The Defective Detective - Cat Chaser Part 4

Chapter 7.

The stairs were a bit of a mistake if I'm honest.They went around the elevator shaft so there were three flights of stairs and a landing for every floor.And since there were two bas.e.m.e.nts, a ground floor and three shopping floors to climb by the time I got to the top I was doubled over panting, my jacket over my arm and regretting taking a stand against the death-caged sardines.

Incredibly, the lift still hadn't arrived.Clearly without gravity on its side the antique mechanism was struggling.I leaned against the wall, the sweat from my s.h.i.+rt simultaneously sticking to my back and the cold of the wall and sending a welcome chill across it.

I closed my eyes and the sleep came, just for a second. My jacket fell from my grip and the claw too, dropping down onto the grey concrete.The noise was enough to snap me back and I stared at it for a second, trying to figure out how it fitted in.If If it fitted in. it fitted in.

The door of the lift rattled open echoing around the tunnel.I yawned as I scooped up the claw and put the jacket back on.It was time to get down to business.

Ray and Erin maintained the silence of two people who'd had a row, an atmosphere hanging cloyingly around them as we made our way back to the shop floor.I tried to lead the way, staying ahead the whole time and only needing the odd navigational correction until we walked through the double doors to see Jacob standing next to a young girl.

She was dressed in the same white make-up girl uniform as Erin but there the comparison ended.Lori was a pale girl in her early twenties and she was striking if for no other reason than in the heels she wore she must have been over six feet tall.She and Jacob both smiled as we returned.

"This is Lori," said Jacob.I smiled back at them both."He's the private detective I was telling you about."

Lori seemed to have a nervousness about her and I wasn't sure whether it was the situation she found herself in or whether she was just like that naturally.

Erin and Ray were still a few steps behind, I waited for them to catch up, hearing the now familiar dragging of Ray's gait and waiting until it stopped to strike.

"Tell me about Lucky, Erin," I said, spinning around.

It had just the effect I expected, sending Erin into floods of tears.Jacob stood up, walking over the her and handing back his threadbare handkerchief.

"In your own time," I added."I should probably say I do know that Lucky is not tied up in this whole messy business."

"Messy business?"Erin was still fighting back the tears.This may take a bit longer than I'd hoped.

"And Jacob," I continued."What can you tell me about your interest in taxidermy?"

Erin turned to face Jacob, recoiling as she did so."Oh no, not you," she said.But it wasn't anger in her voice, it was disappointment.

"Erin?" I said, turning away from Jacob."Something you want to tell me?"

"It wasn't him," Erin began to compose herself.Thankfully."If you must know, I went away on holiday and a friend of mine, a very close friend of mine was looking after my house.Looking after Lucky."

I nodded and motioned with my hand that she continue.

"Lucky went missing and, well, she claimed that he'd been run over," Erin was fighting back the tears again.Jacob reached out to touch her shoulder but she moved from him."She claimed that one of the builders who had been working on the house next door had found him.She claimed that, in all innocence, he had scooped up my poor, dear little p.u.s.s.y cat and then he had stuffed him and mounted him."

"I'm sorry," I tried to give her what I thought was a sympathetic smile.

"To add insult to... to... murder... the sick b.a.s.t.a.r.d had mounted Lucky in a remote control car!"

My sympathetic smile was in danger of metamorphosising into a grin.

"And if that wasn't bad enough she started dating the builder.And then... then they were married in the Seych.e.l.les two months ago."

Lori, who'd clearly heard this story before, had gone off to fetch a chair which she duly deposited under Erin just as the story ended.Erin was lost in the grief for her lost pet but this was great news.That was months ago, at least, so Agatha had been right, it wasn't Erin's cat we were looking for.

"Excellent," I grinned and clapped my hands together.Everyone turned and looked at me, their faces a picture of concern for their colleague."I mean, not excellent, obviously but we're making progress, are we not?"

"Are we?" said Jacob.

"We are, sir," I said and beckoned Jacob to come to me."You haven't been entirely honest with me, have you, Jacob?"

The colour drained from Jacob's face as he stood up and stepped towards me.

"No, sir," he said."I haven't.There's something I should tell you."

"About this?" I whipped the claw out of my pocket with a flourish.

Everyone stared.This was great.

"Can anyone tell me what this is?" I asked, waving the claw aloft.

"Did you find that in the car?" asked Ray.

I nodded and grinned back.

"The car?" said Jacob."Which car?"

"Is that some sort of claw?" said Erin, squinting through tears and vague confusion.

"It would appear so.But the claw of what?"

"A Tiger!" Lori screamed.A bit of an overreaction I thought.

"Could be, I suppose," I brought the claw closer to get another look."Why do you say that?"

"No," Lori hissed quietly and began moving backwards."Over there, behind you, there's a tiger."

Not really sure how to respond to a statement like that I turned around to see an enormous tiger stalking through the lingerie section of the shop.Now, I don't know if you've even seen a tiger up close but, at maybe three feet high and, I don't know, maybe ten feet long it

Chapter 8.

My eyes snapped open and I sat up sharply, smacking my head on the underside of a counter and sending several sample bottles rolling off to break on the floor. I hopped to my feet to avoid the stink getting on me and instantly regretted it. Panic hit me as if it had been fired, point-blank from a custom built panic gun.

My head whipped from side to side, scanning the perfumery, the lingerie, the ladieswear but there was no obvious tiger. There had been a tiger. Had there been a tiger?

Yes, there had. Otherwise the others would still be here. I bit the inside of my cheek hard. It hurt. A lot. So I was awake at least. The memory of the tiger felt real enough. I took the claw out of my pocket. The tiger's claw. It looked like how I would imagine a tiger's claw to look.

Although that didn't prove much because when I first saw it I was convinced it looked like how a dinosaur's claw would look, but still...

This was it. The task at hand. The cat.

The b.l.o.o.d.y 'cat'.

And how to catch it, I suppose.

"h.e.l.lo?" I shouted to no-one in particular.

I looked around again, half expecting the tiger to answer or at least jump out but instead there was a slightly more familiar although no less unexpected sound.

Bing bong.

The doorbell noise over the store's tannoy system that signified someone was about to start telling you the special offers for the day. Except it didn't. Not this time.

"Clint," Jacob's voice crackling out of a mult.i.tude of speakers. "We can see you on the security cameras."

"Excellent," I said, spotting one and turning to wave. "Can you hear me? Where the h.e.l.l did the tiger go?"

Bing bongwent the chime again.

"We can't hear you but we can see you. We tried to get outside but we can't something's happened with the doors. They're all locked. Even the fire doors."

So Agathahadlocked the place down. I took my phone out of my pocket. Still no signal.

Bing bong.

"And the land lines are down too," this time it was Erin's voice emanating from the aging address system. "This better not be your doing,Detective,because if it is -"

The system cut off.

I stepped as far towards the camera as I could and began to slowly mouth the words: WHERE IS THE TIGER?.

Adding a little mime of a tiger at the end.

Bing bong.

"Ground floor," it was Jacob again. "We think."

They think. b.l.o.o.d.y brilliant leaving me there while they save their skins.

Bing bong.

"We're in the security office," his voice crackled out. "Ray's coming to get you."

The double doors burst open and I flinched for a moment then pretended that I hadn't and ran one of my raised hands through my hair. Ray hobbled in, his hand dipping quickly into his pocket.

"Come on," he snapped, waving to me. "Now."

I sprinted to his side then skittered behind him, following along the corridors and up the stairs to the security office. Meant for two people, maybe three, it was probably around the size of a shed but in the corner was an unvarnished desk with four monitors and some sort of controller mounted on it. All of them were black and white and currently none of them showed a tiger.

Not that it was particularly easy to see them. With Jacob and Erin sitting on the only two seats and Lori perched on the edge of the desk as I squeezed into the room it was practically full.

"We need to catch it," I got straight to the point, I didn't see I had any choice in the matter really. It wasn't just about the job. Well, okay, it was mostly about the job. But there was also the life and death aspect. That certainly had some impact on the proceedings.

"You're b.l.o.o.d.y mad!" Ray's voice from the corridor was high pitched and cracked as he spoke. "There's no way - it's... a b.l.o.o.d.y tiger."

"We need to catch it. If not, then what? It gets out? We've got it contained."

Ray let out an even higher pitched laugh. "There's no way. I'm... No. I'm not having any part of this. You're insane, Barnum. You can't go chasing after b.l.o.o.d.y tigers."

"Fine," I said. "b.u.g.g.e.r off then."

The click-drag noise of Ray's exit wasn't wasted on the others and Jacob pushed past, leaning out of the office to shout after him but he didn't stop for a second.

Erin and Lori looked scared and just sat and stared at Jacob shouting. As Ray turned the corner out of sight he appeared on one of the monitors in front of us.

It was time to take control. I hadn't just been given a lost kitten case at the agency I'd been given a big time f.u.c.king dangerous job which meant they must have some sort of confidence in me.

"Erin. I need your help," I said, definitely not thinking about going to sleep. "I need you to watch those screens. Watch Ray, see where he goes, make sure he's alright and let me know whatever happens."

Erin was about to speak but was interrupted by the sound of a mobile phone ringing. The half-formed words turned to a look of surprise as she reached into one of her pockets and plucked out a phone. She pressed something on it and then her face snapped into disappointment. She stared at it for a second then put it back in her pocket and turned back to the screens.

"What are we going to do Mr Barnum?" Jacob asked as he sat down.

"I need to go to the toilet," said Lori. I turned, about to snap at her but thought better of it. "So go, Lori. Just go. Jacob," I continued, grabbing his shoulder as much to steady myself from the onslaught of the narcolepsy as to empower him. "We are going to catch ourselves a b.l.o.o.d.y big tiger."

Lori shook her head and looked away from me to the monitors.

"What's the worst thing that can happen?" I laughed.

"The tiger!" Lori screamed for the second time this evening. I was quite proud of the fact that this time I didn't pa.s.s out. "I don't think he's realised."

She pointed at the screens. On one of the monitors we could see Ray talking on his mobile phone and walking to a corner. That in itself wasn't particularly worrying but when you took into account monitor number two which featured a tiger approaching the same corner, the matter s.h.i.+fted seriousness somewhat.

"Which way?" I said.

Erin pointed. I ran. I sprinted. Down the corridor, around the first corner, picking up speed I hurled myself down the next corridor screaming Ray's name at the top of my lungs, shouting for him to stop.

And it worked. As he loomed into view he was stationary. Safe and stationary.

Bing bong.

"Err, Clint," Jacob's voice on the Tannoy. "Lori had it wrong. Tiger's in a different part of the building... "

I panted for a second.

Bing bong.