each other physically are called gay, and two women who love each other physically are called lesbians." I absorbed this information for a moment before I realized that I had heard both of those terms used before at school. I had just never known what they had meant. Then it hit me that I had heard both of those terms hollered at Beth. I swallowed uneasily.

"Oh. Well I'm going."

"Don't be out too late, Emmy." my mother said as she turned her attention back to her newspaper.

I walked solemnly down the street as I replayed my mother's definition again and again in my mind. Were we..... No. No way. I did not love Beth in that way. Was Beth? No. I smiled to myself. She wasn't one of 'those' people. She just always felt more comfortable physically around girls, that's all.

I walked up the dirt path that would wind its way to the Toilet Bowl. Up ahead I could barely make out the white of a T-s.h.i.+rt. The moon had hid behind some rolling clouds, and its suffocated light could not break through the dense branches of the trees that surrounded the pond. As I neared I could see Beth sitting with her knees drawn up to her chest, her arms wrapped around her s.h.i.+ns. Her eyes stared into the water, but did not really focus on anything. I could tell she was deep in thought as she drew her bottom lip into her mouth to lightly chew on it before releasing it once again.

"Hey." I said quietly, not wanting to disturb the hush of the late August night. She looked over her shoulder and smiled "Hi." I plopped down next to her, and sat cross-legged, my arms resting on the sides of my thighs. I looked at her and grinned.

"You beat me here this time."

"Yeah, I know. I had to get out of there. I've been here for about an hour I think."

"Oh. I would have been here a little sooner, but with Billy gone I am the only dishwasher." She grinned at me. I looked off into the trees for a moment before turning back to her. "So tell me about it. How was camp?" She smiled.

"It was great. I won a ton of awards and trophies. You should see my dresser top. It's loaded with them." Her eyes sparkled, filled with so much pride.

"Oh, Beth." I breathed, truly happy for her. "I knew you would do really well there. You are so talented. If I only had this much of your talent," I held up my hand, placing my index finger about half an inch from my thumb.

"Hey, don't be too hard on yourself, Em. You have got some serious stuff upstairs. I wish I was smart like you. And beautiful." Her smile was disarming. I grinned shyly.

"Yeah, right. All that won't get me a standing ovation, or awards and trophies like you get."

"Maybe not, but it will sure get you far in life. You will get far, Em. I know it." Her bright blue eyes bore into mine. They were filled with a mixture of seriousness, and sadness. She continued with a grin. "Just remember me when you're a big successful lawyer in some great city."

"Always." I smiled. "As long as you remember me when you give your speech after you win your first Oscar." She grinned, lost in the thought. We locked eyes for a moment as we connected. I had never been linked to another human being as I was to Beth. We were able to say so much with our eyes that our mouths would never say. Right now I was seeing something flash through hers that told me she was in a great struggle over something. She looked so lost that I felt I needed to touch her, comfort her. I reached out and placed my hand on her right knee that was still being held securely to her body with her arms. I knew she needed to talk, but was unsure if I wanted to hear about it. So I'd have to take the plunge, and get her going.

"Why did she have to leave camp?" My words came out slowly, and quietly. I could see the storm building in the expanse of ocean that were her eyes. She tore her eyes from mine and looked down at her crossed ankles, silent for a moment.

"Someone saw us." she said so quietly that I had to strain to hear.

"Saw you? Swimming?" I asked, confused.

"No." she smiled at the memory. "No, they saw us on the sh.o.r.e. We were, we were kissing." She glanced at me quickly to see my reaction. With careful control I managed to keep my face expressionless. Now that I got her going, I was not going to let my petty jealousies get in the way again. When she saw that it was okay, she continued. "Casey was naked. I only had my s.h.i.+rt off." Suddenly she buried her face in her hands and groaned. "Oh, Em," her voice was m.u.f.fled. "It was so embarra.s.sing." She looked at me again.

"So, you and Casey were doing what we, well, you would kiss and stuff?" A slow blush traveled up her neck and stained her cheeks crimson.

"At first." She gave me a lop-sided grin and raised a brow.

"At first?" I squeaked. I cleared my throat. I was silent as I waited for her to continue when it became painfully obvious that she wanted me to drag it out of her. Did I really want to hear this? Curiosity got the best of me. "So um, what else did you do?"

"G.o.d, what didn't we do?" It was my turn to blush. I swallowed reflexively and stared into the water for a moment before I could face her. When she had my full attention again, Beth continued her story. "Casey would use her tongue, and she would start sucking, then with her fingers-"

"Fingers?" I interrupted. My brows drawn in confusion. "Why would she use her fingers to kiss your mouth?" Beth grinned.

"Who said anything about my mouth?" I sucked in my breath as realization dawned on me. With an audible gulp I s.h.i.+vered. Beth grinned wildly at my reaction. As my mind began to form a mental picture, I was startled to feel a wave of heat crash against my lower stomach like a tidal wave into the sh.o.r.e. The wave spread south as Beth continued. "She would rub my b.r.e.a.s.t.s with her fingers, and the palms of her hands. I had no idea that they were so sensitive! And then when she'd use her mouth-"

I shut out Beth's rambling as my mind began to reel. My mother's voice echoed through my head, "Two men who love each other physically are called gay, and two women who love each other physically are called lesbians....."

"....at first she started using just one finger, but then....."

"Hey! It's Beth the lesbian! Hey, my dog's in heat, ya interested?" I heard the boy at school's voice ring through my ears....

"Oh, Em. It felt so good. I couldn't walk for a...."

"They're a bunch of sickos is what they are....."

"....is coming here next week."

"What?" I asked, my head snapping to look at Beth. My thoughts and reverie were shattered in a million pieces. "What did you say?"

"Jeez, girl. Where did you go?" Beth grinned at me. "I said that Casey is coming here next week before we start school."

"Oh." I felt my stomach drop around my knees.

"I can't wait. Everything happened so fast that we didn't even get to say good-bye. I really want you to meet Casey. She's great. Can you do something with us? Maybe we could all catch a movie or something." Beth looked at me, her eyes hopeful and alive.

"I don't know. Darla and I have plans next week." I regretted the lie as soon as it flew from my mouth, and I cringed when I saw the hurt spread across Beth's face.

"Oh. Em, it's only one day, an afternoon. A couple of hours."

"What, a couple of hours is all you want me around for?" I pouted. I knew I was being childish, but could not help myself. Whoever said jealousy kills the soul was a very wise person indeed.

"Of course not!" Beth was getting mad, now. "But I figured with your busy schedule and all, a couple of hours was all you'd be able to spare!"

"Well maybe it is! Let me check my calendar!" I jumped to my feet. Beth opened her mouth, then clamped it shut again. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before standing and looking me in the eye.

"Em, this is stupid. Why are we fighting?" I didn't have an answer for her, so she continued. "I just want you to meet her. You are my best friend, and Casey is really important to me. I just want you to like her."

"What does it matter if I like her or not? She's your friend." I said quietly.

"It just does, Em." She searched my eyes, desperate for a safe place to hold onto. "Okay?" With a tired sigh I relented. I could see the fork in our road just up ahead, and it scared me. Which way would we both go?

It wasn't long before I met Beth's 'special' friend. In the days preceding Casey's arrival, all I heard about were the hikes she and Beth had gone on, the day Casey had shown Beth how to sail. How Casey was heading back to England after the summer to live with her grandmother and go to school at Oxford. On and on until I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs! The thing I think I hated the most was that Casey actually sounded interesting to me. I just didn't want to admit it to myself, and couldn't to Beth.

I wondered around my bedroom taking my time putting away laundry when I heard a car making its way down the street, and then Beth squeal in delight.

"Oh, goodie." I mumbled to myself. I walked over to my window so I could sneak a glimpse of Casey without the pressure of Beth's gaze on me, or her. The large orange and white Ford pick-up pulled to the curb, and squeaked to a halt. The driver fussed with something on the bench seat for a moment as Beth raced around to the driver's side door. Even from this distance I could see that Beth was almost vibrating with excitement. Finally the driver's door opened and out stepped Casey. She was beautiful. She was tall, nearly as tall as Beth, with long, golden blonde hair. Her back was to me so I could not see her face. Her body was very lithe and tan in her cut-off Jean shorts and baby-doll tank top. Beth flew into her arms, and they hugged tightly for a long minute. I couldn't tear my eyes away as I watched the two embrace. Finally Casey pulled away. Beth was smiling at her.

"Did you find it okay?" she asked.

"Yes, luv. You gave me terrific directions." I was surprised to hear an accent even though Beth had told me about it. "This is a lovely neighborhood. Is your mum home?" Casey said as she walked arm in arm with Beth around the front of the truck. As they reached the sidewalk I was able to see her face. Her hair was pulled back from her face with barrettes on either side of her head. She had finely sculpted features, her large brown eyes looked kind with delicately arched brows. Her smile was a brilliant white against her summer-bronzed skin.

"No. She's at work, I think. She's going out tonight, so we have the place to ourselves." Beth grinned at her company. Casey said something too low for me to hear, but whatever it was, it made Beth smile wider with a blush. I gritted my teeth as I fought the pang of jealousy down. Casey turned and looked at my house, I quickly ducked out of the window.

"Is that Emily's home?" she asked. I raised a brow in surprise.

"Yup."

"How beautiful 'tis. I can't wait to meet her!"

Was this a joke? She wanted to meet me? I snorted at the prospect. Yeah, right. Probably just wants to rub it in my face that she has basically taken my place in Beth's life. I walked back over to my bed and finished folding my laundry. They could wait. I certainly was in absolutely no hurry to meet Casey whatever her name was.

I stepped out of the shower and walked over to the mirror above the sink, wiping the towel across its smooth surface to get rid of some of the steam. I squeezed the ends of my hair with the towel to try and get as much water out of it as I could. Grabbing the brush off the counter, I began to run it through the long, water darkened strands, combing out the tangles. I stared into my face, amazed at how much a person changes. Looking at all the pictures of myself when I was younger was quite humbling. I still looked very young for my age, and most thought I was still in my early twenties. But all the same, I could see the changes. Especially in my eyes. Growing up, and in my college days, people used to say that my eyes held a constant question, and wonder for life, as if I was seeing things for the first time. My immaturity used to get annoyed at that. But then as I looked into my eyes as an adult, I could see how hardened they'd become. No longer was the wonder and curiosity present. No. All that had been replaced by suspicion and an innate understanding of human nature with my chosen career. I had seen the best of man and the worst. It's funny how a person can change.

I opened the bathroom door, and was surprised to see Rebecca had already gone to sleep. She laid on her side, her back to me. I smiled down at her, long, red hair spilling over to my pillow. I loved the clean smell, and silky feel of it. I sat on the edge of the bed and watched as she breathed, her body moving slightly with each breath.

I thought back to when we met. I had been out of law school for two years, and was working for some small-time lawyer in Queens, trying to get on with James/Parks/Stone. Back then being a lawyer meant only money, success and fame to me. The thought of settling down, and becoming domestic was an alien thought. A past filled with betrayal and bad decisions poisoning any thoughts in that area. But when I ran into Rebecca, literally, at a Laundromat three miles away from my tiny, one bedroom apartment, my life and thoughts on the subject changed.

I reached out my hand, and placed it on her hip as I scooted under the blanket, and laid behind her, my body pressed to hers. She moaned softly in her sleep, covering my hand that had slid to her stomach, with her own, entwining our fingers.

"You okay, baby?" she asked groggily. I raised my head, and placed my chin on her shoulder. She squeezed my hand, letting me know she was awake to talk if I needed to. I thought for a moment. Then with a sigh, I said, "I'm nervous about going back."

"Why?" I sighed again, staring out the dark window across from the bed. Why? What a good question.

"Well, I guess because I haven't been back for so long, and I still have so much to sort out. I can't get Beth out of my head. She haunts me."

Rebecca turned to her back, and stared up at me as I rested my elbow against the bed, my head in my hand. "Why, Emily? You really loved her, didn't you?"

"Does that bother you?" I asked, laying my other hand on her side.

"Maybe a little. I don't know. I guess it's just because I don't really understand what happened with you two."

I chuckled ruefully. "In truth, neither do I."

She covered my hand with her own, tracing the veins in my hand with her fingertips. "Tell me more about Casey. It seems that she had a lot to do with things." I nodded slowly.

"She did."

The late August heat was taking its toll on the city as people tried to spend less and less time outside. The newspaper the day before had mentioned the rise in deaths among the elderly as many were succ.u.mbing to heat stroke, and the weatherman saw no relief in sight.

I sat on our front porch, the sun-heated cement burning through the material of my shorts, and burning my b.u.t.t. I squirmed, but did not move. I was nervous, and knew if I stood, I would only start to pace, and that was not how I wanted Casey's first time of meeting me to go. So I endured the hot seat, and stared out to the street. A group of boys were riding their Huffy dirt bikes around in the street, playing cards clothes pinned to the spokes in the wheels to sound like motorcycles as they pedaled up and down the neighborhood.

I glanced at the Nivens' place as Monica Nivens' pulled noisily into the drive. It sounded like her blue Bug was about to die. My mother told me that she only had a year of law school to go, then she'd be a full-fledged lawyer. Well, if she pa.s.sed the bar, anyway.

Monica pulled a green duffel out of the back seat, and then glanced over at me. I smiled and waved, then began to fidget as she walked across the street, careful to stay out of the way of the boy's riding, and stopped at the edge of our lawn.

"Hi." she said with a smile. I could only smile back. I had been watching this woman in awe for the last three years. She was my real life hero, and here she was talking to me. Then I noticed that she had cut her hair. Short.

"You cut your hair." I blurted, then wanted to slap myself or find a deep hole. I must have sounded so stupid. She chuckled.

"Yup. Sure did." she nodded, running a hand through the short, black strands. "A lot cooler, tell you that. My mom says you want to be a lawyer."

"Yes. More than anything." I smiled, feeling pride puff out my chest. She smiled back and nodded again.

"Good. Good luck to you."

"Thanks. You, too." she smiled one last time, and turned to head back across the street. I watched her as she walked up her drive, and disappeared into the house. Wow. I felt ten feet tall. Someone noticed my dreams. I was so excited that I barely noticed when Beth walked across the lawn.

"You look happy." she chuckled, following my gaze across the street only to see the Nivens house. She looked back at me with questioning eyes.

"She only has a year left of law school." I explained, but Beth only shrugged, still not getting my excitement. I shook my head to dismiss it, then stood. "So, where's Casey?" I asked, keeping my voice as even as I could.

"She's coming. I wanted a few minutes of you to myself." Beth smiled, that lop-sided grin that she only gave to me. I smiled back. "I really missed you this summer, Em."

"I've missed you, too, Beth." I said quietly, my heart soaring.

"Look, I really want to thank you for doing this for me today. Your opinion means so much to me, Em, and I just want you to meet Casey, and tell me what you think, okay?" Beth asked simply, though her eyes pleaded with me to understand. I smiled, and took her hand.

"Okay." she smiled, ear to ear, and squeezed my fingers. "You know, I saw you two through my window, and she is beautiful, Beth." her face lit up, and she nodded.

"Yeah, she is, isn't she?'

As if on cue, out of the corner of my eye I saw Casey walking across Beth's lawn, and walking toward us, a wide, genuine smile across her face. Beth saw me looking, and dropped my hand and turned to watch the blonde walk up to my front porch.

"h.e.l.lo." Casey said, her voice light, and very feminine. Beth colored slightly as Casey smiled at her. I swallowed the bitterness in my throat. No, I promised Beth I'd be nice, and do my best. I could completely understand how she was so taken with this girl. Casey turned to me and extended a long, pet.i.te hand. I glanced down at it, then took it. "Emily, it is so lovely to meet you. I have heard so very much about you this summer."

"Likewise." I said through my plastered smile. Her handshake was firm, but not painful, her confidence obvious in her every move. I was amazed at how someone could be so confident in their beauty and grace, yet not for an instant come off as arrogant, or boastful as Darla often was. This was true security in one's self. I had to admit, I was impressed.

"So!" Casey clapped her hands together, and looked from one to the other of us. "What's on the agenda for today? I can't wait to see your city, and learn more about you, Emily. My grandmum's name is Emily, you know? It's an old family name." Beth began to lead us all toward the orange and white truck as Casey stayed in step with me, commenting on my house, our flowers, and even the weather. At the curb, Beth opened the pa.s.senger side door for me. I glanced at her questioningly. She raised her brows, and nodded toward the cab. Okay. So I was to be stuck between the two love birds. That should prove interesting. I climbed into the high truck, and belted myself in. Casey smiled at me as she did the same, slamming the driver's side door shut as she turned the ignition. I glanced over to see Beth sitting happily by the door, her arm hanging out of the open window.