The Funny Side of Physic Part 6

16. That he meddle only in his vocation.

18. That he delight to reade Nicolaus Mynepsus, and a few other ancient authors.

19. That he remember his office is only ye physician's _cooke_.

20. That he use true waights and measures.

21. That he be not covetous or crafty, seeking his own lucre before other men's help and comfort."

We may see the wisdom evinced by the author of the above advice, especially in articles Nos. 2, 12, and 21, when we know of a druggist's clerk of modern times, who, having stolen the physician's prescriptions intrusted to his care, started out on borrowed capital, and, putting them up as his own wonderful discoveries, advertised them extensively, until his remedies, for all diseases which flesh is heir to, are now sold throughout the entire universe!

As the doctors were accustomed to retain their most valuable recipes, and put up the medicines themselves, selling them as nostrums, and because of the heavy percentage demanded by them for those intrusted to the apothecaries, and the small profit accruing from the sale of medicines at the time, the poor wretched "cookes" were necessarily kept in extreme poverty. So, in order to eke out a living, the apothecaries were also grocers and small tradesmen. As at the present day, they were not required to possess any knowledge of medical science beyond the reading of a few books "relating to the nature of plants," hence very little honor or profit could accrue from the business alone.

Grocers kept a small stock of drugs, sometimes in a corner by themselves, but not unusually thrown about and jumbled amongst the articles kept for culinary and other purposes. As mineral medicines became more generally used, these were also added to the little stock, and not unfrequently was some poisonous substance dealt out by a green clerk (as is often the case nowadays) to the little errand girl, sent in haste for some culinary article.

Allspice and aloes, sugar and tartar emetic, lemon essence and laudanum, were thrown promiscuously together into drawers, or upon the most convenient shelves, and you need not go far into the country to witness the same lamentable spectacle in the enlightened nineteenth century. The apothecary gave the most attention, as now, to the exposition and sale of those articles which sold the most readily, and returned the greatest profit. All druggists at present sell cigars and tobacco, at the same time not unusually posting up a conspicuous sign--

NO SMOKING ALLOWED HERE.

The following is a case in point:--

_Druggist._ Smoking not allowed here, sir.

_Customer._ Why! I just bought this cigar from you.

_Druggist._ Well, we also sell emetics and cathartics. That does not license customers to sit down and enjoy them on the premises.

In the thirteenth year of the reign of James I. of England (and James VI.

of Scotland) the apothecaries and grocers were disunited. The charter, however, placed the former under the control of the College of Physicians, who were endowed with the arbitrary powers of inspecting their shops and wares, and inflicting punishments for alleged neglects, deficiencies, and malpractices.

The physicians knew so little, that the apothecaries soon were enabled to cope with them; "and before a generation had pa.s.sed away the apothecaries had gained so much, socially and pecuniarily, that the more prosperous of them could afford to laugh in the face of the faculty, and by the commencement of the next century they were fawned upon by the younger physicians, and were in a position to quarrel with the old, which they soon improved."

As it was a common occurrence for patients to apply at the apothecary's for a physician, the former either recommended the applicant to one who favored him, _or else prescribed for the patient himself_. The promulgation of this fact was the declaration of war with the old physicians, who heretofore had done their best to keep down the apothecaries. The former threatened punishment, as provided by law; the latter retaliated, by refusing to call them in to consult on difficult cases. "Starving graduates of Oxford and Cambridge, with the certificate of the college in their pockets, were imbittered by having to trudge along on foot and see the mean 'medicine mixers,' who had scarce scholars.h.i.+p enough to construe a prescription, das.h.i.+ng by in their carriages."

The war progressed,--Physician _vs._ Apothecary,--and the rabble joined.

Education sided with the physicians, interest sided with the apothecaries.

"So modern 'pothecaries taught the art, By doctors' bills, to play the doctors' part; Bold in the practice of mistaken rules, Prescribe, apply, and call their masters fools."

To circ.u.mvent the apothecaries, a dispensary was established in the College of Physicians, where prescriptions were dispensed at cost. While this proceeding served to lessen the apothecary's income for a time, it could not greatly benefit the prescribing physician. The former might parallel his case with Iago, and say of the physician, he

"Robs me of that which not enriches him, And makes me poor indeed."

Physicians were divided into two cla.s.ses,--Dispensarians and Anti-dispensarians. Charges of ignorance, extortion, and of double-dealing were preferred on both sides. The dispensary doctors charged their opponents with playing into the hands of the apothecaries by prescribing enormous doses, often changing their prescriptions uselessly to increase the druggists' revenues and _their own percentage_! On the other hand, the dispensarians were accused of charging a double profit on prescriptions whenever the ignorance of the patient, respecting the value of drugs, would admit of the extortion.

Had the physicians been united, the apothecaries would have had to succ.u.mb; but a divided house must fall, and the apothecaries won the day.

A London apothecary, having been prosecuted by the college for prescribing for a patient without a regular physician's advice, carried the case up to the House of Lords, where he obtained a verdict in his favor; and another apothecary, Mr. Goodwin, whose goods had been seized by some dispensary doctors, having obtained a large sum for damages, which being considered test cases, the doctors from this time (about 1725) discontinued the exercise of their authority over the apothecaries.

Thus emanc.i.p.ated from the supervision of the physicians, the apothecaries began to feel their own importance, and most of them prescribed boldly for patients, without consulting a doctor. The ignorance of many of them was only equalled by their impudence. It is not unusual, at the present day, for not only apothecaries, but their most ignorant clerks, to prescribe for persons, strangers perhaps, who call to inquire for a physician; and cases, too, where the utmost skill and experience are required.

The following amusing anecdote is sufficiently in accordance with facts within our own knowledge to be true, notwithstanding its _seeming_ improbability:--

ANECDOTE OF MACREADY, THE ACTOR.

The handwriting of Macready, the actor, was curiously illegible, and especially when writing a pa.s.s to the theatre. One day, at New Orleans, Mr. Brougham obtained one of these orders for a friend. On handing it to the latter gentleman, he asked,--

"What is this, Brougham?"

"A pa.s.s to see Macready."

"Why, I thought it was a physician's prescription, which it most resembles."

"So it does," acquiesced Mr. Brougham, again looking over the queer hieroglyphics. "Let us go to an apothecary's and have it made up."

Turning to the nearest druggist's, the paper was given to the clerk, who gave it a careless glance, and proceeded to get a vial ready.

With a second look at the paper, down came a tincture bottle, and the vial was half filled. Then there was a pause.

Brougham and his friend pretended not to notice the proceedings. The clerk was evidently puzzled, and finally broke down, and rang for the proprietor, an elderly and pompous looking individual, who issued from the inner sanctum. The clerk presented the paper, the old dispenser adjusted his eye-gla.s.ses, examined the doc.u.ment for a few seconds, and then, with a depreciating expression,--a compound of pity and contempt for the ignorance of the subordinate,--he proceeded to fill the vial with some apocryphal fluid, and, giving it a professional "shake up," duly corked and labelled it.

[Ill.u.s.tration: THE "FREE Pa.s.s" PRESCRIPTION.]

"A cough mixture, gentlemen," he said, with a bland smile, as he handed it to the gentleman in waiting, "and a very excellent one, too. Fifty cents, if you please."

In a copy of the London Lancet, 1844, is reported Dr. Graham's bill. In the same number of which is a reply by an apothecary, who asks if "the old and respectable cla.s.s of apothecaries are to be forever abolished;" and he quotes the a.s.sertion from one of the articles in the bill: "Is it not a notorious fact that the ma.s.ses of chemists and druggists know nothing of the business in which they are engaged?" Dr. Graham certainly ought to have known.

Druggists are liable to make mistakes,--as are all men; but carelesness and ignorance, one or both, are usually to be found at the bottom of the fatalities so common in the dispensing of prescriptions. I know an old and experienced druggist who sold a pot of extract belladonna for extract dandelion. In the same city, on the same street, I know another who was prosecuted for dispensing opium for taraxic.u.m, which carelesness caused the death of two children. The following mistake was less fatal, but only think of the poor lady's feelings!

A servant girl was sent to a certain drug store we know of, who, in a "rich brogue," which might have caused General Scott's eyes to water with satisfaction, and his ears to lop like Bottom's after his transformation by the mischievous fairy, she asked for some "caster ile," which she wished effectually disguised.

"Do you like soda water?" asked the druggist.

"O, yis, thank ye, sir," was the prompt reply; "an' limmun, sir, if ye plaze; long life to yeze."

The man then proceeded to draw a gla.s.s, strongly flavored with lemon, with a dose of oil cast upon its troubled waters.

"Drink it at one swallow," said he, presenting it to the smiling Bridget.

This she did, again thanking the gentlemanly clerk.

"What are you waiting for?" he inquired, seeing that she still lingered.

"I'm waitin' for the caster ile, sir," said the girl.

"O! Why you have just taken it," replied the soda-drug man.

"Och! Murther! It was for a sick man I wanted it, an' not meself at all."