Tempt My Heart Part 1

Tempt My Heart.

by Danielle Jamie.

Dedication:.

I dedicate this book to Sonja and Brandon Islip, because, without Sonja's loss, this story would never have come to me. She's showed me that it's possible to have two soulmates in one lifetime.

Music washes from the soul the dust of everyday life.

~ Berthold Auerbach.

Prologue.

May 18th 2013.

As I sit on the patio overlooking the sh.o.r.eline of Malibu below, I try to take my therapist's advice and reflect back on the times in my life when I was happy...truly happy. Closing my eyes, I inhale and exhale the salt air, trying to find my happy place. As soon as I close them and let my body relax, I'm immediately greeted by the dark, enchanting blue eyes of the most gorgeous man ever.

I'm overwhelmed by the emotions coursing through my body as I take in his dimpled smile and try to remember the sound of his voice. Sadness slowly seeps into my bones as I struggle to remember the deep timbre of his laughter and the sound of his voice when he would whisper I love you into my ear as I would drift off to sleep in his arms.

Cane is...correction was the love of my life. After all this time, I still struggle with acceptance. How does one accept the fact that she has to live the rest of her life without her soulmate? I fear that once I finally accept he's truly gone; I'll sink deeper into the sea of sorrow I've been trying so desperately not to drown in.

The day he died, I wanted to be dead too. A life without Cane is something I never wanted to experience. Now that I've hit rock bottom, I'm stuck here at this G.o.d forsaken Rehab Center in Malibu, where other rich and famous people, like me, come to try to heal and overcome addiction. If it were up to me, I wouldn't even be here right now. But my record label has insisted I get clean, or they'll cancel my U.S. tour. I'd much rather do a few lines of c.o.ke to numb my mind and dive into my music. It's the only way I've gotten through these last few years. They don't get it; no one does. I struggle on a daily basis just trying to get through the day without the man I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with.

So here I sit, lying on the patio lounge, taking in the warm California sun, and playing a game of 'Remember When' with myself. My therapist says I need to learn to reflect on the life I had with Cane. The good and the bad and find a way to heal and move on. It's easier said than done. It's been almost eight f.u.c.king years, and the pain is still as piercing as it was the day I buried him. Right now the desire to get high or f.u.c.k the first person who walks by me is almost overwhelming.

Squeezing my eyes tightly shut, I slowly count back from one hundred, trying try to push back the voices in my head that are screaming at me to walk my a.s.s out of here, go back to Miami and tell everyone to f.u.c.k off. I need to do this. My dream was to travel the world performing and seeing my name topping the charts. I promised Cane I'd never give up that dream; I'd fight until I achieved it for the both of us. He loved me so deeply that my dreams were his dreams too. He wanted to see me achieve them as much, if not more, than I did.

So here I sit, in f.u.c.king rehab, willing myself to get clean and give my fans and my label what they want and deserve: a drug free Brittan, who is committed to this new tour and new alb.u.m.

Focusing on the sounds of the seagulls flying above me, and the roar of the Pacific Ocean as it crashes fiercely against the sh.o.r.e below, I begin my journey back into my past. My eyes start to well up with tears and a ghost of a smile dances across my lips. I slowly let my mind begin to replay the most memorable moments I had with Cane and the moments that changed the course of our lives forever...

July 4th 2000.

The beaches of Miami are jam packed with people. Everyone's coming with their lawn chairs, trying to find the perfect spot to watch the fireworks show. With my best friend, Roxie by my side, we trudge through the cool sand; lawn chairs in one hand, and our rocket popsicles in the other. We find the perfect spot by the sh.o.r.e. A place where we can dip our feet in the warm Atlantic water and watch the show without a million heads bobbing in front of us.

The first set of fireworks explodes; illuminating the sky in bright colors of blues, silvers, and reds. It's breathtaking...my favorite thing about 4th of July has to be the fireworks. Different patterns and color combinations light up the sky for over an hour; providing a magnificent show that I never want to end. The grand finale begins with hundreds of fireworks bursting into the sky at once, leaving me in a state of amazement. I glance towards my right, noticing the hottest guy walking towards me.

He smiles down at me, and I instantly melt. "c.r.a.p, looks like I missed them? At least I made it in time for the finale." He says to the two guys standing next to him. They all plop down in the sand beside my chair. In all of my fifteen years, I've never felt b.u.t.terflies like I'm feeling right now.

Elbowing Roxie, I signal my eyes towards the group of boys that just sat beside us. At first she's annoyed because I'm bugging her while she's trying to watch the finale. Once she gazes in my direction and follows my line of sight to the hotties sitting on the sand beside me, her mood quickly changes.

Flas.h.i.+ng an impish grin at Roxie, I turn back towards the hottest guy I've ever laid eyes on. "You made it just in time; the finale is the best part." I say a little louder than I wanted.

The loud detonations from the fireworks make it impossible to have a normal conversation.

"I couldn't agree more, the finale is my favorite, too." Giving me a wink, he extends his hand towards me. "I'm Cane."

I hesitantly reach my hand out, taking his into mine. The contact sends my heart racing, and I'm suddenly covered with goose b.u.mps. I manage to squeak out, "Hi, I'm Brittan."

June 29th 2001.

After a long school year, the summer break is finally here; everyone is bursting at the seams with excitement. I, on the other hand, can't help but be depressed.

After this summer, everything is going to change. Cane is leaving in the middle of August to get settled in at his dorm at The University of Miami. I'll be going back to high school to start my soph.o.m.ore year. I'm happy he's staying in Miami for school, but now we're going to be at two different stages in our lives and I can't help but fear the worst.

I relish being able to hang out with Roxie, Cane and all of our friends every day in the courtyard for lunch. It's going to be so weird not having him there with us, walking me to cla.s.s, slipping silly notes into my locker...just him being there.

It's unbelievable to think that, before last 4th of July, we had never met. We both attended the same high school, but never once had our paths crossed until that beautiful summer's night. Since that moment, we've been inseparable. I know being just sixteen; people call it puppy love, but I think it's more than that. What we feel for each other is the real thing. I just hope our love for each other is strong enough to withstand my insecurities and fears.

Cane landed a full scholars.h.i.+p for basketball. It's been his lifelong dream to play for the Miami Hurricanes, and his parents, and I are ecstatic for him.

Only thing is; I'm totally freaking out!

He'll be surrounded by tons of beautiful women, who are all at the same place in their lives as him. I'm afraid he'll grow bored with me and want to be with someone the same age as him. Every time he sees me having my little pity party, Cane swears to me that he loves me and going away to college won't change that. He's promised me a gazillion times that no other woman can ever hold a candle to me.

I feel awful for doubting him and having these fears. Cane has been nothing but amazing to me over the past eleven months. I blame it on all the TV shows and Lifetime movies I watch. Seeing the ever so loving boyfriend go away to college, then the girlfriend he leaves behind is soon forgotten as temptation is constantly thrown at him.

I've been to enough frat parties over the last year with Cane, to know exactly how those women behave. They don't care if the guy has a girlfriend. If they want you, they'll do whatever it takes to entice and lead you into their bed.

"You going to jump in? Or lay and bake in the sun all day?" Cane's voice snaps me back to reality.

We're all hanging out at his house for a BBQ. His dad is cooking hot dogs and hamburgers for everyone. I lift my head just in time to see Cane do a cannonball off the diving board into the pool; the waves from Cane jumping in causes Roxie's float to tip over landing her in the water. I can't help but laugh, seeing her yell at Cane for being an inconsiderate douche.

Matt and Dalton run along the side of the pool; jumping in at the same time next to Roxie, soaking her further. Deciding to push my fears into the back of my mind for now, I climb off of the lounge chair. Breaking into a full sprint, I run and do a cannon ball into the pool. Popping up laughing, I swipe my hands across the water splas.h.i.+ng all the guys.

"Stop picking on Roxie, you know she prefers to float and not swim." I give her a sly grin and wink.

Roxie, finally losing her pout, climbs onto Matt's back, wraps one arm around this neck and splashes him with the other, as her long blonde locks fall around his face. I can't stop smiling; I wish we could freeze time and stay in this moment forever: Carefree, not a worry in the world.

As I'm watching Matt and Roxie wrestle in the water, I feel hands wrap around my ankles and pull me under. Spinning under the water, I open my eyes and I'm instantly lost in Cane's gorgeous blues. Swimming towards me, he plants a short, sweet kiss on my lips before pulling me against his chest; ascending us both from under the water.

Shaking his head, he whips his s.h.a.ggy, dirty blonde hair side to side, beads of water splatter all over me. "Bout time you got your hot a.s.s into the pool. I was about two seconds away from grabbing you, and tossing you in." He says playfully while brus.h.i.+ng my wet hair off of my face with the pad of his thumb.

"Well, I'm glad I beat you to it." Before I can say anything else, he lifts me in the air and tosses me across the pool. Letting out a small scream, I splash back into the water.

Rising up to the surface, I swim towards the edge of the pool and climb up the ladder; I head towards the diving board, with nothing but payback on my agenda.

With a smile on my face, I sprint down the board, bounce once and do a cannonball, soaking everyone. Pus.h.i.+ng off the bottom of the pool, I pop up out of the water and open my mouth to fill it with the pool water and playfully spit a stream at Cane.

"d.a.m.n it Brittan, now I'm soaked again!" Roxie says, glaring at me and pursing her lips together. "You're lucky I love you, or I would beat your a.s.s right now!"

"Oh, come on Roxie, you know you can't beat me up. Remember? I took karate for like a month." I tease with a small smirk. Trying to keep a straight face, I raise my arms up and swiftly bring them down again, karate chopping the water. But Roxie's laughter is contagious, and before I know it, we're both laughing uncontrollably.

"Calm down Karate Kid, we don't want you to hurt yourself!" Dalton says, pus.h.i.+ng my shoulder playfully; dunking me under the water.

Kicking my feet to stay afloat at the surface, I slap his arm. "Shut up, before I beat your a.s.s Dalton."

"Hey, hey, I believe you baby; you could kick anyone's a.s.s." Cane winks and wraps his arms around me as he pulls me against his chest. He's tall enough, at 6'0 exactly, to stand and have the water stop at his pecs. I stare at him, trying to look serious, but it doesn't work. I can't help but smile back at him when he flashes that killer, all teeth showing, grin.

"Thank you, at least someone believes me." I let out a stream of giggles as Cane tickles my side. He places hot kisses on my cool neck, igniting a fire inside of me. We finally had s.e.x for the first time a few months ago. Ever since taking that next step; connecting body and soul, all I want to do is pounce on him.

It was my first time, but not Cane's. I was a nervous wreck, thinking I would do it all wrong and look like an idiot. He was so sweet and gentle, making me feel like the most beautiful girl on the entire planet. My new favorite pa.s.s time is making love to him.

My erotic daydream is cut short when Matt splashes water in our faces. "Knock off the smooch fest, let's play some water basketball!"

Roxie, not wanting to get flipped off her float again, climbs out of the pool to lay on the lounger. We set up the floating nets, one at each end of the pool and split into two teams. Cane and I on one team; Matt and Dalton on the other.

We spend the next hour chasing each other around the pool, trying to make baskets. The guys, of course, had to cheat and continuously tried to 'pants' each other.

In the end, we still won by one point.

After exiting the pool, we all head up to the deck to eat at the patio set. Filling my plate with chips, corn on the cob, and a perfectly burnt hot dog, I take a seat on Cane's lap. While I eat, he lovingly traces my spine with the tips of his fingers; sending s.h.i.+vers up my spine, and covering my body in goose b.u.mps.

He makes me feel loved by the smallest things he does for me.

September 11th 2001.

Biology is dragging; we've gone over the same thing all week for the test this Friday. I don't know how, but I don't even need to study for biology. I ace every test we have. I read it once, and it sticks in my head. Math, on the other hand, will be the death of me. I even aced dissecting a baby pig last week, which was the grossest freaking thing I've had to do. I swear I can still smell it; I s.h.i.+ver just thinking about it.

My seat is all the way in the back of the cla.s.s, so Mrs. Vercelli can't see much of what goes on back here. Pulling out my cell, I quickly text Roxie, she's in economics right now.

Me: OMG bored out of my MIND. It's only 9am!

Sliding my phone back into my desk, I continue drawing random patterns on my notebook. Finally after what feels like an eternity, but really only five minutes, my phone vibrates inside my desk. Retrieving it, I see Roxie has text me back.

Roxie: U R telling me, today is dragging! I'm ready to hit the beach! 3pm better come quick!! ;) Before I can reply, the teacher calls on me...of course. After answering photosynthesis, without blinking an eye, I pull my phone back out to reply to Roxie. Just as I start typing a message, our cla.s.sroom door is flung open by our P.E. teacher, Coach Wells. His face is pure white, and he says something to Mrs. Vercelli. "Everyone stay at your desks; I'll be right back." was all she said before exiting the cla.s.sroom in a hurry.

Everyone looks around the cla.s.sroom in total confusion. What the h.e.l.l just happened? I pick-up my Blackberry, sending the text I typed back Roxie. Not two seconds later, my phone vibrates again. It's a text from Cane.

Cane: A plane just crashed into one of the World Trade Center buildings in NYC! Then another into the 2nd tower just now! They're all saying on the news it's a terrorist attack.

I don't even realize I'm letting out a loud gasp, until I notice everyone in the cla.s.sroom is staring at me. I s.h.i.+ft my eyes back down to my Blackberry, re-reading Cane's text. Setting my phone back in my bag, I take out my laptop and quickly pull up the internet. I can't believe what I'm seeing. Breaking News reports with photographs of a plane flying right into one of the World Trade Center buildings!

Someone else in the cla.s.s must have gotten a text from a friend or relative too, because like me, they also have their laptop out since we are teacher free, and discovered the same thing. Everyone is huddling around their desk watching the Yahoo News video clips.

You can see the towers engulfed in flames. I feel my stomach instantly turning into a ball of knots. I can't stop thinking about all the people in that building. Did they get out safely? Who did this? Why would they do this?

Our attention is diverted back to the front of the cla.s.sroom as our teacher burst through the door with tears running down her face. "Everyone, collect your things and head down to the library. There has been a terrorist attack in New York City."

Quickly collecting our things, we head to the library. Walking into the large room, I immediately spot Roxie sitting at one of the tables. Hanging my bag on the back of a chair, I sit down beside her and take her hand in mine.

Everyone's watching the news on the television. The news broadcast is showing the burning buildings; smoke transforming the skies above. People are jumping out of the windows trying to escape the fire.

I reach into my bag for my phone; I text Cane back as the tears start to fall down my face. I cannot fathom why anyone would do this. It's horrific watching these people, so desperate to escape the flames, jumping twenty or more stories!

Me: We r in the library now watching the news. This is horrible. I think everyone in here is in total shock. Where R U?

Cane: I'm at my dorm still; I didn't have cla.s.ses this morning. I'm watching the news right now too. This s.h.i.+t is scary; I cannot believe terrorist hijacked those planes. The people who were on those...it's so sad.

Me: I know; I think half the school is in here right now. I can't stop crying. I can't believe they were able to do this. I can't imagine how many people are hurt or worse :/ "Oh. My. G.o.d!" One of the teachers standing beside me gasps. I look up at the television. Shock takes over as I hear the words leave the reporter's mouth. Another plane just crashed into the Pentagon.

Reaching for my hand, Roxie grips it between hers as we watch the news together. We've heard about terrorist threats, but never thought it would happen here. We see it on the news about suicide bombers in Iraq and other places with conflict. But we could never imagine that it would ever happen where we are.

Sadly, now we know that isn't true.

May 28, 2003.

Cane's first two years of College have been tough, but we've gotten through it. I think it actually made our relations.h.i.+p stronger. We made a point to get together at least every other night, and spend every weekend together. I would usually stay at his Frat House on the weekends, or his parents' house when he decided to come home for the weekend.

I'm excited to be finished with school. I officially became a high school graduate four days ago! I'm not sure what I want to do yet. I love music; I play the guitar, violin and have sung in the choir all through high school. The idea of going to college to be a music teacher has been playing on my mind.

I got a part-time job as a waitress at Ocean Side Dive, one of the local dive bars along the beach. Cane has tended bar there for the last two semesters, so he helped me get the job. The pay is lousy, but tips are good.

They make us all wear short boyshorts and bikini tops; thank G.o.d I eat healthy and exercise!