The Comedies of Terence Part 2

SIMO. All, who are fond of mistresses, dislike The thoughts of matrimony.

DAVUS. So they say.

SIMO. And then, if such a person entertains An evil counselor in those affairs, He tampers with the mind, and makes bad worse.

DAVUS. Troth, I don't comprehend one word of this.

SIMO. No?

DAVUS. No. I'm Davus, and not Oedipus.

SIMO. Then for the rest I have to say to you, You choose I should speak plainly.

DAVUS. By all means.

SIMO. If I discover then, that in this match You get to your dog's tricks to break it off, Or try to show how shrewd a rogue you are, I'll have you beat to mummy, and then thrown In prison, Sirrah! upon this condition, That when I take you out again, I swear To grind there in your stead. D'ye take me now?

Or don't you understand this neither?

DAVUS. Clearly.

You have spoke out at last: the very thing!

Quite plain and home; and nothing round about.

SIMO. I could excuse your tricks in any thing, Rather than this.

DAVUS. Good words! I beg of you.

SIMO. You laugh at me: well, well!--I give you warning That you do nothing rashly, nor pretend You was not advertis'd of this--take heed! (_Exit._

[Changes:

_Harper_ To have o'erwhelm'd us, nor have giv'n us time _Colman 1768_ To have o'erwhelm'd us, nor allow'd us time

Or, if you please, I do beseech you, Davus, _anomalously printed as DAVUS in Harper text_]

SCENE III.

_DAVUS._

Troth Davus, 'tis high time to look about you; No room for sloth, as far as I can sound The sentiments of our old gentleman About this marriage, which if not fought off, And cunningly, spoils me, or my poor master.

I know not what to do; nor can resolve To help the son, or to obey the father.

If I desert poor Pamphilus, alas!

I tremble for his life; if I a.s.sist him, I dread his father's threats: a shrewd old Cuff, Not easily deceiv'd. For first of all, He knows of this amour; and watches me With jealous eyes, lest I devise some trick To break the match. If he discovers it, Woe to poor Davus! nay, if he's inclin'd To punish me, he'll seize on some pretense To throw me into prison, right or wrong.

Another mischief is, this Andrian, Mistress or wife, 's with child by Pamphilus.

And do but mark their confidence! 'tis sure The dotage of mad people, not of lovers.

Whate'er she shall bring forth, they have resolv'd To educate: and have among themselves Devis'd the strangest story! that Glycerium Is an Athenian citizen. "There was Once on a time a certain merchant, s.h.i.+pwreck'd Upon the isle of Andros; there he died: And Chrysis' father took this orphan-wreck, Then but an infant, under his protection."

Ridiculous! 'tis all romance to me: And yet the story pleases them. And see!

Mysis comes forth. But I must to the Forum To look for Pamphilus, for fear his father Should find him first, and take him unawares.

[Changes:

_Harper_ Another mischief is, this Andrian, Mistress or wife, 's with child by Pamphilus.

And do but mark their confidence! 'tis sure _Colman 1768_ Another mischief too, to make bad worse, This Andrian, wife or mistress, is with child By Pamphilus. And do but mark the height Of their a.s.surance! for 'tis certainly]

SCENE IV.

_Enter MYSIS._ (_Speaking to a servant within._)

I hear, Archyllis; I hear what you say: You beg me to bring Lesbia. By my troth That Lesbia is a drunken wretch, hot-headed, Nor worthy to be trusted with a woman In her first labor. Well, well! she shall come.

--Observe how earnest the old gossip is, (_Coming forward_) Because this Lesbia is her pot-companion.

--Oh grant my mistress, Heav'n, a safe delivery, And let the midwife trespa.s.s any where Rather than here!--But what is it I see?

Pamphilus all disorder'd: How I fear The cause! I'll wait a while, that I may know If this commotion means us any ill.

SCENE V.

_PAMPHILUS, MYSIS behind._

PAM. Is this well done? or like a man?--Is this The action of a father?

MYSIS. What's the matter?

PAM. Oh all ye pow'rs of heav'n and earth, what's wrong If this is not so?--If he was determin'd That I to-day should marry, should I not Have had some previous notice?--ought not he To have inform'd me of it long ago?

MYSIS. Alas! what's this I hear?

PAM. And Chremes too, Who had refus'd to trust me with his daughter, Changes his mind, because I change not mine.

Can he then be so obstinately bent To tear me from Glycerium? To lose her Is losing life.--Was ever man so cross'd, So curs'd as I?--Oh pow'rs of heav'n and earth!

Can I by no means fly from this alliance With Chremes' family?--so oft contemn'd And held in scorn!--all done, concluded all!---- Rejected, then recall'd:--and why?--unless, For so I must suspect, they breed some monster, Whom as they can obtrude on no one else, They bring to me.

MYSIS. Alas, alas! this speech Has struck me almost dead with fear.

PAM. And then My father!--what to say of him?--Oh shame!

A thing of so much consequence to treat So negligently!--For but even now Pa.s.sing me in the forum, "Pamphilus!

To-day's your wedding-day, said he: prepare; Go, get you home!"--This sounded in my ears As if he said, "go, hang yourself!"--I stood Confounded. Think you I could speak one word?

Or offer an excuse, how weak soe'er?

No, I was dumb:--and had I been aware, Should any ask what I'd have done, I would, Rather than this, do any thing.--But now What to resolve upon?--So many cares Entangle me at once, and rend my mind, Pulling it diff'rent ways. My love, compa.s.sion, This urgent match, my rev'rence for my father, Who yet has ever been so gentle to me, And held so slack a rein upon my pleasures.

--And I oppose him?--Racking thought!--Ah me!

I know not what to do.

MYSIS. Alas, I fear Where this uncertainty will end. 'Twere best He should confer with her; or I at least Speak touching her to him. For while the mind Hangs in suspense, a trifle turns the scale.

PAM. Who's there? what, Mysis! Save you!

MYSIS. Save you! Sir. (_Coming forward._)

PAM. How does she?